Paranoia

***FINAL WARNING TO READ THE TAGS!!!***

...And now he’s done trying.

“AHHH! Help! Petey!” A shrill scream echoes through the cabin, pulling Peter out of his daydream. He is instantly on edge, ready to eliminate any threat that comes his way. Racing from the room, he silently maneuvers through the house, using his enhanced hearing to listen for the danger. 

As he turns a corner, Peter only has a second to react as a blur of curly brown hair and flailing limbs crashes into him. He easily catches the small girl, looking her over for injuries or signs of an attack. “What’s wrong?” He asks, holding her up to his eye level.

“He was so scary, Petey.” She half-screams at him, her eyes wide and wild as she tells him the problem between gasps for air. “He just came from nowhere! I was building the princess lego set and...”

“Who, Morgan?” He interrupts, setting the girl on the ground as he kneels to her level, cautiously looking around the corner, making sure the coast is clear.

“The... spider.” She whispers, as if saying the word out loud would alert the creature of her location.

Sighing, Peter drops his head back, staring up at the ceiling, trying to calm his racing heart. He was expecting an intruder, someone wanting to hurt them, not a stupid spider. “Where is the spider?” He questions, making sure to clear his face and voice of any signs of annoyance.

Of all things, why did it have to be a spider? 

It’s like the universe is taunting him, shoving little reminders of who he used to be in his face. This morning there was the news article criticizing Spider-Man for his sudden disappearance. Then Tony “accidentally” left out a new version of the suit, claiming that he was only working on it “just in case”. And now a literal spider. 

Peter gave up his alter ego over a year ago after the Skip fiasco. Why can’t people understand that?

He just wasn’t strong enough. That’s it. That’s the simple truth. He barely had enough strength to keep his heart beating, let alone be the friendly neighborhood Spider-Man. If it weren’t for Bucky, Peter would have ended it all that day when he last saw Skip.

He was so close too. A note was written, his goodbyes were said, the gun was in his hand. But Bucky came back to an empty compound earlier than expected, found the note, and got to Peter. Even just a few seconds later and he would have been too late.

The worst part after that was the guilt. 

He didn’t think about how him being dead would impact the people around him. He didn’t think about how Bucky would blame himself for not being able to protect Peter from the same trauma he suffered. He didn’t think about how Tony would lose one of the only good things that life had allowed him to have. He didn’t think about how May would have to attend another funeral for another family member. 

After months of listening to Skip constantly tell him that he was worthless and a waste of space, Peter didn’t think that he was that important to anyone.

He spent three months in a top tier rehab facility, having daily sessions with multiple different therapists, testing out several medications until they found one that fit his needs, and attending support groups with people who had similar experiences. 

It would be a lie to say that Peter’s better now. He’s not. This is something that will stay with him for the rest of his life; it’s a part of him that he can’t get rid of no matter how hard he tries. Most nights he still wakes up from nightmares, he still flinches away whenever someone approaches him too fast, and there is still a lingering feeling of panic that somehow the videos and photographs that Skip took will be released, exposing the world to the truth of the abuse he endured.

He is also always on high alert, so moments like this where he automatically assumes there is danger happen almost every day. 

“This is normal, Peter.” His therapist had told him at their last session. “You spent months in a state of constant fear so your mind and body are both still trying to relearn and recognize when it is and is not appropriate to activate your fight-or-flight response. For those months you had no sense of control over your life and because of that you are more likely to try regaining any amount of control by fighting the perceived threat than to run away from it.” 

Allowing the four-year-old to drag him down the hall, Peter shook those thoughts from his head. The whole point of visiting the cabin was to take a break from his normal life. He is supposed to be relaxing, not wound up over a stupid spider. 

“Do you see him, Petey?” Morgan whispered, holding tightly to his hand while partially hiding behind him.

“Where was he when you saw him?”

“He was on the lego box.”

Scanning the room, Peter looks for the eight-legged creature, sighing when he can’t find it. “I can’t find it Morgan, I don’t think it’s here anymore.” As he expected, Morgan squeals before trying to crawl up Peter’s leg and into his arms. “Calm down, Morgan, it’s okay. The spider probably went back to his house. You don’t need to worry about him.” 

“Are you sure?” 

“Sure about what?” Peter jumps, spinning around to face the voice, quickly moving Morgan behind him. “Woah, kid, it’s just me.”

Peter once again tries to calm his rapidly pounding heart and control his breathing as Morgan jumps out from around Peter and straight into Tony’s arms, hugging him tightly while filling him in on the spider situation. 

“Well, it sounds like Petey had it all under control, right kid?” Tony turns to Peter once Morgan finishes her dramatized version of the story.

“Of course he had it under control.” Morgan scoffs, rounding on her dad with a scolding expression on her face. “Petey is a superhero. He can save me from anything.” 

Peter didn’t miss the concerned look from Tony after Morgan called him a superhero. He doesn’t blame his mentor for being concerned, he just wishes everyone would stop looking at him as if he could break at any second. It has been over a month since his last episode and he is feeling better than he has felt since Skip reentered his life. 

