Steve was stress-painting on the balcony.
Bucky could tell it was stress-painting because every time he looked up from his book, Steve was visibly becoming more and more agitated with himself. Whether he was accidentally snapping a paintbrush because he was gripping it too tightly or setting down his palette too hard, Bucky knew it was only a matter of time before Steve put his fist through the beautiful piece.
“You wanna tell me what’s botherin’ you?” Bucky finally asked, breaking the quiet in the room.
“What? Nothing,” Steve said, just a little too quickly.
“Bullshit. Try again.”
“Nothing, Buck.” Bucky realized with a start that Steve sounded congested.
“Hold on a second. You sound…” Steve crossed the deck and put his hand over his fiance's mouth.
“Don’t. Don’t say it. If you don’t say it, then I’m just making it up. It’s a figment of my imagination,” Steve pleaded.
“Okay. Okay I won’t say it,” Bucky said gently, removing Steve’s hand from his mouth and closing his book. “But you know what I was going to say. And you do sound… that.”
Steve sneezed and shuddered.
“I’d bet your head hurts, too, huh?” Bucky asked. Steve closed his eyes, nodding. “C’mere, doll.” Bucky patted the seat next to him on the couch he was sitting on. Steve obliged. “How long?”
“Since I woke up. I thought it would go away. I wanted it to. It’s been so long… I’ve been okay.”
“This doesn’t mean anything besides it’s pollen season. Pollen allergies don’t go away. Tony is working on something that’ll work, but all this is is a pollen allergy.”
“I know, but…”
“Yeah. It takes me back, too, Stevie. I don’t like it any more than you do. I promise.”
“Don’t leave this time,” Steve whispered. Bucky sighed.
“I’m right here, doll. Do you want to go inside? That might help a little,” he suggested. Steve nodded, right before sneezing and shuddering again. “Come on, then. Let’s go.”
The pair made their way inside, where they could hear a few people in the kitchen, which was loud, but Steve seemed to be okay. They made themselves comfortable on the couch, Steve burrowing into Bucky’s side, and Bucky pulling him in even closer. Every once in a while, Steve would sit up to sneeze, and once he sat up to cough. Bucky felt him wince from his headache every few minutes, too. The kitchen noise couldn’t be helping that.
“Let’s head to the bedroom, doll. Might be good for you to sit in a quieter place, with a little less light,” Bucky suggested, moving to stand up and stretch.
Steve only nodded this time, going to stand up next to his fiance.
“Ah, ah, ah. Stay put,” Bucky said quietly, bending down to scoop Steve up bridal style. Steve let out a gentle snort of laughter, but didn’t say anything. Bucky let the silence stretch, as he walked down the hall, eventually setting Steve down on their bed, rolling his left shoulder as he sat down next to his fiance.
“You should have Pete or Tony see what they can do about that,” Steve said, reaching out and pressing his hand softly, right where he knew flesh met metal.
“Sometime,” Bucky agreed. “But not now. Do you need anything?”
“Just something to take the edge off, if we’ve got it?” Steve asked. Bucky raised his eyebrows. In recent years, Tony and Bruce had developed what was supposed to be a super-soldier variant of ibuprofen. But it had some side effects that Steve never liked, such as drowsiness and loss of appetite.
“Feeling that good, huh?”
“Peachy keen, Buck.” This statement was accompanied by an eyeroll and a smirk.
“Brat,” Bucky said fondly. “I’ll be back in a minute, then. Need to grab it from Tony, it’s in the lab. Do you want anything? Soup or toast?”
“Nothing right now,” Steve sighed. “Let’s not tempt fate.”
“You got it, doll. I’ll be back,” Bucky said, pressing a quick kiss to Steve’s forehead before heading back down the hall. “FRI, lab, please,” he said, stepping into the elevator.
“Of course, Sergeant Barnes. Boss and Spiderling are down there now.”
“Thanks, FRIDAY.”
Bucky disembarked from the elevator and immediately heard a small explosion followed by
“Gosh freakin darn it!”
and then
“DAD. JUST SWEAR.”
Nonetheless, Bucky proceeded into the lab, and both geniuses looked up at the intrusion.
