Open the Gates
Peter jumps into his bedroom through the window. Before he could put a shirt on, MJ’s standing in the door frame. Looking up and down at the boy then closing the door as she waits in the living room.
Shocked, Peter doesn’t react. He puts on a shirt then heads out of his room. MJ was sat on the couch, legs up and book on the table, scrolling through her phone.
“May just left, she said she’s working late tonight.”
“Ohh alright, you wanna stay for dinner? I can’t cook but pizza sounds nice.”
“Dinner’s a few hours away still. Pizza now, we’ll figure out dinner later,” She tells him moving her legs off the couch. Peter takes this as his signal to sit next to her, “Okay sure.”
MJ and him don’t talk about the rooftop until after the finished the movie. They had started watching one of the many harry potter films while chowing down the still-hot pizza.
Peter didn’t want to pressure her on telling him, of course he wants her to. But he won’t push her about it. Movies with MJ always went by quickly. 1-3 hour movies felt like minutes with MJ’s snarky comments, Peter’s confused reactions, and overall the stupidity of the two laughing at a childish scene.
Peter sat at one end of the couch, MJ sitting at the other. Her feet resting on his lap. The movie finished and Peter was ready to listen to MJ’s after movie rants.
“You remind me of Dobby,” MJ says looking at Peter.
“Dobby? Why Dobby?”
“Same essences.”
“I can’t tell if that’s a compliment or not.”
“It’s not.”
“Okayyy,” Peter replies relaxing into the couch as he stretched the end of the word, “Move your feet, I’m gonna clean up the mess you made.”
“The mess we made,” She corrected, setting her feet back on the floor.
“You ate more pizza.”
“You bought the pizza.”
Peter grinned lightly, shaking his head from side to side. The empty pizza box was thrown into the trash and two cold sodas were taken out of the fridge. Peter handed her one as he sat back down.
“Thanks,” Michelle said holding the side in her hand.
“No movie rant?”
“Not today,” She pauses, “You know I meant everything I said in the roof.”
“I did too.”
“So you understand that what I’m going through isn’t your problem,” MJ says playing with the soda lid.
“...No.”
“Peter...”
“Listen Em, I care about you. So much. May went through a similar thing when Ben died. I was there to see it unfold. You think I’m gonna let you get that bad? You may think that you’re steadily getting better. But you haven’t talked about it, haven’t cried, haven't let out any emotions you keep bottling in. At one point there’s too much to keep in. What’s gonna happen then? If I didn’t know how you felt first hand, and if something, god forbid, happened to you... A-and I didn’t do anything to help. I don’t think I would ever forgive myself.”
Peter had growing water puddles in his eyes, MJ looked at him, no emotions in her eyes.
“...This is what I mean. This isn’t your problem, you shouldn’t feel so bad over something you don’t know. You can’t do much about this.”
“But I’m gonna do whatever I can to help.”
“I hate you sometimes.”
“Not the words I want to hear right now,” He chuckles lightly.
“Why do you care so much?” MJ says looking down at her hands again, “My mental health is a problem I have to deal with. I don’t see the need in others to confide in.”
“Because I love you.”
“What?”
“You heard me,” He smiled weakly at her, “I care so much because I love you. I want you to be okay because I love you. I want you to plan your future, hoping that you’re alive. Cause yeah, life is uncertain. But what’s life worth if you’re spending it alone? Every negative thought in your head weighing you down. I want to be there when you have no one else to go to, I wanna be there to hug you when you need it and tell you everything is gonna be okay. At the end of the day, everything will be okay. I want to hear your crazy book plots and watch you draw whatever you’d like with the focused look on your face. I want to hear you laugh, and see you genuinely smile. I want you to be happy.”
Tears started running down MJ’s face, she was finally crying.
“God you’re lame,” She says, wiping away the tears in her eyes, “Are you sure? Do you really want all of that? I’m a handful already Pete, and with me bothering you with my mental health? Do you want that?”
“Yes, I really do. You aren’t gonna bother me with it,” Peter had subconsciously gotten closer to her, his hands resting on hers, “You don’t have to talk about it now, just please I’m here for you.”
MJ had started playing with his hands, looking down on them, “If you tell anyone I’m crying in front of you, you’re gonna be in some deep shit Parker.”
“Trust me, I won’t.”
“It’s hard, going home and no ones there. No text or note where they are. And then when they are there, we barely talk. It’s more uncomfortable despite them being my parents. The last time they hugged me was on my birthday, the last time they checked on me was before junior year started. Even after the blip, they didn’t hug me. They didn’t say much, they figured everything out besides their relationship with their daughter,” MJ starts.
