An Unfortunate Training Exercise?
Focus shifts to inside Edwards Air Force Base, Cali, showing screens of disturbance and an unidentified weapon in Gulmira.
“Ah, jeez, you should have known you’d be spotted.” Happy said.
“What the hell was that?”
“Were we cleared to go in there?”
“No sir, they were using human shields. We never got the green light.”
“You see, there are protocols in place.” Rhodey said.
“Protocols that are in place for a reason.” T’Challa agreed. “I understand what you were trying to do, Stark, but we need to communicate and work together if we want to keep innocent people safe.”
Tony sighed and nodded. “I understand that now. Truly, I do. I made a lot of mistakes during this time, many of them I regret.”
Steve folded his arms and frowned. It made sense that Tony wanted to make up for his reckless behaviour, but his solution with the Sokovia Accords was just as irresponsible as his mistakes. There had to be a middle ground somewhere.
“Put me through to State. They’re going to be all over this.” The General exclaims.
The machines start bleeping. “We got a bogey.”
“Wasn’t Air Force!” Someone yells.
“We got the CIA on the line?”
“I’ve got Langley on the line. They want to know if it’s us.”
“No, it definitely is not us, sir!”
“It wasn’t Navy.”
“Wasn’t Marines.”
“I need answers! Can I please get eyes on target?”
Natasha laughed. “Only Tony would be able to cause this much chaos.”
“Get me Colonel Rhodes from Weapons Development down here now!” The General demands.
“That’s just like bringing in your parent to tell you off.” Strange chuckled.
“Tony can be such a little trouble maker sometimes.” Rhodey sighed with amusement.
Iron Man zooms through the air, completely oblivious to the chaos he’s caused.
“So this thing just appeared out of nowhere?” Rhodey asks. “How come it didn’t show up on the radar?”
“Got a minimal radar cross-section, sir.”
“Is it stealth?”
“No, sir, it’s tiny. We think it’s an unmanned aerial vehicle.”
The General turns to Rhodey. “Colonel, what are we dealing with here?”
Rhodey sighs. “Let me make a call.”
“I love how he just knows.” Pepper smiled.
“Hey, it wasn’t necessarily me.” Tony said.
“It’s always you.” Rhodey sighed.
Tony’s phone starts ringing from within the Iron Man suit.
“Hello?” Tony says casually.
“Tony?”
“Who’s this?”
“It’s Rhodes.”
“Sorry, hello?”
“I said it’s Rhodes.”
“Speak up, please.”
“This is like the most annoying phone call ever.” Peter said.
“What in the hell is that noise?”
“Oh, yeah, I’m driving with the top down.”
“Yeah, well, I need your help right now.”
“It’s funny how that works huh?”
“Not the time to be clever, Stark.” Hill said.
“Yeah. Speaking of funny, we’ve got a weapons depot that was just blown up a few clicks from where you were being held captive.”
“Well, that’s a hot spot. Sounds like someone stepped in and did your job for you, huh?”
Steve scowled at how arrogant Tony was behaving.
“Why do you sound out of breath, Tony?”
“I’m not, I was just jogging in the canyon.”
“Busted.” Shuri smirked.
“That doesn’t fit in with what you said earlier.” Gamora agreed.
“I thought you were driving.”
“Right, I was driving to the canyon, where I’m going to jog.”
“Lying was never really your strong suit.” Natasha said.
“I don’t know, he got pretty good at it when he made Ultron.” Steve muttered.
Sam placed a hand on Steve’s arm, placatingly. “Now’s not the time. Leave it, okay.”
Steve sighed, but figured Sam was probably right.
“You sure you don’t have any tech in that area I should know about?”
“Nope!”
A man calls out from the monitor. “Bogey spotted!”
Rhodey nods. “Okay, good, ‘cause I’m staring at one right now, and it’s about to be blown to kingdom come.”
“What!” Happy exclaimed.
“Tony, get out of there.” Pepper warned.
Two jets pulls up behind Iron Man. He looks back over his shoulder.
“Huh, that’s my exit.” He spins, dodging out the way.
“Whoah, cool manoeuvre.” Quill said.
The jets follow. “Ballroom, this is Whiplash One. I’ve got the bogey in my sights.”
Rhodey is on the other end of the coms. “Whiplash One, what is it?”
