Doctor Stephen Strange was used to chaotic events. After all, he did work in a hospital before he became a master of the mystic arts, thank you very much. However, in all of his years as a doctor and a surgeon, the one thing that he could never quite reconcile with was opening up children.
Seeing a child after they had survived a massive trauma.
He did treat them, of course he did – he was an extremely competent, some would argue brilliant, surgeon – but he had always found it more difficult to move on from those cases. They were always told “to leave the work at work” throughout medical school and internships. However, it is always a case of being easier said than done. Strange knew that doctors didn’t always get the luxury of having completely separate work and home lives, and that was always quite okay by him, but the image of a child suffering is something that the doctor had found impossible to even try to leave in the hospital.
An average surgeon would probably have a couple of cases that they would think about for the rest of their lives, that would haunt them so to speak. Stephen was no different, but it seemed as if most of his ‘haunting’ cases were of children. After the surgery, after the compartmentalisation had succeeded in helping him (more often than not) save the patient, the surgeon always took a moment, a minute, an hour to connect his patient with the person that they were.
The child.
The unfortunate innocent who had been caught up in a human-made disaster. Or who had been unlucky in the genetic lottery resulting in them falling seriously ill.
That feeling of second-hand distress was familiar to Doctor Stephen Strange. The feeling that either the patient or their parent or guardian should be feeling. The distress and sorrow and anger at the universe. That was what the doctor was feeling at this exact moment as he surveyed Spider-Man. No Peter Parker…a child (somewhat, he was sixteen after all – on the older side of the teenage scale). He saw the look on Stark’s face, the anguish as the child – the one that everyone refers to as Stark’s kid eventhough there is no biological basis to this, anyone who observed the two of them could tell that although they were not related by blood, they were by what matters, love – is cradled in his arms.
Stephen had foreseen this reality of course. On Titan.
However, some part of him, some small illogical part of him had hoped that he had been wrong. That he had made a mistake. Hoped that he was still struggling to control and utilise his new-found “powers”. It was a highly unlikely scenario, but that did not stop that illogical part of himself from hoping that when he gave Tony Stark the signal, that the man would find a way to cheat destiny. Or perhaps he would have found a way in the FIVE years that he was given. Ultimately it was too much to hope. – The human mind, when addled with grief, could rarely function coherently let alone make new connections in the space time continuum and change the future.
Now, looking at the mangled body of the child – that is what Peter is and therefore that is how Strange was going to refer to him – he was confronted with a memory of a similar injury. A trauma case that he had assisted on as a young surgeon:
A seventeen-year-old female who had been involved in a motor vehicle collision. It had been a drunk driver. The girl had been driving on a freeway when the drunk had crossed over to the opposite side of the rode, colliding head on with the girl’s car. The patient had collided with her windshield as the airbags in her car had failed to deploy. She had suffered multiple facial contusions and a broken femur before the car had caught fire.
When she had arrived at the small town hospital where Stephen had been completing a training placement, the left side of her face had been charred as well as 78% of her body. A young Dr Stephen Strange had been called to assist the head of neurosurgery as the patient had sustained a closed head injury which had caused damage to her frontal lobes – specifically to the premotor and supplementary motor areas of the left hemisphere as well as the prefrontal cortex, dorsolateral prefrontal cortex, and the orbitofrontal cortex. She had also suffered a number of small bleeds and white matter damage to her temporal lobes.
The child, that is what she was, spent six weeks in the Intensive Care Unit and suffered from retrograde amnesia when she woke up. She had lost a whole six months of her life. She never did get those memories back; Stephen knows this because he had made a point of checking up on her once a year as her medical records were updated annually as she had check-ups with her consultants. It was probably for the best that she didn’t get those back, imagine having to deal with the trauma of the accident several years after the event had occurred.
However, the patient did manage to regain complete motor functions after eighteen months in a physical rehabilitation centre in Massachusetts. It took a while longer than anticipated due to the amount weight that she had lost during her six week stint in the ICU. She was quite a small girl prior to the accident so it would have taken longer for her to build up the muscles used for walking and dexterity. In addition to this, the patient became prone to what the vast majority of people, and some severely undereducated professionals, would call “mood swings”. It was a drastic change in her personality according to family and friends at the time, and she became increasingly frustrated and was prone to outbursts of anger where she could go from being happy and laughing to being angry and screaming within seconds.
Knowing all of this, knowing that a similar fate might await the young hero before him, Stephen begins to wonder if the child will recover from this. And if he does make it through the procedures, will he ever be the same?
Will he want to live if he becomes a different person? It isn’t unusual for patients to have depressive and suicidal thoughts when they are recovering from major injuries and their subsequent surgeries. This is even more common where brain injuries are involved, people will fall into despair when they cannot complete basic tasks or when they notice a shift in their personality. The latter often occurs when they say or do something that negatively impacts on their loved ones and either realise or are told that this is not usual behaviour for them.
What will happen if Peter cannot live independently? Stephen does not claim to know much about the young Mr Parker, but he knew that the kid valued being Spider-Man. He valued being able to help his Aunt around the house. He valued going to school and having a normal high school experience, well as normal as one can get in a school specifically for children who are gifted in the S.T.E.M subjects.
Stephen knew that Peter was a joyful kid. Therefore, he does not want to contemplate what a change in the kid’s personality might mean. Despite all of this information running through his head, Stephen knows that the injuries his eyes evaluate as he surveys Peter are not identical to those from that case years ago. Eventhough the young Avenger took a substantial blow to the head; he did have enhanced healing and there is also the fact that the injury did not occur as a result of a blunt force trauma instigated by a car crash.
No, just from wielding the infinity stones. A group of objects which no mortal has used, let alone all at the same time, or survived.
No, this injury definitely came about from worse circumstances. This injury was definitely worse – to hell with not comparing people’s pain or minimalizing it, the world was already shot to hell so who gives a damn?
There is also the issue that Peter is not meant to survive this. Stephen had seen the outcome of this one timeline. It was the only scenario in which the world was saved from Thanos. Peter died, Stephen had seen his lifeless body being placed into a coffin and lowered into the ground. He had witnessed the Avengers looming over the gravestone alongside Peter’s Aunt and his two best friends. Stephen had seen the vigils being held in Queens, the people mourning their hero who had looked out for the neighbourhood.
