The Ocean
I HAD FUCKED up, simple as that.
Of course, I sent everyone else those happy, fond memories, and sent the most fucked up guy a memory of him almost killing me winter-soldier style.
I know that I tend to fuck up, but this was bad. That look in his eyes…I don’t think I’ll ever forget it.
Sam and Steve were looking at me, but didn’t ask what I had shared with him. That’s one thing that I will always and have always appreciated about my ‘team-mates;’ they don’t push things that they don’t need to know about. It may be boring at the compound, but, at least they respect boundaries.
The three of us walked up to the beach, following about 20 feet behind a stiff Bucky, towels in hand, Sam carrying the cooler. Not sure why Steve wasn’t carrying it, but, considering what I had just done…I wasn’t up to speaking.
When we reached the white sand beach, Wanda, Vision, and Pietro had already picked a spot and set things up. Upon seeing us, Wanda began to move our towels and the cooler, and set them down. I smiled at her in gratitude.
I kicked off my shoes, and placed my bag down on the edge of my circular towel. It was right next to Bucky’s. Go figure.
“OKAY SO, WHO wants to go in the water? It’s hot as fuck!” I moaned, sitting up from tanning my back. We had been out for about three hours, and I was basically the only person in the sun. Everyone had retreated to the shade of the umbrella, something that my mom had discouraged me from doing, from the time I was old enough to know what an umbrella was.
Bucky and I hadn’t spoken much. He wasn’t ignoring me, he just was quiet to just about everyone, which I’m not sure if it made me feel better, or worse.
His skin had a slight tan to it, golden on his chest, and just a little on his nose bridge. His freckles were darker, and he just looked…amazing.
This is normally a time I tend to look into people’s minds; when I ask if anyone wants to do anything. But, today, I focused on the music and let it go. This was a vacation that I asked for; I’m not exerting myself at all this week.
“Yeah, I’ll go with you.” Bucky smiled softly at me as he rose, stretching his arms, his bathing suit dipper a little lower than I expected. I had to stop myself from sighing. The view was too perfect.
“Alright, tin man. Let’s go.” I teased, walking ahead of him towards the water.
I would like to mention that I do in fact have a fear of marine life; ever since I was a child. There’s no traumatic experience there. I simply have always hated the unknown depths of the ocean.
He laughed as he trailed behind me, and I had to try really hard to not listen to what he was saying.
“So, can that thing get wet?” I asked, turning my head and nodding at his metal arm. He just flipped me off in response. “I’m taking that as a yes.”
“Well, I’m also taking it as a yes that you’re reading my mind right about now.” There was a slight edge to Bucky’s voice, and it sliced a little deeper as my toes just hit the water.
“Buck,” I said, turning to face him, “I don’t do that very often. It really only happens when I have to, or when I forget to drown everything out.”
“And how exactly do you drown everything out, doll?” Bucky asked, falling back into the ocean like it was the easiest thing in the world.
I guess the arm can get wet.
“It’s like a switch. I flip it on, I hear everything. Every person passing me, everyone in the room with me. It’s so fucking loud. But, when I flip that switch, which I’m not even sure exists, it’s quiet. Just me up here.” I said, pointing to my head. “But, my thoughts sometimes are more chaotic than hearing everyone else’s. Sometimes I like the noise.” I sat next to him on the sand, after scanning for any marine life.
He nodded, and took my hand in his. I stared at him.
“I would like to know what goes on up there, when it’s just you.” He touched my forehead so lightly, his fingers lingering in my hair. If I hadn’t been paying attention, I wouldn’t have felt his metal fingers wrapping around my ringlet curls, or his warm fingers pressing lightly on mine.
“Let’s save that for a sadder day, James.” He cocked an eyebrow at my use of his name; I always call him Bucky. He didn’t reply, so, I said “I am sorry for what I showed you earlier. It’s the only memory I have about you that you don’t have as well, if that makes sense. It’s the only part of us that you weren’t there for.”
His metal hand that he had removed at some point from my hair waved in the air, indicating to ‘let bygones be bygones’ as he would say.
“Doll, there’s nothing to be sorry for. Except for the fact that you didn’t share one of that pretty little mouth talking about me to Wanda or Nat.” I blushed at his words, embarrassed slightly that he does know how I feel about him. When I had said earlier that I didn’t care if he knew, I don’t—I just care when he brings it up to me.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about, tin man. I never speak about you to anyone. You actually don’t exist outside of our conversations.” I said, and it was my turn to cock an eyebrow. He loves my sarcasm, so I use it often.
“You’ve gotta chill with this joke, y/n. You can’t call me a tin man and be into me at the same time. That implies some freaky shit that I just cannot unpack right now, in the ocean. Too deep for today.” He said, squeezing my hand again. His other hand was now touching my leg, tracing some circles on my calf.
I couldn’t breathe.
And then, I saw it.
A fucking fish.
I jumped up, started screaming without even registering what was happening, and ripped my hand from Bucky’s.
Before I knew it, I was in his arms, his vibranium arm glowing just a little, and his eyes dilated slightly. I didn’t have to hear his thoughts to know that he was on high alert.
Vision and Wanda had flown over, clearly as concerned as he was about my scream.
“Guys, I hate to say this but…It was a fish. I’m scared of fish.” I whispered, my head rested on Bucky’s shoulder out of embarrassment.
“Are you fucking kidding me? Y/n, you have superpowers. You’re an Avenger. And you’re scared of a minnow?” Wanda said, setting herself down in the water, allowing just her legs to get wet. Vision was laughing, and that was something I didn’t hear very often. AI laughter is not the most pleasing thing to listen to, and Vision knows.
“Cut her some slack, guys. It scared me too.” Bucky said, his arms tightening around me, and he winked at me.
“Whatever, let’s go. We’re starving.” Wanda said, and Bucky started walking to the shore, still holding me.
“Hold on tight, doll. Just in case you see another fish.”