Stealing Reason, marvel cinematic universe, the avengers (marvel movies), thor (movies) fanfic

blindtaleteller

author

Characters

Bruce Banner, Loki, Loki (Marvel), Bruce Banner/Loki, Bruce Banner & Loki

-Stealing Reason-

Looking out at and past the balcony railing, Banner ended up pausing on his way to something clean to sleep in; and thinking; Asgard was prettier at night.

Loki hadn't been wrong about that, either.

Thinking back on it, those particular moments; even though he'd made such a fuss about a quick meal: Bruce remembered now, he had been more interested in talking to him than he had in eating. Closer at hand, he couldn't help but compare those stolen minutes to the day he had bargained for; and the last meal they'd shared: which hadn't gone much differently. A summary, looking over how he had spent it.. from what equated to the leisurely boat ride showing them the wonder and awe-inducing view of the underbelly and bones of a city older than human civilization, to occupying their every moment acting as what he could now only describe as a tour guide to the massive Academy's main levels in a clockwise motion through halls that to Banner had been more impressive than the palace itself for all he saw there.

A Kingdom of knowledge and it's expansion unto itself; with roads to more of it's like through allegiance and more pouring from it's heart. Bruce couldn't help but think, and recall; how much closer to royalty he had felt sitting at Loki's table, entertained by him, fed by his suggestions, questions and more, than he had over the course of the last five days and four nights felt even for a moment in Odin's presence: whether that had been in his throne room, or the few brief moments otherwise.

It had crossed his mind over lunch in particular; like an arrow out of the shadows during lunch, along with the reason for it.

And had been trying to place the feeling, and the thought since. Not because it was in question; but because it was an immutable truth he had already been exposed to then, in as unsuspecting and unlikely a place as a half broken bench in a dirty alley behind a line of New York restaurants.

Scrubbing the wet from his hair with the towel when he started moving again, didn't stop that assessment; any more than the last few months had, though Bruce knew he hadn't identified it so clearly then. And it raked at him still, because seeing these things and seeing him away from the role again and pursuing that; had only helped to strengthen, reinforce that view. That answer to why, and what for.

'You just said it yourself no. I am strong, a monster of another kind and color on my own. Manipulative, hm. Overwhelmed, abandoned, without some one on whom I have a proper grip to manipulate the way I prefer.. what options would I be left with? My ability is formidable.. but as you point out; there are situations where, even the best fighter, the best manipulator cannot do much and succeed, not alone. You're a smart man. Smarter than Stark, in truth. He sees light and shadow, but doesn't understand the space between, never mind the shades of either in difference; or rather chooses not to until it suits him or it's necessary. Ask yourself; what use Barton was, truly. Ask yourself, with my range out of all those present when I arrived and after months of observation: why him.'

There weren't many possible answers to that question though. Especially posed like that: as though he'd had little choice and made due with what he had. Prince, of all that outside the balcony doors. Son --adopted or otherwise-- of Odin: King to an advanced civilization far enough ahead with long enough lifespans and alliances as advanced that, so long as that claim was earnest, true; should have made that kind of context impossible. Beyond the marks of a kingdom, the worth of family in that proposed situation, should have been enough to put that insinuation down.

Honestly; some larger part of Banner had been counting on that. Looking for what he saw and heard and learned here to put that possibility down as yet another manipulation.

Problem: the opposite had proven to be true, so far.

And Loki knew he was looking; didn't he. Past the more obvious questions; past the tempers and general, overly-quick accepted bullshit and into things that: Bruce was pretty sure was more than driven by just conscience at this stage. He wondered, if Loki knew that, too. Bruce was being indulged regardless and for the most part; though how was still curious in itself as Loki spent his first bargained for breath of freedom playing better host to Banner and the others than the King himself. Maybe that's why, staring out the balcony doors from some ten feet away, barefoot and lost in thought?

" Do you like it? The view. " in those tones were less of a surprise than they should have been, at least on that one hand. On the other, turning to see the man himself seated comfortably on the edge of Bruce's borrowed queen size while visiting was instantly unsettling.

And inspired " Please tell me you did not find a way to bust yourself out after our outing. " to end up the first words out of his mouth when he did catch sight of said prince. Who, just smiled that smirking smile at him and leaned his neck back against the headboard. Crossed his ankles one over the other, calling Bruce to note the other details.

