Chapter 3
To say that Peter was confused was a considerable understatement. Last night had been exhilarating. Hydra had programmed him to heartily enjoy the kill and it was something that he possessed no intention of rewiring. It would merely prove to be inconvenient he was certain. The killing wasn't what Peter was struggling with.
He had never had to bother with guilt, at least not for a while now. Trying to cope now was frustrating. The guilt juxtaposed how much he actually enjoyed last night's activities and was ruining his high. Last night, when he got home, he’d been too exhausted to really focus on his thoughts and so ignored them but now they were overwhelming him.
Genuine emotions were not something he was meant to concern himself with.
What he had determined managed to determine was that it stemmed from love. He felt guilt for the act because he knew it would hurt someone he loved. It made it slightly easier to process. Love wasn't unfamiliar, even if it was rare to him. The only one he could remember loving was another soldier.
They'd both been at Hydra for what must have been years by the time they met. Peter was still being experimented on at the time, he had his powers but they had wanted to test them. He was in a smaller facility, more focused on the science aspect than the violence one of Hydra - it was honestly peaceful.
Then they’d lugged him in.
A wounded man that scarcely seemed to be around twenty (although you can never really be sure with Hydra) was dragged in by two armed guards. His face was bloody but already healing, it slightly comforted Peter because he being enhanced made it more likely that he was there like Peter. Just to be used, a weapon.
The thoughts were slightly cruel, and they made him cringe minutely but he wasn't given time to process this before the man was being tossed into the cell with him. He looked bulkier close up, more dangerous too. It suddenly didn't matter if he was like Peter. Call him selfish but if this man foolishly tried anything then Peter wouldn't hold back. His life was pretty crappy, yet he knew that his handlers would be furious if he let himself be hurt. Peter wasn't interested in what they might believe to be appropriate punishment.
He didn't have to be worried though. When the man woke up, he seemed to hold a lot of confusion instead of the viciousness he’d seen in most Hydra employees before. Peter slapped the floor to try to get the man's attention and learn more but when the man turned he couldn't help but be shocked. He looked so shameful and terrified in an odd way that Peter knew couldn't be fake.
Caution probably still would have been the best way to proceed but blame it on childish stupidity, Peter crawled towards the man. He seemed weary of the approach, not fooled by the fact he looked like a kid. Peter tried making soothing sounds but they just looked to cause a new wave of confusion to fall onto the man’s face.
When he was close enough, Peter sat uneasily by his side and grasped one of the man's hands in his, ignoring the flinch, before leaning against the wall and cradling it against his chest. He laid there for probably half an hour before the man relaxed slightly but Peter made sure to stay still so as to not spook him. After a few anxious minutes he impulsively decided to risk it and mutter a small, “Hi.” Hoping it wouldn't frighten him too much.
The man flinched and didn't reply but didn't back away either. That worked for Peter; he could talk enough for the both of them. “My names Peter by the way. I'm not with Hydra by the way - well...technically I am but you know, not willingly.” Still no reaction. “I can see you aren't either.” The man's eyes widened at this, “No handler or guard would look like this after a fight. I’m sorry for whatever happened… whatever they may have done to you, I know it can be scary. Regardless, let's not talk about Hydra - it's boring. So, my name is Peter, and I'm eighteen years old I believe but I’m not really sure how long I’ve been here…” They continued like that for a while, Peter talking incessantly with no response from the other.
Eventually after running out of things to say, Peter had begun describing his powers in as much depth as he could. The descriptions were basic really. Hydra rarely gave him access to any of the information they got, he just knew what he could test himself. From the way the man seemed to smile slightly, if not hesitantly, his description was amusing. He seemed to jolt however when he mentioned he could scale walls and shoot webs from his wrist, he seemed disturbed but inquisitive, tilting his bleeding head as if asking for more specific information.
Peter stumbled over his words a bit, suddenly slightly self-conscious. He knew his powers were abnormal; he couldn't help but wonder if the man would judge him. It didn't seem as if he was mocking but it was better to be cautious. The sensitive boy continued on like this until the man interrupted with a soft but amused, “Spider.” It made Peter pause. Spider? Of course he knew that he somewhat resembled a spider with his powers but the scientists appeared to believe it was too humanising for him. They typically preferred 7063. Better to think of him as just another number in the system than the freak, he was.
