Your mute, to put it simply. You were born mute, you were going to die mute. It never really bothered you since it was all you had known. You were used to it by now, it was your way of life. Your parents had taught you sign language the same way other parents taught their kids how to talk. By now, you entire family was fluent in ASL.
Growing up you didn't know any other world. You saw sign language everyday at home, and you went to a small school that just had deaf and mute students. You even went to college, well, online college. You didn't like the idea of professors possibly not wanting to work with you because you couldn't speak.
Right out of college you got an internship at SHIELD. They were surprisingly accommodating, many of the staff already knew some ASL because it helped with the job. Your internship wasn't much, mainly just digitizing files and delivering paperwork, but you loved it. After your internship was over they offered you a full-time job, which you easily accepted.
Your new position was a lot more work than your old one. You worked directly under Maria Hill, helping her gather intel to present to the Avengers. Well, she did all the presenting, seeing as you couldn't speak. You mainly just stood off to the side and let her do her thing.
Like right now, Maria was telling the team about a potential Hydra underground camp, when none other than Tony Stark interrupted her. "Has she been here every briefing, or am I just now noticing?" All the eyes in the room were suddenly on you. You probably looked like a deer in headlights. Before you could even think of a response, Sam chimed in. "She's been here for the past month, man. Don't you know your own employees?" His tone joking, but he was genuinely curious.
"That's Pepper's job." Tony shrugged, still eyeballing you. There was a moment of silence in the room. "Do you speak?" Tony asked in a condescending tone, like you were a child. Now the silence was awkward. Hesitantly, you raised your hands and slowly signed, 'No, I'm mute.' Now all eyes were on Tony. His face was showing a look of realization. He cleared his throat. "Ms. Hill, please continue before I embarrass myself further." And the meeting went on.
After about an hour the briefing came to an end. You wanted to get out of there as quickly as possible, still uncomfortable with the attention being drawn to you. Without waiting for Maria, you speed walked out of there and to the stairwell. You figured everyone would take the elevator to the roof for their mission, and taking the stairs would be your best escape to your office.
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The Avengers had been gone for three days now. Maria had to stay on standby to give them updated intel, which meant that you also had to stay on standby. You didn't mind, it was just boring. It was radio silence for the most part. But you kept your comms unit in your ear and your tablet next to you at all times. Just because you couldn't speak, didn't mean you weren't useful. You could still send them information on their phones.
You were in the kitchen making some hot tea to wake yourself up a bit. It was 4am here, but it was 6pm where the team was. In your sleepy state you failed to notice the other person in the kitchen. A clearing of the throat made you jump and turn around. You let out a sigh when you recognized the other person. Still willing your heart to calm down, you gave James a nod of acknowledgement before turning around to resume making your tea.
You had only seen James around a few times. When he had introduced himself to you a few weeks ago he used ASL, which was thoughtful of him. You hadn't expected him to know you were mute, like you usually do with most people you meet. You could still remembered what he had signed to you. 'Hi, I'm James.' It was so simple, but it stood out to you. He didn't speak when he signed like most people did. You felt like he was trying to make you feel comfortable.
Once you had your tea poured into your favorite mug, you turned to face him. 'What are you doing in here?' Your hands were a bit slow due to the tiredness. But you let the tea cool off a little on the counter before you started drinking it. 'Couldn't sleep.' He signed with a shrug. The silence was a little awkward. You two didn't ever really see each other that much, so it wasn't like you were all that close. You would say you were civil, professional.
Not wanting to stay in the awkwardness any longer, you grabbed your mug and left the kitchen. You felt his eyes watching you on your way out. You went to your office so you could work on your computer, although, the bright light didn't nothing for your tired eyes. Still, you continued on searching for any new intel that could help the team.
