The Sunrise
I GAVE MYSELF a once-over in the bathroom mirror. I looked awful. Wrecked would actually be a better word for it. I washed my face with some cold water, although the flush had mostly worn off in the last fifteen minutes that Bucky and I had just spent lying down in my bed. We had laid together after, and I had never felt closer to anyone, or safer. I knew he cared about me, and now I knew that it was as more than a friend or a teammate. I gave myself a final look, and headed back into the bedroom.
I expected Bucky to still be lounging on the bed, the sheets barely covering him, his arms open and waiting for my return.
I was wrong.
Bucky was just pulling his shirt back on when he met my gaze, a sloppy smile on his face. He gave me a quick hey before noticing that I was not moving any closer towards him.
“Are you leaving?” I asked, my bottom lip in between my teeth, a nervous habit I had yet to kick.
“Yeah…I just feel like we don’t need everyone here to know what just happened, so I’m going back to mine and Sam’s room. It’s for the best.” He had come closer to me as he spoke, and his hand was now resting on my right cheek.
I felt dirty.
“O-okay,” I said quietly, moving away from his hand which made his smile falter, “I’ll see you tomorrow.” I was grabbing my phone, indicating that I was over that conversation.
“Thanks, y/n. I had a great time.”
I cried until I fell asleep.
***
I COULDN’T SLEEP for long. And, I was out of options for friends; Bucky had just hurt me and Wanda was definitely in a compromising situation that I did not want to intrude on. Sam and Steve were loyal to Bucky so that left me with Pietro, who was now laying on my bed, or the ‘scene of the crime’ as he was calling it.
“Honestly, y/n? Fuck that. He waits all of this time, flirting with you in front of everybody to sleep with you, and then suddenly it’s ‘too public?’ You know what was too public? When he made out with you in front of all of us not even six hours ago.” Pietro was going off. I had never seen him like this, but, then again, I had never seen him when someone he cared about was hurting. It was endearing and reassuring that him and Wanda—and Vision, by extension—always had my back, and they weren’t afraid to make it known.
“I mean he’s been telling me all of these things, P. For fuck’s sake, he’s been telling me that I’m the best thing that’s ever happened to him, and the only one for him. And after he fucks me, I get a ‘thanks, I had a great time!’ Like what? That’s not something that Bucky does. I wasn’t aware that he knew how to manipulate people’s emotions for his own gain.” My tears were long gone but my voice still sounded like I was crying. Pietro didn’t care, he was able to understand everything even with my muffled voice. I was grateful.
“Yeah fuck that. We’ve over him. This fun rendezvous he thought he had tonight was the last time, and he has no idea. How dare he use you like that. And just leave? We all knew you guys went in there to fuck. He dragged you in there by your hands, I mean what the fuck did he think we saw? Two friends going to have an emotional conversation? No, it looked like a horny teenager trying to get off!”
I just nodded in response, my hands running over all of the marks he had left without realizing it. How the fuck was this supposed to stay between the two of us when I looked like I had been mauled by a bear?
“Also, y/n, let’s not forget that you have some of the most insane powers I have ever seen—second only to mine, obviously.” Pietro said and flashed me that dazzling smile before he continued, “and you’re in here crying over a guy who calls himself the White Wolf. What a lame ass name, I mean really. And, the Winter Solider wasn’t much better. Someone had to say it.”
“You’re right.”
“I’m always right!”
“I’d say it’s about 60-40, P.”
“Fuck it, I’ll take it.”
***
“TONY, I PROMISE things are going well here. We’ve only been gone for a day. One day. Actually, less than 24 hours, dad.” I groaned, sitting down and putting my legs into the pool.
“I’m just worried, is all. We, as a team, have this thing I like to call idiot-brain. We do stupid shit, and that’s just not something we can afford right now. Not with the government on us the way that they are.”
“I get it. I really do. But everyone has done so much for the state of the world, and they’re not allowed to enjoy the beach, or drink? It doesn’t seem right to me, T. And I don’t want to ‘work’ for a government that doesn’t want me to have a life in exchange for saving theirs.” I explained, mimicking a conversation I have had with Tony since day one of my ‘service’ with the Avengers. I was trying to fight for something for us, a stipend, war-decorations, anything really. The government was not budging. The only place that accepted us as war heroes was Asgard, which was only because Thor made an ‘Avenger’s Day.’
“I get it, y/n/n, I really do. I used to feel the same way when I was younger and new to the hero game. But, there’s nothing I can do with them. I can’t push anymore, after how many times they have had to rebuild cities, how many people were lost…This is the best that I can do, and I just need you guys to stay inside. Or, if you go out, to not do anything that a politician’s child wouldn’t do.”
“Are we talking politician’s daughter or son? Because there is a huge difference between the two.”
“Daughter. Unfortunately.”
“Alright, I will try. But, can you promise to at least try to talk to them again, to get them to at least hear us out?” I pleaded as I watched the sun rise over the horizon. It used to be so easy. I had a job, friends, a boyfriend. I was set. And then I was thrust into this, where I can’t have a normal life, but there were no accommodations for what I had to give up to be here.
“I promise, now go have a moderate amount of fun.” Tony said, and I whispered a goodbye before I hung up. It was just me and the sunrise now. Like how it used to be.