" Hardly. " Loki was barefoot too. His hair not so much more severe as drawn back while still wet. " I simply haven't had interest in trying mother's little trick for anyone else. " The room was dark still, other than the little light on the dresser way across the room where he'd left his shirt, but he could almost swear he looked like he was in his pajamas. " If you'd like me to try though; I'm sure -- "

Instant " No! " because with that particular devil in his widened smile; Bruce wasn't able to convince himself he wouldn't do just that; and maybe succeed. And definitely lay it on Banner as a request and or challenge made. " ...you ah; so this is the same kind of .. illusion thing; she was doing to visit you when we first got here? If you can do that, why don't you visit her..? "

" Reasons. " was a kickback from almost a year ago that made Bruce purse his lips, and managed a silent chuckle out of Loki's image. " Also I would rather attempt to visit you while you are here. You're far more interesting, far less judgemental; " got Bruce to quirk his brow on his way to the end of the bed; towel strung along the back of his neck between the two hands attached to it's ends. " a better conversationalist: and far more attractive to me topless. "

That last got the towel thrown at him -- well, at his illusion. " You're such an ass sometimes... " Had him stalking for the sleeveless wrap around that reminded him of those months when his dad had randomly enrolled him in karate classes without asking if he were even interested and ignoring Loki's mocking pout while he strung it shut. It gave him time to try and get control of the rush of heat to hsi features too, not that he felt too successful there. Bruce blamed the line of thought, before he'd arrived, or at least noticed the illusion there. " Anyway, we've been talking all day. "

" With others present. " was... not a point he could argue. Or that half of Bruce had wanted to avoid either. Neither was " And we both know you would have come down here, even if I didn't come up there; here. Or, as close to it as I can currently get. " They played, teased the others and each other fairly mercilessly the whole day, but it was different and there were things that; neither of them touched in others' presence. " Even that aside; I will admit I was somewhat worried. You were.. unreachable for much of the afternoon and evening. I could tell, hm. You were going through the motions. What happened during lunch to throw you so far out to sea? "

And of course he would have noticed. Five extra days observing him on and off, and some of the nights too; he didn't have to ask, and " ..probably shoulda expected you'd notice. " admitted as he sat down against the short, ornate bedpost attached to the low foot board; and ended up almost copying his displayed position; tugging his hands up behind his neck and leaning back against it; the odd canopy bunched enough to cradle his head a little.

Loki just.. watched him, waiting for some explanation passively; and it was real enough, the thought that it wasn't him was easily a secondary whisper at the back of his mind. " Reassessing. Looking at the day and what you showed us, what you said and ... everything else; and comparing it, and you to what we thought we knew, again..? " had him readjusting, slightly. Shifting his shoulders against the headboard in the dim to better face Bruce, rather than give him that half-sideways look from the opposite corner.

" And..? "

" Wondering a few things. Like why you didn't try for more. "

" Odin wouldn't allow more. " was fair enough an appraisal, and " Nor would Thor as a result, I don't think I have to tell you. King and golden prince both in hand at current to back the old goat like a proper yes man looking for approval? " was a little harsh but, proven no less true over the last few days. " No, definitely not. Besides, what little I want in reach is ultimately possible with this little. "

" Well.. what about your room-- or, your hall? " as question from Bruce made him blink, his head tipping a bit before Loki guessed. " ..you mean living in it instead of the dungeon; or visiting it? "

" Either, and or maybe getting some stuff there that might make you more comfortable? " had Loki settling out of that curious expression on a slight hum; though he didn't look incredibly interested.

" I doubt there's much there that would accomplish that; given the history of most things in it. "

" Easier to pick those things out then. " got Bruce a brief look for the comment; before the squint.

And, before the question " Are you trying to find a reason to go snooping in my rooms? " that had him wanting to turn pink rather than green. " No! " didn't come out in as convincing a tone as he'd hoped for either; or so Loki's smug on the high end of pleased expression told him. " Why would I want to poke around your stuff, huh? "

An expression that only curled into a grin. Loki's brows went up, briefly. Ankles re-crossed and hands came down to fold over his stomach and weave together there too; and, with every small change Bruce couldn't help but feel like he was being called out. The man didn't even need words, with that kind of display. Bruce reached and threw a pillow at him.

Only to be reminded between his instant laugh and the fact it went right through his head and bounced off the headboard behind it; that yeah: he was still an illusion. His smile was brighter for the fact Bruce had actually forgotten it even for a moment. And yeah that annoyed him a little too. " ...jackass. " ended up huffed at the grinning and chuckling fake-Trickster, while Bruce retrieved the pillow and decided to try to start to settle in. Quiet again, while he did; the laughter dying down and Bruce not looking back to him yet while he tried to sort out the comforter and sheets into a more comfortable arrangement on his side.