“Stark, the Spiderling is nearly 18. I heard him say ‘fuck’ no less than 3 times this morning. He’s been corrupted already,” Bucky said, shooting a pointed look at the so-called ‘genius’.
“What do you want, Snowflake?” Tony asked, looking back down at whatever he was writing in a journal.
“Where do you keep the extra-strength ibuprofen?” Bucky asked.
“For…?”
“Stevie’s having a rough time with pollen season.”
“It’s a case of the sniffles, surely Capsicle can handle that.”
“Just because someone can handle it physically doesn’t mean they can mentally, or that they should have to endure it physically.”
“What’s mentally taxing about--”
“Dad, I don’t think this is something we need to pry into right now.” Peter interrupted. “You know Steve was never the healthiest kid. That doesn’t leave someone without mental scars. Let’s just get Buck back on his way.”
All the while that he spoke, Peter was striding across the room and reaching into a cabinet to get the medicine for Bucky, who shot him a grateful nod and ruffled his hair, knowing the kid and Steve had talked extensively about his history with illnesses the last time Steve had been down and Bucky had been on a mission, which was a year or so ago.
“Thanks, Pete,” Bucky said. “Come by and visit later, maybe. If he’s awake, I think he would be okay with seeing you for a bit.”
“Will do. Might be tomorrow, who knows. Time doesn’t exist down here,” Peter said lightly, gesturing to the clock-less walls.
“You two are insane. Make sure to rest,” Bucky called over his shoulder as he left the lab.
When he got back to their shared room, his fiance was lying face-up on the bed, staring at the ceiling.
“You want this now, or should we wait?” Bucky asked, causing Steve to jump. “Sorry, doll,” he chuckled. “I thought you heard me come in.”
“Don’t worry about it. I was kind of off in space. I’ll wait a little, just wanted it for a precaution,” Steve said, making a grabby hand towards Bucky without turning over. Bucky grinned, setting the bottle of medication down on the bedside table before lying down next to his fiance.
“Any better now that we’re away from all the noise?”
“A little. I know most of this is mental, it always is. But--”
“But nothin’, Rogers. There are no rules for being sick and no rules for how you let it affect you. Your mind needs time to process and deal with everything, so take that time. I’ll be right here with you, just like every other time.”
“Just like we have this conversation every time, I guess. I hate that I have to keep hearing it. I should know.”
“Sometimes you just have to hear it again. I don’t mind saying it. I know it reassures you to hear it again sometimes. You don’t have to tell me. I know,” Bucky smirked, tapping his own temple.
“Who needs any of those scientists when I have my own personal genius?” Steve asked, shifting over so he and Bucky were arm-to-arm, both lying on their backs and watching the ceiling.
“We don’t need them for science reasons, but don’t sit here and tell me you don’t love all of them. Especially Parker. You treat that kid like a son-- or a nephew at least.”
“Yeah… I always loved the kid, he puts a lot on his shoulders, just like I always did-- okay, always do,” he relented, catching a side-eye from Bucky. “And then to find out that we’re both trans, bi, both were chronically ill? Maybe it gave me more of a soft spot,” Steve admitted.
“I didn’t think you could have a softer spot for the kid, but you just had to prove me wrong,” Bucky taunted, chuckling as Steve stuck his tongue out at him. “And that’s good. Because he might drop by while we’re still squirreled in here, just for a change of pace.”
Steve chuckled quietly. “I assume he didn’t invite himself, though?”
“Our Petey-Pie? Never.”
“True, true,” Steve nodded, and the conversation petered out. (A/N: haha see what I did there? PETER-ed. Yeah it wasn’t funny but I’m taking it anyway)
“Buck?” Steve asked a few minutes later, eyes closed.
“Hmm,” Bucky hummed back.
“Can I have that ibuprofen now?”
“Yeah, ‘course Stevie. Lemme go grab you some water, okay? Feeling stellar, huh?”
“Mentally I feel like I’ve been shot at. Physically? Tired. Want this headache to go away and I want a nap,” Steve sighed.
