A Whole New Story
If he hadn’t found himself on the late shift, Xander would probably have found himself in his room above Granny’s Diner, enjoying a scoldingly hot shower right about now. More than likely eating whatever leftovers he’d scrounged up from said diner earlier in the evening. Instead, he was sitting in the single cruiser Storybrooke’s sheriff’s department had to offer, wearing the same blue jeans & button-down black shirt he’d put on early that morning, resentfully munching on a stale donut with a cup of coffee gone cold.
His face was shadowed, the only light a lamp post in the distance, his brown eyes slightly bloodshot due to lack of sleep, and badly in want of that before mentioned shower. But as low man on the police departments totem pole, this was his third late shift of the week. The sheriff, Emma Swan, another of the ‘Chosen Ones’ he’d stumbled across in his life, was no doubt tucked into bed blissfully sleeping the night away. Her father, and part time deputy, David, or Charming, or whatever the hell he liked to call himself, seemed to set his own hours, and far be it from Xander to point out the guy seemed to only work when he felt like showing up.
Ruby, part time deputy/waitress and full-time werewolf at least had a set schedule.
So Xander, the only one with a full-time job at the sheriff’s office other than the actual sheriff, continued to get stuck with the shit hours. He’d already down a few circles around the town, hitting the same spots, main street, Gold’s Pawn Shop, the nunnery/fairy hangout, and he’d even hit the docks with a flood light he kept in the trunk just for good measure. The town was dead quiet at half an hour past eleven. If this cursed town didn’t get routinely invaded by flying monkeys, talking trees, and ice monsters, one could be fooled into thinking it was as boring as Mayberry.
Granny had no doubt shut down her diner, usually around ten every night, and put away the pies often found on display. God, Xander thought, what he wouldn’t do for a spice of apple pie and an ice-cold glass of milk right now. The powered donut felt heavy in his stomach, the coffee little more appetizing than battery acid. If only some punk kids were trying to tag Gold’s shop right now.
Sure, he’d likely let them get away with it, seeing as that disturbing little troll of a man had that and so much worse coming his way, but it would at least break up the never-ending boredom. When the town wasn’t being cursed by yet another long-lost family member for the eighth time, things really could get downright dull.
Xander really did just want a good meal & a hot shower, and a day off. But as Ruby was scheduled off tomorrow regularly, and Charming wasn’t likely to make an appearance, scheduled on regardless, he’d likely have to show up bright and early for another long day in the office doing nothing but wasting time. At least by noon the sheriff would clock in, with her patented painted on jeans and an ass begging for an open-handed slap. On second thought, maybe he needed more than a good meal & a warm shower, God knows he wouldn’t turn down a back ally blowjob right about now.
That, however, was unlikely. As this town was very much Mayberry when it came to sex. Emma would flirt with every swinging dick in town, from that puppet guy, the weird doctor, to even disturbingly enough her on dad, only to go to the mayor’s house for Sunday meals with the kid they shared and make snarky comments and heart eyes at one another.
Ruby dressed as an out of work stripper, holes in her stockings, skirts so short you 100% would catch a peek at her thong, and fire engine red lipstick, but as far as he’d been able to tell hadn’t dated anyone since the boyfriend, she ate back in fairytale land. Rumor had it Gold had bought Belle, but only kept her around to clean his castle and later his shop. She’d gone full Stockholm on him, would happily have polished anything he put in front of her, but all he seemed interested in was being creepy and vaguely helpful until you noticed he never actually helped anyone.
If Xander hadn’t heard already about Emma being Snow & Charming’s true love baby, he’d have sworn the schoolteacher was a virgin. Or at least so boring that all she did was lay there thinking about grading papers & making birdhouses while Charming did his two minutes of pumping once a week right after church services.
The only women that seemed to even have a running idea about sex for fun in this town were the Mill’s sisters. Regina, he was sure, would eventually get tired of playing divorced lesbian mommies with Emma, and just drag the sheriff to her bed. And Zelena was a crazy person.
Until other options made themselves known, he’d just have to settle for warm pie and early morning wanks in the shower before work.
