Chapter Five
Kate’s fingers gripped the stone of the mansion-like house and she was as quiet as a mouse. She was good at sneaking, she learned that from Clint. She certainly had not been very quiet that night that they snuck in with Tommy to get her things back, but they weren’t hers anymore. She didn’t need them, she just needed some things that she had left behind at her home. House. This wasn’t a home anymore, the empty picture frames of her dead mother and her forgotten sister made sure of that. Kate carefully slipped open the window a crack and there was a small scratch of a sound, and she winced. Nothing came. She carefully inched forward and slipped under the open window and placed her feet into her room.
Her room was still a mess and her sheets were unraveled on her bed, and she noticed a few comic books at the foot of her bed, with Hawkeye pasted across the top of each one. She never told, and never planned, to tell Clint she owned those, that would be a little too humiliating. After that night he had saved her when she was a child, however, she saved up a dollar each Saturday and found new comic books for each of the Avengers in the newspaper trolleys along the streets. She hadn’t done that in a while. She missed feeling like such a badass after that day where she stabbed that man, and then the Avengers found her, but she didn’t need help, but Clint still saved her life. That was the first time.
She held a small bag, mostly because she would be needing rent money, and being a Bishop held some luck in that corner. Fancy jewelry crawling across her room, and technically, she wasn’t stealing anything since it was all hers, anyway. It was legally breaking and entering, however. The police weren’t exactly a fan of her, anyway, with being an Avenger and all. They did the NYPD’s job for them, but made a pretty large mess in doing so. The Young Avengers were all on their radar after a few destructive events. First they had literally brought upon the end of the world with Kang, and then that whole mess with Eli and Mister Hyde. Hell, they were on the regular Avengers’ radars, Clint and Luke were the only ones that thought the Young Avengers were even a good idea and could handle the responsibility they were given.
Kate slowly realized that meant she wasn’t a Young Avenger anymore, but she needed to set that record for herself. Clint saved her life years ago, and she idolized him because of it. She saved lives each day, and she didn’t want anyone looking to her like that, that look was dangerous. And wearing that mask again, carrying that bow, it felt like being naked. It felt like everyone was staring at her, even if maybe they weren’t. She took the frame and slipped it into a small bag she carried on her back. She took her throw blanket along with it and a small tube of concealer on her dresser. It was good for hiding her tire. There was a footstep outside of the shut door and she freezed, and realized quickly that she was actually scared of her father. There was some part of her that sadly knew that he would -might- actually consider hurting her if he saw her. He didn’t know she wasn’t Hawkeye, not anymore. But he was a supervillain, the one who was responsible for her mother’s death. She had been Hawkeye, and after that day Clint saved her, after that day she saw him murder a man in their house, he was never her father. She wasn’t his daughter anymore, she was just his blood. Soon it would be her blood on the ground if he found her. He wasn’t her dad anymore. He was just a super-villain.
Kate took a few pieces of jewelry from her drawer and carefully slipped them into her backpack. This should be enough for a few weeks. She didn’t really know where she was going, but she knew she couldn’t stay here, and she couldn’t go back to Clint’s apartment. She was sure he’d already brought her bow and quiver back to her room, but she wasn’t going to be there to take it back. He didn’t understand, she knew that. She just couldn’t be Hawkeye anymore knowing that everyone knew who was behind the mask, and for them, she wasn’t just a hero anymore, she was Kate Bishop, who was… many other things. Most of them not good. She slowly walked back to the window, and her sight caught a small locket laying on her desk, and her fingers caught the chain and brought the charm before her eyes. She knew who was inside. Her mother and her father. Though, she had removed the photograph of her father a fair few months ago.
“... an Avenger and a thief.” Kate jumped and she turned back around, seeing her father in the doorway with his luminescent eyes that always seemed to glow a little brighter now. His hair was gelled perfectly and his tie was adjusted on his suit. Kate looked into his eyes and then remembered to look away, remembering that apparently her father now had superpowers, but he was still a super-villain. His words could make something in your mind just want to agree with them, and it was dangerous. He was dangerous. It was quiet and he examined her, but her hand was clasped around the strap of her back-pack and she remembered that she now had no arrows.