After a few hours of useless searching you decided to go get some breakfast. There wasn't much in the kitchen so you were going to have to go buy some food yourself. Grabbing your purse, you started to make your way to the parking garage. You had just gotten into the elevator, but before the doors could close, and hand stopped them. More specifically, and vibranium hand. You gave James a polite smile as he joined you in the elevator.
After going down a few floors James signed to you, 'Where are you going?' You slung you purse higher on your shoulder so you could reply. 'I'm getting breakfast at the cafe a few blocks away.' You signed back, stepping out of the elevator as the doors opened. To your surprise, James walked with you. 'Do you mind if I join you?' He signed tentatively. You gave him a reassuring smile and signed back, 'Not at all.'
He offered to drive, which you were glad about. It was hard to sign and drive at the same time. He spoke to you while he drove. You hadn't heard his voice all that much, only when he was talking to other people. With you, he always signed. He would glance over to you when you signed to him, but also was careful to watch the road.
As you waited in line at the cafe you were typing your order into your phone, it was the easiest way to order here. You noticed James looking, but you didn't comment on it. As you were about to step up and order, James stepped to the counter first and ordered for the both of you. And before you could even get your wallet out he paid for the both of you as well.
You looked at him in surprise as you waited for your orders. 'What?' His question was innocent, but his face was knowing. You shook your head and smiled. You just couldn't get over how much of a gentleman he was. The conversation on the way back was more lively, like the barrier had been broken between the two of you. You ate your breakfast together in the kitchen. You probably sat at the table longer than you should've, but it was almost like time got away from you. Eventually, you had to get back to work. You walked away with a smile and James eyes stayed on you as you left the room.
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After that morning, it had become a thing between you. Trying to make yourself available for breakfast so you could eat together. It wasn't able to happen every morning. After all, you both had very busy jobs. However, you tried to make it work at least twice a week.
Your friendship was really blossoming. You spent your breakfasts getting to know each other. You learned that his parents always called him James, while his sister stuck with Bucky. He learned that you could beat just about anyone at checkers, but you sucked at playing chess. While you were eating together in the kitchen a lot of people filtered in and out but you both paid no mind to it. It felt like you were in your own little world.
That little world, however, got disrupted when James was called out on a mission. You knew for him to be called out it had to be serious. You knew he would be fine, he's been through a lot and he's the toughest guy you knew. But you couldn't help but worry. You were sure you would feel this way about any of your friends going into battle, but you knew deep down that this was something different.
You saw him out on to launchpad, which you usually didn't do when the team left for missions. No one gave you any strange looks, though. They probably weren't even paying attention to you. James was. He was stalling to delay getting on the jet. 'I'll check in as often as I can.' He promised. He was standing close to you, your hands almost touching as you signed to each other. You tried to smile, but based on the face he made it wasn't very convincing.
'I'll call you if we're not too busy.' Before you could correct him he realized his mistake. 'I mean- I'll video call you, or whatever it's called.' His hands were frantically moving, but you gently stopped them with yours. 'You mean Facetime?' You questioned teasingly, the smile on your face was more genuine this time. His face went soft. 'Yeah.' He looked like he wanted to sign more but he was being called to the jet. "Bucky! Stop flirting with the new girl, we gotta go!" Sam yelled out.
James groaned in embarrassment and tilted his head backwards, letting out a huff. "Hold on!" He yelled back. He looked back at you, his face softening. 'I'll be in touch.' He promised once more. He started to turn to leave, but he hesitantly leaned back towards you. The swift kiss on your cheek caught you by surprise. Before you could react much he was already on the jet. After it took off into the sky, you reached your hand up and felt the area he pecked. You bit back a smile as you went back inside. You would be on standby until they came home.
You haven't heard from him-them in three days, which was normal. However, you couldn't shake the uneasy feeling that you had since you first heard about the mission. You didn't normally get like this. Sure, you were worried when they went out on missions. But never can't eat or sleep worried. Every time your phone pinged you heart jumped, hoping for a message from him-them, only to see a junk email or another pointless notification. You heart would always sink after.