Of course, Stephen was aware that he must do everything in his power to help this child, that is his duty not only as a doctor but as a decent human being. Perhaps destiny can be cheated. Stark couldn’t do it, but he did not have foresight at his disposal. However, he is not ignorant to the mental toll a traumatic injury like this can take on a patient. Many are prone to depressive episodes. It is normal, expected even. He also knows that for a child like this, like Peter, the ability to function independently and to a high standard is integral to his lifestyle; to his happiness. Of course many people in Peter’s life would be glad that he would no longer be Spider-Man, that he wouldn’t go out risking his life when he could just as well focus on school. That he could focus on his future.
But Doctor Stephen Strange knows that Peter would not see it as a blessing.
He knows that this child would rather die than be forced to give up something that is so important to him. It is his sense of identity.
The kid should be able to separate his two lives, Peter Parker and Spider-Man. But he cannot. Somewhere along the way, the vigilante aspect of his life had become so intertwined with his civilian life that he can no longer imagine the two as separate. Peter Parker is Spider-Man, and Spider-Man is Peter Parker.
Strange wonders when that happened. Was it when the child’s Uncle died? Was it when he finally caught the man who killed him? A traumatic event such as that would have created a bond between the two identities that could have carried on throughout the years.
There were other events that surely intertwined the two identities such as the Homecoming dance fiasco, the bonding with his idol turned mentor which would have undoubtedly encouraged the evolution of Spider-Man as Peter wanted to make his third father figure proud.
In conclusion, there are too many variables that might have accelerated this hero persona that has become a favourite of the people for Strange to narrow down. In addition, this pondering over events would not help to save the child.
There does not seem to be much that will help to save the child. And although he would never admit it, that scares the doctor. What if he cannot help? What if he fails? No, he cannot think that way at the moment. He must open a portal and get the child to the place that will give him the best chance. Strange knows exactly which place that is.
He opens a portal.
He makes eye contact with Stark. – The man is clearly in distress, probably on the verge of a panic attack. Or a nervous breakdown, this child means a lot to him and he clearly doesn’t know what to do without him. He invented time travel to save the kid for crying out loud. The affection for this kid seems to know no bounds.
That is the moment that Strange realises that he cannot fail. He cannot let them down. He must do everything in his power and more to save this child.
The Wakandan hospital is in chaos. Tony can barely tell what is happening around him, he tries to focus on what is in front of him – his kid. He blocks everything else out, all the noise, all of the doctors and nurses who are running back and forth in an attempt to deal with the casualties.
From the moment that he stepped through the portal; Tony has held Peter in his arms more protectively than ever. He is not a complete idiot; he is a certified genius thank you very much. As such he knows that this may be the last time he holds Peter.
Tony saw the look in the wizard’s eyes when he saw Peter propped up by the rock on the battlefield. He knows that the odds of his kid surviving aren’t good. But he also knows that Peter needs to be taken into surgery if he has any chance of surviving this. So when the doctors rushed to his side with a hospital bed, Tony did not resist as they took Peter from his arms and laid him down. He didn’t rush after them when they started wheeling Peter towards the surgical rooms.
He did however grab Strange’s arm, forcing the doctor/wizard to look him directly into his eyes.
However, before he could say anything, the doctor gave a sympathetic look and said, “I will try my best to save him,” before yanking his arm out of Tony’s grasp and running after the other medical staff.
Tony numbly sat down on one of the chairs in the deserted waiting room. If he was here on business, or really for any reason other than his kid dying, he would have taken a good couple of minutes to appreciate the minimalistic décor of the high-tech Wakandan hospital waiting room. He would have marvelled at the technology that surrounded the place, that was stationed in the corridors and rooms lining it. He would have taken it all in whilst making mental notes of what was similar in his compound and home and what he could take inspiration from. After all, geniuses such as Tony were always looking for inspiration – they could never be certain when their next big idea would develop.
But Tony was not there on business.
He wasn’t there for recreational purposes either.
He was sitting in the waiting room of the most advanced hospital in the world, perhaps the universe, because his kid was dying. Because his kid had been a self-sacrificing hero and had wielded the infinity stones without a second thought for his own safety. He had done what he thought was the only option to save the universe. Peter had seized the opportunity without hesitation. Without delay. Everything that had occurred on that battlefield was a testament to the type of hero Peter is, everything he did was to help the team and his final action – the action that ended the fight – was so selfless.
Just thinking about it makes Tony feel like the most selfish person in the universe. Because no matter what, he can’t help but wish that Peter hadn’t done anything. That he hadn’t become Spider-Man even. Tony understands that if Peter hadn’t become Spider-Man that many people would not have experienced their life to the fullest because no one would have saved them, but Peter would be okay. Probably, the war against Thanos would still have happened and he most likely would have been dusted, but he never would have had to experience the trauma of feeling it happen molecule by molecule. He would have goon as quickly and painlessly as everyone else.
Tony would never be able to get the memory of the kid begging him not to let him go. Of the pain in the child’s eyes. Pain that nobody should have to experience.
Tony also thinks, selfishly again, that if Peter had not become Spider-Man, they most likely never would have met. Tony couldn’t imagine a life without knowing this kid. (But at least Peter would have been safe.) Everything that Tony has done since meeting Peter was to protect him. Even when he stupidly took away his suit – he still maintains that it was a valuable teaching moment. Everything that Tony had done to defeat Thanos, it hadn’t been for the good of the universe. Nor had it been because he was one of the group dubbed as “Earth’s mightiest heroes”. No, it was all for Peter.
Oh Peter, it all comes back to you.
By this point the doctors had taken Peter away a couple of minutes ago. Or had it been hours? Time seemed to be irrelevant to Tony, he could not keep track of how much had passed. It seemed as if Tony could not do anything. Peter was in the operating room fighting for his life and Tony could not help. He was useless in this situation and it irked him to no end.
Surely there was some way that he could help.
Tony had even failed to invent medicine strong enough for Peter, so the doctors had to knock him out using some sort of magnetic pulse. He wasn’t sure what they had done because he had not been paying attention to anything they were saying in reality. At that moment, his sole attention was on the kid laid out in front of him and who was being wheeled away from him. The only thing Tony could really recall was that they had done it after he had been taken into theatre.