“I’m not discussing this with you.” She shook her head and lifted her leg out of the window and then her other one, and her father took a closer step and she looked back at him. His eyes were enchanting, and it took a few seconds for her to realize she shouldn’t look into them in case they were a float for his ‘powers,’ and she turned around. “Goodbye, Dad.” Kate shook her head and she dropped down from the window towards the floor and remembered not to look him in the eyes. She missed her father not being the literal form of Medusa. Where am I going now? She asked herself and for a second she thought of Cassie or Eli, maybe, and she was sure they'd been calling her non-stop. Eli, probably, as well. Part of her wanted to listen and just run back to them or Clint, but she just needed a little time alone. Time to step away from being Hawkeye and time to realize that everyone who looked at her face would know every detail about her life. She knew it somewhere deep, deep down in her that after a week or two, she’d be running back to that bow. But, it was deep, deep down.
All of those stares and those eyes, God. Since when was she the type to feel sick because of what other people thought of her? It was different now, though. Her hand wrapped around one of the straps of her backpack and she looked down, pretending to read something on her phone. She wasn’t used to this, feeling humiliation because of the thoughts of some teenagers that she would never see again after school ended. But, she needed to try and just go back to the way that things were before Hawkeye. She couldn’t put that mask on again, and she could remember the feeling of terror when she saw that newspaper. She couldn’t go back to that, this wasn’t what she signed up for, her name known to millions of people, the most personal details of her life out in the air to everyone else in this goddamn private school.
So many stuck-up faces, so many eyes tracing each inch of her body as she walked down the hallway, and Kate reached in her pocket and pulled her earbuds out and just drowned all of it out. She’d gotten a new number, as well. Eli calling her every second, Cassie calling her every second, she was surprised Billy hadn’t teleported right in front of her yet. The deafening volume of music in her ears didn’t take away the stares, or the small creep that ran up her spine as she felt people’s eyes running all up and down her body. She uncomfortably pulled the fabric of her skirt down self-consciously and stepped towards her locker a few meters away. Kate could feel people staring at her as she tried to spin the lock as quickly as she could, and her fingers were scrambling rapidly. Finally, the starting bell rang and she took a small breath when she felt the staring people begin to walk towards class. She heard the soft shutter of a camera a few feet away but she didn’t turn her head, she endured it.
Jess had called earlier. She knew the reporter that released that story, and for a moment Kate had wanted to ask for a name, but she was actually scared of what she would do if she found that guy. Kate wondered again if Clint had ever killed somebody. Had he ever ended someone’s life? She didn’t think so. He seemed too… human for that. He was too naive to do that. Kate looked at the interior of her locker door and she saw the photograph in the depths of the dark blue metal. The frame Clint had given her when she stole her bow and her quiver from him after he took it, and she saw the faces behind the glass. Wanda and Pietro Maximoff, the Scarlet Witch and Quicksilver, and then Steve and Clint standing beside each other with their arms thrown around each other’s shoulders in pride. They looked so young. She wouldn’t even recognize Clint if it wasn’t for that damn smirk on his face that she knew.
She probably was worrying him. He probably had no idea where she was. She never went back to the apartment after yesterday, even though she had a lot of things, she couldn’t risk having to look him in the eyes again, or hear any more whispers of her name from the tenants as she passed by. The same thing happened now, and she heard a boy behind her whisper her name to one of his friends. She couldn’t turn around, though, she just pretended that she didn’t hear it and packed away her text-books into the metal. There were more whispers behind her and her fingers tightened around the books and she suddenly wanted to just run. She wanted to punch things. Deep down, she knew Hawkeye was an obsession she had, it was a rush of something in her when she carried that bow and jumped from rooftop to rooftop, and saved lives. The obsession wasn’t going to go away, and her spirit was hungry to get back on the streets again. It was a guilt at that want, and she pushed the obsession down. The whispering grew louder and she turned her head and saw Clint walking down the hallways, wearing his goddamn suit.