" Why are you so interested in my hall? " came a half a minute later as he was beating up the pillow to get it to not eat his head. Not that he'd had much luck with that the last four nights.

Bruce took the excuse of settling, or trying to while once again fighting the earmuff-mode those too-squishy pillows managed to try and eat his head in every single time. But, he was also acutely aware that as he did, and held onto the answer; Loki was waiting. And watching him struggle with whether or not he should answer honestly. Ultimately, he deciding breaking that expectation when they were alone --or mostly alone in some cases over the last few days-- was also a break in trust he knew he could expect to get thrown back at him later. And that was something he definitely didn't want.

" ..maybe, part of the reason is; I wanna know more about the you that kissed me. " came out quiet and difficult as an admission as a result. Maybe, that was why he didn't jump on teasing him with it this time; but: Bruce couldn't be sure. That was part of the problem; there were places and conversations where his expressions were either hard to read, or.. hard to understand why they were what they were for when they showed up. " You weren't wrong when you said hiding from myself, and the idea of living rather than just breathing between takes: hasn't been working, either. "

The long look, a mixture of uncertainty, that mild distrust --of again, the predator on the other side of the watering hole-- and? A distinct sense Loki thought he might like where this line of thought was going; in places he kept more than well and tucked from discussing with anyone else. " ..and? " wasn't a surprise request for elaboration at all. Bruce was getting a feel for it, piece by piece to finally understand some of the details of Loki's end now: but they both had trust issues.

For Bruce's part, it was more self-trust than trust of others. But. " You weren't wrong when you said we're similar either; or that.. if there's anyone who gets the ugly side of where I go in my head sometimes, and can handle the greener me even a little if something stupid happens; it's probably you. " breath in as that actual drew him in physically.

Long legs drawing him down to Bruce's level. One hand propping up his head when they were even. Mostly just looking at him and looking pretty pleased about those gives; especially after the denials prior to and just after that kiss: just before Tony had shuffled his way into earshot to stop the conversation short. The prince's illusion still wasn't saying anything though. And didn't for a while.. just kind of staring at him with that growing near-grin. Until " ..okay, what already? " finally made him laugh outright.

" Enjoying the small victory..? " in that smug tone almost made Bruce want to take it back, before Loki continued with the words to shut it down. Same tone, same expression. Same happy piece of pride: which was what mollified Banner when he said. " Also greatly regretting not having stolen another as I'd hoped, while we were in the library. " Helped that it stunned him a little. Not just for the comment itself and how it was delivered, but because of the implications there.

" Just to be clear, cause my imagination gets away with me. You were planning to try kissing me again..? " got a softer smile and slow, big nod that pulled up the red into Bruce's ears.

" You were half absent by then though, hm. Even when I had the potential of the opportunity, you were distracted enough not to pick up on it and totter off as soon as Stark called. " And he was laughing again, when it spread. Mostly because he knew exactly the moment he'd been talking about. Leaning over that big book with his hand on his back. The guys distracted in chunks by the varied sections they'd passed to get there. Thor and the three had gotten caught up early on when Steve took an interest in records from the second world war detailing a trio of small squads that had decided to come over ally side against Odin's wishes to help. Tony had totally been distracted by a whole massive section on energy theory and the like that had been apparently blended with technomagery.

The attempt had been completely missed. Not just because of that but.. " Wait a minute. Is that why you're really wondering why I was distracted? " got a small shrug and nod, first.

" You're usually far more aware and cautious of how close someone is to you physically. " was, yes a reminder of a point he himself had once made, whether it had a different context or not didn't make it less true. Though " We have that in common these days. " was something Bruce hadn't actually noticed. Not consciously; not until Loki said as much: but, thinking on it.. that seemed pretty true too. Most of the time? Or maybe: " Is that with everyone, or do I have special immunity? "

Cue that brief moment of regret blurting the question out. Though, it didn't last long. " Special immunity, definitely. As I said, when you asked me about the kiss. " did kick up the memory of his answer to that question again the same.

'Because I wanted to. Because, it's you.'

So, they were talking about it now? As more than just weird off handed references? Openly?