God, Tony really needed to get this medication situation sorted out because what was Peter going to do when he was in recovery? Grin and bear it? Suffer?
No.
No. That cannot happen.
Tony needed to fix this; he could do something to help. He must be able to do something to help.
He was hit with a sudden memory of Peter being in pain after being shot in the abdomen nine times when preventing a mugging. Thankfully Karen had informed FRIDAY who had in turn informed Tony. By the time he had gotten the kid to a safe location, he was already healing which would have been a good thing if the bullets had not still been inside of him. It was one of those situations where enhanced healing did not help. It made the situation ten times worse as they had to cut Peter open in order to remove the bullets and prevent infection setting in (because despite superhuman healing, he was still susceptible to infections, even sepsis in a worst case scenario).
What had shocked Tony the most that night, even more so than the fact that the kid took over the recommended dose of morphine and it barely took the edge off (they were far too close to an overdose of the stuff for a normal person for Tony’s comfort, because eventhough he knew that Peter’s metabolism would most likely have not left room for an overdose, there was not any tests to confirm this and therefore Tony was incredibly worried), was the fact that the kid would have done this himself if Tony hadn’t been there. In fact, he had admitted to re-opening a wound to dig a bullet wound out before.
Peter had mentioned it in an attempt to comfort Tony, in a “don’t worry Mr Stark, its not like this is the first time”. That was quickly followed by:
“You’ve done this before?!”
“I mean….it was meant to be comforting!”
“Well, it’s most definitely not comforting kid! We are definitely going to be having a serious conversation about this tomorrow!”
Tony let out a soft, humourless chuckle at the memory. It was a situation which is almost too absurd to have happened. Honestly, if Tony hadn’t fought aliens before, he would have a hard time believing that the conversation had occurred. On the other hand, it is one of those situations that is almost too absurd to be fake.
Anyway, after that experience, Tony had vowed to create a medication that would be strong enough to compete with Peter’s enhanced metabolism that even rivalled that of Steve’s. And he had been close. He had been working on it, he had several of what Pepper had affectionately dubbed his “workshop retreats” (and what Tony just calls “working”) in order to build on his ideas. He had even been consulting with Cho. They had been close.
And then ‘the snap’ had occurred – the original one.
Peter had been gone. After several years, Tony had given up hope of ever bringing him back. As a result of that, any projects concerning Peter had been placed into a file and banished to the darkest depths of his servers.
Tony couldn’t bear the thought of accidently coming across one of those projects and facing the reality that he would never see his kid again.
But now he was back. Tony had brought him back and so he needed to do everything in his power to help his kid. He needed to be able to look him in the eyes and tell him that everything was going to be okay. He needed to mean those words when he spoke them.
A couple of hours passed with Tony working on a tablet that he had acquired from one of the nearby nurses’ stations. He was not starting completely from scratch; Tony had an extremely good memory, photographic even, and so within no time at all this project was all caught up with that in his database back home. He could have tried to transfer the files over, but that would have taken some hacking and then some digging in his servers and then finding the right connection to transfer them without the risk of the files being intercepted and corrupted. Tony had come to the conclusion that it was just more time efficient to start again.
He longs for FRIDAY of course, but it is not like he needs the AI to complete this project. He had created the AI in the first place, so it would just be like working with a slightly more advanced version of himself. Which would be nice… but not necessary.
The silence in the waiting room was deafening. It could be that Tony was missing the steady beat of his AC/DC which he often listened to in the lab when he was working. It was at this moment that Tony recalled how he used to have to turn his music down when Peter came to the lab due to his enhanced hearing. Tony recalled how, in the first few months, he was constantly nervous that he would trigger a sensory overload for the poor kid. But eventually, they had settled into a routine. Tony could tell when the kid needed the lab to be extra quiet and that’s when he left the music off and they would just fill the silence with chatter. – It was usually about the upgrades that they were working on, but it would occasionally drift to other topics such as movies, events that had happened that day or week…etc…
He had become so used to accommodating the young hero, that when he had first re-entered his lab a year after returning from Titan he had automatically put the volume to what he liked to call “bug-safe level”. – Peter had always feigned irritation at this, insisting that spiders were arachnids, but Tony knew that he was just joking. In fact, now that he looks back on it, maybe Peter even liked the nickname for the: he always got this look on his face when it was mentioned that Tony could never quite decipher. The kid was smiling, and that was all Tony had cared about. – Tony hadn’t even realised that he had done it until Rhodey came to visit him and made an offhand comment about expecting his ears to be bleeding when he came in.
Tony had made a point of turning his music to the maximum volume after that.
Tony wonders if the deafening silence could just be what life is like without Peter. That maybe the world was already mourning its hero. He’s not even in the ground yet and it feels like the world is already making a mockery of his life and subsequently of his death.
No, Tony cannot think like this.
Jesus, he had to try and stay positive for once. Peter is going to be okay. Peter is going to be okay. Peter –
Peter is going to live, and when he wakes up these specs will be ready for him to expect.
Keeping those sentences running as a mantra in his head, Tony continued to make adjustments to the formula foe a while before running it through a simulation to see if it would be effective against Peter’s enhanced metabolism. It failed, but that was not going to stop Tony from trying.
He would make this right. No matter what he had done in his life, this kid deserves the world and therefore every time he ran a new simulation, he would say a quick prayer for it to work and for him to have a breakthrough before Peter got out of surgery. Tony was not going to let this one moment define the rest of his kid’s life. He was a kid for crying out loud, and his life might never be the same so Tony was going to make the recovery as easy as he possibly could.
Then, like a truck running into his fragile, human, body, the thought hit him.
Peter might not live.
But Tony shook his head. He couldn’t think like that. He didn’t have the time for it, he had to keep his head down and focus on the task at hand. It was the least he could do, to make sure that the kid would be able to experience the numbness and relief that came with good-quality morphine. Peter would probably have to have multiple surgeries if the state he was in post-battle was anything to go by.