You were basically living in your office, even more so than usual. You wanted to make sure you were by all of your devices just in case. In the past three days you've slept maybe a collective two hours. You've also only been eating crackers and drinking tea, anything else made your stomach queasy.
It was nearing midnight when you got the call. You were falling asleep in your chair when your ringtone jolted you awake. You scrambled for your phone. You hastily pressed the green button when you noticed it was a Facetime from a familiar name. It took a few seconds to connect, but when you saw his face on the screen you felt the stress leave your body.
'Hi, doll.' He signed with a tired smile on his face. His phone must've been propped up on something because you could see both of his hands. You placed your phone on your desk stand so you could sign back. 'Hi, James.' You probably had a dopey smile on your face, but you didn't even care. You were just happy to hear from him. Yes, him. You admitted to yourself. It was him you wanted to hear from.
The two of you were quietly staring at each other for a moment, words not even needed. You noticed his smile was fading into worry, however. 'When's the last time you slept?' He asked, concerned. You shrugged. 'I'm on standby.' You informed him. 'I have to be available for intel.' He was still frowning, which made you feel bad.
There he was, across the world on a dangerous mission, and he was worried about you getting enough sleep. 'Anything new?' You asked, wanting to change the subject. He was hesitant to change the subject, but he let it slide. 'We have their location.' He started. 'But we're waiting to find a good area to strike. They outnumber us 3:1.'
You didn't like those numbers. That was too big of a risk, even if the team was highly skilled. They were the Avengers after all. James must have noticed the worry etched on your face because he quickly brought up, 'But you don't need to worry about me, doll. I'll be in sniper position unless they need me on the field.' You could tell he was just trying to make you feel less worried, like that was even possible, but you appreciated the gesture.
You were on Facetime only for a few minutes when you heard someone shout something on the jet. He signed a quick 'I gotta go' before he abruptly hung up. You were left even more stressed out than you were before he called.
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It had been five more days when you finally heard from him again. This time it was just a text. Heading home. That was all it said, but it was all you needed. How far out? You sent the message to him and waited with anticipation. It was a few minutes before you got a reply. 3 hours.
Three hours was enough time for you to get freshened up and look presentable. You didn't even want to think about how long it's been since you showered, or even brushed your hair. You spent the past week in your office. You were lucky to have even brushed your teeth. Not wanting to think any more about your gross hygiene, you set off to your room and took a long hot shower, making sure to scrub everything and to shave. You even exfoliated and used a face mask.
After almost an hour you finally turned off the water. You definitely felt cleaner than you had in a while. You wrapped your hair up in your towel turban and wrapped your big, fluffy towel around your body. Exiting your bathroom, you made your way to your closet, looking for an outfit to wear on the landing pad. This is so stupid, you thought. You didn't need to dress up just to welcome home the team.
You decided on just wearing leggings and an oversized sweater. It was one of your favorite outfits, even if it was so simple. After putting on your outfit you decided to let your hair air dry, letting your natural waves come alive. You thought about if you should wear makeup or not, you didn't want to do too much. A little mascara should do just fine. And maybe a little concealer to cover the dark circles under your eyes.
You still had about an hour before they were supposed to land, but the anticipation was killing you. Going to your office, you sat at your desk and waited. You anxiously kept looking at your phone to check the time, and also to check if James had messaged you. He hadn't. You tried not to think too much about it. There was a lot to do, even after missions were completed.
After about 30 minutes of bouncing your leg up and down in anticipation, you decided to go wait on the landing pad. Just as you stepped foot outside you saw the jet in the sky. You felt like a little girl, giddy that the team was almost home. What you really wanted to do was wait by the jet doors, but you knew that you would just be in the way.
James was one of the first people to exit the jet. He caught eyes with you and immediately smiled. You returned his smile, but it quickly turned into a frown. His left arm was in a sling and his hand was limp. He made his way over to you, the smile never left his face. He surprised you by using his abled arm to pull you into a hug, his arm going around your torso. You reciprocated by wrapping both of your arms around his shoulders.