There was a weird rush that went with that; if it was honest. Because of the rest, and because of the conversation that had led to it; and because of the fact that yeah: Bruce had been hoping they would get there. Under it all? He'd wanted to ask again, after he'd had time to think about it, and ask his own questions. After more of them had cropped up? Yeah, Banner had wanted to ask even more. Wanted to know more. He probably wouldn't be on Asgard at all if that weren't the case. And, with how he avoided delving into it in full with the others present, only amped up that want, hadn't it.

Because he didn't have to if it wasn't sincere on at least some level. He could have tried to expose what had happened, and really embarrass or anger him. Could have tried to have this conversation in front of, pretty much anyone. Or made a more suspicious set of requests: and instead Loki was playing that end of his interest quiet and careful. Like it was a lot more fragile, a lot more precious; and Bruce's privacy and uncertainty, and wish to and keep it separate as possible was worth trying for: worth honoring.

Saying Bruce didn't like that; even to himself, that it didn't make the idea of pursuing the tiniest possibility of maybe, even for a little while not being alone seem like a possibility he might actually be able to take up and enjoy? Would have been a huge lie. Big enough, wanted enough; he couldn't ignore it. The wave of fingers in front of his face blinked Banner out of his thought train, and he found himself looking at silver-blue eyes and a crooked smile with uneven dimples he couldn't deny were attractive even when it was fake. " Lost you again, didn't I. " made his color return anyway, just for having been caught spacing out thinking about it.

" Not really... " got him a brief extra from that smile in the dark. Because he knew better himself and likely the Trickster saw it. " ...okay okay, maybe a little. I was kind of regretting spacing out earlier to miss that, is all. " pulled a little satisfying quiet out of the illusion in his borrowed bed, even if he was smiling like the cat that ate the canary through it. Given how fast and eloquently Loki could express himself with that tongue and the quick mind behind it? Small silences like that were nice to earn, and charming in that particular combination for Bruce. " I'm sorry I freaked out at you a little. Back in the alley. " earned Bruce an extension of that moment, however small.

" I mean ...does that really qualify; without the leafy shade having come into play..? " got the ghost the pillow to the face again. Not that it did anything but pass through and set his laugh off.

And, okay; Bruce was smiling while he was shaking his head in the process of pulling it back after the second pointless attempt. " Jerk. "

" You like it. " had no argument. Not one that was real or wasn't going to get him laughing hard enough to be heard by Tony or Steve the next rooms over on either side.

So, " I do. " coming on fast behind as a reply wasn't too hard to admit either, in that comfortable space. Not after Bruce had already admitted to what he had about the conversation that got him, and them; here. Whether the other guys knew all of that or not. He had to look away though; with he extra turn of that smile. Too warm; and there was no way to catch hold of it. Not through the illusion anyway. Not the way he instantly wanted to. Banner ended up twisting and adjusting again until he was facing the ceiling; fist-punching the stupid pillow again to try and literally beat it down away from his ears. " Dunno why sometimes; but when it comes to the weird and usually uncomfortable.. yeah. Definitely. Also I hate these pillows in particular. You think they'd get mad if I threw 'em off the balcony? "

" They'd just end up replaced with an completely un-mashed set. Mother's guest rooms have an aesthetic, unless you tell them otherwise. " made him sigh a little, and look over. Just in time to catch the fact that almost sultry-warm look was still going on and aimed at him, plus a little addition of.. well he thought maybe Loki was thinking the same thing, as far as the untouchable nature of his illusions went. Which, just made it a little weirder, even if it was kind of sweet when he looked away and made that thoughtful tapping motion at the mattress.

" Would you like to change venues tomorrow, then? " stepping back to their previous subject, sort of surprised Bruce a little a few seconds later because " ..you mean not go to the woods? " also got a brief, thoughtful nod before he said any more.

" I honestly would rather not visit my own halls; " built a whole other boatload of questions and curiosities. " but a few reasons come to mind, now. "

" Wait, ...really? " Banner hadn't expected the backtrack to happen that quick. But it made him smile; a little. " What kinda reasons? "

" Aish. Don't make me repeat myself, again. " as he'd turned up to look at the ceiling and the scrunch of the weird canopy himself as a response was more than answer enough. And that was all the reply he needed, to know the answer.

'Because I wanted to. Because, it's you.'

'Isn't that reason enough?'

~-=+=-~

=7ish AM=

That crackling memory was still in Bruce's head when he got pushed in and aside past whatever coats or or shirts were between his shoulders and the wall behind them in the closet. Going through the brief tour had been a blur. One that he could and would remember, but a blur none the less in comparison to the feeling of wandering through the first near hour since they had come into Loki's Jaded Hall.