Maybe he could create a recreational version too? If Peter lives – no, not if, when. When Peter lives he needs to try some sort of kind-of legal drug. Not that Tony endorses the use of recreational drugs. In fact, he strongly opposes any use of them – God knows they got him into deep shit when he was younger, too many times to count – but Peter did hist save the entire universe so maybe he deserves to experience a high. To do something rebellious, tick it off his bucket list maybe (Tony doesn’t know what is on the kid’s list but he was going to find out and make sure that everything was completed once Peter was better). It’s not like Peter would be able to experience it as an adult unless Tony invented it for him so… Tony would rather have him experiment with these kinds of things in a safe environment than Peter doing out in public where he could potentially be taken advantage of.
Pulling himself away from the tangent that he had found himself on, Tony refocuses his attention on the device in front of him. He could worry about different drugs later, for now he would focus on the morphine and sedatives that would need to be used throughout Peter’s recovery.
So that is what Tony did for the next thirteen hours: He made alterations to the formulas and ran simulations.
He completed this cycle over and over again.
He ran a simulation, it failed, he made alterations to the formula, and he ran another simulation.
Finally, after hours upon hours of intense mental labour, Tony reached the final products that Peter could benefit from. He had run the final simulation twice just to make sure that the successful simulation wasn’t an error.
It was not.
He had created medication that Peter can use eventhough Tony himself is not a medical engineer, but now was hardly the time to congratulate himself. He needed to track down Princess Shuri and ask her to develop the medication in her lab. He knew from his original correspondence with Wakanda after what the public had called the Avengers’ “Civil War” that she was in charge of Wakanda’s science sector.
Tony was confident that she would let him use her facilities to materialise his formulae, but it was only polite to ask.
Before Tony could have the mental argument with himself over whether he should go and track down the Princess now or wait until he had received news about Peter, Strange walked through the doors of the room.
Tony was relieved, not only had it been an unacceptable number of hours that he had been waiting to hear something, but he didn’t have to feel as though he was abandoning Peter by leaving the room to search for Princess Shuri.
He briefly wonders if Peter might be dead because he wasn’t sure if they could be finished yet. Unless the kid’s injuries were not as bad as they had appeared to be. But deep down, he knows that that is not the case. He knows that Peter is the only human to ever wield the infinity stones alone, all of them at once for that matter. Therefore, he knows how badly Peter had been injured by that gauntlet – all because I couldn’t get to it first. But pondering over events of the past is of no use. For Strange is approaching, and Tony was about to hear the news whether he was ready for it or not.
Tony takes in the other man’s appearance. He looks tired, no…not tired. He looked exhausted. It isn’t a surprise really. Anyone who had just fought a battle against the most powerful enemy in the universe and then proceeded to operate on the hero who had salvaged the universe from the wreckage that it had become in the five years he had been absent would be. Anyone else may not have been able to do it, but if there was one thing that Tony knew about the wizard, it was that he had a super-human ability when it came to his work – both his magic and surgeon skills.
Tony cannot predict what the other man in the room was going to say when he finally came to a halt a couple of steps away from Tony.
Tony did not want to speculate, he just wanted to know. No matter what, he just needed to know.
Stephen finally opened his mouth, “I am not going to sugar-coat it Stark, it is not good. He sustained substantial injury, the worst trauma case that I have ever seen, let alone operated on. He has severe burns on approximately 47% of his body, we couldn’t save his right arm, we had to amputate, and we won’t know the extent of his brain damage until he wakes up – and there will be damage, he had severe bleeds and grey matter damage which we could see on the scans.” Stephen said all of this with a resilient voice, not letting Tony hear the anguish that he was feeling at all of this. “But he is alive,” he let this sink in.
Tony felt an immediate sense of relief. It was as if a massive weight had been lifted off of him. He could breathe again.
Peter was going to be okay. Peter was alive. Peter was going to be okay. Peter was alive. – Tony let those statements, because that was what they were (facts), replace the old mantra in his head.
“Can I see him?” Tony inquired, his voice cracking.
“In about an hour, we just have to monitor him post-op. To make sure that he is stable. The first hour is imperative, if anything is going to go wrong at the moment, this is when it would happen, and we need to make sure we catch it before it becomes life threatening.” The doctor looked at Tony with sympathy, and Tony understood.
“Okay,” he said. “Okay, that makes sense. I’m going to track down the Princess and see if she’ll let me use her labs to manufacture this.” Tony gestured to the tablet.
Upon the inquisitive look that the doctor shot him, Tony explained that he had finished developing pain relief and a sedative that Peter could use with his enhanced metabolism. Strange seemed to be impressed, expressing his gratitude for the invention as he knew that it would significantly benefit his patient.
Strange turned around and headed out of the waiting room, Tony following behind him.
“I will be in the ICU with the other doctors monitoring Peter, I’ll come find you when you can come see him,” Doctor Stephen Strange addressed Tony in a calm yet authoritative manner.
Tony looked at him and nodded, “Thank you.”
Strange walked back towards the double doors of the hospital corridor whilst Tony wondered where he should go. He surveyed his surroundings and was suddenly struck with the realisation that he was not entirely sure where the laboratories were or even if the Princess would be there. They had just won a war after all, Tony was sure that many people would not be going back to their usual jobs straight away – most likely people would be reconciling with loved ones and seeking comfort in the aftermath of the past five years.
The world is so different from that which he left; Peter is definitely in for a shock when he wakes up.
Focusing on the task at hand, Tony surveyed his surroundings. The hospital seemed to resemble a ghost town, all of the staff seemed to either be absent or in theatre. There were not any nurses at the stations and so Tony seemed to be left to his own devices to track down the young woman.
Tony decided his best bet was to find his way to the ground floor of this building. With any luck, there would be someone in reception who could give him directions. Tony’s legs carried him towards what he assumed was the elevator. However, just before he stepped into the elegant glass box, Tony noticed a kind looking man approaching and seized his opportunity.
“Excuse me,” he tried to attract the man’s attention. Tony would never admit it, but he was slightly on the nervous side when facing this task. Nobody could really blame him; he was attempting to find the Princess of an extremely advanced country where he could very well look like a complete idiot. He wasn’t too familiar with all of the customs and procedures that people may be expected to abide by here and eventhough he was sure he could get away with being slightly ignorant due to the fact that his kid was currently in the intensive care unit being monitored after going through hours of surgery in an attempt to save his life, Tony was not sure how far that grace would extend.
