Chapter 1
Wish Upon a Star.
Disclaimer: I do not own Btvs, Roswell, or any other show/movie within this work of fiction. Nor will I be paid for this work.
“Lets see, I’ll take a couple heavenly hamburgers, ketchup & mustered, cheese, bacon, no veggies. Two sides of unidentified French flying objects, and a cup of your comet chili.” Xander said as he read off the menu from the Crashdown Café.
“And what would you like to drink?” The cute brunette’s nametag read ‘Liz’.
“A large cosmic cola.”
The petite waitress wrote down his order on her notepad, the antennas on her head bobbing as she did so.
“Half pound or regular?”
“Half pound. I’m starving.” Xander answered.
“Should be a few minutes. You caught us at a slow time.” She gestured to the mostly empty café. For a clearly tourist aimed restaurant, it did look pretty bare. Only a pair of waitresses, the cook in the back, a trio of teenagers in a booth near the back, and Xander.
“I’m in no rush. This is my vacation.” He explained. After some early car trouble, his uncle traded the beater he was going to loan him with one of his other rides.
A blue 1970’s Chevrolet Chevelle. A much smoother ride, and it looked totally badass.
“We’ll be right with you.” She gave him a well practiced smile, before turning towards the counter.
“So how are the aliens?” Xander ventured.
His words brought her up short, turning back she plastered a less genuine looking smile. “What do you mean?”
Amused at her poor acting skills, Xander her a grin and gestured around the café at the dozens of pictures & stuffed animals. “Well, I thought you were going for a theme here.”
“Oh, right,” Liz Parker gave a nervous laugh. “The aliens are fine.”
“No teasing the waitresses, “Xander muttered to himself as the younger girl skittered off to place his order.
A few minutes later she delivered his meal, which he dug into with gusto.
By the time he’d ordered a meteor shower malt to wash his lunch down, the trio of teens had left and were replaced by the group he’d been waiting on.
Counting to make sure everyone was in there, he waited for Liz to bring him the check. “Under 20$, this place really is a great deal.”
“We aim to please,” the dark haired teenage girl replied.
Pulling out a 20$ he handed to her before saying, “now…down to business. How are the aliens?”
Grinning at him, and her tip, she answered, “their doing fine. No change.” She said while pointing at the cute toys around the place.
Returning her grin, Xander shook his head before continuing. “No, how are Max, Michael, Isabel, and Tess doing?”
Freezing, Liz’s tan complexion took on a rather pale hue. “…I…I don’t know what you mean.”
Looking around the café to make sure no civilians were in residence, Xander raised his right hand so that she could see. Before flicking his pointer finger in the direction of the front door & windows.
Like magic, the lock turned and the blinds fell covering the main windows.
“MAX!” She screamed.
Her boyfriend, Liz’s human friends, and the rest of the pod squad quickly leap from their booth, or in Michael’s case ran from the kitchen, and surrounded the booth Xander was sitting in.
Still drinking his malt.
“Liz! What happened? What did he do?” Max demanded, having noticed the shades drop.
“Who are you?!?” Michael growled, as threatening as one can be while wearing a hairnet.
“Well, “Xander said between sips, “you guys are really very dramatic.”
“I’m warning you…” Michael continued before the Sunnydale born teen ignored him in favor of drinking more of his frozen malt.
“No need to ‘warn’ me, blondie. How do your people say it…..I come in peace?” He said with a laugh.
“Max, he used telekinesis. And he knows about you.”
Taking a head count, Xander made a mental note as to all who were there. Liz, clearly, Max & Michael being angsty teenager’s to a level he’d refuse to believe he ever reached, Isabel, Marie, and Alex.
“Okay, show and tell. Might want to pull up a chair. This is a long tale.” Seeing their lack of movement, “or you could continue to loom. Whatever works.”
“Are you a skin? How did you move the shades & lock the door? What do you want?” Max really was very demanded for a guy who couldn’t vote yet.
“Trying to get there. But interruptions.”
Grabbing his arm, the tall supermodel shaped blond alien hushed her brother. “Max, let him speak.”
“Thanks, Izzy.”
She glared in response. Somethings really don’t change.
“Okay, like I said….show & tale. First things first, no, I’m not a ‘skin’. And yes, I did use TK to move objects with my mind. Now…for the actual story.”
“60+ years ago, there were four royals on an alien planet. Zan, the young and rather shitty king, his sister Vilandra, the hot princess doing dumb shit out of boredom, his best friend and commander of his army, the young and unqualified Rath, and his bride, the princess Ava from a neighboring planet. With me so far?”
“How do you…” The petite blond, Tess, questioned.
“Always with the interruptions. How am I supposed to finish with all the questions?” Xander said, still finishing off his malt.
“Anyway, Zan, very much a Henry the VIII type king, was busy screwing & gambling, running the planet into the ground. Vilandra, fell under the sway of a charismatic ‘rebel’ by the name of Ka’var. He was preaching equality, breaking up the dictatorship, giving the people the right to choose their leaders. Sound good?”
“Isabel, what?” Max once again interrupted.
The beautiful alien princess just looked lost, “I don’t know. I can’t remember anything from then.”