Her eyebrows furrowed together and she looked back to her locker, brushing away the quick anger in her when she saw his suit. He didn’t understand. What that purple symbol on his chest meant, and the swell of whispers surrounding him as he walked towards her. Her hands tightened around the metal of her locker as his footsteps approached her and he leaned on the locker beside her. “Katie-”
“Clint. You cannot be here wearing… that.” She whispered, looking back at the couple dozen people subtly staring at them or whispering, and her face was a flushed red. Kate didn’t meet his eyes and she pretended to flip through one of her textbooks that laid in her locker, and she flipped each page quickly with a small shake of her head.
“Is this what you’re going to do now? Go to school? Live on the street?” He asked with a small, concerned shake of his features and she bit the bottom of her lip, looking back at all of those faces staring at them and then his light blue eyes. They were searching hers, searching for any hint of that want to carry the bow so he could find a way to do this, and bring her back. She turned back once more and slipped her folders and books into her bag, and tried to ignore his questions. Was it what she was going to do? Live this life, such a mundane life? She had enough money to set her off on a decent apartment for a few months’ rent. After that, she could find a job, and she would be fine. “Kate, we are Hawkeye. We are a team. Talk to me. Let me help you. I’ve been here before, I sealed myself up. I promise, it doesn’t end well.”
She swallowed once more and he stood from leaning against the locker, and faced her. At least he hadn’t brought his bow. “Please, lower your voice.” She whispered and heard the whispers of people behind her again and almost winced at another shutter of a camera that someone had thought they hid well. Some of the other students were bustling past on their way to first period, but some were standing by their lockers in groups, and staring at Clint, then staring at her. “Don’t you think I want to come back?” She shook her head and still avoided his gaze that watched her carefully and sorrowfully.
“So, come back.” It sounded like a plea, he sounded so desperate. She had never heard that in his voice before, it was something new. This was something new for both of them. They weren’t used to being this… vulnerable. To each other, at least. She was clearly so unused to being this close to someone, Clint reminded her of her father before her mother’s death, almost. Before that day where she’d been kidnapped and seen her father’s true job. He had two lives, Kate’s father. She realized that they -his family, her mother and sister, and her- were his second life. They were his second nature. His first life was blood, and murder, and crime. Drug deals, super-villains… the downfall of the Avengers.
Kate shook her head, looking back again at all of the onlookers and then up to Clint. His arms were crossed tightly and he looked so distraught without her, and it shifted something in her eyes for a moment. He was here for both of them, even if he was in that damn suit in front of all of these people beside her. “... you aren’t going to understand this. You never will.” Kate shook her head and her eyes looked down for a moment as she thought, and her hand was gripping her locker door tightly. “I can’t… be Hawkeye. Everyone knows everything about me, Everyone knows now, I can’t-”
“Who cares what other people think?”
“I do.” Kate responded quickly and she swallowed, realizing she had raised her voice and there were people staring again, and Kate looked down. She took her textbooks from her locker and slipped them into her bag and quickly zipped her bag closed and slung it over her shoulder. Her hand reached for that photo in the back of her locker, the one with him and Steve, and Wanda and Pietro, and she pushed it into his hands, and he tried to take her hand once more but she pulled it back. “This isn’t what I signed up for, Clint. All of this. Whispers, pictures.” She looked towards the probably more than a dozen people pretending that they weren’t listening and watching their conversation, and he slowly took the photo from her. The bell rang and Kate looked down for a moment, biting her lip and placing her hand on her waist. “... I have to get to first period, Clint.” Kate muttered and she looked up into his eyes, and for a moment, she thought that she saw a shimmer in his eyes, she’d never seen him cry before. She couldn’t even imagine that thought. That shimmer was in her own eyes and all of this was swimming in her irises. “... I’m sorry.” She shrugged and she looked back, shutting her locker and turning around, and he heard her footsteps receding down the hallway. Her pace was slower… sadder. She hated it as much as he did.
That didn’t go as planned. He bit the inside of his cheek and clenched his jaw. His eyebrows furrowed together when he heard the whispers around them and he turned around, and almost a dozen different people quickly turned around when he caught them looking. Don’t you all have class or something? He grumbled in his mind and stepped down the hallway, his hands tight into fists. Okay… what’s plan B, Clint?