Her Future
Depression is an odd thing to try to control. There’s nothing really you can do to steer it; control it fully. You can only do things to have it steer itself in a different direction. And even then, depression doesn’t fully go away. For MJ, she believes that the moment she was diagnosed, she will always have this mental illness. Depression will become transparent. Your feelings of intense sadness and sorrow will end. You will be happy again. But there’s always a chance It’ll come back and be opaque once again.
Healing isn’t liner. Always remember that. However, for MJ, she doesn’t. She thinks that yes, she’ll be fully happy again. But she’ll always be depressed. And while that may be true (just not necessarily the way she thinks it’ll be), she thinks of it as a dumbbell weighing her down.
Even with the weight, she has some hope on how soon she’ll be happy again. The past few weeks, there have been times where she doesn’t feel numb. Whenever around Peter, she feels a ton of emotions circling in her body. She hadn’t faked a smile around him since the day they had dinner. She was, well is, incredibly grateful for him. Not only is he giving her hope she thought she would never have, but she’s liked this guy for a long time. And now feelings being said, she’s glad he feels the same way.
Although avoiding his question on being his girlfriend, Michelle had an explanation.
The two woke up at 12:46 PM. The sunlight beaming through MJ’s window. They didn’t stay long in her condo. Peter made them a simple breakfast while she packed her bags and got ready. Eating with Peter then made their way to Peter’s apartment. The afternoon went by hastily. Soon as MJ knew it, she was in the car with Happy and Pete, pulling up to the new Avenger’s compound.
Peter had explained to her that the compound was completely re-done due to the destruction of the final battle. Same layout of builds, newer and more advanced style. After saving the universe, the Avengers were given an honored and dearly respected title amongst the entire universe. Especially Tony. The avengers went on a needed vacation and only a few months ago have they been back to the crime-fighting, (and sometimes alien battles.)
Happy dropped them off by the front gates. Peter holding MJ’s bag and he leads her to the lobby. She was nervous, it was the Avengers after all. MJ could feel the overwhelming numbness creep into her. Not wanting to feel that way, she held Peter’s hand. He was shocked at first, but then he figured she just wanted comfort. He smiled at her, intertwining his hand with hers as they walked around the large building.
They reached the living areas of the compound. Hands still together, Peter led MJ through the hallway that opened to the kitchen and living space. There they were greeted by Steve, Nat, and Sam. Peter rubbed his thumb on MJ’s hand before letting go to hug the trio. Well attempt to, Steve was really the only one that hugged back.
MJ stood there, smiling before going to shake their hands as Peter introduced her.
“Oh right! This is Michelle. Meet Steve, Nat, and Sam,” He says cheerfully.
“Nice meeting you Michelle,” Steve smiled.
“MJ’s fine,” She tells them before standing next to Peter again. Michelle is very reserved when it comes to meeting new people. Yeah they’re the Avengers, yeah they don’t need to introduce themselves since she already knows, but she’s guarded even tho they’re superheroes.
“It’s funny, Peter introduced you as if we didn’t already know who you were,” Natasha pointed out.
“Oh?” MJ said looking at Peter slightly amused.
“Yeah, he talks about you all the time,” Steve added.
“Plus we know he doesn’t have any other friends,” Sam chuckled.
“Okayy Sam, um where’s Mr. Stark?” Peter asks.
“With Pepper upstairs, not everyone has arrived yet so give it another hour then he’ll show up,” Steve told him.
Peter nods, “I’m gonna show MJ around, we’ll see you guys in a bit.”
Peter tells MJ to follow him up the stairs, Sam yelling, “NO FUNNY BUSINESS!” Reminding him of the previous night when MJ said the same thing. They laughed it off, Peter showing her the rooms on the second floor. Every Avenger had one, most being filled with things they like.
Wanda’s room had an endless selection of old sitcoms ready to be watched at any moment. Steve’s room had high-quality art supplies and a mini art studio for his sketching and sometimes painting. Bruce’s room was basically a second lab for him.
Tony had let them design their rooms in an attempt to have them stop by the compound a lot more. It worked, sometimes.
Walking up to Peter’s bedroom, he opened the door for MJ. She walked in, the walls were a grey-blue color, his bed was white with a spider-man teddy bear sitting by the pillows. There was a matching white desk with different machine parts and old technology pieces. He has a full closet plus drawers, and large sunlight over the ceiling of his room. There was a relatively large TV with a gaming console and guitar next to it.