“Every accomplishment, every drawing, all my good grades, it’s for them. But they don’t seem to care. That’s why it’s so unbelievable to me that you care so much. Why is that a boy at my school cares more than the people that raised me? You’re right, it’s awful being alone. It’s even worse when you have so many friends to go to but you don’t have the energy to. I just wished they were there for me when everything first got bad. I wish they were there when I had to go to the doctors. Maybe then if they understood, they would start to care about me,” MJ looks up, the stream of tears flowing out of her eyes.
“Everything I do is for them... I want them to tell me how proud they are. Sure I’m great, that’s what everyone else tells me but I don’t believe it sometimes. I want my parents to say it.”
MJ’s tears started to fall quicker, tear after tear. Peter held her, hugging her tightly as she continued to talk.
“I don’t understand why I want my parents’ validation. I don’t need anyone’s validation but I seek theirs. I feel so trapped, knowing they won’t ever tell me what I want to hear. I want to feel like I’m great and smart and amazing but I can't seem to believe it. I feel so worthless even with everything my life has given me. I feel ungrateful for feeling this way. My feelings keep pushing each other around to where I just don’t feel anything anymore,” She sobs, “I tried so hard to cry for so long Pete, I’ve tried everything I could. Nothing works. Nothing gets rid of the numb feeling permanently. I come here for dinner, hang out with you, let Cindy and Betty dress me up because in those moments I’m okay...”
“But the moment it’s over, I’m numb again. No emotions running through my heart and I’m left with these thoughts.”
Peter’s running his hand up and down her head, holding her close as she plays with the other. He can feel her heartbeat, her tears running down into his shirt. Peter had shed a few tears too...
“I see myself in a mirror and see a stranger, that’s not me. I see a mirror and want to punch it, let all the shattered pieces into my fist. I see a knife and want to throw it or use it on myself. I see the edge of a roof and want to jump down. But I don’t want to think these things, I don’t want to hurt anyone. I don’t want to hurt myself. These thoughts, they come and go as they please and I can't control them. But they’re my thoughts! I can't cry because my body won’t let me, I feel alone in a room of people, I feel exhausted even with all the sleep in the world. Reading doesn’t feel the same, drawing doesn’t either. Whenever I do something I love, I feel like I’m floating. And not in a good way.”
“I get home from school to a silent apartment, books no longer clearing my head, art not stress relieving anymore. I’m alone. At the end of the day, I’m alone. I’m so fucking tired. For the longest time I hadn’t smiled or laughed the way I did before, and then you started to notice and I was hopeful again. But my good feelings never last, they go away as quick as these tears leaving my eyes. I’m so drained.”
“I’m listening, it’s gonna be okay Em. I promise you that. Everything will be okay,” Peter reassured.
“How do you that? It’s been so long, I- I don’t know how long until those thoughts start to become reality and I can’t do anything to control them...”
“We’re gonna figure it out. Together. I’m here with you, remember? You aren’t going through this alone any longer. I’m gonna be the clingiest mother fucker ever. You’re gonna okay.”
“You already are,” She chuckles through her tears, “I love you too Pete, thank you for everything...”
“It's what I’m here for, you still wanna talk more?”
She shook her head, “No, my eyes hurt and I think I’ve said enough for the day.”
“Okay that’s fine, I’m really happy you’re telling me this now. I’m really glad you’re crying it out... Do you wanna sleep on my bed? You cried a lot and I’m sure you’re tired after that.”
“Please... But, I don’t wanna be alone right now.”
“Okay, I’ll be there next to you.”
-
They sleep together for a good two hours, MJ cuddled up against Peter as he has his arms around her. The window was slightly open, letting in the cold autumn wind. The sun was setting when Peter woke up. The sun hitting their faces. MJ’s skin glistening.
She was snoring lightly, Peter didn’t want to wake her up. He tried his best to get out of this position. A few groans coming from MJ as he left her side. He patted her head softly, covering her with a blanket. MJ falling back asleep.
He remembers everything she had told him, sending shivers down his spine. He went to the living room, closing the bedroom door behind him. His phone laid on the coffee table facing down. When he picked it up, he had a few missed calls and texts.
Stark Man (2 missed calls)
Stark Man (5 unread messages)
Happy hooooogan (2 unread messages)
Nedster (4 unread messages)
Peter tensed up, did he miss something important? The texts and calls were made an hour ago. Clicking Mr. Stark’s messages, they read:
Yo kid, answer my calls
are you dead?
your suit is offline
I’m gonna send happy there if you don’t reply
okay I’m doing it
He then clicked on Happy’s messages:
Went to your apartment, heard snoring??
