World Anew (Gen)
He has never felt such guilt.
("Loki," he whispers, "They were ideas, nothing more."
"They were your plans." His little boy makes a face, ugly and contorted as if it is the only way he can keep in all emotion. "I am nothing more than a pawn, a stolen relic, hidden here until I am of use to you."
"You are my son, not some relic."
"Please. I am... nothing. Not in your eyes. I can see how you look at me and how you look at Thor: it never made sense to me before, but I see it now. I was never his equal.")
He has never felt such pain.
("I will always have a use for you, Loki, that is not built on the sad ideas of an old man who wants his sons to have all they deserve. I want you happy."
"And yet you would ask me to give up what little respect I have gained and put me me on a throne of your own making. That is not for my happiness, All-Father."
A flash of anger in his mind and he thinks, why do you twist my words? How easily he could say them, too, but to what end would they be useful? Loki needs not to see himself as being brushed off again, lest he feels that what he has finally spoken of is ignored.
Instead, Odin says, "Then what is it you wish? What will make you happy?")
He has never felt such loss.
("What can I wish for? There is nothing—you have taken everything from me—and what I want would take from Thor, which you will never stand for."
"Loki..."
The words are shouted, and they seem to surprise even Loki, "I want my family back!"
"We are here."
"Are you all? Thor ignores me in favor of battle and pleasure with his friends, uses the serving wenches in the halls like his own personal whore house, and you... I am never enough, not for you, even with the magic I could have used to make battles shorter, food grow quicker. Only Mother appreciates those gifts and still, she ignores me for his favor.
"You may be here in person, but I have not had the comfort of your minds or your indulgences in many years."
"Then that is where we will start."
Loki's surprise rings in the air.)
All that Odin has never felt before, it weighs heavily on him as he pets his son's hair where Loki's head rests on his legs; Loki's arms are wrapped around his thigh in a tight hold, as if believing that were he to let go, his father would leave.
The damage Odin has wrought...
He touches the tear-swollen eyes, closed gently enough in sleep, and Loki nuzzles at the buckskin beneath his cheek.
"A little bit of respite, eh, my son? This is why you sleep so well—to dream of another life," he whispers into the candlelight, "Your mother would have a piece of both our hides for how profoundly we've ruined things between us, but do not worry: I will protect you."
He blinks and feels those last words in his mouth, realizes just what they truly mean, and he whispers again, "I will protect you," as he lifts one of Loki's hands to his mouth.
A kiss to seal a new life for his boy, the knuckles warm on his lips, and Odin promises his sleeping Loki that when he wakes, the world will begin anew.