When Crazy Equals Genius

Peter Parker felt the exact moment he knew he was going to break down. Feeling the tears start to fall, Peter took a shuddering breath. He had been holding them in since the trip to the hospital, trying to appear strong for his baby sister Morgan and adoptive mother, Pepper. The two were a wreck, Pepper looking more distressed than any day he's seen her, and Morgan who looked like she was about to collapse from exhaustion.

It all happened too fast, too sudden that none of them could do a thing. All he had heard was a thud and the frightening lack of movement to get everyone all up in a frenzy.

He, together with Harley, Pepper and Morgan, rode with Tony towards the hospital, praying; hoping against hope.

In the end, there wasn't anything any of them could do.

Ten minutes away from the hospital, Tony had flatlined and regardless of the amount of times they had tried to resuscitate him, he didn't take another breath.

Peter, even with his now many years of working as a superhero, hadn't felt this helpless since Ben. 

Sitting down on the chair with a heavy sigh, Peter shifted uncomfortably.

They were all aware that Tony's heart conditions had worsened over the years. At this point,  with the amount of problems he had had, any heart complication would have led to his death.

It did.

Still, unable to look at the man covered with a white sheet, Peter felt that he wasn't ready yet.

He wanted more time, more cuddles, more chocolate on cold mornings, more laughs, more inventions, more of Tony.

More time.

He wanted more time.

Alas, Tony Stark was dead.

And there was nothing Peter Parker could do but curl into himself and sob quietly.

Peter Parker was familiar with grief. He had lived through the pain multiple times in his life. First with his parents, then Ben, and now, Tony.

He never liked it, grief, really, who could blame him? Still, in his line of work where he had had to bury multiple people he couldn't save or had lost, it was a familiar feeling.

It was always painful, like a prickling in his arms that never really went away, just faded over time.

Yet, he knew, with a startling amount of clarity, that losing Tony Stark wouldn't be the same.

Unlike every other time he had to bury a friend or a victim, the grief of losing Tony Stark was unimaginable.

Tony was his father, his entire world. He had built the foundations of Peter's everything, from his education, vigilante career and even his family life, Tony had always been involved with it in one way or another.

When May and Happy had finally married, Peter was officially adopted by Tony Stark and Pepper Potts, though he had decided to keep the Parker name. Really, everyone saw it coming from a mile away. Unofficial as it may had been, Peter had already saw Tony and Pepper as parental figures and vice versa. The adoption just made it official.

It only felt right when May settled down with Happy that Tony would adopt him for real.

Soon, Peter had left to live with the Starks, though he still hung around the Hogan household quite often. May and Happy even had a little kid that he also saw as his baby brother, Charlie.

Tony was a lot of Peter's firsts.

He was the first person he told about being Spider-man, the first who said 'you could do it', the first mentor, the first he came out as bisexual to, the first he called when the college acceptance letter came in, the first he notified when he was bleeding out in an alley, the first he asked when looking for wedding rings to buy for MJ, the first he called when their first child, Sarah, finally came.

Tony was a lot of Peter's firsts.

And that made it all the more painful to realize that he wasn't going to be the first any longer.

Now, faced with unimaginable, unfathomable grief, Peter couldn't help but wish for Tony to be here still. There were still so many things he wanted to show him, wanted him to experience.

He was even planning to tell him that MJ was pregnant with their second kid; wanted to ask him if it was okay to name him Anthony too.

Tony wasn't going to be experiencing any more of Peter's firsts.

And that?

That hurt more than anything in the world.

His father, Tony Stark, was dead.

What now?

The battle of Wakanda was totally different from the broadcasts and news articles that everyone remembered. When I rewatched the footage after a month of therapy and rehab, I was shocked at the scene.

It looked epic. The battle to end all battles, the final stand. Everyone looked like they knew what they were doing.

It wasn't like that in my memory.

I had fought Thanos once prior, when Dr. Strange had been taken by some alien Squidward.

At the time, we were planning on rescuing Stephen who had been taken because he had the time stone, one of the infinity stones, in his possession.