“Huh.”
“What?” Peter asks putting down her bag next to the fireplace.
“Your room is oddly mature compared to your room at May’s,” She observes, “No legos, no messy laundry, heck there’s even a guitar and I’ve never seen you once touch an instrument.”
“I think you’re forgetting that I did band.”
“That didn’t really count Pete, you quit after 2 weeks.”
“Still putting it on my resume. Whenever I sleep over here it’s for training or Avenger stuff. Don’t have the time to decorate much.”
“The ceiling?” MJ asks, noticing the glass over their heads.
“It’s fake, not actually glass.”
She turned her head to face him, “so what it is?”
“Projection, kind of. When I was younger, Uncle Ben and I used to watch the stars together. It’s a nice memory, why do you think I’m always on that roof? Mr. Stark found out and well he had that installed. One click of a button and we can gaze up to the milky way real-time.”
“That’s wow.”
“Yeah, I have it set to the sky right above us now so it looks like a sunroof. 75% of the light in the room is from there.”
“Why’d you not tell me about this place sooner? It’s beautiful.”
“The best.”
-
Some time passes and everyone is huddled around the living room. The Avenger's sleepover started months after the final battle. Everyone was still shaken up. Traumatized and in shock, the avengers got together and basically spent time as a family. Movies, video games, dinner, deep discussion, anything that can bring their minds back to the ground. Most of the Avengers chose to live apart from the compound since it was destroyed after all. The sleepover brought them together again and a helpful way to keep everyone in check.
Peter was the one that started calling it the Avengers Sleepover. Tony didn’t like that, he thought it was childish. But the name stuck a lot better than Avenger’s get-together.
MJ had met all the Avengers, one by one they greeted her and talked to her slightly. By dinner time, she warmed up and was able to hold conversations as her “usual self.” The truth is, MJ lost a piece of herself since being diagnosed. She knew she was still MJ, but she didn’t feel like herself. Fraudulent smiles, fraudulent personality. Or that’s at least what she feels. It was weird, drawing gave her a sense of freedom, talking about her book plots let her ramble without feeling guilt. Those things just felt outlandish now…
To recap the past few hours. Peter and MJ arrived at the compound, Peter showed her around, MJ met everyone, Dinner, and now movie time. The second thing on the list of the perfect Avenger’s sleepover agenda. On the long couch were Peter and MJ on the right side, Wanda and Vision on the left, Tony in the middle with Pepper in between his legs on the floor.
Bucky, Sam, and Steve on the couch to the right with Nat on the floor cuddled with a blanket. In a make-shift fort, Thor, Loki, and Bruce sat under. The two armchairs to the left had Clint and Rhodey sitting with their bowls of popcorn. The other guardians were invited so as Tchalla, Shuri, Scott, Hope, Carol, and Strange but they couldn’t make it.
So with everyone in their spots and the TV on. All they have to do now is pick a movie. The hardest part of the night.
Nat: “How about sci-fi?”
Tony: “No. If I have to watch another inaccurate film about time travel or stupid mix-up of technology I will destroy every one of my suits.”
Pepper: “You did that once already hun.”
Tony: “And I’ll do it again.”
Bruce: “Romcom?”
Sam: “Green Einstein watches romantic comedies?”
Bruce: “Is that really so off-brand of me?”
Tony and Thor: “Eh.”
Vision: “May I suggest a documentary?”
Rhodey: “Pass. The last documentary we watched everyone fell asleep halfway through.”
Nat: “Any movie we watch Clint falls asleep halfway through.”
Peter: “You really are an old man aren’t you?”
Clint: “Shut it, bug boy.”
Steve: “Hmm, well maybe MiJ can choose?”
Tony: “Right, MJ?” He says, looking over to her.
MJ: “Oh uh… Maybe a Disney classic? Princess movie or star wars?
Wanda: “Beauty and the Beast!”
Loki: “Yes, the scary witch lady has a good suggestion!”
Thor: “You love Beauty and the Beast brother?”
Loki: “Mother used to compare her and me to the teapot and cup.”
Sam: “Let’s watch, that movie has a killer set of songs.”
Tony: “Okay then, Beauty and the Beast it is.”