“I’ve got no idea.”
“You have radio contact?”
“Non responsive, sir.”
“Then you are clear to engage.” The General orders.
“God, Tony, how do you always get yourself into these situations.” Pepper worried.
Whiplash One targets Iron Man, but he goes supersonic and pushes out of range.
“Good one, get out of there fast.” Thor said.
“That bogey just went supersonic. I got a lock!” Whiplash One fires.
“How can they still have a lock on something moving at supersonic?” Peter asked.
Tony shrugged. “The problem with being a genius is that there’s always a point where your super awesome planes are used against you.”
The missile catches up.
Inbound missile, sir. Jarvis warns.
“Flares!” Tony yells.
“Nice one.” Sam said.
A latch on the leg covering opens firing out flares. The missile explodes, blasting Iron Man forward.
“Wait a second. Bogey deployed flares!”
Iron Man falls through the air, seemingly out of control of his repulsers, before catching himself and shooting upwards.
The jets start firing shots at him, as Iron Man dodges.
“Deploy flaps!”
Iron Man deploys flaps and he shoots past the jets.
“This is getting out of control.” T’Challa said disapprovingly. “Someone is going to get hurt.”
“Hey, I’m just trying to get out of there alive. I didn’t ask for the military to start firing on me.” Tony defended himself.
“They would have no need to if you hadn’t just blown up an active war zone.” Wanda accused.
“I saved innocent lives there.” Tony reminded them.
“That’s not the point, Tony.” Steve said.
“Let’s discuss this later, shall we?” Vision said, trying to keep focus.
“That thing just jumped off the radar, sir.”
“No way that’s a UAV.” The pilots say as they search for where it went. “Whatever it is, I think bogey’s been handled, sir.”
Rhodey frowns and shakes his head.
His phone starts ringing. It’s Tony.
“Hello?”
“Hi, Rhodey, it’s me.”
“It’s who?”
“I’m sorry, it is me. You asked. What you were asking about is me.”
“Oh, I get it.” Peter said.
“Get what?” Thor asked.
“No, see, this isn’t a game. You do not send civilian equipment into my active war zone. You understand that?”
“Exactly. Listen to Rhodey.” Clint said.
“This is not a piece of equipment. I’m in it. It’s a suit. It’s me!”
“Oh, I get it! That is clever.” Thor said with a grin.
Rhodey is rendered speechless as he turns back to the screens.
The jets are ordered to return, but as they turn, the belly of Whiplash Two is revealed showing Iron Man clinging to the belly.
“On your belly. It looks like a man! Shake him off! Roll! Roll!”
The jet spins, as Iron Man struggles to hold on.
Loki chuckled. The imagery was just so ridiculous.
He looses his gip and flies backwards, crashing into the wing of the jet behind.
“I’m hit! I’m hit!”
“Jesus, Tony. This is why you don’t do reckless stuff like this.” Steve said.
“Hey, everything worked out fine in the end.” Tony defended.
“But you couldn’t have known that or ensured it. If anything goes right with you it’s just pure luck.”
“As well as heaps of talent and genius.” Tony added.
“That’s not the point. Someone could have died.” Steve said, beginning to get really tired of Tony’s constant arrogance in his own skill.
“How about we just see what happens and we can talk about this later.” Fury interrupted. Both Tony and Steve scowled at each other before grudgingly turning back to the screen.
The jet starts to free fall. The pilot ejects, but a parachute does not appear.
“Whiplash Two, do you see a chute?”
“Negative! No chute! No chute!”
The tension in the room immediately skyrocketed.
The POV shifts to that of the pilot, as he spins out of control and struggles to release the chute.
“My chute’s jammed!” He cries out.
He falls, but there’s suddenly a streak following to catch up to him.
“Come on, Tony.” Pepper muttered, clutching his hand.
“Sir, I’ve got a visual on the bogey.” The remaining pilot calls.
“Whiplash Two, reengage. If you get a clear shot, you take it.” The Major orders.
“Rhodey, do something.” Sam urged.
“Major, we don’t even know what we’re shooting at. Call off the Raptors.” Rhodey tries to dissuade him.
“That thing just took out an F-22 inside a legal no fly zone! Whiplash Two, if you have a clear shot, take it!”
