The dark hole of internet stalking
Steve is standing in the kitchen preparing dinner, when Luke runs into the house. The seven year old is jumping up and down excitedly, “Daddy, daddy! I made a new friend today!”
Steve was about to put on his best fake smile when he realizes he was supposed to pick Luke up from school. Fuck, he forgot. Again. What kind of dad forgets to pick their kid up from school? Angela never would’ve forgotten to pick them up, a voice in the back of his head reminded him. “Luke, who brought you home?”
“Oh miss Barnes” The kid answered, he was waiting for his dad to let him talk about the new kid in class. His new friend.
Steve however was thinking of completely different things. Barnes, the same last name as his childhood best friend Bucky. Bucky who he hadn’t talked to since he left for college a little over 19 years ago. It wasn’t like his friend hadn’t made an effort to reach out, Steve just never reached back. Not because he didn’t care about Bucky, but he had finally gotten out. He was out of the crappy neighbourhood in Brooklyn where they grew up. He got out. Bucky didn’t, Bucky stayed behind, to take care of his mother and sisters. At least that was the plan when Steve left all those years ago.
Last he heard Bucky joined the military.
Steve squatted down, now on eye level with his son, “Who is miss Barnes? You know what I’ve said about getting in the car with strangers.” There weren’t many rules in the Rogers household, but not trusting/engaging with strangers when you’re not with mom or dad was definitely one of them.
“Miss Barnes is my teacher”
“Wasn’t Miss Jacobs your teacher?”
“Daddy, don’t be silly,” Luke chuckled, “Miss Jacobs was my teacher when I was little, I am a big boy now.”
Another teacher? Wasn’t he in Miss Jacobs class right before Angela died. It was 2019 now, so that was what? 6 month ago, right? Oh god that’s 2 years ago. Had it really been that long already? It couldn’t have been.
His wife had died 2 years ago? It felt so surreal, but when he thought about it, how big all of the kids were getting, how much she had already missed. How much he had missed. It hit him how absent he had been from everything. Physically he had been right there, but mentally? No where to be found.
Steve sighed, “Yes, the biggest”. He ran his hand trough his hair as he got up. As soon as Luke got the chance he told his dad all about Joshua, his friend, Steve endures it all, nods, laughs, does everything he is supposed to do and sends the kid to the living room. To do his homework.
Steve attempts to focus on making dinner, but he can’t seem to get Luke’s new teacher out of his mind, or Bucky. Before he can stop himself he sticks his head into the Livingroom. “Hey Lukey do you know Mrs Barnes first name?”
“Yes, Y/N” The kid said, barely looking up from his paper.
Y/N the name sounded awfully familiar.
That night, after dinner, after putting the kids to bed, Steve went down the dark hole of internet stalking. He started with Facebook; Y/N Barnes. Finding her couldn’t be that hard right? How many people could possibly names Y/N Barnes.
Turns out that number is 247. Two hundred forty seven possibly candidates.
Steve would love to say she was the one on the top of list, she wasn’t. He honestly didn’t even know why he was looking her up, if it was for Bucky he could’ve just looked Bucky up. For a moment he was tempted, he already typed in James Barnes. James, Bucky’s actual first name. A name Bucky hated and never responded to. At least back then he didn’t, who knew what he responded to now. Is he married? More importantly is he married to her? To Luke’s teacher. God that shouldn’t even matter, Steve dropped him, he dropped Bucky.
“Dad?” Steve had fallen asleep at the dining table. When he woke up he saw his oldest daughter, Peggy, standing in front of him. “Dad are you okay?”
Steve sat up straight, letting out a big yawn. ‘Yes, yes, of course. What time is it?”
“It’s 10 P.M.”
10 P.M., he only grabbed his laptop 1,5 hour ago. God he probably fell asleep within 10 minutes. Hadn’t even found Luke’s teacher. Then it hit him, he could just drop Luke of at class tomorrow and actually just see her.
“I’ll drop Luke off at school tomorrow” He told Peggy, who usually had the task of dropping her younger siblings off. With that Steve stood up, gave his daughter a kiss on the forehead and went to bed. “Goodnight.”
That was possibly the first time in 2 years that Steve had a solid night of sleep.