Chapter 2
“CLINT!” Natasha screamed as they ran over to him.
“Clint, hey, look at me.” the redhead said, worry taking over her voice.
“He’s okay.. I think. Well he’s alive, he’s just unconscious.” Steve said after feeling Clint’s pulse. They knew something was wrong. Clint blacking out only confirmed that. Normally it makes Natasha feel good about herself when she’s right about something, but as much as she knew she was right, she’d still hoped that he was fine.
“Dammit,” she said. “I knew something was wrong, we should’ve done something sooner.”
“It’s too late for that now, I’m afraid. Let’s just get him to medical for now, maybe they can figure out what’s wrong with him.”
Natasha knew that Clint hated being in medical, but he wasn’t doing ´fine´ like he said and she really wanted to help him. He had been blocking her out after Loki and she doesn't understand why. Is it something she did? Or maybe something he did? Anyway she was done waiting for answers, when he wakes up, he’s going to explain what’s going with him.
Steve carried him, while Natasha called Bruce, who was probably still asleep when she called, because he didn’t exactly sound wide awake when he answered.
“What is it? Do you know what time it is, Natasha?” he asked
“Sorry to wake you up, Bruce, but Clint just passed out at the range and he won’t wake up, we need you to check him out.”
“I’ll be right there.” he said, already sounding a lot more awake and hung up the phone.
When Banner arrived a few minutes, Clint was already put in one of the hospital beds he despised so much.
“How long has he been out?” he asked the other two avengers.
Natasha checked the clock. It couldn’t have been longer than 15 minutes at this point. It wasn’t very long and Clint looked quite peaceful sleeping, but she was still concerned. “About 10 to 15 minutes.”
Bruce checked Clint’s vitals and did some other tests
“He seems fine to me, it does seem like he needs a lot of sleep considering the bags under his eyes.”
“According to JARVIS he hasn’t slept more than 10 hours this week. Do you think that that might have caused him to pass out?” Steve asked next.
“If what JARVIS said is true, then yes.” Bruce answered.
Natasha didn’t doubt that Bruce was probably right, but knowing Clint, his lack of sleep couldn’t have been the only thing to have caused this. Something else was going on, if only she knew what. She always thought that they could tell eachother everything, but ever since Loki, it feels like Clint has been keeping a lot of secrets. She had barely even seen him in the past month. She had missed him. His smile that made him look like he had no care in the world. Their sparring sessions together. He had always managed to make her laugh when she was having a bad day, even when it meant pushing his own troubles aside. She thinks it’s because he wants to be strong for her, to show her that everything is going to be okay.
Steve and Bruce were still talking about Clint probably while Natasha zoned out to think, when they heard something across the room. Clint was twisting and turning in his bed and suddenly covered in sweat all over. They all turned to look at him. Steve looked worried, but wasn’t really sure what he was supposed to do. He looked scared, terrified even. Natasha immediately went to his side and grabbed his hand.
“Clint! Clint, hey, come on, open your eyes.”
“No,no,no..please no..” Clint almost begged. Natasha saw a tear rolling down his cheek.
“Hey, hey, it's okay, you’re safe, you’re home.” she continued.
Then he let out a loud gasp and opened his eyes. He scanned the room, trying to find out where he was. He was breathing rapidly.
“Hey Clint, it’s okay I’m here now, it’s over.” he looked like he was panicking, but when he saw Natasha he let out a breath of relief and calmed down a little bit. It took him a moment to get his breaths back to a regular pattern before he could talk.
“You- You’re okay?” he asked her. She was confused by his question, but decided to play along to assure him that everything is okay.
“Yeah, Clint, I’m okay.” she said and she gave him a soft smile. The smile he always gave her when she needed comfort. Clint let out another breath of relief. One he didn’t know he was still holding. When he finally looked a little bit more relaxed, Natasha asked Steve and Bruce to leave the room. They needed to talk alone.
Clint had feared this conversation for a long time, but he knew he couldn’t keep this to himself anymore. They looked at each other in silence for a few minutes. Clint didn’t want to have this conversation, so he decided that she could start it and Natasha didn’t exactly know how to start it.
“So..-” Natasha started. “wanna tell me what’s going on with you?”
Clint looked down at his hands with which he was playing. It’s what he did when he was nervous. He looked guilty, like he was just caught. “S’nothing.” he said. Natasha could barely hear it.
“Come on Clint, we both know you’re not just not sleeping. You literally just passed out and woke up screaming. Don’t you dare tell me it’s nothing.” she said. She sounded concerned and a little mad, because well, her best friend is clearly not doing fine and he won’t tell her.
“I, uh, I have been having these.. these nightmares ever since Lo-, ever since him.” Clint swallowed hard. He wouldn’t even say his name. He hated Loki for what he had done to him. He had made him kill dozens of S.H.I.E.L.D agents and almost his partner. Now he was burdend with these stupid nightmares that kept haunting him. He kept looking down, not wanting to face Natasha.
“Every night, everytime I close my eyes, he’s there. Like he’s waiting for me.” Natasha could hear his voice trembling, she had never heard that before, maybe she hoped she never would.
“He, uhm, he makes me..-” he struggled with that sentence. She could hear it. “-he makes me kill the Avengers. All of them. Then.. he releases me, only to see what I’ve done and then I wake up again.” Natasha freezes when she hears that. Back at the helicarrier Loki had told her that he would make Clint kill her and release him after to make him see his ´good work´.
“Every night. Again and again.” A tear rolled down his cheek, but he quickly wiped it away.
“Why didn’t you tell me?” she asked in a soft tone.
“I-, I thought I could handle it on my own. That it might go away after sometime.” he said
“You know you can tell me anything, right? I could’ve helped you handle it.”
“I just didn’t want everyone to think that I..-” he sighned. “-That I wasn’t strong enough to handle this.” And when he said that he finally looked Natasha in her eyes. He looked scared.
“Clint you are one of the strongest people I know, I would never think that of you. You went through something traumatic a month ago. No one expects you to be okay, that doesn't make you weak, you understand that?
He nodded and gave her a small smile. It felt a little bit forced but she takes what she can get and smiled back.
“It’s going to be alright, I promise, but you gotta talk to me, Barton. I know you love hiding your shit, but this isn’t the time for that.”
Again he nodded, assuring her that he understands.
“You promise?”
“Promise.”