The hug lasted for quite a few seconds. Many of his teammates walked past the two of you but neither of you cared. "I missed you." He whispered into your ear. You finally released each other. You wanted to ask what happened to his arm but Sam beat you to it. "Your man here decided to play tough guy and grabbed the exposed wires to turn off the power supply, so no one else on the team would get electrocuted."
You looked at James in disbelief. He was wincing at Sam's words. He probably would've told a less detailed story to you. "Not that we don't appreciate it, but man that was Steve level stupid." Sam cackled as he slapped James on the back for walking inside. You crossed your arms at him, not impressed. He sighed. "Look, in my defense, I was going to stay in sniper position." He started to tell you, he couldn't sign with one arm out of commission.
"But then I saw the wires, and I knew I was the only one who could've done something about them." His jaw was set in a tight position, like he was ready to argue with you about this, even though all you've even done is give him a look.
"And don't we all love having a self sacrificial idiot on the team?" Tony interrupted. He patted James on his good shoulder and motioned for James to follow him. "Come, Barnes. Let's fix that robotic limb up." James looked back to you apologetically before following Tony to his lab. Leaving you out on the landing pad by yourself.
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You didn't really have a reason to be upset with him. The two of you were friends after all. And new friends at that. You had only known each other for about two months or so, and you've been friends for even less time. It's just- it hurt. The way he just left you out there. And the way he was so reckless. Maybe you were just seeing things, but you thought the two of you were closer than that.
You were currently sitting on the window seat in your living room. The sun was setting and the view was breath taking. You could also see some clouds coming in, signaling the arrival of rain. If this were a movie, there would be a sad song about heartbreak playing in the background. Instead, the only noises you could here were the sounds of city life. Cars honking, people talking.
Days like this made you wish you could speak. It wasn't often that you felt this way. You embraced your muteness, hell, you celebrated it. But sometimes you wished that you could just be heard. That you could speak your mind, scream even. You wondered what your voice would've sounded like. Doctor's theorized surgeries that could potentially give you a voice, but it all felt too artificial to you.
You hated that you were filling your head with self doubt right now. All over a stupid boy that you've known for a couple of months. You felt like a moody teenager again, crying over a boy who dumped her. Well, you weren't crying, and you weren't dumped. So why do you feel like this? It was so stupid.
You decided to pour yourself into your work instead of worrying about what James did. It's been a few days since they came home and you had barely seen him. You mostly stuck to Maria and your other coworkers so he wouldn't try to approach you to talk about what happened. It was a little childish, but it's what you felt like you needed to do.
You were currently in Tony's lab, trying to get him to sign off on something, which he was refusing to do. Instead, he was trying to convince you to let him experiment on you. "It's just a small device." He's told you this at least five times already. "It connects to your brain in a nonintrusive way. It will literally speak for you. It's also, may I add, completely free!" You just kept giving him a unimpressed look, still holding out the paperwork for him to sign off on.
He just kept ignoring you, though. "How 'bout this? I'll sign the paperwork if you just think about it. Okay?" He bargained. "That sounds like extortion to me." A familiar voice chimed in. You didn't have to turn to see who it was. You knew. James came to stand next to you but you continued to ignore him. You held out the clipboard for Tony to sign once more, hoping he would so you could leave quickly.
Shockingly, he still didn't sign. He just continued to ramble. You sighed and decided you were going to have Pepper sign. Why you didn't do that in the first place is beyond you. You felt eyes on you as you walked out. The only voice you heard was Tony's. "Let's look at that arm Robo cop."
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You were eating breakfast alone. You had been for the last couple weeks. Instead of eating in the kitchen, you were eating in your office. It was you best chance at being left alone. Or rather, your best way to avoid James. You were being really childish at this point, but you still couldn't help but feel jilted. You were so lost in your thoughts, you almost didn't hear the knock on your door. It wasn't like you could tell them to come in, so you had to open the door for yourself.