“Okay. I’ll get water and then I’ll come back and you can nap on me if you want,” Bucky said, bringing Steve’s hand up to kiss before sitting up and striding from the room. He just hoped Steve was mentally going to be okay through this. That was all he ever worried about. Sometime he would get flashbacks and--
“So you two lovebirds are holeing up again?” Clint’s taunt from across the hall dragged Bucky from his thoughts. He smirked.
“Something like that.”
“Some pre-wedding honeymooning, perhaps?” the Hawk inquired from his perch in his rafters, where he was tapping on his phone.
“Sure, Barton. Sure.” Bucky rolled his eyes. “May I continue my errand now?”
“Yeah, sure. Hurry back to lover boy…” Clint called behind him as he left the doorway.
When he returned to Steve with a bottle of water, he made sure the door was locked. Not before flipping Clint the finger first, of course. But FRIDAY could unlock the doors at any time on her own if she deemed it necessary or the person looking to get in knew their access code. Clint was not such a person.
“Doll…” Bucky called softly from the door. “Go ahead and sit up, I’ve got some water here.”
“I knew you were here,” Steve groaned as he sat up.
“Well last time you didn’t, so I didn’t want you to get scared when I suddenly appeared next to you,” Bucky rolled his eyes, handing over the water and the pill bottle. Steve took one pill and a swig of water, setting both items on his side table and laying back down, on his side this time. Bucky kicked off his shoes and mirrored him, their bodies forming a parentheses.
“C’mere,” Bucky said, stretching the arm underneath him out in invitation. Steve shuffled over, resting his forehead on Bucky’s shoulder, letting his arms encircle Bucky’s torso. They tangled their legs together, and Bucky couldn’t help but think of puzzle pieces, so different but created solely for the purpose of fitting together. That was him and his fiance alright. Just then, Steve let out a small yawn.
“Already a little drowsy?” Bucky asked.
“Yeah. Was drowsy before the pill, but it hits pretty fast,” Steve said through another yawn. “Mind if I just… nap on you for a while?”
“I’ve got a book, doll. Take all the rest you need.”
“Okay,” Steve mumbled. “You’re the best. I love you.”
“I love you too, Steve,” Bucky sighed, already feeling his partner’s breathing evening out. He reached behind himself blindly until he hit his book, grabbing it and bringing it to where he would see. One huge benefit of the vibranium arm was that it never got tired, so he could hold the book up for as long as he needed to/wanted to.
It didn’t take long cuddling with Steve for Bucky to start yawning, finally giving in to sleep.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Bucky was, unsurprisingly, the first one to wake up again. He knew he hadn’t been out for very long, and a quick glance at the clock they kept on the wall said it had been less than 2 hours. Drowsiness was a major side effect of the medication, and the one other time he took it, Steve was in and out of sleep the entire time the pill lasted.
Steve was completely out, but Bucky knew the moment he moved away that Steve would jolt awake, so he just reached for his book again.
Several hours passed, Bucky finished his book and grabbed the next closest one, which he had read already. But it was the only one he could reach, and it was long enough ago that he wouldn’t be bored with it.
Finally, finally, Steve woke up. It had been nearly 6 hours since he’d initially settled down with Bucky to sleep off the headache and congestion.
“Morning, sunshine,” he muttered, and Bucky chuckled, setting his book down and letting Steve roll away to stretch. “How long was I asleep?” Steve muttered, and Bucky noted that he sounded less congested, but the drowsiness still clung to him like a second skin, and might for a while.
“About 6 hours,” Bucky answered, sitting up to allow himself to stretch, too.
“I didn’t have you trapped, right?” Steve asked, shaking out his right arm, probably to get rid of any pins and needles.
“I had a few books to read, and I napped, too. I was more worried about you getting some rest. But it’s been a while since you’ve eaten. You want somethin’?”
“Kind of. I’m hungry but I don’t really want to eat…” Steve mused, already picking at his cuticles, an anxious habit he’d had since they were in elementary school.
“How ‘bout I go and grab some soup and crackers and we can see how that goes, okay?” Bucky suggested as he laid his real hand on top of Steve’s to stop his picking while he reached the metal one for Steve’s Rubik’s Cube™ so he could do something with his hands. Steve nodded, his eyes now trained on the Cube, narrowed as if trying to squint it into submission so he could solve it.