Looking back, it was a stupid idea, a reckless decision and quite frankly, a suicide mission.

Now, a good decade after the fact, I can confidently say that there was no possible way for us to win.

But, at the time, I was young and naïve and I decided that I was going to be Tony's back-up whether he liked it or not and secretly rode on the spaceship going nowhere […]

[…] It was terrifying. At this point in my superhero career, I had already fought a number of bad guys like Vulture or Doc Ock but Thanos was on a whole other level. The sheer power that he had wielded back then, even with the infinity stones incomplete, was inconceivable to me.

The sheer presence of the being had made me quiver and shake like a leaf. Luckily for me, I had a number of competent and reliable people fighting alongside me.

Still, despite knowing I had a good team with me, I couldn't help but pray for my Aunt May to be able to grow past her grief. Deep down, I had already resigned myself to the thought that I was going to die there, fighting Thanos.

[…] Tony Stark fought him alone, in the end. Despite our best efforts, our most detailed plans, he stood there alone.

Riding on adrenaline and sheer force of will, Tony Stark fought Thanos to a near standstill. Wounded, bloody and absolutely exhausted, Tony Stark had stood against one of the most powerful beings in the galaxy with nothing but a genius intellect and some pieces of technology he had made himself.

It was mesmerizing in a way.

Now, looking at it objectively, I think there was no possible scenario that we could have won. We were, after all, only a mere group of seven. […] Still, watching Tony survive getting hit with a literal moon and still stand made me feel, at that moment, like we could have; that it was a real possibility.

Tony had that quality to him; to make everyone root for him and be inspired by him.

[…] In the end, we didn't win.

And as I was turning into dust slowly, the only thing I could do was apologize to my mentor. I knew, even only knowing him for only a year or two at this point, that Tony would break after losing me, someone he had come to regard as his own son.

Yet, despite my want to do something about it, the only thing I ended up doing was to try and reassure him.

I don't think it worked.

[…] The battle of Wakanda was harsh, possibly the most cruel fight I had ever experienced in my, then, two and a half years of working as Spider-man.

I don't quite know how to describe it. It was a bone-deep exhaustion.

To me, it was like I had experienced a battle at Titan and then arrived at the battle of Wakanda with no rest in between. I was tired.

Blow after blow, web after web, I could only keep fighting.

I couldn't stop - stopping meant death - and I was terrified, scared. Yet, in the midst of it all, Tony had found me, found the time to hug and reassure me that everything was going to be fine.

[…] Maybe, it was due to my own incompetence but in the end, despite my best efforts, Tony Stark, once again, fought Thanos alone. Gritting his teeth and through sheer force of will, he met Thanos blow after blow, again and again.

At the end of it all, he stood with the gauntlet and said four words: "I am Iron Man".

Even now, years and years later, that moment is still engraved in my mind, still hauntingly vivid. Tony had said those words with a crushing sense on finality, as if he was fully prepared to die after snapping everything away and singlehandedly saving the universe.

Having to watch your mentor and father figure risk everything for the world was a different kind of bone-crushing pain. By that point in my life, I had already lifted a building off of me, walked off injuries and wounds, survived through surgery without anesthesia, lost close family. Still, the pain, the agony of seeing my father mentally prepare himself for what he thought was the inevitable was the most painful thing in the world.

Again, in the end, all I could do was reassure him we won.

[…] The first time he woke up after his emergency amputation surgery, Tony had cried rivers. He had lost his left arm after using the gauntlet.

Later, he'd quietly confide that he didn't know what to do, now that he wasn't Iron Man and missing an arm.

What Tony didn't seem to understand was that he was more than just the suit.

He may not be able to go out as Iron Man any longer but still, Tony Stark was Iron Man.

I told him as such.

He cried harder than any time I'd ever seen him.