You’ve been reengaged. Execute evasive manoeuvre. Jarvis warns.
“Keep going!” Tony yells.
Wanda’s eyes widened, surprised to see Tony so determined to try to save the man’s life, even if it puts his own in danger. But then she remembered that Tony was the one that put them in this situation to begin with.
As he catches up to the falling pilot, he reaches out and releases the parachute, saving the man.
“Good chute! Good chute!” The pilot exclaims.
The room let out a collective breath of relief.
The remaining jet is called off and Iron Man flies away.
Rhodey’s picks up the phone. “Tony, you still there?”
“Hey, thanks.”
“Oh, my God, you crazy son of a bitch. You owe me a plane. You know that, right?”
Tony laughs. “Yeah, well, technically, he hit me.
“That’s not how it works.” Clint muttered.
Now are you going to come by and see what I’m working on?”
“No, no, no, no, no, no, the less I know, the better. Now, what am I supposed to tell the press?”
“Uh, training exercise. Isn’t that the usual BS?”
“You do this so often you have a ‘usual’?” Strange said, eyebrow raising.
“It’s not that simple.”
Smash cut to Rhodey talking to the press.
“An unfortunate training exercise involving an F-22 Raptor occurred yesterday. …”
“Wow, you weren’t kidding.” Sam chuckled.
“The things I do for you, Tony.” Rhodey sighed.
Cut to Obadiah watching in his bathrobe.
“He’s just chilling like some Bond villain, ain’t he.” Quill said, pointing at the screen.
“A what?” Gamora asked.
“You know, Bond, James Bond.” Quill said, putting on a dramatic voice.
“Doesn’t help.” She said, rolling her eyes.
Strange leaned forward. “He looks pretty suspicious though, doesn’t he.”
“I bet he figures Stark has something to do with it.” Shuri said.
Cut to Pepper walking down to Tony’s lab.
Tony and Jarvis can be heard.
“Ow! Ah, ah, ah, ah”
“It is a tight fit, sir. Sir, the more you struggle, the more this is going to hurt.”
“Be gentle. This is my first time.”
“Uh, Mr Stark, that sounds a little sus.” Peter said.
“Tony…” Steve sighed.
“Oh god.” Pepper said, blushing face in her hands. “I was so confused.”
“Huh, you do look pretty horrified.” Tony laughed, patting her comfortingly on the shoulder.
Cut to Tony in his armour, surrounded by machines trying to take it off.
“I designed this to come off, so... Ow! Hey. I really should be able to…”
“Please, try not to move, sir.”
Laughter broke out.
“That’s gotta be the most ridiculous thing I’ve seen.” Hope said.
“It does seem pretty uncomfortable.” Nebula agreed.
“Hey, all prototypes start out clunky.” Shuri tried to defend her fellow scientist, but failed as she was also giggling.
“It’s got a certain… flare.” Bruce added weakly.
“I’m sure it was better thought out than it looks.” Peter said, hopefully.
Loki raised his eyebrows and pointed to the screen. “This is the almighty hero that defeated me?”
Thor chuckled and patted him on the back.
Pepper walked into the room. “What's going on here?”
“Uh, oh, busted.” Natasha said, smirking.
Tony looks over, stunned for a moment. “Let's face it. This is not the worst thing you've caught me doing.”
“I wanna know what else she caught you doing.” Sam said.
“I really don’t think you do.” Clint said.
“What were you doing?” Drax asked leaning forward, genuinely interested.
“Dude.” Quill said, putting his hand on Drax’s shoulder. “Let’s ask later. There are children present.”
“Hey!” Peter complained.
“That wasn’t what I was doing!” Tony said.
“Ah, I understand.” Thor said, giving Tony a knowing look. “You Midgardians have strange customs.”
“You don’t know what I was doing!” Tony cried.
Thor winked sincerely.
Tony rolled his eyes and dropped it, all hope lost.
Pepper gasped. “Are those bullet holes?”
“Well, she knows now.” Bruce said.
“Let’s face it. He really wasn’t going to be able to keep this secret for long.” Natasha said.
“Yeah, Tony’s pretty terrible with secrets.” Happy said.
Unless they concern the safety of the team. Steve muttered under his breath, but knew that was unfair, considering the secrets he’d kept from Tony himself.