He had managed to get the attention of the man near the elevator, so Tony decided to continue with his request. He took a steadying breath, but he would never admit that that is what it was as he was Tony Stark, the most confident person in the world. But he could not risk messing this up, he may only have one chance to make a good enough impression in order to be allowed to use the advanced facilities here in Wakanda. Tony had already let Peter down once before; he was not going to do so again.
“I don’t suppose you could tell me where I could find Princess Shuri?” There. He had made his request and with any luck, it would be granted. But Tony was not sure if the approachable man was going to tell him where to find her, Tony could see the confusion cross the man’s face and he knew that the man was sizing him up. Seeing how much of a threat he poses.
“It’s just my kid, Spider-Man that is, has just been in the operating theatre – he saved the universe you know – and there aren’t any medications that he can use, his metabolism is enhanced so normal medication doesn’t work, and I’ve developed a specialised pain relief and sedatives that are compatible with his enhanced DNA, and I was hoping that she would let me use her lab to manufacture the medicine?” No matter how confident Tony normally was, he could not stop the nervousness from seeping into his words. He couldn’t help the rambling, he needed this to work. He needed Peter to have this pain relief when he woke up.
And the only way that was going to happen was if this man would help Tony find Shuri and allow him a moment to convince her to let him use her lab.
Tony was confident that the last part would not be a problem. From what Tony knows about the Princess, she is a very smart and kind person, so he wasn’t nervous about her letting him use the lab. What Tony was nervous about however was tracking the Princess down. He was not confident that anyone would allow a virtual stranger who probably looked worse for wear at the moment, near their beloved Princess (and resident genius, Tony wasn’t afraid to admit that her intelligence rivalled his, and she was just a kid. Like Peter, the two of them might get along.)
However, Tony had no need to be nervous. It turned out that his original observation of the short man was correct, he seemed to be kind and happy to help. “Of course, I understand. I am sure her Highness is currently in the science department. Follow me, I will take you to see her.” The man seemed more than happy to help Tony find the Princess Shuri as he replied to Tony’s request in a thick Wakandan accent.
As the man gestured for Tony to enter the elevator, he spoke once again “I am sure the Princess will be more than happy to help. I do not know what happened out there, but it seems as if Spider-Man is in need of our assistance, and of course we seem to owe the young hero a debt if he did indeed save us.”
“He did.” Tony was quick to respond.
The man nodded his head in appreciation and soon enough they were exiting the elevator and boarding a train. Tony took a moment to marvel at how the trains, seemingly made from vibranium, worked on a magnetic field track. He noticed how smooth the journey was, and how fast.
Tony felt slightly guilty for admiring the technology surrounding him, but Peter was going to be fine, and he decided that he would need to observe as much as he can so that he could talk about it with Peter. Maybe something to distract the kid with. So, for the rest of the journey to the labs Tony took note of anything that he thought Peter might find interesting about this highly advanced city. Tony would be fooling himself if he tried to deny is own awe for the technology and architecture, if he was finding the place amazing, he could only imagine what Peter might think of it.
In what seemed to be no time at all, the train had come to a stop and the man, who Tony still did not know the name of was gesturing for him to get off of the train. He did so and turned, expecting to see the man following him off of the train. He really needed to get this guy’s name, he couldn’t keep mentally referring to him as ‘the man’. Tony was just about to ask for his name when the man spoke: “The Princess should be with you in a minute, I must go attend to my duties. I do hope that your child makes a full, painless, recovery.”
Before Tony could reply or ask the question that was burning in his chest, the doors to the train had closed and the man was out of sight. To his dismay, Tony stood there, for a good few minutes, stunned.
Gathering his composure, Tony turned around to see where the train had dropped him off. The building was as pristine as the last, the floors and walls had a slight metallic gleam to them whilst the windows were crystal clear. There seemed to be a uniformity to the public buildings, Tony wasn’t sure whether all of the buildings in Wakanda followed this pattern, but he had an inkling that people had more personalised houses. But anything was possible, and he hadn’t even had the time to think about exploring the city so those were inquiries that were going to have to wait until Peter was better.
Movement in his peripheral vision pulled Tony away from his internal wonderings. He immediately recognised the figure and tried to make himself look like he was composed by straightening up and adjusting his grip on the tablet device, subtly of course; he did not want anyone to even think that he was struggling to regain his composure, or that he was nervous.
He was Tony Stark.
He had had a lifetime of training for public appearances.
He had several decades worth of experience in masking his emotions. – Unfortunately, it was a necessary evil that had come with the life Tony had lived.
“Hello, I hear that you are in need of my assistance,” Princess Shuri greeted Tony as soon as she reached an appropriate speaking distance.
“Yes, Princess Shuri.” Tony gave a slight bow of the head in an attempt to acknowledge the respect that someone of the Princess’ title deserved. “I was hoping that you might allow me to use your lab to manufacture these medicines for Peter – Spider-Man?” Tony quickly carried on, “his metabolism is enhanced you see, and normal medication doesn’t even take the edge off. So I’ve created these, and they have been compatible in simulations so they work…” Tony finally trailed off and observed the Princess. He couldn’t quite read her expression, but he was hopeful.
“Of course!” The Princess exclaimed. “Leave this with me, you should head back to the hospital, I’m sure you will be able to see him in a few minutes.” The Princess paused and seemed to look over Tony.
Now he would never admit to this, but he started to become slightly unnerved at her eyes roaming over his appearance. He hadn’t seen himself in a mirror, but he had come straight from the battle, so he was sure that he wasn’t looking his best at the moment.
“But first, you are going to come with me and we are going to find you some new clothes. You need to at least look like you haven’t just rampaged through a farmyard when Peter wakes up. Follow me.”
And so Tony did. He followed the Princess, who, half way through walking along a rather obnoxiously long corridor, turned to him and informed Tony to “just call [her] Shuri”. They eventually entered what Tony assumed was the main laboratory as it seemed to have several projects opened on holograms which were not too dissimilar to those which he had invented himself.
Shuri caught him looking at the holograms and told him in no uncertain terms that if he carried on staring, they would implode, and he would be the one paying for the damage. It felt strange to be reprimanded by a teenager, but Tony just took it as another sign of the different culture in this futuristic city and thus he shrugged it off in an attempt to make his expression seem more inquisitive than anything else. – Which was actually what he was going for in the first place.
