Chapter Two
There were so many noises that she paid attention to, Kate learned how to listen for screaming and gunshots, anything that would indicate someone needed help. After Clint was deafened, Stark made him that aid, and his hearing was almost as good as Daredevil’s. Almost. He had the option to take all of that noise out, he had the option to take the world away for a few moments, she envied that sometimes. She was still on the west coast when all of that happened, he was lucky that the shot hadn’t gone right through his skull and killed him. She was lucky it hadn’t killed him, Clint was just about the only family she had left anymore. She hadn’t told him that yet, but he knew. The Young Avengers were breaking down without their leader. That was supposed to be her but she was a little more than occupied trying to push all of this down, what happened a year ago.
I could tell him… tell them. Part of her wanted a little help, and she knew more than anything that her friends would understand, but they’d see her differently. She wouldn’t be a fearless leader anymore, she wouldn’t be impenetrable. Kate liked how they looked at her like that, she liked how strong she seemed to them. But a small part of her wished that she had someone at night who could just hug her, and just sit there and let her cry for a little bit. She imagined that would make her feel a little better, and it would be a little safer than her new hobby. Patrolling, checking the city streets, making absolutely sure there wasn’t about to be someone who had gone through what she had. She could still feel his hand over her mouth sometimes, telling her to shut up and let it happen. Finally, she heard it: a small siren a few blocks down. Showtime.
Clint got her a new quiver, similar to her own. She was a little more old-fashioned than him, ironically. Her fingers searched for the arrow tip she was looking for and lodged it between her fingers and drew the string of her bow back with the arrow lodged between it. Kate let go, and the arrow struck a fire escape a block away. It was still for a moment, but eventually she felt a wire snap back towards the lodge on her belt and her body gracefully sailed towards the fire-escape and she landed on the bar of the metal. ‘261A reported on 26nd street.’ He had lectured her for a little bit about stealing a police scanner, but it wasn’t really like he could yell at her too much for stealing, it was his background, too. She was a good thief, too. A few more grappling arrows and she saw sirens heading down the street, passing a small alley on the way, but it piqued her interest.
She grappled towards it once more and perched on the rooftop, and heard screaming, and soft crying. A young woman and an older man, Kate quickly drew a regular arrow and released it when she realized what was happening, and it sailed straight through the back of the man’s thigh. He screamed in pain and quickly fell, and the girl he’d been holding relapsed backwards and quickly scooted away from in the ground like he’d burned her by touching her. Kate scurried down the fire escape towards the wet concrete and ground, and a mouse scattered past her feet as she lodged her bow on the hitch in her quiver. “Are you alright?” She asked the girl but the man was still howling in pain and Kate looked towards him and the edge of her boot soon met his nose. There was a small crack as the bone fractured slightly, but she didn’t hold any mercy.
The girl had tears drifting down her cheeks and Kate bent down before her, she looked a little younger than Kate. She looked like her age when this exact thing had happened a year ago. “Thank you.” She whispered through soft crying and Kate looked at her slightly ripped shirt and Kate took her own jacket from around her shoulders and placed it on the girl’s shoulders. “Thank you.” She repeated once more in a hush and she looked distraught, and her long colored hair was held messily behind her, and some of it had been torn slightly. Kate smiled softly to reassure her and it almost looked like it had worked, but not really.
“There’s a precinct two blocks down. They can help you there. Do you want me to walk you?” Kate asked in a soft voice and she slowly placed her hand on the girl’s shoulder, looking into her eyes as the other girl’s eyes dotted around in a craze. “Hey… breathe.”
“N-no, I… I can get there myself. Who… who are you?” The girl asked and she finally met Kate’s eyes, but they were hidden behind her violet mask. She was never sure if that did much. Surely, someone recognized her by now, but it wasn’t like she had anyone to lose if they did, so it wasn’t a worry to her like it was Eli, or Cassie. The air was cold and the girl held Kate’s jacket around her as she slowly stood with Kate’s arm helping her up. Her jeans were still in shape, but her shirt had been a little roughed up, hence Kate giving her the jacket. This was why she did this, this was her job. It was her job to make sure that she did exactly this: she stopped what was about to happen. This was what made putting the mask on worth it, and immediately putting that weight on her shoulders when she carried Clint’s bow. When she carried his bow, all of the mistakes he had made were hers. She wondered if he ever killed someone. She had to just restrict herself just now. Kate knew he had changed ever since Wanda Maximoff ended his life for the first time, but he almost changed for the better, according to what she heard.
“I’m Hawkeye.” Kate answered in that soft voice and the girl stood and brushed the tears for her eyes, but they didn’t really cease. Kate almost felt scared when she looked into the girl’s eyes. She saw too much of herself and she didn’t want to. This had been her, and during this month, this was her. This was what she was. She wanted to tell Clint suddenly, she wanted to tell him because she couldn’t do this on her own, but she couldn’t. It just wouldn’t work. That conversation would not function, and even though he was like family to her, part of her was still worried of how he would react. She knew her friends, she knew they would understand, but their view about her would change. Silently, it would change, but it would change, nonetheless. She expected the same thing from Clint. It wasn’t fair, but she did. And, she didn’t want him to worry about her, either, because he would. She knew that. “Do you know your way to the station?”