I’m guessing you’re asleep, but text me when you see this so I know you aren’t dead. Call Tony back too
Ned messages:
THE TONY STARK CALLED ME
ARE YOU OK?
HE ASKED IF YOU WERE WITH ME
CALL ME DUDE THIS IS CRAZY!!!!!
He laughed at Ned's messages. Still waking up, he called Mr. Stark. The billionaire answering right away.
“Peter!?”
“Hey Mr. Stark, sorry for missing your calls.”
“Damn right you’re sorry. What were you doing that was so important you ignored my calls?”
“I was asleep.”
“That’s what happy said. Why didn’t your ringer wake you up? What if I had an important mission for you.”
“You would have came to the apartment then Mr. Stark. Even if I did answer, I don’t think I would have been able to go.”
“And why is that?”
“I have a guest over...”
“Oh come on Peter! You’re better than that, especially during the day and at such a young age. Who knew you would be hooking up at-“
“No!” He yelled a bit loudly, “No... I mean it’s not like that. A friend and I were watching a movie then we fell asleep.”
“I called Ned, you weren’t with him... The only other friend you have that I know of is- oh.”
“What?” Peter said as he heard him laughing through the line.
“You have a girl over, MJ’s her name, right? The one youve been crushing on. I forgive you, kid, it’s for young love after all.”
“I- I’m just not gonna bother. But why did you call earlier?”
“Oh right! All the avengers are meeting up at the compound tomorrow for a sleepover kind of thing. Just like the old days after the fight between us. I’ll get happy to pick you up by 4. I already asked May so you don’t gotta bother her about it.”
“Uh, Mr. Stark.”
“Don’t tell me you aren’t going...”
“I don’t think I can.”
“Is it because you have plans with MJ? Peter if she gets in between you and the avengers I will talk to her myself.”
“No no! I mean sort of, we haven’t planned anything but I was gonna take her out tomorrow. I don’t want her to be alone right now.”
“Oh, okay I see. Hmm, how about you have her come with you. She can stay in the guest room or even with you. Guessing she knows your secret?”
“She does but I dunno Mr. Stark.”
“Just ask Kid, Thor wants to meet you.”
“...Okay fine. I’ll get back to you.”
-
MJ wakes up shortly after. Peter was in the kitchen, flipping through one of May’s cookbooks. She sat by the kitchen island, rubbing her eyes. Peter turns his attention to the girl slouching down in her seat.
“Here,” Peter says giving her a glass of water, “You cried a lot, lost fluids. And don’t rub your eyes, it’ll sore them more.”
“Thanks, who was on the phone with you?”
“Oh, it was Mr. Stark.”
“Right your patrolling, shouldn’t you be doing that right now?”
“Nah, I have more important stuff to deal with. And it wasn’t about my patrolling.”
She tilts her head, “more important stuff?”
“Yes, you.”
“Smooth. So what was he calling for?”
“He wants me to spend the night at the Avengers compound...”
“You don’t seem happy about that?”
“I am, it’s just again I have more important stuff to deal with.”
“Nope nope nope, you are not missing out on an avengers family bonding day over a girl who is fully capable of handling herself.”
“but-“
“No buts.”
“...Mr. Stark invited you too.”
“He what!?”
“He kept asking why I didn’t answer his call the first time, and I told him I was with you.”
“So then he invited me? Just like that?”
“No... I had told him I was planning a thing with you tomorrow and that I don’t want you to be alone. So then he invited you too.”
“You told him?”
“That’s not my story to tell, I would never.”
“Good. Because if the billionaire playboy Tony Stark found out I was depressed as hell, I’m sure things would start to get different. And not in a good way. He thinks I’m your girlfriend huh?”
“Well not exactly.”
“Not exactly?”
“He knows I have a crush on you.”
“You have a crush on me?”
“Shit did we not establish that yet?”
“You have now,” MJ smiles.
“MJ what did you think I meant by I love you and care about you a lot?”
“...You right.”
“What was that? I couldn’t hear you.”
“Shut up. You heard me.”
“Never gonna forget that. I was right!” He laughs, “wait so yes or no to the invite? Because if you don’t go we’re going on a date.”
“Never said yes to a date.”
“Do you want to go on a date?”
“Yeah of course I do, saying I love you back means the feelings mutual Dork. Why would I say no?” MJ sassed with a smirk.
‘There’s the MJ I know,’ He rolls his eyes, “I’ll tell Mr. Stark. Bring stuff for a night and extra clothes just in case. Don’t wear anything fancy, keep it casual. Meet here around 3 and Happy’s gonna pick us up at 4.”
“Gotcha Spidey, now what’s for dinner?”