Before he could inquire about any of the technology surrounding him, Tony found himself being ushered into a room which he had not originally noticed was attached to the main space. “Here take these,” Shuri extended what seemed to be a pair of sweats in his direction. “I figured you might want something comfortable,” she said in lieu of an explanation.
“Thank you.” Tony wasn’t sure what else to say.
“There is a shower in there, I would take advantage of it if I were you.” The way in which Shuri said it was not unkind, but it made the message clear: He needed a shower. And Tony didn’t disagree, he did need one. Shuri continued, “Don’t worry about the medicine, I will upload the formulae to the system and will begin the synthetization process.”
“Thank you,” Tony did not seem capable of articulating anything else. After a nod of encouragement from the intelligent teenager, Tony gave a nod of appreciation back and proceeded to enter what he found to be a massive bathroom.
In a way, it reminded Tony of his own lab which he once used in the tower. The Wakandan Princess’ lab had a massive open floor plan with several work stations, as well as a bathroom and Tony guessed that she had a fridge hidden somewhere. The parallels between this lab and his own were uncanny.
He continued to ponder the similarities between Wakanda and New York whilst he made efficient use of the bathing facilities he had been granted access to. It was a relief really, to be able to wash away the dirt and grime of the battle. Watching Peter’s blood being washed away was somewhat comforting to Tony, because he now knew that Peter was going to be okay. He knew that his kid wasn’t bleeding out in his arms but was in fact safe and secure and being monitored by the doctors in the most advanced hospital on Earth.
For the first time since he stepped through the portal that Strange had conjured into Wakanda, Tony allowed his thoughts to drift away from the immediate issue at hand and found himself wondering how everyone back home were doing. He hadn’t heard from them, but they were alright when he had seen them at the last battle. He wondered if Pepper had gone to check up on Morgan. If they were okay. If they were settling in for the night whilst waiting for an update on where the hell he was.
Surely someone had told them.
But who?
Tony was not sure who was aware of his exact location other than Strange. With the sudden realisation that he needed to get in contact with his wife and daughter, Tony quickly threw on the clothes that he had been given, a simple white top, grey joggers, and hoodie, and hurried out to the main lab room.
With a sense of urgency, Tony inquired whether Shuri had a phone that he could “borrow for a sec” to which he was handed one of his own designs.
“You have a Starkphone?” Tony asked incredulously.
“I like the design,” Shuri shrugged nonchalantly. “Don’t let it feed your ego,” she added.
Tony gave something between a hum and a huff as a response, already plugging in Pepper’s number. He brought the phone to his ear and waited for Pepper to pick up. She did, almost in record time.
“Hello?” Her voice was an instant ointment for his worries.
“Hey Pep, it’s me.”
“Tony? How are you? How’s Peter? – I heard that you’re in Wakanda.” Pepper’s voice sounded both relieved, probably because I finally remembered to call her, and worried at the same time. Tony figured that the best thing he could do was to explain everything to her and hope that she was okay with him camping out here for the foreseeable future. Who knows, perhaps she and Morgan could come and visit, Lord knows that Tony was going to have to find a way to contact May and get her over here to see her nephew.
“I’m fine Pep, Peter….Peter is okay too. They just finished the surgery about 45 minutes ago, they said I could probably see him an hour post-op, so I’ll be heading back over in a minute. They’re keeping him in observation you see, Strange says they need to make sure nothing goes wrong directly after surgery and that I can’t go in for the moment because they need to be able to catch it before…before it becomes life threatening.” Tony took a breath before carrying on with the update. He could hear Pepper’s sharp intake of breath at the suggestion that he could still die. That there was not a guarantee that Peter would make it through this.
But Tony refused to think like that.
The kid was out of surgery, his medication was being manufactured as they spoke, and he was going to be alright.
He moved back towards the bathroom in an attempt to gain some semblance of privacy in the open-plan laboratory. “But...” Tony took a steadying breath to brace himself before he revealed the truth of how Peter was really doing, the extent of his condition. “They had to amputate his right arm, they couldn’t save it, about 47% of him is charred meat, and he has brain damage – but here’s the kicker, they don’t know how bad it is until he wakes up!” Tony’s voice adopted a slightly hysterical tone towards the end of his explanation.
He could practically hear Pepper’s heart break over the phone.
For the past five years, she had become close to Peter eventhough she had never actually met the kid. She had listened to Tony’s stories in those early days after half the universe was dusted, when he had still hoped they would find a way to bring them back. She was there through it all, all of the late night stories and early morning coffee breaks. It was no wonder she couldn’t immediately come up with any words after hearing what had happened to Peter, she knew what kind of impact this would have on the child who had been described as energetic, kind and easy-going.
Pepper couldn’t think of anything to say at first, she stood in the living room of her and Tony’s cabin and wondered what her husband must be thinking at this moment. She knew that she had to say something, she had to calm Tony down before he worked himself into a panic. She took a deep breath and willed her voice to stay steady, for Tony’s sake.
“He’s alive.” That seemed like a good start. “He’s alive and he is going to be okay, you can’t worry about all the what-ifs, and don’t deny it Tony Stark, I know that’s what you’re thinking about and you have to stop. Peter needs you focused on him when he wakes up, not wrapped up in your own head.” Pepper closed her eyes and hoped that her voice didn’t come off as too harsh. She knew that her husband would be torturing himself over what he could have done different, and she needed to make sure that he wouldn’t fall down that rabbit hole, at least not yet. She needed to make sure that someone was there for him before that happened and seeing as she wouldn’t be able to make it to Wakanda in a couple of minutes, she needed to be sure he would be alright until she got there.
It was a relief when his voice came down the phone, albeit raspy and unsure sounding. “Okay, I know, I know he’s going to be okay, its just…what if he’s not? What if he wakes up and can’t remember what happened? What am I supposed to say? ‘Oh, yeah you were in a battle with a giant purple raisin and decided it would be alright to sacrifice yourself eventhough there was an abundance of other people who could have done that….eventhough….” His voice broke and Pepper could tell that he was struggling to keep his emotions in check. It was times like these that she cursed the world for making him feel as though he could never truly let his emotions show, she knew it wasn’t good for him to keep them bottled up but after nearly two decades of knowing the man she knew that there was nothing to convince him that it was okay to cry, to scream at the unfairness of the world. The only thing she could do was be there for him when he eventually had to let it all out, probably in the privacy of his lab. That is where he has always felt the safest. “Eventhough it was supposed to be me?”
