“You’ve got to be shitting me, why always high up?”, Bucky groaned, taking two steps at a time in order to catch up to some flag smashers running up the stairwell. “We’re just three stories away from the top, do they want to jump or what?”
“I assume they got a ride”, Sam answered over the comms, clearly distracted, as he was chasing the second group of rebels through the streets of New York. He almost lost them thrice, even though he was flying and they had nothing but their superhuman legs and apparently a godlike ability to blend in with the crowd. Which okay, wasn’t too hard in New York, but still. Sam was getting exhausted. He had hoped it would be over after Karli’s death and their last fight in New York, but clearly he was wrong about it. He couldn’t stop thinking about how Karli didn’t want to fight him anymore, and now here he was, chasing after her friends and allies once again. It felt like betraying her trust, not that she ever had a lot in him. But some. That should count for something, right?
“Fucking hell, there are like, five of them here”, Bucky disturbed his thoughts. “And I think I’m hearing a helicarrier approach.”
“Do you need backup? I’m only three minutes away”, Sam offered, not just because he was growing real tired of playing ‘where’s waldo’ with his group of flag smashers. It was part of the reason though.
“Not yet”, his friend answered barely audible through the other noises, which Sam assumed were the flag smashers fighting with Bucky.
“Fine, but don’t annoy me later when you get hurt.” Of course he would, they both knew that. They also knew that Sam would worry anyways, act like he absolutely doesn’t and only patch Bucky up to “spite him”.
Nothing came after that and Sam focused on his own chase again, swooping down to pin one of the men to the ground. The people on the street around him shrieked, as Sam quickly knocked the guy out. The police, or FBI or whoever the hell it was this time would take care of the rest. Back in the air, he shot a quick look over to where Bucky was supposed to be fighting, finding him in a quarrel with two flag smashers still on top of the building. It was a little far away, but Sam could roughly make out that two were knocked out, one was trying to do something and two were fighting Bucky. Who was winning only god knew, but Sam trusted his friend to tell him if he needs help. They were past the whole ‘I’m tough and I hate you, so don’t even try helping me’ act. But the universe just loved to prove Sam Wilson wrong, didn’t it? Just as he finished the thought and wanted to turn away to find the second rogue flag smasher on the streets, there was a gunshot.
And then Bucky fell.
The scene was familiar.
“Sam-”, a voice rang through the comms and Sam knew it was Bucky’s, it could only be his but in that moment, Sam could only hear a different voice.
Suddenly he was a young man again, in the falcon suit, flying far from home, overseas. In front of him another man in winged armor, matching his own, on a mission like any other they did a thousand times before.
Sam would recognize Riley anywhere. He knew this memory by heart. God knows how often he woke up in a sweat, his partner’s name on his tongue, shaking, just after having dreamt of this single memory.
The air was thin, his ears ringing from the loud noise. Through the smoke of the explosion, barely a few seconds after the RPG struck, he saw him falling. Sam was a smart man. He knew Riley was already dead, not even having hit the ground. Still he went after him, as fast as his stupid wings would carry him, cussing them out on the way, because how dare they not get him there fast enough, how dare they be in tact when Riley’s weren’t.
Sometime, as he was flying towards where his partner was falling, he realised that it wasn’t Riley’s body. It would have been a relief normally, waking up from the nightmare that was his partner’s fall, but this time Sam just panicked more. Because now it was Bucky. And it was happening again.
No matter how much he tried to shake it off, the scene was replaying in his mind. An explosion and his best friend falling out of the sky. Memories got tangled up, he didn’t even know which was the reality anymore. Sometimes it looked like New York, then again like Afghanistan, at nighttime either way. Then Bucky’s body had Riley’s wings and Riley’s body Bucky’s arm.
At last, it didn’t matter which is which.
Because this time, Sam thought, he was going to catch him.
And he was right. Just a few metres above the ground, Sam collided with Bucky’s falling form. He wrapped his arms tightly around his torso and shielded the both of them with his wings as best as he could. Okay, maybe he was shielding Bucky a bit more than himself, who could blame him? He failed once, never will again.
