07. Sweven;
(n.) a vision seen in sleep
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Destroy her, soldier
“James!” She screamed as he walked towards her.
Her Advantage had grown weaker. So weak that she was only able to push him back a couple of steps before she had to pause, catch her breath and calm her shaking. There were no viable exits. She was left without hope.
“James, it’s me! It’s Casi. You know me.” She trembled, throwing a rusty chair at him which was slapped away in an instant. Metal crashing against the tiles. The same floor her feet slipped on as she tried to get away, forced a distance between them. “I’m sorry J. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have brought you. I’m sorry.”
Casi held her arm up towards the roof, forcing pieces of the peeling ceiling to fall on him. It wasn’t enough.
He was getting closer as she rushed backwards, tripping over rubble. Casi grabbed a piece of railing from the floor and held it as if it was a sword. As if it would help. As if it would hurt him.
“James. It’s me! It’s Casi!” She was screaming so hard it stung her throat and her lungs hurt when they emptied. “Casi Collins. You came to me, because of my surname. You recognised it from my parents.” She waved the metal in front of her with one hand, checking the path behind her with the other. “You came to Wales. We skipped stones. You like croissants. James! I helped you.”
The shouting was pointless. And tiring. Painful. Her breathing settled when she saw the blue of his eyes. He was close now, wisps of darkness stuck to his cheeks with sweat. When the burning in her lungs passed, her throat ached and her jaw grew tight as she swallowed the grief that was building inside of her.
He was lost.
Casi had reached the wall behind her now, her hand reaching the brick before her crown and heels crashed against the cold.
“James Buchanan Barnes. This is not you.”
The man stopped in front of her, feet almost touching. She stared up at his face. Casi followed the stubble, over his mouth and up to the ridge of his nose. Two dead eyes looked right back at her. Nothing there. And it had only taken ten words.
His right hand clasped against the skin of her neck and the breath was taken from her. Her eyes throbbed from it as he lifted her, hair getting caught against the brick as he dragged her up the wall.
While one hand tried to fight against his arm, slapping and scratching while the other stretched towards his neck. She couldn’t manage the words through his squeeze as his grip tightened and she couldn’t reach the necklace tucked under his shirt.
Casi opened her palm, staring at the small glimmer of silver and forced the dog tags out from their hiding, the metal letters scratching against each other. In front of them was the jet black stone he’d picked up and pocketed on his first visit to the beach. A memory from their evening together. He’d drilled a hole in it and fed it onto his chain.
He looked down as they bounced against his chest, his hand eased and she fell to the floor, gasping for the air he stole.
James held the chain in his hand now, fingers brushing over the metal before meeting the soft stone. He snatched it from his neck and threw it amongst the rubble behind him.
He knelt in front of her now, her head still pulsing as her feet pushed her back against the wall.
“James, please…”
“Shut up!”
His hands cupped her cheeks and for a moment she had hope. For a moment she thought he’d remembered, she was able to bring him back.
Then his thumbs pressed against her eyes before she’d got the chance to close them. Her screamed echoed around them both as her vision went black. Something warm ran down her cheeks, slower than tears. When it reached her mouth Casi could taste metal.
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Destroy her soldier
And he had. Without her sight, she lost everything.
“Casi, wake up!”
He shook her awake. The breath she lost in her dream found again as she rushed back on the bed, elbows meeting a headboard. Her hands reaching for the eyes she was pleased to find and it took a while for her breathing to find its calm rhythm instead of the panicked gulps.
“You okay?” He had a wet flannel in his hand and a cup of water. She didn’t really remember why. “You had a fever,” James said.
Casi watched him as he turned away towards the worktops behind him. She tucked her fingers into her palms to try and ease her shaking.
“Were you dreaming?” He asked as he faced her again.
She nodded.
“Can I see your necklace?” Casi asked, bringing her knees to her chin and her arms clasp them in place.
“Why?” He paused in the orange of the bulb above him.
“Please.”
Slowly, he tugged at the chain and she watched the metal tags appear from behind his flannel shirt. Just behind them, she spotted the black stone. Drilled and worn. Just like she’d seen in her dream.
“Why do you want to see this?” James walked towards her now, thumb holding the chain out in front of him. He sat at the end of the bed. She wondered if he recognised the look in her eyes, the shine between tears of sadness and terror of pain. Casi thought maybe that’s why he kept his distance now, looking as broken as she felt.
“Would you ever hurt me?” She asked, closing her eyes in anticipation of his answer, pressing them against her knees.
“Casi, what?!” She felt him shuffle towards her now but she couldn’t look at him. Not yet. “I’d never hurt you.”
The darkness emphasised his words. She believed them. But she knew, he was only ever ten away from switching off and turning on everyone he ever knew.
“Casi, whatever you saw. I promise that’s not me. You blacked out after you managed to get the bullet out. Your body couldn’t cope and you were boiling hot. Your mind can, uh, it can get a bit messy when you have a fever. Can’t it?”
Casi lifted her head, resting her chin in the curve between her knees.
Just a dream. A nightmare. She must have seen his necklace in the heat of the fight as they tried to escape or on the way to the hotel room.
“Can I call you Bucky?” She asked, his first name tarnished by her vision.
“Of course. Yeah, Bucky.” He scoffed a smile, lips slightly curling at the edges.
“I’m sorry,” Casi said, letting her feet slide back down towards the foot of the bed, the shaking finally easing and her breathing back to normal. “It felt so real.”
“I’m sorry for whatever I did.”
His eyes had dropped now, watching his own hand tug at the sheet of the bed. Casi was stuck for words, not really knowing how to explain what she saw. The Russian commands given to him before he marched towards her.
“Don’t be sorry.” She put her hand on his and watched his face come up to meet hers again. “It’s just a nightmare. We’re both used to those aren’t we?”
The smile grew again.
“Don’t do that to me again,” Bucky spoke, his voice steady.
“I won’t.”
Casi was reminded of her weakening Advantage, happening just as it had all those years ago. It was why she kept a distance, not knowing the falter’s trigger. The door she couldn’t open. The bullets she missed. Even in her nightmare, it was sputtering as she tried to fight.
“Breakfast?” He asked and she hadn’t even noticed him slipping his hand away from under hers as he stood.
“Absolutely.”
*