Asgard was not under attack anymore, there were no more filthy and greased up feet stomping on the fair grounds of the realm, no more echoes of the soldiers’ yells and grunts and whimpers, no more distant cries from mothers and their children, no more sharp sounds of swords being drawn from their sheaths to then be brought up at the enemies’ throats.
Asgard was now filled with joyful cheers, beer pints clanking and only a few mournful, grieving voices singing their prayers, making sure their loved ones, now lost, have a safe place in Valhalla.
Though this was the scenario everyone hoped to achieve at the end of the battle, her face was not scrunched up in a smile, no weight was lifted off her shoulders.
As she walked through the doors of her chambers, she felt, if even possible, her sweaty and bloody leathers tighten around her chest, her sword begin to get heavier on her hip and her now disheveled looking braids pull at her scalp.
Y/N was indeed, one of the best protectors of the city, yet here she was, making her way to the bathroom and starting to violently sob as soon as her own reflection in the mirror caught her eye.
She filled up the basin beside the mirror with warm water, starting to wash away the most evident sign of battle, her tears mixing up with the water that was now rust colored from the blood.
Being a soldier was not an easy job, it was hideous and gruesome, many of her mates were able to grow a certain liking to it, took every win with pride; in certain occasions Y/N was even able to understand them, the thought of protecting the realm and the wonderful people that live in it, the great common reason that brought together that group of people she was happy and grateful to call friends, she understood everything, it was pleasant; but most of the times she wasn’t even able to celebrate their victories with them because the lives she took were hanging too heavy on her shoulders.
There were times in the dark and silent setting of the night in which she would torture herself, telling herself that she probably just wasn’t meant to be a warrior, that her mind just wasn’t cut for it.
Today was even worse than usual, it took an awfully long time for Y/N’s gaze to clear from the fog the tears had created and for her to feel steady enough on her feet to slip out of her leathers, without having to worry about tripping face down on the marble floors.
She was feeble and vulnerable, stripped down to only her undergarments, when he entered the room.
His fair skinned arms clung to her waist and a set of soft lips pressed a chaste kiss on her right shoulder, his dark hair felt damp when it tickled her collarbone and from the fresh and inviting smell that was lingering in the air she knew he already had a chance to bathe and properly wash away the fight he also took part in.
“Loki” she said softly, her voice broken but still oh so sweet in the ears of the God standing behind her.
“vexing battle today, eh?” he asked, already knowing the answer, the tone of his voice though made it clear that if this was what she needed, he was willing to listen to her talk and explain every emotion and bothersome detail for hours.
Truth be told, Y/N’s inability to easily move on from battles and Loki’s complicated relationship with his family were the things that brought them together in the first place, as they usually wouldn’t get involved in the cheerful gatherings at the palace and find each other sitting in a quiet balcony, back pressed against a cold column and eyes mindlessly looking over at the view before them.
Views that would have been breathtaking, were they not being eaten up by their own guilt and hurt and grief, and so one night they decided that wether it would mean sitting silently next to each other or walking for hours chatting about whatever could make them laugh, or actually talking about their feelings, they were going to always look out for each other and try their best to comfort one another.
As it is imaginable in these cases, that closeness and honesty made their relationship grow and bloom, to the point where they both felt something they could, without a doubt, call love.
Once the romantic relationship was established comforting one another sometimes escalated into sex, something so intense they could both forget about everything, forget about their own self and just worry about their lover’s pleasure.
But then there were nights like this, where the only thing that could help was pampering one another and curling up together in their chambers, hiding from the rest of the world.
Not hearing any response from Y/N, her lover simply turned her to face him and pressed her body flush to his, caressing her back with gentle touches.
His right hand lightly massaged the skin of her lower back, riding up all the way to cup the back of her head, fingers repeating a soft pattern on her scalp and beginning to detangle the series of knots that were keeping her braids together.
The strands of hair that fell back on her shoulder felt heavy and the way it slicked back on the top of her head, the way it was moulded into waves by her own sweat made her feel dirty; a sudden stream of self consciousness hit her and she dropped her gaze, now looking at the light linen chemise that was covering her lover’s chest.
Loki’s movement was just as fast and Y/N relaxed as soon as she heard the stream of water patter against the bottom of her bathtub, beginning to fill up.
His voice was reduced to such a hushed, calm whisper that when she moved away from him, slightly trembling fingers at the hem of her slip, she almost missed him say:
“let me do this for you”.
“let me take care of you, my sweet, you fought through the unimaginable today and you deserve this” the God continued once he got her attention, stepping in closer and placing his hands on hers.
His touch always seemed to calm her down, reassure her that she could be as vulnerable as she needed in that moment and fear nothing, because she was in good hands, she was with the man she trusted and loved, and regardless of what the whole nine realms thought of him, she knew he was good.
The whole room fell into a tranquil state of silence and she picked her head up, Loki was looking at her fondly, with an adorably affectionate smile on his face, and she let him take care of her.
Someone said that undressing somebody or washing their hair is the highest level of physical intimacy you can have with one person without it being sexual; as the dark haired man was gently stripping her of her undergarments and offering her a steady hand to get in the tub of warm water, Y/N understood just how true that sentence can be.
She laid back with her knees pulled up to her chest so that Loki could easily kneel behind her, her spine benefitting from the release of tension that came as soon as she let the weight of her body fall against the side of tub.
The warm water was now prickling from her lover’s palms to her scalp and a relaxed sigh fell from her lips, soon enough Loki’s fingers were covered in soap and were massaging her head, soft circles at the top, bit of pressure on the back of her neck and then down the lengths of her hair, combing through it and cleaning it from any remains the past day left.
Loki fell into a pattern with the way he was washing her hair and soon enough that repetition started to feel calming to Y/N, her beloved’s work making her feel safer the more it went on. A few tears slipped from the corner of her eye, no more tears that came from exhaustion but tears of gratitude and appreciation for the fact that she had someone, who could and always would do this for her whenever she felt a need for it, someone who she trusted enough to be herself with, completely open and unshielded, and especially a person who, even in the most vulnerable moments and positions had never once betrayed her trust.
And then a second wave of awareness came: the god chose to be this person for her, he chose to rip his chest apart and let her hold his heart, he chose to care, he chose to love, and for anyone to do this, not just the god of mischief, means being brave, means taking down your walls and letting someone know you, really know you, and it means letting someone care for you in return. And she knew that this was something Loki was actively choosing every day and night they spent together, even when life would’ve been much easier if he went in another direction. He chose to be good. Specifically, he chose to be good for her.
Y/N spun around in the tub, cradled his face in her hands and kissed him like her life depended on it, it might as well have at this point, it really might have when the smile he offered in return made her feel as though he was the reason her heart was still beating.
“what was that for?” Loki asked, amused.
“nothing, I just…I love you.”
Long fingertips were then grazing gently at her cheek, as the god before her looked her in the eyes with an abundance of affection and let his lips meet hers again, and then once more, Y/N could feel his smile and started growing one of her own.
“I love you too, darling.”