“Aaaaaaaanyway,” Xander broke up the little spat before it could start. “Vilandra decided to bring Zan & Ki’var together for peace talks. Let the people’s voices be heard.”
“Unbeknownst to our princess, or queen,” he gestured to the smaller blond beauty,” Zan & Rath decided they’d just execute the rebel leader & his followers, Vilandra included, during these ‘peace talks’.”
Now it was Max who was on the angry end of Isabel’s glare.
“They failed. Obviously. Unqualified war leader, remember? Rath botched it. Not surprising, he did get the job purely out of nepotism. Ki’var and his people fought back, the royal family was killed. With me so far?”
“Well, yeah. It is our history. Sure, we only remember bits & pieces of it but still. You’re telling us things we already know.” Tess pointed out while crossing her arms.
Finally finishing up his desert, Xander grinned up at the former queen. Which wasn’t a chore, at 5’2, he didn’t have to look to far up.
“Lets continue to things you don’t know. Ki’var, scarred and haunted by all of this, went the route of Castro, and instead of handing the power over to the people, became the next dictator.”
“But our favorite pod squad’s story isn’t over yet, despite death. Loyalist scientists use human DNA to make eight advanced bodies they transferred the royals into then flew them to a quiet little out of the way planet called Earth.”
“What, did you say eight? But there’s only four of us.” Michael had become less of a moody shit and had actually taken a seat in one of the chairs he’d snagged from a nearby table.
“Ah, yep. Doubling the odds. Two Zan’s, two Raths, two Vilandra’s, and two Ava’s. You four got dropped off here, with the Granolith, while your cloned counter parts got abandoned in a drainage pipe in New York. Your ‘guardians’ are assholes by the way.”
“Can I get another coke? My throats getting a little dry.” Xander said, while shaking his empty glass in front of Max.
“How about you finish your story.” The former alien king deadpanned.
“How about you get me a coke. All this talking’s making my throat parched.” Xander countered.
“It’s fine, I’ll do it.” Alex said while grabbing the empty glass and heading towards the drink machine.
“What’s the Granolith?” Maria questioned.
The dark haired former Scooby only answered once Alex had returned, and he could take a drink. “That hits the spot.”
“I’m losing my patients.” Max stated.
“In what world am I supposed to care about your patients? Certainly not Earth.” Xander told him with a laugh.
This time it was Liz who grabbed his arm, “Max, please.”
“Like I was saying, your guardians are assholes. The one who left the kids in a sewer in New York fucked off to Hollywood and I shit you not, makes movies now. And the one who took Tess here, only gave her what? The bare bones of the overall story before dropping her off here & then getting himself killed? Well, what can you expect…these guys were hand picked by Zan and we all know what a good leader he was.”
Considering his overall attitude, Maria & Alex took seats beside Michael. Liz, Isabel, and not to be left out, Tess, all stood beside Max so he wouldn’t do anything foolish.
“Now, despite the alien coup, clones, and more clones, this is where things get complicated. Max here treats Tess like shit. After Nasedo gave Tess that yarn about how you lot would welcome her with open arms, but didn’t, she finally reached her limit and left.”
The humans & pod squad just looked confused, none more than Tess herself. “Wait, what?” She questioned.
Grinning, Xander kept the tale going. “Not long after, the skins with back up from Ki’var, invaded Earth in hopes of finally wiping out the royals. The loyalists having never given up hope their drunk, whoring, king Zan might one day return to ‘free’ them.”
“Now, after Michael, and Isabel are killed, Max, Alex, and one friend you haven’t met yet figured out how to use the Granolith to change time.”
“We’re dead?” Isabel asked, looking shocked and more than a little dismayed.
“Well, not anymore.” Xander explained.
“Now, Max…because of course you lot put the fate of the world in this idiot’s hands, went back in time and informed Liz that she’d need to break up with him to force him into a relationship with Tess. Thus making her stay and staving off the end of the world.”
The look on Xander’s face made his feelings on that plan very clear.
“I never, what are you talking about?” Liz looked around, but was only met with confused faces.
“Like I said, complicated. Because despite Liz doing her part, Max is still an idiot. He breaks up with Liz, pouts, finally sleeps with Tess. But still treats her like shit because he still wants Liz. That’s when your clones show up.”
“Wait, hold up…is this an alternate alternate timeline?” Alex exclaims.
“What did I say about interruptions? Aaaaaaaanyway, Rath, Val, and Ava show up to explain how Max has been invited to….wait for it….peace talks with Ki’var in New York. Max, pouting idiot that he is, takes off with them with only Tess as backup.”
“Peace talks.” Michael said with a snort.
“Exactly. Because after growing up in sewers, eating garbage, and being abused by humans all their lives, your clones…not exactly the friendly type. Ki’var had sent a message to Vilandra that they could all go home if Zan told his loyalists to stand down and that Ki’var was the rightful ruler.”
“Zan, not exactly bright, still saw the obvious trap and said no. So Rath killed him. Then the three surviving clones came to Roswell to scoop up Max and get him to read his lines.”
“So this really is an alternate alternate timeline?” Alex asked for verification.