Bucky took that as the cue that it was and left Steve to his devices as he made his way out to the kitchen. The soup was nearly done when the resident spider swung into the main room through the widow.
“How’s Steve?” Peter asked as he retracted his suit, running a hand through his hair.
“Just woke up, but he was out for almost 6 hours,” Bucky told him. “He’s drowsy, obviously. But I think he’d like some company. I’ll come relieve you when I’m done here, if you want to go now?”
“Yeah, sure! Get some real food and relax for a few minutes, I have plenty of stories to keep Steve and I occupied for a while. Ned and I have been experimenting with my spider powers and side effects recently, he told me to update him.”
“What the hell have you done now?”
“Nothing… I definitely didn’t get high.”
“Peter Benjamin--”
“No I mean I literally didn’t get high. But we had a hell of a time trying,” Peter said, chuckling a little at the thought.
“Do not make my fiance want to test his limits. Because if Steve wants to try getting high and it works, we’re in trouble.”
Peter was already backing down the hallway. “Oh god, what if he gets the munchies?” the spiderling laughed before he ducked into Bucky and Steve’s room.
Personally, Bucky was all for taking Peter’s offer and relaxing for a few minutes, but his brain wouldn’t let him. So he took the soup off the stove, put it in a bowl, and grabbed crackers to go with the soup, some more water for both him and Steve, and headed back to their room.
He set everything on a tray and carried it back to their room, where he found Peter and Steve absorbed in trying to solve the Rubik’s Cube™.
“I take it that the Rubik’s Cube™ doesn’t seem to want to be solved, huh?” Bucky asked, setting the tray on the desk that stayed in their room.
“I got red and yellow, can’t get the others, though,” Steve grumbled, and Peter just sighed.
“I hate those things. I can’t figure them out.”
“Eh. He likes them,” Bucky said, grinning fondly at Steve’s slightly furrowed brow as he twisted the cube left and right, turning it fully in his hands like he was trying to make it reveal its secrets. All of a sudden, Peter jumped.
“What time is it?” he asked, whipping his head towards their clock.
“Why?” Bucky asked slowly.
“Oh shit. I have a video-date in like 5 minutes, this is the second time in as many dates that I’m nearly late. I have to run. Feel better, Uncle Steve. I’ll see you guys later,” Peter said, half-running out the door.
Steve shot Peter a small smile before he completely abandoned the room, and then turned his head to Bucky.
“Does food still sound alright, doll?”
“Food sounds… necessary,” Steve admitted.
“I have some chicken noodle soup and crackers here,” Bucky offered, holding up the bowl and pack of crackers.
“Careful, Buck,” Steve yawned. “Someone might see you and say you’ve gone soft.”
Bucky shook his head, passing the soup bowl across the mattress with one hand, and taking the Rubix Cube that Steve passed him with the other hand.
Steve took a few bites of his soup before side-eying Bucky. “Where’s your food?”
“Not hungry,” Bucky shrugged.
“Bullshit.”
Bullshit. He’d just forgotten to grab something when he was making soup. He had a one-track mind right now, he couldn’t help it.
Steve took the silence for the admission it (inadvertently) was, and set down his soup, crossing his arms.
“James,” Steve started, and uh-oh. He never called Bucky that unless he was being serious. “I am going to be okay. I am not going to mentally derail in the 10 minutes it takes you to eat a sandwich or two and some chips. You need to eat, so go eat something right now, you know where I’ll be. Okay?”
“Are you--” Bucky started to ask if Steve was sure.
“James,” Steve’s voice held a warning. Bucky put his hands up.
“Okay, okay. I’m going. Eat your soup. If you need something--”
“I will tell FRIDAY to get you. Go.”
“I’m going!” Bucky insisted, getting up from the bed again and heading out the door.
“For a pre-honeymoon retreat, you seem to be very dressed!” Clint crowed, no longer in the rafters but in his hammock.
“You’re such a dick, you know that?” Bucky laughed.