He conveyed this to the man but got a puzzled frown in return. “You're not a freak.” It was so very simple yet it still warmed Peter a bit to hear, it had been so long since he had received any comfort. Still, Peter couldn't quite let it go, “I kinda am though, when I lose control I act like a wild animal. Even I can admit that being mixed with an animal is downright weird.” His voice didn't hold anything but resignation so he tried softening the blow with a shy smile. The man still didn't like it, though, and instead took Peter's other hand and gently kissed his wrist.
It wasn't sexual but soothing and intimate. Comfort wasn't seen within Hydra, and it felt so good that Peter’s body shivered and whimpered. No one had handled him like that in years. The man's eyes showed his hesitance. He obviously wasn't sure if he'd crossed a limit of some kind. Instead of answering Peter just pushed himself into the man slowly. He couldn't tell how long the man had been there but it had likely been long since he'd last received comfort as well.
The man seemed hesitant but carefully accepted him into his space. When his left arm curled around Peter, he only just noticed that it wasn't skin. It seemed to be constructed of a type of metal, not like other prosthetics he'd seen before, though. This one looked to be fused into the skin, the parts around the shoulder were bright and sore. It looked fresh.
Honestly, it was horrifying. The man was able to move it, so Peter had to assume that it connected to him by the nerves somewhat. Around the elbow looked fresh as well, it was probably done recently. He could only hope that the enhanced healing he witnessed earlier would make it easier on him. However, he knew from experience that the healing could be both a blessing and a curse. On one hand, he could heal quickly but on the other, no drugs would lessen the pain. Hydra didn't seem too eager to find any that would anyway.
Doing his best to ignore it — the man didn't seem to want to talk about it anyway — Peter laid his head against the man's chest, careful not to touch where it melded into the skin. They were both tense for a while; it made it more awkward than relaxing but they soon calmed down. In fact it was so soothing to have another's comfort for once that they both managed to fall asleep eventually although not before the man whispered, “Call me Winter.” Peter guessed it was his name but didn't have much time to contemplate it before he fell asleep.
He and Winter were woken by guards coming into the room, and they were obviously confused at how they were laying from the looks on their face but didn't really care enough to do anything about it. Winter was tense beside Peter, anxious of what might happen. Peter could sympathise. After so long without personal kindness he may have become slightly attached. It had only been a night, but Peter knew that if Winter left now he wouldn't be able to not become upset. He knew it was stupid but he felt a bit better knowing Winter probably felt it too.
He didn't get to ponder his thoughts too long as the guards manhandled them all the way to the showers before shoving them in. They both knew the drill by now. There was no time for hesitating, shower time was given sparingly and never for long. Peter couldn't remember the last time he had gotten a bath. Soon the scrubbing was done, and Peter chanced a glance at Winter, he was already watching him seemingly done with his shower.
They merely stared at each other a bit longer until the guards came back. One started whispering harshly in Winter's ear in Russian. Peter couldn't understand why they were whispering, not only did Peter speak Russian but his sensitive hearing picked up on it easily. From what he could gather, Winter was here to heal from his operation. Maybe it was selfish, but Peter hoped it would take a while.
Days repeated like that. He and Winter continued to grow closer, he still didn't talk that much but Peter found it easy to talk for the both of them. Peter still made sure to include him by asking him questions about his opinion or view on things and eventually had a good idea on what type of man he was. Winter knew even more than he did.
Throughout this it also became normal for Winter to refer to him as Spider and Peter grew to like it. He had never had a nickname from what he could remember, it made him feel warm and special whenever it was said. Winter calling him Spider gave him the same feeling that their hugs did. They continued those as well of course, neither of them were prepared to give them up.
Ultimately their small paradise was wrecked by a handler, more specifically one of Winter’s. He came into their shared room one day reporting to Winter about how it was time to leave. Peter and Winter had both tensed when he entered but went even more rigid at the news. The handler seemed to be aware as well if the satisfied smirk on his face was anything to go by.