Pepper’s heart broke once again, but this time it was for Tony. He was racked with guilt and there was nothing she could do to make it go away for him. Not immediately anyway, and she doubted that it would go away any time soon even if she were there. She could picture him, standing there in a room with an anguished look on his face. Something that she wishes isn’t true but deep down knows that it is.
She knows that Tony is punishing himself over something which he could not control. Therefore that is exactly what she told him.
“Tony…” Pepper let all of her emotions seep into her next words in hopes that he would pick up on the sincerity of what she was about to say. “You can’t think like that. You can’t punish yourself for something you couldn’t control.”
“But Pep – “ Tony tried to cut in, but Pepper could not allow that to happen, she has to make him see sense before this guilt crushes him like it almost did five years ago.
“No Tony, no buts.” Her voice was firm but loving at the same time. “Peter chose to save the universe, that’s just the kind of person he is. And Tony,” she let out a sigh before carrying on “you cannot blame yourself for that, you can’t blame him either. It is what it is and its happened, we cannot control the actions of others and we most definitely cannot dwell on the past. We just have to keep looking to the future. That’s all anyone can do.”
She knew that Tony would be contemplating her words, she hoped that they were enough to bring him out of his head and help him focus on what he needed to at this moment. She hoped beyond hope that Tony wouldn’t blame himself for what has happened.
She hoped that he wouldn’t feel guilty that it was Peter and not him.
Her gut twisted as she allowed herself to realise what she had been secretly grateful for when she realised that Tony had intended to sacrifice himself. Part of her was glad that Peter used the gauntlet before Tony could get his hands on it, and that terrified her.
What type of person was she to be glad that a child had sacrificed his life and is now lying in a hospital bed with injuries that are going to drastically impact his life?
She had known that Peter had an enhanced level of healing, so she knows that he has a better chance of surviving than Tony would have. It was something that Tony had spent months thinking about when he had first come back from space. But that did nothing to alleviate the guilt that came crashing into her after she realised the thought that had crossed her mind.
Five years ago:
Tony was standing in the middle of his room, there were papers scattered everywhere. Holograms were flickering from their positions in the corners of the workshop. Tony looked as if he had not slept for weeks, which was probably quite accurate. His hair was limp, it obviously hadn’t been washed in the two weeks since Pepper had been in the state. His clothes were hanging off his body in a way which told her that he had not been keeping to the diet that the doctors had recommended.
It was a high-carb diet designed to help him re-gain some of the weight that he had lost during those months on the spaceship.
Pepper sighed as she realised this was a major sign that Tony was not coping. In the past, he would have jumped at the chance to eat nothing but cheeseburgers for a couple of weeks. She knew that he was hurting, and she knew that nothing she could say would change anything.
She immediately felt the crushing weight of guilt seize her by the throat as she realised the extent to which the man she loved was suffering. She hadn’t been here for him for almost fourteen days, too busy checking up on her sister who had been living in Seattle. – It had turned out that she had vanished along with half of the universe. Pepper had hoped that she had just lost her phone, but after two weeks of fruitless searching she realised that there was nothing more to be done. That she was gone, and Pepper had to return to New York.
Looking into this room, which seemed to reflect the state of Tony’s mind, she knew that she had made the right decision.
She could not do anything for her sister, but she could try to do something for Tony.
Tentatively, Pepper entered the workshop. She allowed her footsteps to land heavy in order to alert Tony to her presence. She knew that he didn’t react well to what could be perceived as an ambush, he hadn’t since Afghanistan. So as Pepper made her way towards the centre of the room where the genius was stranded.
Some may argue that stranded was not the right word to describe someone who was sitting in the middle of his workshop surrounded by what would seem, to the untrained eye, to be various projects. It wouldn’t be too unusual for the state of the worker’s space to be as chaotic as his mind, but this was different.
Pepper knew Tony.
She knew that this carnage spread around Tony was only one project, a mission really. He was trying to find a way to reverse the snap, to find Thanos and bring everyone back.
Bring Peter back.
Before the fight with Thanos, Pepper was not aware of how close Tony had grown to the boy he took on as a mentee. But now it was as clear as day, and Tony was killing himself trying to bring him back.
Pepper restrained herself from reaching out and wrapping her fiancé up in a hug, no matter how much he looked like he needed it she had to be careful with how she approached this.
“Tony?” She questioned in a soft voice.
He turned his head in her direction, but kept his eyes focused on the broken device in front of him. Pepper breathed out a sigh of relief as he gave the indication that he had heard her, she remembered times when he got so in his own head due to a project that he would be in an almost comatose state where he did not hear (or see) anything or anyone else. Just what was in front of him.
“Peter has enhanced healing,” his voice was horse, almost as if he had been screaming “did you know that?”
“No…” Pepper didn’t see where this was going but she was willing to listen and she needed Tony to know that she would listen. “I didn’t, is that something you’re thinking about?” With any luck, she could figure out what he is doing and be able to help him somehow – even if it was just to bounce ideas off of.
“I think he could have felt it – “
“ – Felt what?” Pepper dreaded the answer, but she had to know both for Tony’s sake and her own curiosity.
The answer made her wish that she didn’t ask. No, she had to ask – she loved the man who was in front of her, who was obviously agonising over whatever he was looking at and she needed to be able to share some of that pain, to alleviate some of it if she could. She knew that she couldn’t do much, not when it came to Tony and the superhero stuff, or the genius stuff, but she could do this. For him.
Tony sighed. It was a pained sigh, something that one might hear coming from a sickly person.
Pepper braced herself, she knew that this was not going to be good.
“The dusting.” He paused. Almost as if he was letting his words sink in. Sink into both of them. It was like he was admitting to something and he had to take a moment to realise the gravity of his admission. “By my calculations, he would have felt each particle pulling itself apart. It would have been painless for the others, but Peter….Peter was never lucky was he?” A humourless laugh escaped Tony’s lips. “His healing would have been trying to fix him up, so his body would have literally been caught in a tug of war trying to destroy and rebuild. Add in his ‘spidey senses’, and you have a recipe for a very painful dusting – they would have been screaming at him, that he was in danger. He once sniped a fly because of his sixth sense god damn it!”