And again, that reminder when he had stepped ahead of Thor, with the guard. The sensation that, he was more in control and more put together than everyone else present. Immediately the host: even if that host was in chains. Something that was almost easy to forget and ignore with the way he spoke, directed and straight up welcomed them into his hall. The instant charm had what maids had assembled on such short notice --apparently the few who had been assigned the space before his incarceration-- not even glance at Thor or the extra guard present from the dungeon when he asked them to open, air and clean his guest hall and lounge before they had hurried to it.

The offer of switching halls from Frigga's to his came across as smoothly, again regardless of his incarceration. Tony had actually jumped on that offer; real fast, before anyone could nay-say it: and made it easier for Bruce to accept his nudges as well as a result. Steve and Clint had pretty much followed along with the idea too, after he had mentioned hearing about Vanaheim's representatives coming forth through a mutual alliance with Xandar: which meant unless they changed halls: they would be sharing space with said representatives and their attaches.

Tony had gotten himself involved in examining the library above; after Loki had warned them off of touching random plants in his small spillover garden of herbs and poisonous plants. Steve Had pretty much followed Stark, though his interest was in the far smaller amount of keepsakes Loki kept versus the advanced number of trophies that had taken over what had once served as Thor's own guest spaces. Clint, pretty much the same after the first call up the narrow spiral staircases in that direction after Thor and the majority of faces with them. Which had left Loki and Hogun mostly to one side while Bruce had started going through some of the tomes at ground level with the constant, unanswered tension from the night prior pressed as firmly up against him as Banner felt his eyes were after him.

Which was often enough. Getting pressed into a corner; or in this case against a wall just inside Loki's closet after interrupting that odd conversation when he'd dipped into his own bedroom with Hogun trailing behind, moments after the other smaller man had excused himself: was hardly a surprise. If anything, and if he were honest: Bruce had been more than expecting it. And pushing him away was getting harder, too. Because of that, and because he had come to terms with the fact over the course of the night that Loki was right: and he wanted it.

And, it was still good. Very good.

Pressing and even demanding yes; but it wasn't as if he didn't have a way out without turning green. The wall was empty at his height and that close to the cracked open door. He didn't try to catch any more than his face or neck or briefly his hip to turn him on the way at the start; giving Bruce ample space and reach and opportunity to break away, either deeper into that walk-in, or for that matter just around Loki to get back out the door. There wasn't a threat --at least not of any kind Bruce didn't want-- to his motions. Just hunger at hand, and the promise of the sort of slow, far more personal form of destruction that wasn't just welcome but that Bruce could admit he downright craved and ended up trying not to claw after since that first pawing kiss months ago.

Still, the timing was shit. Or rather, Bruce was starting to recognize that when Loki pushed the most, it was almost always at a particular sort of advantageous that; Bruce thought he'd started to identify. Was he using the brain numbing, dazing affect his kisses and the slide of his hands had on someone who hadn't dared to be intimate with anyone else to avoid some of it? Was he capable of that?

'We do what we have to, to survive. And even more for those we care about to survive comfortably. There are few lines to hold that back, and simply more for normal people hm? We monsters just recognize that and perform with fewer scruples and mm, definitely a better ability to choose between bad and worse; in part because our rarer breed has been face down into that pool enough times, to have been educated enough in the outcomes to be able with fewer casualties, no?'

Rang up quick enough from memory to alarm him; but not fast enough to keep his fingers from shaking in the snatch at the folded-over front of that soft raw-silk shirt. Or make the moan when Loki pressed his hips in to tempt Bruce away from the security of the wall behind him into that needy, demanding warmth any less shaky between smacking, pulling kisses either.

Three. Five? Maybe eight almost wet kisses nodded his head back against that wall again and again, hyper-aware of the outline sure hands were feeling out through clothes and quickly warming air between mouths and welcome press, before Bruce finally found the power to say words instead of end up trying not to mewl his appreciative little moans out like a touch-starved kitten begging for more. " Loki.. " No denying, that sound was still in the sound of his voice the first time he managed his name in whole either.

The brief thought with the sliding pull of those hands again; pressing them together and getting him everything he missed with the added bonus of it being from someone Bruce felt bonded with: not in an inexplicable way, but instead in every way no one else could, or more importantly wanted to, or even more understandably frightening was willing to gamble going after? Made Bruce think on a sideways note pressing back again and managing that call " ..Loki.. " again, that maybe; maybe he was an actual idiot.