He didn't even know what happened. One second Peter was next to Winter, cuddled into his side, the next he had a web wrapped around the handler's throat and said handler pushed against the door. “NO.” The shout was loud and threatening, “He stays with me, okay? He’s mine.” By then the handler was starting to shake. It was pathetic, they had made him like this and couldn't even handle the sight of it. When guards started marching in Peter still didn't stop, “If you take him, I'll stop. I won't do anything for you ever again. You think I'm difficult to manage now? That's only because I’ve been too scared of punishment.”
With a last shake Peter let go and went back to Winter. Everyone seemed to be too shaken to make any decisions and instead just stared at him for minutes. When the handler did finally come back to himself, he seemed to have come to a revelation as the arrogant smirk was back on his face, “Okay 7063, he can stay.” Peter was happy, but the feeling was overshadowed by trepidation. “You see one thing we tend to severely neglect in Hydra, is the use of emotional blackmail. We rely too heavenly on torture.” What he was saying finally processed in Peter's mind, and he could see Winter was thinking the same thing. “You get 0048 and he gets you, in return you do anything we ask. Deal?”
The offer was threatening, there was no negotiating. Peter turned to stare at Winter with a questioning tilt of his head. It was really only to be sure; they both knew that when Hydra saw potential they wouldn't let anything get in the way. To them, it was perfect, no doubt that very few people had bonded like he and Winter had while in a facility. Nonetheless, Peter turned to the handler at Winter’s nod, staring him in the eyes as a small act of defiance before lowering and muttering bitterly, “Agreed.”
After that nothing really changed. They were both transported to a proper facility and given a cell to share. Their days were filled with training instead of lounging in their room but it was almost always together, eventually they created ways to communicate without alerting guards. Small hand gestures were puzzled together to create entrances. They were choppy but it worked.
The first time Winter had been wiped had been terrifying. Winter had spoken about them before but when the handler came to collect him for one, Peter couldn't help but be nervous. They always promised they would never make him forget Peter but there was always the silent message there. If Peter did something wrong then, that wouldn't be the case. When Winter came back the first time, he had been cold and shaking. Peter had proceeded to hold him on his bed the whole night, whispering reassuring him. In the morning he had finally calmed down, but they rarely spoke of the wipes, no matter how close they got.
Life didn't stay this way for long, soon it went back to how it was before they met. Frequently they were sent on missions, sometimes together, other times solo. Mostly they went together, after training constantly with each other they worked pretty well as a team. Hydra didn't really care as long as they got results.
On the bad nights they would make promises to each other, that no matter what they would stay brothers, that no one would come above the other. They swore them over and over, but they were still realistic. Something that they made sure to keep constant was that if one of them could, then they'd run but only if they knew they could survive. With what little hope they had, Peter and Winter also made sure to develop ways to identify each other incase they both got out. They couldn't risk being tricked. It was a simple phrase in Russian, “Всегда брат”
Life continued for decades like this, they got in argument and fought but throughout it all they stayed together. Until Winter went on a mission in 2014.
Winter didn’t come back. No matter how sad he was Peter was even more delighted. There was no way that Winter was dead he knew, no one could beat Winter but him and if by some miracle they could? Winter wouldn't have engaged them but rather assessed. Peter also couldn't bring himself to be upset when on that very same day Hydra fell. Maybe not fully but enough. Everyone was manic and confused. Clipped conversations helped him determine what happened and when he did, his only thought was getting out.
It wasn't hard, everyone was too panicked to worry about complaint little 7063 and so Peter ran frantically and he never looked back.
He had thought about looking for Winter but decided to give him a bit of space first. If the remnants of Hydra did try and look for them, anyone that knew them would automatically assume they were together. Neither Peter nor Winter were stupid enough to do that so Peter found his way.
He honestly could believe that he loves Ben and May. They were both people that have never judged him and — no matter how annoying it was in the moment — had always protected him. Peter didn't know what to do, his thoughts were a mess, he rarely thought about Winter like this and it was too much.
So, instead of proactively working through these thoughts like a healthy person, Peter decided to dedicate his day to May. She still needed help. Her husband had just died; this mattered more.
He would think about Ben and Winter later.