An excerpt from page 165, written by Peter Parker

"Hey, Pep?" Peter asked tentatively. Even a month later, any mention of Tony still brought a fresh wave of pain through them. Trying to find a way to ask without giving her unnecessary pain, Peter faltered slightly. "MJ found an old diary of mine, from back when I was at the Stark Expo in 2010…"

Seeing her questioning look, Peter continued carefully, "I've been thinking… of writing a biography. For tony. Is that… okay with you?"

Across from him, Pepper looked at the unshed tears in her son's eyes. He was obviously hurting from mentioning Tony as well but he was powering through it, acting strong like he always seemed to do for her.

How could Pepper ever tell him no?

Reaching for his hand, Pepper said, "So, you're writing a book about Tony?"

"Yeah, MJ and Ned said that it would give us a bit of closure… I agree," Peter answered, moving to entwine his fingers with Pepper's.

"I think it's a great idea, honey."

Startled by her immediate approval, Peter looked up at his mother. He had come here preparing himself for at least an hour of explaining his reasonings, maybe some apprehension at the idea. The agreement without hesitation wasn't in any of his expectations.

Yet, he supposed, he shouldn't look a gift horse in the mouth.

"I wanted to ask if you wanted to contribute a bit. I'm going to ask Morgan, Harley, Rhodey, May and Happy and some others too. I'll mainly write the book but I-" Peter fumbled, "I just think that Tony was always misinterpreted by the public, ever since his childhood, you know?"

Cupping his face, Pepper smiled for the first time in a month. "Where do we start, Pete?"

Tony, even with the many, many hardships he had had to go through in his life, was someone who loved to make jokes, to laugh. He had built his entire personality around the laughter that he would bring to himself and to others. […]

When Tony lost his arm, he became the person that stayed by the sidelines instead of the one who did the saving. It was a harsh wake-up call for him, who had tried to run to the garage for his suit, only to realize half-way there that he didn't have a suit anymore.

For the first time in his life, Tony couldn't bring himself to joke, tom smile.

Retiring from his career as a superhero was a hard transition for him, one that Tony never really got over even after all these years. He was always trying to help, even after everything, whether that be with his inventions in prosthetics and medical equipment or hugging his wife after a long, tired day. […]

I knew it was an unnatural feeling for him. He had had to go through months of intense therapy just to be able to move normally while the rest of the world kept turning.

As his wife, I saw the moments that Tony allowed himself to be vulnerable, to feel weak.

At his core, Tony was a mere human, just like the rest of us. Through the years of upholding the Stark legacy, managing the company and then working as Iron Man, Tony had built a brand, had made himself to be untouchable.

Though often coming across as an impenetrable fortress, behind the scenes, Tony was anything but. He had often questioned his decisions, double and triple checking everything in fear of failure.

It was why he loved technology and building inventions so much. With science, everything had a logic to it, a step-by-step guide that only geniuses like himself and Peter could understand.

[…] I vividly remember the night he broke down. At the time, both Morgan and Peter were already fast asleep with Harley off to college at MIT. He had burrowed himself into my shoulder and asked if he could still do things that mattered, even missing an arm.

At the time, he was powering through rehab but not doing much else. He couldn't build as well as he used to, still unused to the prosthetic.

Over time, I'd guess that the feeling ate at him.

'Could I still do things to change the world?' he had asked me.

I could only answer with the truth.

Truth was, Tony Stark could still do so many things even missing a hand.

Tony was a man of hard word. He worked hard for what he loved, what he believed in, every day. He never shied away from shouldering his responsibilities, often staying up for long nights in the lab or powering through stacks of paperwork to get things done, no matter how his aloof persona made one think otherwise.

For his work, as a hero and inventor and then later, a father, Tony had always been okay with being misunderstood. I told him that he could still be a hero as Tony Stark.

He was mine, after all.

My nightlight, the love of my life, my amore. To the world, Iron man was their hero but to me, Tony Stark was mine. After all, coming home after that awful battle, missing an arm but safe and sound like I had prayed so hard for, was the single most heroic thing he could have done for me, for my family.

He saved my heart and that was something that only Tony Stark could do.