Because when was the next time they could steal the possibility and opportunity again?

Without others watching, or judging; without enchanted handcuffs or guards, or energy fields present as obstacles? Without the odd looks and confusion and likely anger that; just didn't and shouldn't have a place in any of this, or what he definitely wanted and was not only reciprocated but past the almost in demanding the recognition of that with every kiss Loki caught, when he did. The one thing Bruce knew Loki absolutely was owed, if only because that was a fact; and Bruce did want and cherish this.

So yes; maybe an idiot, pulling up every piece of doubt and willpower to squash it right that very second to use it as part of the power needed to push him back and say his name with a different tone; " Loki. " with no question or need to whether it would be effective. Because he'd already proven how attentive he was to things like that. And he knew it because that respect had already been given and held onto as example; pausing in New York, and backing off when Bruce had been far less certain? That made him certain now, and not just unsurprised, but grateful and reinforced and reeled him further in for the fact it was very, very obvious he still wanted to continue kissing him when his hands settled to a forced still at Bruce's belt line, and his forehead pressed into that angle of keeping his mouth away: and especially when that little groan came out with his inward breath.

Man or woman didn't matter in a moment like that; when you knew in those kinds of seemingly small things someone cared about you and what you wanted enough to put that over themselves and their own.

Knowing his own situation amplified that. Knowing the fact that the one giving it was just as aware of --painfully, obviously more aware having been bounced off the floor maybe dozen times and having been sturdy and lucky enough to survive-- that situation only made it that much larger and precious. Had Bruce's fingers up and catching at the corners of his face, adoring that gift even if it or he wasn't pristine in every aspect, because it didn't have to be. One more kiss before he let his chin drop back and his heels hit the carpet again under him.

" I love this, I do. " was an absolute truth at this point, but that didn't make it any easier to bring out now. " But I want an answer. Need it... "

" Bruce. Talk can come later when -- "

" When you cut me off with another kiss, or distract me with the memory and promise of one when I get too close? " came out faster than he meant it to the same. " Or maybe more? Because; I think we both know I'm proving very weak when it comes to telling you no when you pull these cards. "

The tension wasn't a hard thing. At least, not above the belt line. The press was too close tucked into that sparse space between the closet wall and the clothes on that side not to feel what kind of physical reaction that particular comment had from the Trickster. Bruce had no complaints, except that " It's tempting. You're tempting. And you ah, do a very good job of stealing away half if not all of my wits and more when.. " and damn it he wasn't even inching. Couldn't be called that really. Warm breath getting closer against his mouth, in far smaller increments: sneaking in plain sight. How could he not end up looking at that mouth. Again.

Is millimeter-ing a thing? It has to be a thing, cause he's doing it.

And.. smiling about it cause he knows, too... fricking God of Mischief is not inaccurate.

" ...nope! Stop that.. " no, wasn't entirely earnest. Less so for the fact it worked. Or that his smile curled more at that almost-got-you range and playful turn that had Bruce hooking his arms around Loki's waist anyway and failing at trying not to smile just as wide at his very clear enjoyment. " ..this is part of that, okay..? " didn't quirk his expression so much as soften the smile again.

" I know. " had notes he wasn't entirely sure about either. It was " But it doesn't all have to be; yet, does it? " that reinforced Bruce's frustration.

" It does. And since when do we hide the petty stuff? " was where he felt that train start to harden and fuel up, readying to take off. " I wanna know what happened. I need it, because I want this. You; and I wanna find a way to get around or through all of this other bullshit. I can't do that when you're suddenly just blocking or diverting me at intervals yourself. "

Silence, and again tension; and again the same kind. Not angry, not yet. Far, far away from it enough to know he was safe. He knew that look too. The kind where, Loki wasn't just considering his answer, but considering how to give it and whether or not he should. The answer didn't come until after he'd looked into Bruce long enough, and at his hands where they were very comfortable high at his hips, at the mouth he'd just been kissing before he caught Bruce's eyes again.