The movie begins to play as everyone starts to relax. Peter was sat right against the couch, his legs lying flat and MJ’s on top. She was hugging a pillow while reaching for the Popcorn in the middle of them. They’ve seen this movie before, who hasn’t? Belle’s intro song starts to play, Steve and Bucky already humming along.
“I could play Belle in a live-action,” Sam says.
“Don’t think anyone can beat Emma Watson’s Belle, Sam,” Nat laughs.
“I sure can. Here just listen...”
Sam begins singing along with the animated belle. Going with the singing of the background vocalists and main singing. A high note comes and his voice cracks just lightly. Everyone laughing.
“Yeah I think Emma has zero competition,” Bucky laughs.
By the time Belle and the beast finally start to fall in love, Clint is snoring softly, mouth open and head tilted. Thor and bruce have gone up to him and marked his face.
“How old are you two? 5?” Nat judges.
“1059 years old and counting!” Thor laughs, drawing a mustache on Clint’s face.
“Compared to him I’m basically 6,” Bruce adds, with a smug look on his face.
Nat shakes her head, putting her attention back to the movie. Tony can’t help but glance over at Peter and MJ. The two had been laughing softly at the remarks either of them make. They slowly got closer and closer too. Tony thought the legs on top of each other was a lot already, imagine now that their legs are wrapped up in each other. Pepper notices Tony’s focus on something else. She quietly tells him to lighten up, telling him to play with her hair if he has to.
The ballroom scene comes on and people are up and dancing. With a partner or not, they’re swaying with Belle and the beast as the classic song beauty and the beast plays. Bucky’s dancing with Nat, Sam’s swaying with Steve still singing his heart out, Tony and Pepper, Wanda and Vision...
Peter looks over at MJ who’s smiling at the Avengers. He’s wondering if he should dance with her. He stands up, reaching his hand out in front of her.
“Really Parker?”
“Yes really. Now hurry up before the song ends.”
She takes his hand, standing up then dancing slowly with him. His hand on her waist as they sway to the song. Close, real close together. So much so that she can feel his heartbeat.
“This is so cheesy,” MJ points out.
“I like cheesy.”
“Me too.”
-
The movie ends and now had begun the third part of the sleepover. Games! The first game they all decide to play is uno. Classic, friendly uno.
“HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE?!” Rhodey yells. The group is playing stacks, the plus-fours piled up and now Rhodey needs to draw 20 cards. How unlucky.
“It’s okay Rhodes, you’ll win eventually,” Tony tells him, patting his back while laughing.
Let's just say board and card games with the Avengers aren’t the friendliest...
MJ starts to feel a little overwhelmed, a bit of an aching feeling goes through her heart as she looks around and sees all the smiling people. She excuses herself, telling Peter she’s going to his room for a bit. Peter being Peter, goes with her. MJ didn’t want to ruin his night, practically forcing him to go back. He doesn’t argue, knowing that’s a battle he won’t win.
“I’m gonna check up on you after this uno game okay? Call me if you need anything,” Peter tells her.
“I’ll be okay Pete, just need a moment. Go play.”
He nods, going back to the group. MJ lays on his bed, falling into the comfortable mattress. She takes a few deep breathes as she tries to rekindle her thoughts. They all were so happy, they all cared about each other, they all were a family despite their different lives...
Meanwhile, Peter’s back in the game. People are fed up. To cool the air, Tony starts to create small talk. One thing turns into another, they end up talking about Peter’s maybe romantic relationship.
“So what? You two aren’t dating?” Bucky asks, placing down a blue 1.
Peter: “No we aren’t.”
Loki: “Pathetic,” Loki laughs, placing a plus two.
Nat: “Why aren’t you anyway?”
Peter: “I don’t know... I’m just as confused as you are.”
Tony: “Did something happen between you two? I mean you both looked pretty in love while dancing.”
Peter was silent, he doesn’t know why they aren’t dating. He had completely blocked out the memory of MJ dodging his girlfriend questions until now, “MJ kind of ignored answering my question on being her boyfriend.”
The avengers were shocked, “what?!”
“She dismissed it, we haven’t brought it up since.”
Steve: “Maybe she didn’t hear you correctly?”
Peter: “MJ hears everything, I wouldn’t be surprised if she hears us talking about it now.”
Clint: “She's very observant, She notices every detail or movement.”
Peter: “Yeah exactly, how do you know that?”