By the end of the month, Stark Industries was set to release a line of affordable prosthetics, all designed by Tony Stark himself.

An excerpt from page 198, written by Pepper Potts-Stark

There comes a time when you meet someone who you know, instantly, would go far.

Tony Stark was like that.

Tony Stark was amazing. Ever since I have known him, he had always had a vision to be revolutionary. He always strove to reach the unreachable, tame the untamed. He dreamt the impossible dream

Tony and I were an unlikely duo, especially in college. The genius teenager and the military man. The 15 year old and 18 year old. But no matter what everyone said, to us, it felt right […] when I first met him, he was an asshole teenager who was floundering and out of his depth, surrounded by peers older than himself.

There was a gap between Tony and everyone else and he was left behind, lonely, and I had decided that I would be his friend.

The thing about Tony was that he always assumed the worst about himself, his self-depreciating habits shining through over the years. He'd always think of the worst case scenario before the best.

[…] Over the years, our friendship had progressed into something like a brotherhood.

I had seen Tony do the impossible, achieve the otherwise unachievable.

The first time he had introduced me to his Ais, I genuinely thought that Tony would change the world someday. It was inevitable, you know? There are just some things you knew. The sky was blue, roses were red, and Tony Stark would change the world.

Of course, I had imagined it in a more lowkey kind of way, maybe he'd invent this world-changing machine or revolutionize physics or some shit. Being a superhero wasn't really in the cards. But… I supposed I was naïve in that thought.

Tony Stark could never do anything lowkey to save his life. It was go big or go home with him and honestly, I don't know why I expected anything different.

[…] For as long as I knew him, Tony had hated meetings with a passion. Absolutely abhorred the minutes spent sitting on an uncomfortable chair when, to him, he could have been tinkering away in his lab instead.

I distinctly remember that one time he had gotten himself kidnapped by some low-level criminals who wanted the cash. That day, he had an important meeting with the board of directors lined up and two equally important ones right after. His day was packed and Tony, being the absolute genius that he was, decided that instead of pressing the panic button on his watch and the hand-to-hand combat he was taught growing up, he'd hang out with his kidnappers for the day.

By the end of the day, he had missed the meetings and hired four new security guards. […]

Tony was a natural. He was charismatic in a way few people were. He could garner everyone's attention at the snap of a finger. This was proven time and time again. A standout moment was during a UN conference. I watched Tony propose amendment after amendment after amendment.

He was truly amazing, an absolutely astounding individual.

[…] Tony and I, we knew that we could count on each other. Both of us, we needed to be adults early on. Tony, with the heavy legacy of Stark Industries and me, with the expectations and pressure to go into the military.

Yet, somehow, when we were together, we'd revert back into children; always having fun, having good laughs.

[…] When I was paralyzed, I remember feeling empty, just wanting to give up entirely. I didn't want to wake up; didn't want to eat; didn't want to do anything.

I lost my purpose. […] Tony never did. He visited me, day after day, in the hospital from the start of visitation hours to an hour before it ended. I grew to expect him, sometimes he'd bring Pepper, Peter or even the occasional Happy. {…} It wasn't until a few months later did I come to know that every day, after going home, he'd work on a pair of braces for me. He worked on it together with his genius protegee, Peter Parker, so that by the time my stay in the hospital would turn into two months, I would be able to walk.

And I did.

The first thing I did after standing up, was hug my best friend. I don't think you'd ever understand how much I was blessed to have him. I must have saved a few universes in my last life to be able to have someone as amazing as Tony.

[...] He touched lives. That's how amazing he was. There was no one - no one in the world -  better than Tony Stark.

An excerpt from page 14, written by James "Rhodey" Rhodes

The video starts with Peter Parker, the current head of Stark Industries' R&D department and leader of the Avengers' Initiative, standing on a podium. In the background, the clicking of cameras could be faintly heard. "Tony Stark is th-" Faltering, Peter paused for a long moment.

