Children of HYDRA

Rumlow is certain it's a trap, but they have no opposition getting to Avengers Tower. It's almost eerie going there now, and Rumlow loves Rogers but doesn't trust him. Not anymore. He knows Steve is as desperate to have Bucky back as Rumlow is to keep the Soldier.

They enter through the garage and Steve is there to escort them up to the upper floors. They don't say a word at first, but in the elevator, Steve turns to the Soldier and hugs him tight. The Soldier freezes, unsure what to do, then he carefully, slowly and methodically hugs him back.

"It's good to have you back, Bucky." Steve looks like he's about to cry. He probably already has. Rumlow's a little jealous. Steve would never cry over him.

"I'm not him," says the Soldier.

"Then, I'm glad to have you for the first time, Soldier," says Steve.

The Soldier relaxes.

"Rogers, I know this is difficult, but we can find a way for them both to be there. I have the triggers to bring the Soldier back any time with just the words, but Bucky's a different—"

"Shut up."

"Good to see you too, asshole."

"I'm still mad at you," says Steve.

"And I'm still in love with you," says Rumlow.

Steve chokes up a little, and though he glares at Rumlow, he takes his hand and the Soldier's and holds them for the rest of the elevator ride.

They come out of the elevator to a residential area, kitchen to the right, living room in front of them. Steve leads them to the couch and they sit as Steve takes a place in a nearby chair to face them. The Soldier takes Rumlow's hand, and Rumlow gives it a grounding squeeze.

Steve starts the conversation.

"We're clearing the deal with the courts as we speak. We'll have an answer within twenty-four hours. And the HYDRA files on the Winter Soldier should be enough to clear Bucky's name. We can still hide you here even if things go badly. No one knows you're here and you can't leave this floor, but you'll be safe here."

"Good enough," says Rumlow. "Now about us – we need to figure out how things are going to work."

"Have you renounced HYDRA? Will you stay on my side?" asks Steve.

"Always," says Rumlow, soft all of a sudden. "You need us. And I need you."

Steve takes a deep breath. "Okay. Then I'd like you to stay with me. In my bedroom. The bed's big enough for the three of us and—"

"You got it, Cap," says Rumlow. "Even if we had our own rooms, I bet we'd be sleeping with you most nights."

"It's settled then."

"Does that make all three of us boyfriends?" asks the Soldier.

"Not yet," says Steve. "We still have a lot to figure out and a lot of trust to build. But I think we'll get there."

"I'd like that," says the Soldier, a shock to Rumlow who isn't used to the Soldier voicing any preferences.

"Okay, so how do we talk to Bucky?" Steve says seriously.

"We'd have to break his surface programming and wait for his memories to return. It could take months, but I'm certain we can have them both."

Steve gives a sad smile. "Okay. Then that's what we'll do. How do we break the surface programming?"

"I'll help with that, but for now, we just have to wait. His mind is already healing and with my help and you jogging his memory, Bucky will be there in a few months. A year, tops."

Steve looks like he's about to cry again.

"Hey, hey… none of that, Steve. He's been a brainwashed sleeper agent for seventy years. This isn't going to happen overnight."

Steve sniffles. "I know. I just want him back."

The Soldier has been mostly stoic but clearly has self worth issues coming from this. He's looking down, and he's clearly depressed. "Hey, Soldier," says Rumlow. "We need you too. We need both of you. It's okay. I'll write down the triggers in a codebook and if anything happens to me, Steve can use them to bring you back any time."

"He won't," says the Soldier. "He doesn't want me."

"I will," says Steve. "I promise, we won't let you fade into nothingness. You matter to me. And Brock needs you."

The Soldier tries to smile but it comes out a grimace. "That's what you say now, but I don't believe you."

Steve's heart breaks all over again, and Rumlow puts an arm around the Soldier. "Steve, come here. Show the Soldier that you love him."

Steve crosses the distance between them instantly and hugs the Soldier tight before kissing his lips. "Why don't we go to bed," says Steve. "It's been a long night and you both need to know that I love you."

The Soldier wakes in the night, startled by a dream. In the dream, he was with Steve on a train. They were fighting someone and the side of the freight car was blown open and the Soldier fell away, barely grasping a bar on the outside of the train. Only he wasn't the Soldier then. There was a feeling. Lots of feelings. And he was scared and angry and in love. He was in love with Steve. And Steve was there, trying to reach him but they were too far apart and he fell what felt like miles but couldn't have been, into a ravine and landed on his left arm. It was flesh then. The Soldier doesn't remember it ever being anything but carbonadium. And it was bleeding and it hurt! The pain was unbearable and seeing the jagged stump was enough to terrify him even more. And as he bled out in the snow, he hoped he'd die soon.