They hit the ground harshly. If not for the vibranium suit, surely Sam could’ve felt every single one of his ribs crack. They rolled a few meters, then finally came to a halt with Bucky on top of Sam, who had his arms still wrapped around him. It was weirdly similar to their flower field situation a while back - even the same enemies.
But this time Sam didn’t let go of Bucky so soon, couldn’t let go of him even if he tried. Bucky was breathing, heavily yes, but breath is breath. His body was warm and alive.
“Sam”, Bucky said after he still didn’t let go after half a minute. “Sam, there’s a fight-”
“Shut up, will you?”, Sam snapped back and oh. He sounded more horribly choked up than he thought. How embarrassing.
A few more seconds went by, before Sam calmed down enough to finally release him to stand up from the hard concrete. Bucky looked almost fine, if it wasn’t for the gunshot wound in his right leg. Not that the former assassin paid it any mind. Bucky instead stared at Sam. Not in a hurtful or mean kind of way. More… confused maybe. Or shocked or whatever, Sam was still recovering from the panic, he couldn’t analyse everything right now. Bucky appeared to share this experience - Sam almost forgot that he was just plummeting to his death a few seconds ago, and it wasn’t his first time either. Another second of silence, then the disturbingly loud sounds of a helicarrier broke their spell.
Sam cleared his throat. “Do us both a favor and never fall like that again. Stay down, I’ll handle the rest.”
Wasting not one second to wait for a possible answer, Sam took off again to handle the rest of the fight by himself. The amount of adrenaline in his veins would truly be helpful.
Later that night, after Bucky convinced the hospital staff to just let him go home, it’ll heal just fine, really, he opened the door to his apartment to find Sam already sitting on his sofa.
“Thought you would’ve gone back to Louisiana”, Bucky greeted him, eyebrows raised.
Sam sighed and let his head fall back to stare at the ceiling. “Couldn’t go without seeing that you’re okay”, he murmured so silently, that if it wasn’t for Bucky’s super hearing, he would’ve missed it. Instead his heart missed a beat.
“I am, thanks to you. Didn’t even give me a second to thank you back then. So, thank you.”
Sam smiled at that, nervous and small, eyes still glued to the ceiling. It made Bucky feel all fuzzy.
“Your leg okay?”, he asked, when Bucky eventually plopped down on the couch next to him, leaving barely a few centimeters of space between their thighs.
“Three days from now you won’t even see that I was shot.”
“I’m glad.”
Silence stretched between them for a few moments, each sunken in their own mind.
“Do you want to talk about it?”, Bucky asked eventually. Sam took his eyes off the ceiling, just to stare ahead this time. His neck was beginning to hurt.
“What exactly?”, he countered, knowing full well what Bucky meant.
“Don’t play dumb with me, Sam. I know what it feels like to have a panic attack, hell I was freaking out back there. Which… you know why. But you’re different. You’ve saved my ass often enough, you’ve never been this freaked out about it. You wanna tell me why you were this time?”
Sam felt a heat creep up his neck, feeling Bucky’s stare from the side.
“Oh”, he croaked out. “That.” Another pause.
“You don’t have to, of course. The offer stands, I’d like to be there for you, like you are for me”, Bucky whispered, eyes never leaving Sam.
Sam felt warmth pooling in his stomach and an uncontrollable amount of adoration for his… friend. He knew emotions didn’t come easy to Bucky, but for Sam he tried. So maybe Sam should try for Bucky.
“I don’t know if Steve told you about it”, he started slowly. “But back in the Air Force I had a partner. Had wings just like I did. Did a million missions together, until one failed. Riley- He got knocked out of the air by a RPG on a nightmission. He was dead before he hit the ground. I couldn’t help him- I just had to watch. Was the most gruesome thing I’ve ever experienced. Then today you were shot and when you fell- It teleported me right back to that mission. You said my name, just like Riley did merely a second before he got hit. I panicked. When I caught you I… I just couldn’t let you go, I was so relieved. So relieved that the body in my arms was alive.”
Bucky took a second to let the words sink in. He knew that Sam held trauma as well, he recognised it in the way he did basically everything, but it still felt different to hear the story behind it.