Ignoring the gangly teen, Xander continued.
“Ava decided to stay, so Tess went with them to New York. She’d eventually come clean on what happened to Zan to Liz. Liz, if we all remember was changed when Max saved her from that bullet. So Ava mind-melded with her and sent an astral projection of Liz to New York to warn Max.”
“Changed? Changed how?” Max demanded.
Rolling his eyes, the lone Scooby took a sip of his soda before answering. “So Liz warns Max, who….still an idiot, abandons Tess in Rath & Vilandra’s hands and chases after astral Liz. They promptly mind rape Tess. Leaving her mind-warped to obey the plan Nasedo, Rath & Vilandra had agreed to. Handing Zan/Max over to Ki’var and everyone else leaving the planet.”
“I asked you a question.” Max said before raising his hand in warning.
Only to promptly be thrown across the café when Xander made a subtle gesture with his pointer finger. “Yeah….don’t threaten me. Or I’ll cut story time early and get to my actual mission.”
“Max!” Liz once again screamed, before running over to help her boyfriend. The rest of the pod squad & humans were once again looming over Xander.
“Hey, don’t look at me. I was threatened by an idiot, remember?”
“Everyone calm down, “Isabel got between the table where Xander sat and where her friends were huddled around Max. “Max is fine, right?”
Shrugging off Liz’s arm, the former king just glared at everyone.
“So, just tell us the rest of the story? Then why you’re here.” The alien cheerleader tried to meditate.
Making a peace ‘let it go’ gesture with his hands, Xander picked up the story where he left of. “So, where was I? Oh, right. Rath & Vilandra take off, and Max & Tess return back to Roswell.”
“Tess, now a slave to their orders, mind wipes Alex into taking the book of instructions and decoding it, so that she can use the Granolith as a ship to return home. Unbeknownst to everyone, Tess was knocked up by Max’s 2 minutes of pumping after he’d broken up with Liz and ran to her for comfort.”
“Tess uses her powers to make Max think the baby can’t survive in Earth’s atmosphere. And Max, still an idiot, falls for it. Forgetting that literally every alien they’d come across had been able to survive Earth’s atmosphere just fine. Alex decoded the book, but had been mind warped so much his brain finally gave out and he died.”
“So I’m dead too?” The teen boy in question pointed out Isabel & Michael as the others who’d died.
“As I was saying, Alex is dead. Tess makes it out like an accidental car wreck. But Liz isn’t buying it. So Tess pushes her plan forward, and tries to get the pod squad to come with her to their former planet. At the last minute, Michael decides he can’t abandon Maria,” Xander said while gesturing to the pair who were standing next to one another.
“Isabel couldn’t leave without finding out who’d killed Alex, and Max….well, he was going to go. But he’s an idiot and missed the ride. So Tess and her baby bump head to space.”
“I had a baby?” It was hard to describe the tone in Tess’s voice. Hopeful? Heartbroken? Wishful?
“You did.” Xander answered. He’d always had a soft spot for the former queen.
“Flashforward a year, Tess returns with the baby. The Air Force get the Granolith as she and baby escape. She’s no longer enslaved, tries to make amends. But there isn’t time, the alien hunters are moving in. Tess dies protecting her son, and you lot. Leaves the baby to be raised by his father.”
“Wow, I wasn’t expecting this much explaining.” Xander said before taking a sip of his coke. He’d actually started to work up a bit of a apatite as well. Maybe he should have gotten a bowl instead of a cup of chili?
“The pod squad and human’s finally come clean to their parents, the night before they leave Roswell ahead of the Air Force’s hunters. Max, massive dick that he is, decides to abandon his baby to be raised by strangers. Because what 18 year old isn’t going to abandon his alien baby so he can run off into the night?”
“This still doesn’t make any since….,” Alex said. Before his eyes grew wide, “unless this is an alternate alternate alternate timeline.”
“Got it in one,” Xander said while tapping his nose.
“Max & Liz get married. But without the drama and teenage hormones, Liz eventually leaves his ass. Isabel changes her name, goes to college, lives a relatively normal life. Michael & Maria go back to Vegas where she gets a singing job and he manages her.”
“But the gangly kid was right,” Alex mouthed the words gangly with a grimace, before Xander finished up the story.
“Liz, steals back the Granolith and in hopes of saving Alex & Tess from death, makes it a time machine again. But instead of sending back an idiot, I got picked for the job.”
The café was silent as a tomb before everyone started yelling out denials, and questions.
“You’re a liar.” Max stated, though Liz & Tess were on either side of him, stopping him from trying to blast Xander again.
“What about the baby?” Tess demanded.
“Did we get married?” Maria gestured to herself & Michael, while his eyes widened.
“Okay, time out, time out!” Xander shouted, finally finishing his drink and standing up from the booth. Everyone took a few steps back from him, still nervous and untrusting as a group.
“Lots of things happened after the story ended, and in between, and in the alternate timelines. I don’t have all the answers.”
“Why are you here?” Max demanded.
Xander just gave him an irritated look, “I thought I made that clear. I’m here to make sure you don’t get anyone killed. You fucking idiot.”