But he didn't.

That's when the Soldier awoke from the nightmare. He feels a crack inside, like his brain is breaking and his head hurts all of a sudden. He kisses Steve, needing to feel his lips. Steve rouses, but then the Soldier's falling asleep again, comforted by the warmth of Steve's lips and unreachable half-formed memories.

"Bucky?" says Steve.

"G'nite, punk…" says Bucky, the Soldier already asleep.

Steve can't sleep after that. He had Bucky back, only for a moment, and only on the brink of unconsciousness, but he was there. Steve holds Bucky tight for a couple of hours and Rumlow curls up behind Steve, humping him in his sleep. Steve extricates himself from the bed, rolling Bucky over and pushing Rumlow towards him. It's not that Steve has never bottomed for Rumlow, it's that he can't think about sex right now. The Soldier will likely enjoy Rumlow's cock more at the moment.

It's four a.m., too early for coffee, but Steve makes a pot anyway. He doesn't find coffee he likes easily, but Folgers does okay. It seems like modern coffee is either burnt or overprocessed. He misses his old cup of joe he used to be able to get occasionally during the Depression, even if Tony would mock him for wanting subpar beverages.

He drinks his coffee on the couch, looking at a blank TV screen. He can't bring himself to watch anything right now. All he can do is think about Bucky. Maybe some pictures would help. He's supposed to help jog Bucky's memory, maybe he can make a scrapbook with old photos or a video composed of their old film reels. Steve decides to do both, and sets about looking up photos of them from the forties online. It's not hard, and he even finds a film of him doing the The Star Spangled Man With A Plan routine with the dancing dames. He downloads the video to his laptop and starts downloading the old black and white and sepia pictures of them. There are portraits, pictures of them together, arms around each other's shoulders, and pictures of them posing with the rest of the Howling Commandos. He downloads all of them and sends them in a file to Tony's email for him to print out in a book. Steve's no good at layouts and that sort of thing, and Tony could do something like that in his sleep while still finding the formula to cold fusion and building a faster than light spaceship with the rest of his brainpower.

Maybe that's hyperbole, but it's apt nonetheless.

That finished, Steve fixes another pot of coffee as moans come from his bedroom. Good. He wants them to have each other, even if he's jealous of both of them. He decides to leave a note and go out for a morning run. Maybe it'll clear his head of the fond memories that are too many and too painful at the moment.

He just hopes against reality that when the Soldier wakes up, it'll be Bucky who's topside.

The Soldier wakes up to his handler fucking him. It's rough and it's urgent and everything he needs right now. He was having another bad dream, and feeling the comfort of his loving handler's cock inside him is grounding him into reality. They make love for hours before showering and cooking breakfast. Steve comes home just as the Commander finishes with the bacon and the Soldier is finishing setting the table, a new skill for him, but easy to learn based on his observations at Pierce's home. He may not be a person like Bucky is, but he's a fast learner. Maybe with time, he can be a person, too.

Steve says "Bucky?" hope in his gaze, but the Soldier just slowly shakes his head. The Soldier is disappointed. After the threesome last night, he thought Steve wanted him. Now, he's sure that he only wants Bucky.

"You lied," he says mechanically before sitting at the table. Steve shakes his head.

"I would never lie to you," says Steve. "What do you think I lied about?"

"You don't love me. You don't want me here. You only want him."

"I want both of you," Steve says sternly. "You're two sides of the same coin. I won't abandon you just because I want Bucky."

"You're lying," the Soldier says calmly, expressionless.

"Buck—"

"—I'M NOT HIM!!!" screams the Soldier. His mood swings are a clear indication that the surface programming is breaking, but for now it's a battle within him, one painful for his loved ones to watch, but one they to need to be there for anyway. "Why can't you see that?!"

"Soldier," Steve says stiffly. "I love you. I'm just used to calling you 'Bucky'. I'm sorry."

The Soldier knows he shouldn't have yelled at a superior. He knows that's what Steve is to him. So he gets out of his chair and kneels on the ground, hands behind his head, elbows out.

"B– Soldier… what are you doing?"

"He thinks he's going to be punished," says Rumlow, placing the food on the table. "Tell him to stand and 'at ease'. Then kiss him."

Steve does as Rumlow says, and the Soldier is shocked, having expected corporal punishment despite the Commander's words.