Taking a deep breath, Peter regained his composure, pain evident in his voice. "Tony Stark was the best mentor I could have ever asked for. That is why I would like to announce that I, with the help of some close friends and family will be releasing his biography called 'Tony Stark: When Crazy Equals Genius' later this year. The book would talk about Tony throughout his life in the perspectives of many of his close friends and family. Pre-orders are available now. All profits will go to the recently established Tony Stark fund. Thank you."

The first time I met Tony Stark, I immediately thought he was a bad person. He had come off as insensitive, eating blueberries during our meetings before the battle of Manhattan in 2012, almost as if he didn't care.

Little did I know that Tony hadn’t eaten in two days because he had been researching the tesseract with Bruce. I only found out about it a year later, when we were reminiscing our very first mission with drinks in hand.

He had never corrected me, never tried to justify himself. I had misunderstood him and Tony, though obviously uneasy around me, still helped me, allowed me to better myself without question.

[…] I had betrayed him that day in Siberia. The reason behind the split of the Avengers in 2016 was never announced publicly but to be honest, it was because of me.

2 years prior, I had discovered that my best friend, Bucky Barnes who was controlled by HYDRA at the time, had killed Tony's parents in cold blood. I was aware that this information would hurt him, would fracture his whole world. Yet, I prioritized Bucky instead. [...]

He found out in Siberia, after our opponent at the time, Zemo, had revealed the information. In retrospect, it was obvious that he wasn't going all out. Simply receiving each blow I had given.

I left him there.

In the cold winter of Siberia, I had abandoned any semblance of morality and left an injured comrade to die, alone.

To this day, it is my biggest regret and one thing that I would spend the rest of my life making up for.

[…] Nevertheless, after the battle against Thanos, Tony still welcomed me with open arms. Openly forgiving me for my mistakes. He had told me that he understood my reasoning and forgave me for it.

[...] What I never told him was that even though he forgave me for my actions, I would never be able to forgive myself.

Tony Stark was the epitome of heroism. He had always given and given and given, even when he was shunned and shamed by the public and by his own teammates. It took me years to have some semblance of some understanding of it.

I had misunderstood him from the get-go. He wasn't a selfish, arrogant man.

Tony Stark was kindness incarnate.

I can only hope to be half the man he ever was.

An excerpt from page 185, written by Steve Rogers.

Growing up, I was an absolute asshole. I had a bad home life with absent parents. So, I had expressed my feelings through the only way I was taught: violence.

I bullied Peter for what was around 8 years, give or take. I was jealous of him, his ability in science and academics. Instead of talking to him and learning from him, I shoved him into lockers, laughed when he fell, hit him while he was down.

During the second semester of my senior year, Tony Stark had barged into my class, calling for my name. Looking back, he looked absolutely furious but at the time, I had though so highly of myself that I assumed he wanted to offer me an internship.

I was wrong.

He had found out that I bullied his son and protegee, Peter, on the daily, when he was checking up on him this morning. I had shoved him into the locker hard that morning. […] Long story short, he had torn into me, completely obliterating my sky-high ego and put things into perspective.

[…] He was the first person in my ridiculously privileged life to tell me I was wrong. It put things into perspective, allowed me to really reflect on my actions. […]

[…] I threw myself into volunteering in homeless shelters and soup kitchens and getting better in therapy. By the end of my high school years, Peter and I had already resolved any lingering conflicts and become good friends. So, during graduation, Tony and Peter approached me to offer an internship in their PR department. 

He changed my life for the better. […]

Excerpt from page 243, written by Eugene 'Flash' Thompson

Growing up, Dad had been a very vocal person. He'd always tell me that he was proud of me, that he loved me. Every time, it was unnecessary. I was already aware he did. I could feel it in every action, everything he did for me. I could feel it every time he hugged me and sang me to sleep, every time he fussed over my brothers and doted on my mother. My father was a very caring man.

My father was a very caring man.

Honestly, he probably loved us more than anything in the world. [...] I remember the time that he had paced back and forth around the house for so long that you could faintly see a trail of footsteps left on the wooden floors when my brother, Peter, was running late for dinner.