“How was the meeting?” Peter asked, trying to show Tony that he wasn’t bothered by Morgan’s comment. “Did the investors agree to the new proposal?”

“Ugh, all of them except for Leon thought it could be beneficial.” Tony answered, his voice filled with annoyance as he mentioned the other man. “And since this is something that requires an unanimous vote, I now have to spend the next month trying to change his mind before the next meeting. He has always been a pain in my ass. I swear I am so close to ending our contract with him.”

“You know how close he was to your father, Tony.” Pepper reminded Tony as she walked into the room, immediately pulling Morgan in for a hug. “We can’t end his contract just because you don’t like him.” 

“Yeah, yeah.” Tony rolled his eyes, kissing Pepper on the cheek. “It’s still nice to imagine being free from his constant disapproving glare at every investor meeting.” 

“You know what else is nice to imagine?” Pepper asked, her eyes holding a playful glint.

“And what would that be, dear?” 

“A home cooked meal that I don’t have to make myself.”

Staring at the dancing flames in the fireplace, Peter tried to block out his hyperactive thoughts. His mind has been on an endless track of overthinking and making up worst-case scenarios ever since the spider incident with Morgan that afternoon. He knew the thoughts were irrational, yet he couldn’t stop the way his eyes would snap towards any little noise as his body tensed in anticipation of danger. It isn’t unusual for him to be on edge about nothing, but this was taking it to a new level. 

Even now as he waits for Tony to finish putting Morgan to bed, he can’t seem to catch his breath or stop his pulse from racing. He is exhausted beyond what he has ever been before and he would gladly take a night full of nightmares than have to be stuck in his head for another minute. 

He doesn’t know why he can’t seem to let it go. Morgan, like every four-year-old, screams all the time, and Peter has learned how to ignore his initial instinct to fight whenever she decides to be a banshee. It’s part of his everyday life, so why can’t he control his reaction now? The moment is over, there is no danger, Morgan is safe. Tony and Pepper are safe. May is safe. He is safe. But no matter how many times he tells himself that everything is fine, his mind and body refuse to relax. 

“You look like you are two seconds away from attacking that fire. Should I be concerned?” Tony jokes, his eyes flickering back and forth between Peter and the burning embers. 

“I’m fine.” Peter answers as he leans back into the couch cushions.

“I didn’t ask if you were fine. I asked if I should be concerned.” 

“N- “

“And before you say ‘no’, I would like to remind you that I know you and I know that you are not fine.”

Peter huffs and crosses his arms. He hates the fact that Tony can read him like an open book. The man is aware of every little shift in his mood and doesn’t hesitate to ask him about it. That’s how Tony shows Peter that he isn’t alone and that he is there to help him. And Peter understands Tony’s worry that at any moment his mental health could nosedive, but there are moments he wishes his mentor wasn’t so in-tune to his emotions. He hates that he has already added more stress to Tony’s everyday life, he doesn’t need to be unloading his every thought and emotion onto his mentor’s shoulders. 

It was a fucking spider! Peter got scared, that’s it. There is no reason to get Tony all worked up over Peter’s inability to calm down. 

“I’m just feeling a little off tonight,” Peter finally answers, knowing Tony won’t back down until he is convinced that Peter really is okay. “But there is nothing for you to worry about. I’ll feel better after I get some sleep.”

The look on Tony’s face made it clear that he didn’t believe Peter’s reassurances. Peter could tell he was trying to mask his doubt, but the linger weariness in his eyes gave him away. “Tony, I’m serious. I am okay, stop worrying.”

“Fine.” Tony sighed in resignation. “I’ll drop it for now, but if you’re still feeling this way tomorrow then we’re gonna talk about it.” 

Peter couldn’t help the smile that tugged at his lips as he stared back into the fire. This is the first time Tony actually let Peter keep his thoughts to himself. It is something so small, but it feels like a huge victory to him. 

“So, I wanted to talk to you about something.” Tony said, breaking the silence that had blanketed the room. Peter turned his body to face Tony, showing him that he was listening. “You know Leon? The investor that votes against every proposal?” Peter nodded, curious how this affected him. “Pepper and I were talking and she thought...well, okay it was both of us, but she was the one who suggested it first...anyway, we thought that it might be a good idea to invite him to dinner. We want to gain his favor and my father always said that the best way to get someone on your good side is through food. Basically what I am getting at is that Leon will be coming here for dinner tomorrow…”

“I can watch Morgan.” Peter interrupted, thinking he knew what favor Tony was trying to ask. 

“Actually, I was hoping that both you and Morgan would join us for dinner.” Tony corrected, carefully watching Peter’s expression for any sign that he is uncomfortable with the idea. “You don’t have to if you don’t want to.” He quickly added.

Peter thought about it. His stomach flipped with nerves at the thought of being part of something as big as a business dinner, but he could see where Tony was coming from. Showing Leon that they are normal, kind, welcoming people could lead him to be more willing to agree on the investment proposals. 

“I’ll do it.” Peter agrees. After everything Tony and Pepper have done for him, Peter figures that he can do this for them. It’s just a simple dinner. What’s the worst that could happen?