Bruce knew what was coming was one of those sharp truths; and he knew it wouldn't stab, but slice into him one way or the other even before it came out of his mouth. He just, hadn't expected how. " I admit; I do that more for myself than you. But. It is, for you. " wasn't what he expected at all, never mind in the tone it landed in; with the brush of a thumb up along a few inches of waistline to keep the quiet between sentences. " Leave how I got there, and here, for now. "

" You can't tell me it's not important. Or that everything I've seen and heard, and put together since didn't pile in and take part in crafting where we are now. "

" No I can't. But I can say, it's detrimental to what we both want, and still pointless. " had him sighing and tipping his head back and away. " I want to tell you. "

" Then tell me! " frustration, the form of which only got him an apologetic if ungiving look that immediately had him shifting directions " Or at least tell me why. 'Cause you started this. You're the one that stole in here and decided to make me think the bag of cats you and your charmed crazy is, is a brand worth dealing with and fighting to keep: while sharing my own with you. " that got Bruce some give. " And it feels like you're backing out where it counts and shooing half the litter out of my sight instead of showing me when you cut me off like that. "

" It's dangerous. " was some of what he was expecting, and half a cover and they both knew it.

" Yeah it is, and Icalled that; remember? At which point, you called me out on the fact we both are, even in very opposing ways. We're both monsters: and that's why, we fit so well. Why you know parts of me, that I never have to explain in depth: because you already do know them. I don't think you were wrong. And if you wanna hear it; yeah that's what scares me sometimes. That's why I could apologize last night, and why I'll keep apologizing in the future when I freak out again if you still let me be there to do .. all of that. Because I probably will and because there isn't a thing short of breathing that I might need more and I think you know that too. " fingers curling back around the edges of that silk shirt again, tugging. " That, is what I've figured out over the last months sitting on a planet devoid of this impossible possibility, and the you who has and presented it to me unashamed and still aware of how fragile it is. Instantly: we fit in places that maybe no one else ever will, because of it. There's trust here I can't ignore, and it's the same for you. " Sharp, deep breath Bruce. " Am I wrong? "

He knew that was a " No. " and Bruce had to jump on it.

" Then stop avoiding me on this. And please stop asking your old friends like Hogun, and begging debts out of him and others to have me blocked from other directions. " was likewise flipped over and back at Bruce the same, with the quick response of " I choose not to because of that, and because I want this as much and; if it must be said out loud because I want it to last as long as possible. " surprised him a little. " Please, stop asking about Jotunheim. And after. And looking for the details of that year before I arrived on Earth. Leave that in particular, alone. It's past, and paid; and not as important as this. "

" Except it is. And you know it is. " had his brow drawn by this point. " Past or not, it's affecting your present; our present. And whatever future we get from it as a result, because it's unresolved. I can't see all of it, but that much is very, very clear. Am I wrong? "

" No, but -- "

" Then for fuck's sake..! " came out louder than he intended, enough that they both quieted and ended up turning an ear for the bedroom they'd left behind: or rather the big, cracked open door they'd left on the other side of that room and tucked themselves into the closet to get further away from for the inevitability of when it might be opened by someone else. He was still looking at that thin crack of light past Loki's shoulder when the truck hit him from the side in softer words, seconds into that listen. More so, for the careful affection.

Because " I know how much you resent the things he does when you lose control. The things you do. I don't want to be a reason for it. If you care as much as I do and believe you do; I will be, a reason for it if you keep after these things. " was the kind of sucker punch that instantly, hit home. Instantly, told Bruce what kinds of things had happened; and instantly hurt: in too many directions.

Because, even before Loki continued he caught the view of what he'd been missing with that first few sentences. " The stage play --Midgard-- how we finally met; was one thing. This is another. You mused then, at why it mattered so much less on the carrier, even though you knew the answer to that yourself; because it was a grey thought at best, and a dark knowledge at worst. They invited you there. And him with you. They knew what that meant; and what the cost was. A mass of soldiers and agents literally already pledged to die in service if the need arose, informed of the risk, present and aware when it did. They chose it and chose to give you the option of removing yourself from your safety and comfort zones established to keep it from happening: making that a part of the contractlong before you set foot on board. It is the same kind of contract, they entered into taking me on board in that situation rather than anywhere else. A contract reinforced andmade more dangerous in that possibility by bringing me there, and they knew that: especially putting me in that jar rather than you. And they did both, knowing this. That; was their responsibility, claimed the moment they made that offer and brought you aboard, and exposed you to all of it, like that especially: and you knew it. That's why. The guilt is yours. But not in entirety. And not as it's source. And if anyone had thought to say as much in front of me; yes and as I said then: I would have laughed in their faces.. and called them out as loudly as possible for the childish, irresponsible fools and liars they were just as a start. Your presence, to be set loose; was their doing and no one else's. Taking the option they knew was there? Setting you loose myself? Would not have been possible, otherwise either. "