But he gets up and Steve kisses him and the Soldier relaxes into the familiar feeling. They sit down for breakfast and the Soldier eats very slowly, moving his utensils methodically and mechanically, trying to behave appropriately. He's never learned table manners because he was always fed with IV solutions and protein packs, but he's seen Pierce eat, and he knows his motions will be judged. All the same, he feels hungry in his blood but not in his stomach and swallowing food is difficult and unfamiliar. He's had practice in the past couple of months, but always on his own, never with superiors watching. He only hopes that his behavior won't incite punishment.

After Bucky's pardon is official, Steve takes the Soldier out to dinner. They order a meal to take home to Rumlow, but they couldn't risk bringing him out in public. As they eat slowly, Steve tries to think of what to say to his lover.

"What kinds of things do you like?" asks Steve.

"When I was good on missions, the Russians would let me choose my rewards. I usually picked a cigarette but sometimes I wanted sexual gratification."

"You smoke?" Steve says with surprise. "I didn't know that."

"Have I been good for you?" asks the Soldier.

"Yes. And yes, if you like, you may have a pack of cigarettes."

The Soldier's eyes go wide, practically bulging. "A whole pack?!"

"Hell, we'll get you a carton if that's what you want. You can't smoke inside, but we have a balcony."

"I would like that very much, Sir."

"You don't have to call me that," says Steve.

"You are my superior officer. From what I understand, you were Bucky's superior officer too. It is disrespectful for me to call you anything familiar or casual."

"Fine, call me whatever you want, Soldier, just as long as you remember I love you. You're precious to me."

"Thank you. Acknowledged and reciprocated."

Steve smiles with a wide grin. "So I know you like cigarettes, but now, they have these futuristic devices called vaporizers. They turn an oil into an aerosol and you inhale it like smoke, but it doesn't have the tar in it."

The Soldier's eyes go wide. "Do they have cigarette smoke? Do they have the taste?"

"They don't have smoke, but they have nicotine. And I don't know what they taste like. I haven't tried cigarettes or vaping. We can get you both and you can decide which you prefer."

"I like preferences," says the Soldier. "It's a strange thing, but having choices makes me feel broken and new at the same time. It's fun, in a way."

"I know you still need orders though. Brock told me."

"He was accurate."

"And I know I'm no slouch in the sack, but if you have a preference of how we have sex, we can change things up for you."

"I prefer it the way it has been. You feel good inside me."

Steve grins again. "I'm glad. I like it that way too. When I was small, Bucky used to top me, but after my serum he wanted it like you want it."

"It's familiar but some things are different," the Soldier says with an uncharacteristic smirk. Steve thinks he learned the expression from Rumlow. "You've learned new tricks," he says, still smirking.

Steve laughs. "Yes. Yes, I have. I learned a lot of it from the internet. There's a lot of instructional videos I never expected."

"I think you mean pornography."

"That too," says Steve, laughing again. "It's much more than the pinup posters we had as teens."

"I remember. I had a pinup in my cell in Russia. It was risque."

Steve looks at him curiously. "You're using some of Bucky's vocabulary."

"He's louder now," says the Soldier. "I don't know how to feel about it. It feels good, but I feel like I'm fading, becoming someone else. It hurts, but it feels good at the same time."

"I'm sorry this is so hard for you," Steve says with sad sincerity.

"Thank you. Reciprocated."

"Thanks. You know, this is our first official date and I never officially asked you. Will you, Soldier, be my boyfriend?"

The Soldier's eyebrows raise and his eyes go wide. "You want that? Me?"

"Yes, you. I can have a relationship with you and with Bucky. We can do both."

"I… I love you, Sir."

"I love you too, Soldier."

Rumlow is surprised again when Steve and the Soldier get home from their date. The Soldier strides confidently and more casually than usual, and his face is alight with something Rumlow can't put his finger on. Rumlow grins and greets his lovers with a kiss. "Soldier?"

"I'm not sure," says the Soldier, a bit of Brooklyn accent in his tone. "I think so, but I feel different."

"It's okay, Soldier. This is normal. At least for what you're going through. We can bring you back as the Soldier at any time you like, but for now, it's important for you to be comfortable with who you are."

"I don't know who I am."

"That's okay too," says Rumlow. "There's going to be confusion and a merging of sorts as Bucky Barnes learns to be himself again. You're changing but it's a good thing. The Winter Soldier, is still there, will always be there, and it's okay for you to be Bucky or the Soldier."

The Soldier hugs him; it's not gentle, but it's not tight either. And it's a hug unlike any he's ever had from the Soldier before. He strokes his hair and hums softly as Steve goes to the bedroom and gets undressed. "Are you two coming or should I start without you?" he yells from the bedroom.

Rumlow grins, and Bucky says, "Start without us and I'm on top, you punk!"