Tony was inconsolable at this point. “He was so scared, he was so scared Pep and its no wonder…” Tony finally turned to look at her and she saw the guilt and shame that lay within them. But he shouldn’t have to feel guilty and Pepper knew that. But she wasn’t sure that Tony would ever know that.
She placed an arm around him and brought him in for a comforting hug.
“He wouldn’t have been scared Tony,” she said putting all of her emotion behind it, willing Tony to believe her – demanding it. “You were there. He knew you were there for him, he wasn’t scared.” She couldn’t say anything about him not being in pain because not only would Tony not believe her, but she knew it wasn’t true. Glancing down at the complicated calculations on Tony’s tablet, she knew deep down that that wasn’t true. That her fiancé didn’t make a mistake in that respect. However, she knew in her heart that Peter wouldn’t have been scared. He might not have wanted to be dusted (no one would) and he might not have wanted to leave his Aunt behind, but he wouldn’t have been scared in that final moment. Because Tony was holding him. Because Tony was there comforting him.
Peter wouldn’t have been scared.
Usually Tony’s ability to become hyper-focused on something was a blessing in terms of getting work done. In the past, he would often praise himself for getting the project finished faster than an entire team of highly trained scientists (‘and to a higher standard too, but that may just be because of my insanely high IQ’). However, in the case lying before her, Pepper knew that this ability was in fact a curse. It was only going to harm him. It was going to trap him in a constant state of grief, and that was going to destroy him.
Pepper could not let that happen.
Maybe it was selfish, but she didn’t want to lose him too.
Of course, she knew that the world would still need him anyway – they lost a good portion of their heroes along with half of the population and Tony would still want to help, once he managed to pick himself back up. Pepper didn’t know how long it was going take to get him back, she didn’t know if she would ever get the whole of him back. She didn’t know how he was going to recover from this, to get back to some semblance of normality. But she would do everything she possibly could to help him get there.
Present
So that is what she had done, she had made sure that Tony kept up with routines of showering and eating and sleeping whilst also balancing the mission that he so desperately needed to complete. He hadn’t found a way until now of course, he eventually forced himself to move on. It had hurt Pepper, who had spent countless hours listening to Tony recalling fond memories of the kid who he saw as a son, so she could not imagine how hard it must have been for Tony to admit that there was nothing else he could do.
It had pained Pepper to watch the hope fade away as the years passed, but the world had moved on and Tony eventually decided to stop trying. After that, Morgan came along, and they had settled into their new life – their new normal as it were. But even after all those years, Pepper knew that Tony had never truly moved on.
She had seen it when they had gotten married, in the way he looked up at the small congregation with hopeful eyes when he had heard a voice that had sounded so similar to Peters’.
She had seen it when Morgan came along, in the way Tony had held her and called her ‘his baby girl’ because he couldn’t quite use the phrase ‘my kid’ even as she got older. (Although Pepper was sure her husband would always see their daughter as his baby girl because fathers never quite stopped seeing their daughters in that way.)
She had seen it when Tony saw a teenager with brown hair, in the way that he perked up and unconsciously veered them in the child’s direction before realising that they were not Peter and masking his sadness.
“Please Tony, please don’t think like that.” She was begging him at this point.
Tony’s sigh travelled down the phone and she could almost feel his breath on her ear. It was a comfort to know that he was still there, that he was alive and listening as tired as he might be at this moment in time.
“I won’t promise anything Pep, I’ll try not to though.” She could sense him pacing. “I know you’re right; you usually are.” A laugh escaped him, it sounded more genuine, and Pepper took comfort in the fact. She huffed out a laugh too.
“I know.” A smile crept onto her face, a smug one at hearing Tony admit that someone other than himself was correct.
They stayed silent for a minute. Just appreciating that the other was alive, that Peter was alive, that they were going to be okay. Eventually.
“I should be getting back to the hospital; they should be letting me see him soon…”
“Yes!” It came out louder than Pepper had meant, she was excited for Tony, elated that Peter was alive. Tony seeing him was another validation that he was here.
She took exactly two seconds to compose herself before continuing. “You go and be with him, I’ll see if I can get Wong to track down and pick up May and then we will come join you. Does that sound okay?” She didn’t want to over-step. She knew that May needed to be able to see her nephew, and deserved to know what had happened, but she didn’t want to intrude.
“That sounds like an excellent plan.” Pepper was relieved that Tony didn’t refuse her presence. She wanted to be there for him. She wanted to be there for Peter, the boy that she had come to love like a son through the stories.
“Okay.”
“Okay,” he repeated. “I love you Pep.”
“I love you too Tony.”
After they had hung up, she hated hanging up, Pepper closed her eyes for a minute. It was a lot to take in, and she had a lot to do.
Tony was peering into the room where Peter lay. He was surrounded by tubes, it may be Wakanda, the land of the future, but they still needed tubes to help Peter breathe. They still needed wires to monitor him without interference – the doctors were taking no chances, despite them having access to state of the art scanners which could monitor vitals.
His kid looked so fragile. He didn’t look like a superhero laying on the hospital bed. He looked like a kid who had been through too much in the past twenty-four hours and had suffered the consequences.
Tony wondered if the kid before him was the same one that used to be so full life, that used to talk his ear off about anything and everything. He wondered if Peter would be that kid again. He would be, of course he would be.
Tony would make sure that he would have the best possible chance.
Whatever it took.
The pain relief had been administered a few minutes ago, so they should be working by now. Tony would not be able to stand the thought of Peter being in pain.
Gathering his courage, Tony entered the room and nervously made his way towards the chair on Peter’s right side. He noticed that some of Peter’s hair had flopped down into his eyes, even asleep Peter’s unruly, so Tony gently brushed it back with his hand before sitting down. He savoured the feel of his kid’s curls under his hand, it reaffirmed that he was alive. That he was here, tangible.
As he moved towards the chair, Tony was struck with a thought that came from something Pepper had mentioned. How was he going to explain this to May?
Peter felt pain, and then he didn’t.