Arguing that was a pointless, tinglingly numb thought. Numb enough to recognize as truth. " Are their lives and injuries worth less? No. But they are not worth the full height of your guilt either, because of that. It was, their choice; and the choice of their superiors who they chose to serve; to make and see through that offer both. You accepted yes. But ignoring the fact that there would have been nothing to accept if the danger of that contract and the cost of their lives had been considered unworthy an option and held over making it. You wouldn't have had that option to be there in the first place, otherwise. "

" What are you getting to. " was more going through the motions; more confirming than questioning. Because between the two things Bruce was pretty sure he could see the point on it's way regardless.

" That the things you are prying at where others are concerned, with your conscience; are not as forgivable or passable for others there in my history. And especially not in the portions you are prying at. They have no such excuse. They break rather than keep the lines of the contracts forged with me. Father, brother, friend; ally..? Broken. At the start in the best and worst of them. And I had my part yes. But I know your empathy. And I know your sense of justice. And unlike SHIELD: I'm unwilling to endanger what little we have for the weight of the filth and remainder you're pursuing in my history with the potential of regret, and resentment and any measure of guilt for whatever you might do to answer it. " which was hard enough to hear. But harder for the fact that, he probably wasn't wrong when he said " Or the guilt of how that resulting rage might affect us after, with me; and the attempt not to fight it and give in if I did, knowing that, too. "

But it was " You make me greedy again. You do. I won't risk being the reason your kill and injury count is raised again, with or without your consent. And as far as I'm concerned; and let me make this clear, just this once. I did so on the carrier understanding our contracts then. And it was excusable --even just by that little-- only for the same reasons; because those involved dubbed that risk and their lives a worthy enough price in the process of making them. But this; is different. None of those here or in my past --not a one of them-- are good enough for me to become that reason. And will never be good enough to be a source for even a fraction of your guilt. Especially because I've come to want and love you. I am not, and refuse to become a mirror of Odin's presence in my life, for you. Especially where you are concerned. I will not abandon and encourage you to something I know will hurt you in the end, not in potentially irreparable ways. I know what that is like. I've had my fits in that direction, dealing with that on my own myself and refuse to spread that influence more than I should. You had a distant view of it, and a not so distant view of the immediate after. " that ultimately crashed Bruce's cart.

In largest part, because of the repeat " We are both monsters, yes. But we are not either of us, that kind of monster; and especially not for each other. "

Tightening his hold around Loki's middle felt as inevitable as closing his eyes did. Natural as the tip a few otherwise boneless and clingy seconds of silence later to catch a kiss Bruce could initiate and steal for himself; half burnt out on the frizz of everything that knocked into place and the absolution of the claims he was making, and the honesty that went with them.

This is why; crept up as a deafeningly quiet thought and feeling both behind his eyes.

This is why I'm here. And this is why he doesn't want to be in these rooms and take much more for himself than the other pillow he didn't give me, with him.

Does the rest really matter when that's a thing?

When the main things he comes in here for, the only things he thinks of as worthy of taking: are meant to offer me more comfort?

Does it have to be dug up out of the grave he's trying to keep it in?

Does and can that trust keep without faith, and the understanding he means every word of that?

All of those, had the same single syllable answer; that could be spelled out too simply with two letters out of the English alphabet.

One nod, small against the warm soft press down of Loki's forehead still resting, waiting against his; gave him the feel of the smaller smile against the peaks of his mouth before it was pressed in. Once, and again for a second slow kiss. Fingers skipping everything else from his hips to stroke into Bruce's shorter, curly hair.

Small, honest things. A lot more valuable than what he had been chasing after.

And every one of them stolen. Between worlds and chains and extra eyes: and expectations.

" Thief. "

" Heh. " smiling right back at him through the press of slower kisses. " That as they say, is my line. " Eyes closing again listening to the sound of Loki's voice; no need for them to stay open and no want to deprive himself of the sensation, soaking up that warmth. " You took half my reason in three feet of safe space, sir. I demand reparations.. "

" ..nope. Too late now mister. " and another kiss. " I'm keepin' every piece a you I get my hands on, Lo; 'kay and thanks... " And that smile.

Not even the view, with his eyes closed. The feel of it.

I'll steal as many of those as I can make while I'm at it too.