The girl nodded and collected her backpack that had fallen to the ground, and she looked at Kate for another moment. “Thank you.” Don’t thank me. That was the last word before she gave another fragile look to the man and then turned around the corner, still holding Kate’s jet-purple jacket around her like a charm of safety and Kate almost smiled, she allowed just a small trace of a smile on her lips. It faded away soon, though. But, she saved someone today. That felt good sometimes. And then, gunshots a few meters away and she turned her head around the building that started the alley, and saw a few men in masks with rifles and sighed. She was a little tired, she’d been patrolling for a few hours, and that was why she was a little slower than usual.
“Drop the guns.” She spoke towards the men. No one ever listened to that demand. Kate drew her bow and felt around her quiver for the net arrows, and quickly deployed one. Rope caught around two of the men and they yelled in surprise as they tumbled down towards the ground. There was a poor old man, Kate assumed he was the owner of the bodega that was being robbed, and she quickly pulled three arrows from her quiver and it struck the clothing of another one of the men, keeping him held on the wall by the fabric of his shirt and his pants. There was an old man and woman cowering behind the cash register and a group of civilians had accumulated outside of the shop and watched the defeated robbers. Kate stepped closer towards the register and she leaned over and saw the couple holding each other. “Are you both alr-”
There was a gunshot and she looked back but she realized it grazed a few inches into her shoulder, and her eyebrows furrowed together in anger. The man she’d pinned to the wall had ripped his jacket off to break free and she drew her arrow, and it was a little slower this time because of her shoulder, but it was quick enough for the arrow to release and a burst of web shot out at the man and more effectively stuck him to the wall. Spidey arrows. Benefit of being an Avenger was the combination of powers. Spidey gave her his web formula and she used it for some new arrows. They were pretty effective. Clint always liked the more explosive things. She couldn’t disagree too heavily with that. “Everyone okay?” There were murmurs of gratitude and assurance from the people inside of the bodega and Kate nodded, evading the store and looking to her bloody shoulder. “... ow.”
There were sirens approaching and she took her bow from her back, taking another one of the grappling arrows from her quiver. Clint’s building wasn’t too far. He’d given her a room, which she reluctantly took. It wasn’t like she could stay at home with her father. Not when Susan was gone and her mother was dead. The dinners were so quiet that most of the time she’d pretend to be sick so that she wouldn’t have to face him, especially after she knew what he was now. Kate had known since she was a girl, since Clint saved and the other Avengers saved her from those men when she was only seven or eight. She’d never forget that day. That day was probably what got her through after a year ago. It was the only hope she had left. She owed Clint for that… again. Kate wasn’t exactly as graceful as she had been the previous time when she grappled to her fire-escape. Her ribcage caught against the railing and she coughed, a little winded. Her aim wasn’t great because the weight of her bow was harder on her shoulder, and the bullet was a low caliber, and she was a big girl, she didn’t shed any tears… over this. She just exhaled and sat on the steps for a moment before slowly standing and limping slowly up the fire-escape towards her window, but her shoulder hurt like hell. She wasn’t a great seamstress.
Kate peered into his window, and she felt like a creeper. The curtains were drawn, though, and she knocked gently against the glass. There was the sound of a scuffle on the other side and Kate pressed her hand against her shoulder, peeping quietly in discomfort, even pain. She was tired today, so she was too slow to hear that guy coming, but it wasn’t like she was actively avoiding sleep. Her therapist, when she still had one, said something about anniversaries. They messed with the mind, made it feel like almost the thing was happening all over again. She didn’t really believe in that stuff, but it was showing now. After a few moments, the window slid open and she saw Clint bending down and opening the curtains. “Kate?”
“Can you sew?” She asked and her lips almost looked like a shiver in her voice and he furrowed his eyebrows and looked to her bloody shoulder, and her hand applying pressure on it. This was getting dangerous now. Usually, they’d do patrols together, but she was doing everything alone now, for a reason he didn’t know. He was putting it off but now this was translating into physical injuries, and he had to bring it up eventually because she wasn’t exactly the talkative type. She used to be, but now she wasn’t.
“What the hell happened?” He asked and leant her his arm, and she held it and slowly climbed through the window, leaning on the sill after she had done so. His arm slowly restricted from holding hers. Kate still had that look in her eyes, the type of look that hid something. After almost fifteen years of being Hawkeye, or an Avenger, he knew that look on probably more than a hundred different people. She had something to hide. He had absolutely no idea, and there was that debate in her head of telling him what she’d been through. Specifically telling him what happened to her, but she wasn’t ready for that. She didn’t think he was, either.