He had called him on the phone in a panic, asking for Pete's location. Turns out, my brother had gotten distracted and gotten himself lost. Dad had muttered the words 'patience, Tony, patience' repeatedly during that phone call.

Peter had somehow found himself on a plane and on a one-way flight to Canada and, at the time, was hanging out in a hospital there, learning about their healthcare system. He had told my father that he had listened in on the conversations of some people on the way to the subway about the benefits of the country's healthcare and had gotten so absorbed that he found himself engaging them in a conversation and before he knew it, was on the way to Canada.

I had never seen my father so stressed in my life, muttering about calculations and whether he could fly in the Iron man suit all the way there. […]

[…] He had loved us so much that sometimes, I would secretly catch him on a phone call with MJ, Ned and Shuri, trying to learn Gen Z lingo so that he could talk with Peter, Harley and I better. 

[…] He was the best father I could have possibly had.

Excerpt from page 254, written by Morgan Stark

Tony Stark once told me that he wanted me to be better.

One of the first things he told me was 'don’t do anything that I would do; don’t do anything that I wouldn't do. There's a certain gray area there, stay there.'

Though often assumed to be an arrogant asshole, Tony was far from it. Hiding behind a carefully crafted façade of quips and jokes was an insecure man who had lost too many people already. Personally, he was my hero. Not Iron man, Tony.

[...] I remember the first argument we had, I had hacked into my first Stark-made Spider-man suit to disable the baby monitor protocols and went out to patrol. [...]

Long story short, a ferry was cut in half and Tony had to save my ass in the end. That was my first true failure as Spider-man. Tony had lectured me for a while and I, an idiot, assumed that he wasn't there in person. I screamed at him, "if you really cared, you'd be here", and lo and behold, Tony Stark stepped out of his suit.

And he did. Tony cared more than he would ever admit out loud. He was the sort of person who expressed his emotions through actions instead of words.

In that moment, stepping out of his suit and taking the time out of his day to actually talk to his mentee, I understood that Tony wanted me to be better than him.

[…] He tried. Tony always tried; always strove to be a better person, if not for me and Pepper then for himself. He always, always tried, always with love at the core of that effort.

We all die, in the end, in medias res. In the middle of a story, without a sufficient ending. He wanted me to be better than him. What he never knew; what I never told him - what I was never able to tell him - was that there would never be anyone that could be better than Tony Stark himself. He was the epitome of everything I could ever hope to achieve.

[…] I had once, asked Tony what the most important type of genius was. He had answered immediately, as if it was crystal clear in his mind. I suppose it was. He said, "the only genius worth anything, is the genius of hard work. You can look like a fool, you can have so many people ridicule you. But, you have to work hard. Understand, Pete? It's only worth it if you put in the effort."

[…] Tony Stark was the hardest working person I knew. It was to the point that one would think that he was insane. He never minded, though. For his work, his family, his profession, he was alright with being misunderstood, being called crazy.

He told me that he wanted me to be better. But how could I?

When crazy equaled genius, how could I, an ordinary man, be better than the hardest working man in the universe, Tony Stark himself?

It isn't possible. I could only dream of an impossible dream.

An excerpt from page 380, written by Peter Parker.

Lastly, I would like to acknowledge the people who took the time out of their day to contribute to the writing of this book:

Pepper Potts, Morgan Stark, Harley Keener,  Eugene 'Flash' Thompson, James 'Rhodey' Rhodes, James Buchanan Barnes,  Steve Rogers, May Parker,  Happy Hogan,  Shuri,  T'challa, Sam Wilson, Thor Odinson, Nick Fury,  Natasha Romanoff, Maria Hill,  Christine Everheart, Wanda Maximoff,  Laura Barton, Clint Barton, Bruce Banner, Loki, Phil Coulson, and Nebula.

I would also like to thank my editors, who had cried, laughed and helped me write this biography. You saved me more times than I could possibly count. Thank you,

Michelle Jones, and Ned Leeds.

Signed, Peter Parker.

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