I grew a larkspur plant in my hand, looking at how dainty it was in my palm. I could create life, and end it, but my own life was at a standstill. Everything I did seemed wrong, outside of my powers. With Bucky, Tony, Fury, and so many others in this weird world nothing I did was ever enough, or done in the right way. It was suffocating. And I thought that I had found a release, with my weird entanglement with Bucky, but, even that wasn’t what I thought it was. It all seemed so pointless.
I grew another flower, this time a dandelion. I held it up, the sunlight making it look so much more intricate than it was, and I thought of myself. With my powers, I appeared to be more, but, I was still me. And she wasn’t as deep or complicated as anyone thought.
Just as I had blown the flower away, someone sat next to me. Sam.
“Good morning, y/n.” He said, his voice thick with sleep and a coffee in his hand. “Bucky came back late.”
I just smiled and looked back at the horizon. If Bucky didn’t want anyone to know, if it was a mistake, I would honor that for him.
“Let me guess, he told you that he didn’t want anyone to catch on?” Sam asked, and my head swiveled to him. “Oh, classic Bucky. He doesn’t want things that are good for him. You. You’re good for him. You always have been. But, he doesn’t want something that he can hurt, or someone that he can hurt. He will come around, y/n. He just takes more time than the average person than everyone else that we’re used to. He’s not like you and I. He’s…”
“Hurt.” I finished, meeting Sam’s eyes, to which he just nodded.
We sat there in silence until the sun was high in the sky.
***
“I MISSED YOU this morning,” Bucky said, giving me a kiss on my cheek before sitting under the umbrella near my lounge chair. I was tanning here since we had basically been barred from leaving unless it was for meals—Tony had called the hotel staff, and FRIDAY was tracking us.
“I’m just confused, Buck.” I started, and waited for his full attention, “you say that you don’t want everyone to know, but, then you come out here, in which everyone is at and kiss me good morning. I’m just trying to understand how you want to play this, because, it doesn’t currently make sense.”
His eyes were scanning my face, probably picking up on the distress that I was feeling. He shook his head lightly, indicating that I had misunderstood him.
“Oh y/n.”
“Bucky.”
“I didn’t mean that I didn’t want anyone to know. I’ll shout it from the fucking rooftops, that I’m into you and want to pursue this. It’s all I’ve wanted since I first saw you, and you know that. I’m sorry that I hurt you, that’s the last thing that I ever want to do. And I never want to do it again, okay? I’m sorry doll. Really.” He had moved next to me, pushing me over slightly on the chair. He first kissed me on my forehead, then both my cheeks and finally, my mouth. He made a comment that I was sweaty, but, I didn’t care. I was just happy that I did in fact make up everything that I had felt last night and that morning. I do slightly feel bad for Pietro and my conversation, but only a little.
“I have to admit, I hated on you hard-core last night. But I do not feel bad. You deserved it.” I admitted, pulling my hat a little further down on my head.
“You can talk about me whenever you want, baby. I never want to stop hearing my name out of your mouth. I’ll make sure to listen next time.”
“For fucks sake!” Sam yelled, earning an objection from Steve, our resident vibe-killer, “you guys made up? I mean we are losing people left and right here to relationships. I mean there’s Wanda and Vision, Tony and Pepper, Peter and Gamora, that weird thing that happened with Nat and Bruce, and now you two? C’mon, y/n, I thought that we were above all of this. Single wingpeople for life!”
I laughed, and Bucky had somehow ended up lying next to me, his head on my chest. “I never did thank you earlier, Sam, for your grand appreciation for my outfit today. I will note that you prefer green over blue on me, and that you love the cut of my bikini.” I teased, and Sam became flustered, and that was something none of us had really seen before.
“I am astonished, y/n. You have managed to shut up the one man that I thought was incapable of doing so. I am forever in your debt.” Vision said, patting Sam on the shoulder.
“I do have a few more tricks up my sleeve, Vis, if you ever need anything.” I said, and he winked at me.
“Wait, y/n, I don’t think all of us have actually seen all of your powers in use.” Steve said, clearly trying to think of a time that he had. He hadn’t. None of them had, actually, besides Wanda and Vision. I read their minds to confirm.
“Are you saying that the might Captain America is requesting a private show from yours truly?” I teased, pushing my breasts together a little to make him uncomfortable. It worked.
“Okay, lay off the 100-year-old virgin, please, y/n. Give us a demonstration, I’m curious.” Steve was genuinely offended by Pietro’s comment, and began to defend himself that he was in fact not a virgin. Sam asked if he could prove it, or was the girl currently dead? Steve had no response.
“Gladly,” I said, leaving Bucky alone on the lounge chair. I stood as close to the center of the group as I could find, and Wanda gave me a knowing look.
I first conjured a cloud over Steve, but he didn’t notice. Perfect.
I slowly began to lift myself off the ground until I was hovering about six feet in the air. Ignoring all of the clapping, I slowly began to light little flames in my hair until my hair was on fire. And then lit two orbs, one in each hand. I animated them, creating endless circles moving around me. I slowly extinguished the fire, and in its wake, I left dainty vines, creating a globe like structure around myself as I touched the ground again.
I took several bows, basking in the hollering mainly from Sam and Pietro.
“My little wonder girl,” Bucky whispered, lifting me up into his arms, my legs wrapping around him. I squealed as he tickled my sides, giving him a small kiss.
“Seriously, I can’t deal with this lovey-dovey shit anymore guys!” Sam yelled, his hands in the air.
“Well Sam, it looks like y/n and I will just have to find you someone to make you shut the fuck up!”
“If you can, I’m game.”
“It’s on.”