Genuine Smiles
When was the last time MJ genuinely smiled? Sophomore Homecoming maybe? When she was given the role of academic decathlon captain? That was a year ago. Crazy how much could change in a year.
It’s junior year. Michelle a year ago would be sitting alone at the very end of a lunch table. Listening to Peter Parker and Ned Leed’s questionable convos. Michelle a year ago would have her hair in a messy ponytail, always having a book in her hand. Michelle a year ago was content, somewhat happy with her life. It wasn’t perfect, but it wasn’t terrible.
Michelle now sat with Peter and Ned during lunch. Not at the end of the table but with them, across from the bestfriends. No listening into their conversation, she was part of the conversation. She dressed up a bit more this year, changing her style from “emo” casual to regular teen with spice. Her hair was put together, no messy frizzed curls. She still had a book with her but rarely reads it during the school day.
Captain of the academic decathlon team, her teammates respected her. Trusting her with everything. She isn’t gonna fail them. But the difference between Michelle a year ago to Michelle now was her mental state. You would think a life going so well meant a happy and stable mindset. Well, you’re wrong.
Michelle a year ago was happy, Michelle today is numb. Emotionless, showing fraudulent emotions even when the moment is meaningful. She’s lucky to have friends like Peter and Ned, even Betty and Cindy. Her “happiness” is temporary. Just like everything in life. But this time around, her happiness was being pushed over with feelings of guilt, sadness, agony. Creating a mix of emotions that end up making her feel nothing.
Much worse than feeling sad.
She would laugh, she would smile. That doesn’t mean she was happy tho. Currently, MJ is sat next to Peter in chemistry. Half listening to their teacher talk about chemicals and unimportant equations. She had her sketchbook open, sketching Peter who was falling asleep. Chin resting on his palm.
She found herself grinning, waking him up before he could get caught. Showing him the sketch of him as he smiles weakly back at her.
She likes Peter, a great friend for as long as she can remember. Keyword: Friend. She hasn’t made a move in over 2 years. She's had a crush on him for almost 3. That's one thing in her life that stayed the same, her feelings for Peter Parker remained untouched. If anything it got stronger.
Michelle couldn’t help but smile at his smile, get butterflies when he tells her good morning or goodnight. The way Peter asks how her day is every day. Making sure she was okay. Whenever they were together, MJ didn’t feel numb. For a moment, she felt okay.
Theres a difference between happiness and being okay. Being happy meant all the awful thoughts in her head disappeared. Her cheeks would hurt from smiling and her heart would flutter. Being okay meant she wasn’t upset. The thoughts are still there but in the moment they weren’t a problem.
Whenever she’s with Peter, she knows she’ll be okay.
MJ had gone to the doctors a while back, being diagnosed with depression. She was given meds that didn’t help a bit, a therapist that didn’t do shit, and a distant family.
She went home every day with no one home to hug or talk to.
Her days were dull. Even after seeing Peter, she was left again with her thoughts. That numb feeling was back. She ate dinner alone most of her days, only having company when she goes over to May’s. She was thankful for May too. She was more of a mother to her than her actual mother.
Her days meshed into one, then weeks started to combine. Soon weeks felt like days and months felt like weeks. The same cycle of tasks a week, the same feeling in her heart. She was unhappy despite all the good things in her life. Made her feel guilty. Like if she was bratty and ungrateful.
She didn’t tell anyone, almost Peter and May but backed out after realizing it wasn’t their problem. Plus she didn’t need to, it hadn’t been super bad. Not yet at least...
Peter took some characteristics from MJ. Peter became observant too. Observant of her. He noticed the altered MJ. Not the MJ he knows and loves. For the past few months, he’s been keeping an eye on her. He’s worried but doesn’t know what to do. Instead, he tries to get MJ to open up, making sure she knows that he’s there for her.
Peter cares about her, a lot.
“I’m glad you’re drawing again,” Peter tells her while working on the chemistry worksheet.
“You noticed that I stopped?” MJ replied.
“Yeah, you stopped drawing people in crisis.” Because now she was the one in crisis, “I’m just happy you’re showing me your work again. It’s always lovely.”
“Thanks, loser,” she chuckles lightly.