“I’m sorry for your loss, that’s horrible”, Bucky said hoarsely. “Riley seemed to have been a great partner.”
“Thank you, he was”, Sam answered, but then frowned, as if he was irritated by his own answer.
“Actually no, this isn’t fair to him.” Sam cleared his throat, fiddling nervously with his shaking hands. “All or nothing. Riley wasn’t just my partner he- he was everything. He was my best friend and- and boyfriend of three and a half years. And he could have been my husband. At his funeral, his sister, she told me that Riley planned to propose to me the next time we got home. She gave me the ring, they picked it out together. I never cried as much as I have over that stupid, stupid ring. I was in a really bad place after that, before I became a counselor. And today I just thought that it’s happening again. It felt like hell, Bucky. As if my whole world, everything I have and am is being ripped away.”
Bucky couldn’t say anything. His tongue was tied, throat dry, no breath in his lungs. So for all it mattered, he took Sam’s shaking hand in his and intertwined their fingers. Bucky wouldn’t let go - that’s what he tried to show him. Sam squeezed his hand with a grateful smile. For the first time that night Sam looked at Bucky. There were tears in his eyes, sadness and grief, but so much warmth.
“Thanks for being here, Buck. Dunno what I’d do if I lost you, too”, he whispered into the hollow space.
Bucky wanted to make a joke, something among the lines of ‘you couldn’t get rid of me if you wanted to’ but what came out was a rather honest “you won’t.”
“‘til the end of the line, huh?”, Sam asked with a teasing grin and Bucky rolled his eyes exaggeratedly.
“You have a way of ruining moments, Sam Wilson.”
“Sorry, sorry. Dumb joke.” Another stretch of silence. Sam stared down at their still joined hands, before he spoke again.
“You know, Steve is an idiot for not following through with that.”
“You think so?”, Bucky asked, a little surprised that Sam actively sought out the topic ‘Steve’. Usually they just avoided it all together, Bucky thought it was because of him, Sam tried to respect his boundaries.
“Yeah. I’m still angry at him. Furious.”
Apparently Sam avoided the topic not only to respect Bucky. Sam sighed dramatically.
“Don’t get me wrong, I loved Steve. He was a good man, a good friend. He was so good. He deserved his Happy Ending. I just- I thought his Happy Ending was a different one.”
Buck frowned, thinking about Steve always took a toll on him, but Sam’s implications made him curious. A different Happy Ending for Steve? Sure Bucky thought about it, maybe once wished to be it, but it never occurred to him that others might see it the same way.
“What did you think it was?”
“You, idiot. I didn’t follow Steve around the world to find you for nothing. When he first told me about you and how he lost you- I saw myself in him, my story. With all the falling and dying of our best friends. But unlike me, he got a second chance. You were alive and somewhere out there, and he was determined to find you. If I would have gotten the chance to find Riley again, no hesitation, I would’ve followed his trace anywhere. Never let him go. And what did Steve do? Against all odds we found you, you got your mind back, you’re here and Steve left? Just like that? It felt so, it still feels so wrong. So unfair. I’m not mad that you survived, I’m more than happy that you’re here with me. I’m mad because Steve got the chance that I’ll never have and didn’t take it.”
Bucky listened intently, his heart heavy in his chest, but warm. He thought it would hurt, hearing Sam talk about it like that, but he found himself more hung up on Sam’s words ‘I’m more than happy that you’re here with me’, than on his thoughts about Steve.
“He didn’t love me the same way that you loved Riley. I just hope he’s happy with the Ending he chose for himself”, Bucky said, surprised at how easy it felt to say that, even while gazing into Sam’s unreadable eyes.
“Maybe I should be thankful”, Sam whispered into the limited space between their faces, a genuine smile on his lips. “Now I get to have you in my Happy Ending.”
That was all the confirmation Bucky had been waiting for throughout their whole conversation.
If Bucky had to describe what comfort feels like, his answer would be kissing Sam Wilson. All the longing, the loose ends, the worries, everything was solved by kissing Sam Wilson.
“You’re my Happy Ending, too, Sam.”