To your surprise, it was James. He was holding a cup of coffee in one hand and a cup of tea in the other. "Can I come in?" He asked, his blue eyes piercing into yours. You stepped out of the way to let him in. You debated leaving the door open, but decided to close it for privacy. James sat in the chair across from yours and set both cups on your desk.
He set the tea closer to you though, signaling that it was for you. After signing him a quick 'thank you' you resumed eating your breakfast. James didn't have breakfast, so he just drank his coffee and watched you eat. It was a bit uncomfortable, but he was the one that came to you, so you were going to wait for him to say something first.
He cleared his throat, causing you to look up at him. 'You're mad at me.' It wasn't a question. 'Why would you think that?' You asked, pretending to be confused. He just gave you a look. You sighed in defeat. 'Okay, fine. I am.' You didn't explain any further, you knew it would just make you sound dumb. 'Why?' He asked you, his eyes searching yours for an answer.
You sighed. How can you explain this without sounding like a brat? There was an uncomfortable silence filling the room. You figured that you might as well get it over with. 'I was worried the entire time you were gone.' You started to explain, your hands were slightly trembling. 'And when you came back...what you did...you could've died.' Your hands were really shaking now. James was still intensely watching you. You started to get up and pace.
'And it was like you didn't even really care. And then you just left me out there. Which I know sounds dumb and whiny, but I lost sleep over you being gone. And I had no way to make sure you were safe and-' You were cut off by James grabbing you and turning you towards him. You didn't even notice that he had gotten out of his chair.
His hands gently cupped your face, his thumb carefully rubbing against your cheek. His eyes were bouncing back and forth between yours, as if he was unsure which one to look into. He stepped into your space, close enough to press his body into yours. You felt like he could hear how hard your heart was pounding inside your chest.
His eyes started looking down towards your lips, then back up to your eyes. He did that a couple of times. Eyes, lips, eyes, lips. After what felt like an eternity, his eyes closed and he leaned in. You felt your eyes closing too, but your lips were waiting in anticipation. You could feel his breath against your skin. You could feel his lips brush against yours. And finally, you felt him kiss you.
It was sweet and breathtaking, and everything you had hoped it would be. You could taste the coffee on his breath and you were sure he could taste the tea on yours. But neither of you cared. This moment, right now, felt perfect.
You pulled back slightly, a little unsure if the kiss should continue, but his lips chased yours as he deepened the kiss. He started walking you backwards until your back hit the wall. That spurred you on and you wrapped your arms around him so you could be even closer. His hands went from cupping your face to one cupping your jaw and one tangling in your hair at the base of your neck.
If you could make noise, you would've probably moaned at that. You felt his tongue creeping into your mouth, which you eagerly let happen. Your tongues danced and your hands started to grab. It became hot and heavy really quick. That was when you had the realization that you were still in your office. Your eyes shot open and you pushed him back slightly. You were both breathing heavily into each others faces.
'We're in my office.' You signed to him. 'We could both get in trouble.' You put your hands on his chest so you could distance yourself, but all he did was trap your hands with his hands. He gave you a dopey smile that you would've never thought to see on his face. Holding both of your hands in his, he lifted them up so he could place a kiss on them.
You heart melted at the sappy look he gave you. He let go of them so he could sign to you. 'Your hands speak so well for you, I sometimes forget that you don't have a voice.' It was like he was trying to make you cry. You pulled him in for another kiss, but you made sure to keep it short.
After your lips separated, he pulled you in for a hug, his arms wrapping around your waist, and your arms came up to wrap around his shoulders. The hug lasted for a good minute or so before you both let go. 'Do you want to get breakfast tomorrow?' He asked, his hands brushing against you with how close he was. You face erupted into a big smile. 'It's a date.'