“You doing anything tonight?”
“No, why?”
“You wanna have dinner with May and me?”
“Yeah sure, 8?”
“Yup. She’s cooking tonight and well...”
“So thai?”
“Yeah thai.”
Later that day, Peter went on his daily patrolling 2 hours before dinner. It was a slow day. Ever since half the world was blipped, crime rates have been low. Or at least on some days. Even criminals have people to mourn and care for. The 5-year snap made everyone change their perspective on everything. Some having good changes while others going through their own battle now.
Peter webbed to the top of his apartment complex. The sunset there being one of the most beautiful sights in the universe. This rooftop was his happy place. He sat on the edge of the roof, looking out into the city. He started to remove his mask, thinking he was alone until he heard footsteps behind him. Ready to fight he turned around, MJ.
Michelle stood looking at Spider-man. Sketchbook open and observing look on her face.
“You’re blocking my view,” She told him.
“Oh, sorry m-ma’am,” Peter replied to her, moving to the right.
“MJ” Only my friends call me MJ
“Right MJ, I’m Spider-man but you already know that,” He chuckles, grabbing the back of his neck.
“Nice way to be humble. What are you doing up here, Spider-man?”
“I go here most days after patrolling, it’s calming. What about you?”
“Waiting for my friend to get back from his internship. He was the one who showed me this place. It really is calming... Hey, maybe you know him. He’s short, short wavy brown hair? Works for Tony Stark”
‘With Tony Stark but okay,’ Peter said to himself, “uh well a lot of people fall under those characteristics.”
“He has a chiseled jawline, little to no lips? Puppy dog eyes. His name is Peter,” She says while sketching.
‘No lips?! Puppy dog eyes?’ Peter thought, “I think I’ve seen him around. He’s cool.”
“More dorky than cool but sure. Hopefully, he gets back soon, I’m starving.”
‘Right dinner!’ Peter jolted, “Speaking of getting back, I should get going. Nice to meet you MJ.”
“See you around Spider-man.”
And with that he was off, swinging around the complex and sneaking into his bedroom window knowing she wouldn’t be there. He quickly got changed and hid his spider-suit, texting Happy his patrolling intel. After, he sent MJ a text,
Just got home, you here soon?
yea on the rooftop met spider-man.
really? what was he like?
he seemed nice, tell you more when i get there.
Peter found himself smiling. Every text he has sent to her always left him wanting to talk to her more. It hurts him knowing she isn’t doing the best mentally. He wishes she could just open up, let all the kept in emotions out and into the air. That way, she would be one step closer to being okay again. He knows she wouldn’t like him medaling with this, but he doesn’t know what else to do. He wasn’t gonna sit around and let her thoughts kill her. He cares too much for that to happen.
MJ is his bestfriend. Losing her is one of his biggest nightmares. He’s making it his purpose to make sure that nightmare doesn’t happen.
MJ gets back to the apartment, Peter setting up the circular dining table and May in the kitchen finishing up her cooking. MJ washes her hands going to help Peter.
Since the blip, Peter and May moved to a new apartment. Their old one is in use because of the family that hadn’t been snapped. This new apartment felt homier, it was bigger than the other and more spacious. Same furniture, better warm home feeling. Maybe it was because the blip made May and Peter closer. Or maybe it was the fact that MJ coming over more frequently made their relationships grow too.
To MJ this was her home.
They sat around the table, grabbing the freshly made food from the pot.
“Beef and Vegetable Stew! I know it doesn’t look too appetizing but pour some over rice and I’m sure it’ll taste great... Hopefully,” May exclaimed.
“Didn’t burn anything this time May, I’m sure it’s edible!” Peter laughed.
“Right, you eat it first then.”
Peter did as May said, trying her new meal. To his surprise it was delicious. Guess no thai food today.
“This is amazing May!”
“Wait really? You aren’t messing with me, Pete?”
“Not joking May, you guys try it.”
MJ tried some and was equally amazed, telling May it was heavenly. For the rest of dinner May and them had a smile on their faces. The joy May felt had Peter and MJ feel the same way. The casual talking, laughs, and embarrassing Peter stories with the sunset behind them...
For the first time in a long time, MJ genuinely smiled.