Clint: “She's like Natasha.”
Nat: “She does remind me of me, just without the crazy spy assassin part.”
Bruce: “Maybe she’s still thinking about it? UNO!”
Thor: “One with spider, have you ever thought what if she isn’t ready?”
Tony: “Shit, fuck you, Banner. Hmm but yeah Thor’s got a point Kid.”
Peter: “What do I do?”
Vision: “Communication is always important.”
Peter: “Less vague please.”
Wanda: “If she isn’t ready, she isn’t ready.”
Peter: “I know that. And I won’t pressure her to become my girlfriend. I’ll still be her friend no matter what. I just want to know why she wouldn’t be ready.”
Pepper: “I have a feeling you already know.”
MJ was still laying on her back when Peter walked in. Laying down next to her.
“Did you win?” MJ asks.
“No, Dr. Banner won. You feeling alright?”
“Yeah, I’ve just been thinking a lot.”
“About?”
“You guys are really close huh? Like family close.”
“Of course, they’re as much as my family as you guys.”
“Us guys?”
“Yeah, May, You, and Ned.”
“Kinda weird liking someone you consider family Pete.”
“Okay so then you aren’t family. You’re Michelle Jones, the smart scary girl at school that the nerdy kid fell in love with.”
“I wanna gag.”
“As if you don’t say shit like that all the time?”
“Because I don’t,” She chuckles.
“Yeah okay.”
“You’re really lucky,” MJ points out.
“Hm?”
“You have so many people that love you.”
“Yeah, I do. Grateful for all of them.”
“I don’t have much experience... getting close to people. It took me a while to open up to you and you’re my best friend. Um, there are not that many people in my life. So a small group I really love. That’s all I need. But sometimes I wish I had more people like yours? Caring, tight pack, family bond. Trust me, I’m so grateful for you and Ned and May... I just wish there was more. Sounds very very selfish of me.”
“It’s not, I get it. I didn’t have many people until now. That’s the best thing about life, it changes. Yeah, it’s scary, but if life stayed the same, you wouldn’t get the hope of meeting people or knowing that one day you’ll have everything you’ve ever wished for.”
“I want three kids, a house by the city. Green roof so I can draw and watch the stars with someone. I want to go to college, hopefully, NYU or some ivy league school. Major in journalism, something that has to do with writing. Get a job, get married. Grow old with someone. Watch my kids grow and have their own families. But in all honesty, those things just feel like dreams. No guarantee it’ll happen. Life past 18 seems like a blur to me.”
“Life past 18?”
“Yeah, I know sounds dark. I have these things I want to achieve, I know I want them. But it’s hard to see it actually happening. The future is a blur. I can’t imagine it.”
“I’m sorry.”
“Why?”
“You feel this way.”
“No need for pity now, Pete.”
“...I want you to look into the future and see something clear. Something that will be there for sure. I want you to see life past 18.”
“There’s one thing I see clearly.”
“And that is?”
“You.”
“Who’s the cheesy one now,” Peter smiles.
“Shut it Spider-Boy.”
“Well you got that right, I’m here. Always... Forever if you let me.”
“Peter… I didn’t respond to being your girlfriend because I’m afraid that I’ll end up becoming dependent on you. I don’t want my happiness to come because of you. I don’t want to rely on you. I want to be happy with myself not because someone came along. I want you there for me of course, but as support. Not the instant happiness. It’s confusing, I still am confused about it too. But I’m worried that if we do make things official, it’ll only make me more dependent on you.”
“Okay, so, what can I do that won’t make you depend on me?”
“To be honest, I don’t know. I’m trying to figure it out still. Being dependent on someone I’ve learned to be a bad thing since I was little. I’m still not fully sure how to make sure it doesn’t happen.”
“Just be upfront with me okay Em? Support. That’s what I’ll be. You call for me, I’ll be there, you need your space, you’ll get it.”
“Thanks again, Pete… And um, don’t feel the need to wait for me. Or always have to be there. You have your own life too.”
“Don’t worry about me. We both know I don’t have a life besides Spider-man… We have 30 minutes before we should head back. Do you want to be alone?”
“No, stay.”
“Okay. Just so you’re aware, Just dance gets a bit competitive here. I would stay away from going against Bucky, Clint, or Sam.”
“I still can’t believe the Avenger’s play just dance."