Longing
The chair.
Fuck. He hated that damn chair.
Bucky froze, digging his heals in the best he could, which against the two soldiers pushing him, did little to nothing. They spun him around and pushed Bucky roughly into the chair. The minute his back hit the hard surface his heart started pounding wildly in his chest.
“Where is the metal arm?” The scientist demanded of him. Bucky shifted his gaze upwards to meet the scientists. “Wouldn’t you like to know,” he spoke defiantly. “Where is the metal arm? I won’t ask a third time,” the scientist asked angrily this time. The anger in his voice made Bucky smirk. “Your metal piece of shit is long gone,” Bucky spoke. The scientist reacted quickly, backhanding Bucky across the face. “You know which arm I am referring too. Where is the vibranium arm?” He shot back at Bucky without hesitation. “I won’t ever tell you where it is,” Bucky spoke dangerously low, “Я отнесу это в могилу.” (I’ll take it to my grave.)
At Bucky’s defiance the scientist gave a slight nod of his head, the two soldiers that had pushed Bucky into the chair reacted quickly. Blow after blow rained down upon him. With his hand and feet cuffed, there was little that Bucky could do to defend himself. Bucky took the quick beating and didn’t make a sound. When the soldiers were done, he forced himself to sit up in the chair straight. His gaze locked on the scientist. “Where is it?” The scientist repeated once again. Bucky looked away from the scientist, spitting a mouth full of blood down onto the floor before he shifted his gaze back towards the scientist. His tongue ran along his bottom lip, feeling a large split that had caused the blood to pool in his mouth. “Go to Hell,” Bucky defiantly stated.
At his words, the soldiers grabbed Bucky by the shoulders, holding him into the chair. As the scientist moved closer, he reached for the leather straps to secure Bucky’s real arm into the chair. Bucky reached up and grabbed the scientist by the throat. It took coordination since his feet were cuffed to his hand as well, but he held onto the scientist, squeezing as tightly as he could. The scientist flailed and gasped for air. The two soldiers reacted quickly, one pulling a taser and hitting it onto the side of Bucky’s neck. Bucky’s grip instantly loosened from the scientists neck as pain coursed through his body. His body tensed and convulsed back against the chair as the soldier held the taser against his neck. The soldier only pulled back when the scientist nodded for him to stop.
Bucky gasped for air, his chest rising and falling quickly as his body screaming in pain. The taser had not been a high enough voltage to knock him out, but it was enough to send waves of pain throughout his body, but most of it radiated around his the vibranium plate in his shoulder. Bucky closed his eyes for a moment and pulled in a long slow breath through his nose in an attempt to calm himself down. His action was met with a swift backhand from the scientist. “You think you are funny?” he screamed at Bucky, “You think this is a game?” Bucky opened his eyes after the slap, his gaze darkened with anger and violence. Bucky knew the only way he would survive Hydra until Steve showed up, was to dig into the part of himself that he long thought was gone.
Bucky shifted in his chair, sitting himself up straight, his shoulders pressed back against it as he tried to steel his attitude for what was to come. The scientist screamed, losing his temper completely. He lunged forward, grabbing Bucky by the chin, his fingers digging into his cheeks. “You were longing to become part of a group. You wanted so badly to be accepted, and to become one of those Avengers, you so desperately pretend to be,” he spoke angrily at Bucky as his grip tightened against his face, “You will never be one of them. You are the Fist of Hydra! And you will be once again! You’ll never be anything more than the monster Hydra made.” Bucky didn’t say a word, he kept his gaze narrowed at the scientist as he held his face so close to his own. Bucky wouldn’t admit it, but the scientist was right. Since he had escaped Hydra’s grasp, all he had wanted to was to belong somewhere. He had that deep desire, that longing to be part of a group, part of a family, to matter to someone. “I’ll break you again,” the scientist spoke angrily as he hit Bucky’s head back against the chair as he let go of his face. “I’ll break you as many times as I have too.”
Bucky knew that tone, he knew just exactly what that meant. The scientist turned and gave a dismissive wave of his hand. The soldiers grabbed Bucky once more; this time however, they successfully restrained him into the chair. The soldiers them removed the cuff from Bucky’s wrist, and the chains from his feet. They dropped the restraints onto the tiled floor and moved to either side of the scientist.
Bucky swallowed roughly; no preparing could get him ready for what was to come. The scientist walked quickly towards Bucky, controller in one hand, and a mouth guard in the other. Without a word, he stepped to Bucky and shoved the mouth guard between his teeth. Bucky adjusted the guard between his teeth knowing it at least prevented his teeth from breaking.
Bucky's breath quickened, and his heart started racing, he knew all too well what was coming. Without a word, or a warning of the start, the scientist flipped the switch and the chair jolted to life. The arms moved on their own accord, and placed on either side of Bucky's head. Bucky's hand gripped the arm rest, and his body tensed in an instant as the process started.
The electroconvulsive shocks started, repeatedly pulsing through his brain. Bucky didn't want to give into them, he didn't want to give them the satisfaction of hearing him scream, despite how strong he was he couldn't hold back as the pain washed over him like a tidal wave. Bucky screamed in pain, his back arching off the chair as his fingers dug into the armrest.
All he could do was hope that Steve and his team showed up before they entirely wiped his memory again.