She gritted her teeth and sat down on the window-sill, and he paced back towards his kitchen, grabbing a rag and rinsing it underneath his faucet. “Robbery on the upper east side.” Kate replied and he bent beside her as she sat on the sill and he took her hand from her shoulder and pressed the damp rag onto her skin. “Ow.” She breathed quickly and looked towards the wet towel on her shoulder, and it was now tainted a slight red as he slowed the bleeding.
“... sorry.” Clint replied and he tied the rag tightly around her arm and she sighed, leaning her head on her hand and her fingers were embedded in her long, dark hair. It was clear that she was, once again, lost in thought, and her hands were curled into tight fists. Her body looked so tense, but before whatever this week -these past two weeks- was for her, she always looked so relaxed. I could tell him. Kate thought and she pursed her lips together tightly and pushed them to the side of her face, and Clint sat there for a moment, watching her. The tip of her boot tapped against the wood in an anxious pace and he watched it carefully. It wasn’t her. This wasn’t her. Or, it was, and he didn’t know her, not really. He knew the idea of her. “What’s going on with you?” He finally asked and she looked up, glancing back at him quickly and the tapping of her foot paused for a few moments.
Their eyes met but she was looking right through him, and he saw something in her eyes. It felt like for a moment, he got somewhere with her by bringing it up, but she shook her head and looked away. “Nothing.” Kate replied and her boot started to gently tap against the floor once more, and he sighed. Just tell him. It wasn’t like she didn’t want to. She just couldn’t. Clint was like family, but he also had ties to other people who weren’t. The X-Men, Xavier’s school, whatever remained of S.H.I.E.L.D. All it took was one person, and then all of her friends would know, and then everyone would. She had done a good job keeping her actual life separated from all of this Hawkeye stuff. Her Dad, her sister, everything was away. Clint was the only one who she even allowed to try and help her when she was investigating her mom’s death. Not even Cassie, and Eli gave up the hero life, he’d made his choice.
“Okay, well… I need to sew this closed, so can you roll your sleeve down?” He asked after sitting down beside her with a small tray with string and a needle on it and placed it on the window sill beside them. Kate nodded and rolled her light purple sleeve down without thinking about it and her head rested on her hand once again. She pulled her hair to her other shoulder to get it out of his way as he squinted his eyes and threaded the needle. “Sorry in advance.” He spoke and she scoffed, looking back at him with her electric blue eyes.
“I can take-” He sewed the point of the needle into her skin and she caught her breath, whispering a curse under her breath. “... ow.” He muttered an apology again as he carefully pressed in another stitch and she tightened her fists again. Clint’s sight drifted down her now bare arm and he paused for a moment, but she wasn’t looking at him anymore. But, there were scars just below her shoulder and they itched down her muscles. They were around two or three inches in length, and he wasn’t sure what the rosy lines in her skin were at first, but he realized they were fingernail scratches. They looked old, probably more than a year. His sight lingered on it for a moment but he finally found himself and sewed another stitch and tied a hitch at the end of them and he closed the graze of the wound in her shoulder. There were those same scratches on the back of her neck, but they were a little fainter. He was curious, but he didn’t ask. Maybe it had something to do with how quiet she was. He didn’t ask.
He took a small pair of scissors and cut off the rest of the string and placed the tools on the platter afterwards. “Okay, don’t get shot again.” He sighed and she scoffed with a small laugh, and that was rare, as of recently. Clint wanted to ask her more, and he almost wanted to just really ask her what was up with her, but he didn’t. She clearly wasn’t going to be the one to bring it up, mostly because she didn’t even notice that anything had changed. Kate was too busy with something with herself to notice things were changing around her, and them. “Tell me next time you’re patrolling.” He asked and she smiled softly, and it almost looked recognizable for a moment.
“Sure thing, Mom.” He barked a fake laugh and she swung her leg out the other side of the fire-escape, taking her bow from his window-sill. Katie looked up for a moment, and their eyes met for a moment. He really saw her this time, not this new Kate he didn’t know. He hoped this wasn’t permanent, but when their eyes met it seemed like it wasn’t going to be. And she knew he had so many questions that he was too respectful to ask. “... thanks, Clint.” She almost smiled and he nodded, trying to talk to her in some gaze they held, but he was never good at that. That was kind of Cap’s field, or anyone but him. He was still getting used to being alive again, ever since Wanda had killed him.
“Night, Katie.” He called as she began to walk up the fire-escape and he could feel her smile.
“Kate!” She called back and he laughed softly under his breath, and it almost felt like a relief, because it was the first time that he’d seen her smile in a week. And it felt better for her, because it was the first time she’d smiled in a week, due to him. It actually felt like this was tolerable. She just had to get through this month and then it was over, and she could come back as herself. Everything would be normal and her two lives she carried would be separate again. She wouldn’t be worrying Clint, and her team would be back together, and all of this would be gone.