“I take great pride in that, yes,” Clint agreed, but his face went serious after a second. “Are you guys… okay? You two have been oddly quiet all day.”
“Just need a little time to ourselves. This tower is so loud sometimes, so we take a few days to ourselves when it’s called for,” Bucky said, and it wasn’t a lie.
“Sooo… does that mean Steve’s not making his lasagna tonight?”
“I can pretty much confirm that as a no.”
“Next week?” Clint asks hopefully.
“You’ll have to ask him, Barton,” Bucky shrugs, walking away with a wave of his hand.
Back in the kitchen, he made his sandwiches and wandered into the living room to find Loki and Nat watching a movie he’d never seen before, but he decided to sit down and watch it while he ate.
He ended up staying for longer than he meant to, nearly 20 minutes, but he had to admit it was nice to at least attempt to quiet his mind. But the second he actually noticed the time, he nodded to Nat and Loki, put his plate in the sink, and headed back to his and Steve’s room. When he arrived, he found Steve staring into his soup.
“You okay there, doll?” Bucky asked, closing and locking the door behind him.
“I’m fine. I just know I should eat more than this…” Steve sighed, and Bucky saw the bowl was still nearly halfway full. Bucky shook his head and took the bowl from Steve as he yawned so hard he curled into himself.
“Try just drinking it, see if that helps?” Bucky asked, seeing the drowsiness begin to weigh his fiance down again. Nonetheless, Steve agreed and got through a little more before he really seemed to be done, yawning again as he set the bowl down for good.
“I really should eat more,” Steve said, the drowsiness showing through his voice once more.
“Something is better than nothing,” Bucky reminded him, and Steve nodded, silence enveloping the pair.
“Buck… I hate this.” Steve mumbled drowsily after a minute. “Bein’ sick, feeling drowsy, needing so much extra help, all of it. ‘M supposed to be a super-soldier…” he yawned.
Bucky gave him a sad look, resting a hand on the back of his neck, and Steve leaned back into the touch.
“I know, doll. But this time, it ends. You know that, right? It’s never going to be one sick week after another again. And you’ve got me right here, no one gets to tell me to go home or that I’ll be late for work and they’ll take care of you instead, okay? It’s just me.”
“Okay,” Steve said quietly, closing his eyes. Bucky wrapped his arms around his fiance, holding him close, humming an old song he knew Steve’s mother used to sing.
“I’ve got you, Stevie.”
“I know you do,” Steve said quietly, sounding momentarily awake, another yawn breaking that spell. “I kind of wanna go back to sleep…” he admitted after a moment. Bucky continued to hold him close, and nodded, knowing Steve could feel the movement on the crown of his own head.
“Go ahead, and when you wake up, you shouldn’t be nearly as drowsy anymore,” Bucky told him, feeling him immediately start settling his head more comfortably into his chest, and reclining so they both were in a more comfortable position. Now Steve was laying on top of him completely, but neither made an attempt to move.
“I say it a lot,” Steve started, another yawn interrupting him. “But I love you.”
“I love you too. Get some rest, baby,” Bucky whispered. Baby was a nickname he didn’t use often, even though he knew Steve loved it. It was Steve’s favorite to be called, and Bucky’s favorite to call him. It was brought out only once in a while to make it special. Neither one wanted to grow tired of it.
He felt like now was a good time to bring it out, and he was rewarded with a genuine smile from his fiance before both of them closed their eyes and drifted off.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
When Bucky woke up, it was morning. The sun was shining through the window, he could vaguely hear the others bustling around in the kitchen, and Steve was still asleep on his chest. His head was buried in Bucky’s chest with a hand loosely closed around his shirt. Bucky couldn’t help but notice that, on the rare chance he found himself awake before Steve these days, Steve looked peaceful.
Not that Steve was under terrible duress these days. They were all lucky to have had it pretty easy, mission wise. There were a few super-villain-wannabes left, and the Avengers would go in small teams to deal with them. So like he said, they were getting off easily these days.
But somehow, when his fiance slept, he looked so similar to the Steve that Bucky knew in the 1930’s. Pre-transition Steve. The Steve that Bucky initially fell in love with nearly 100 years ago, no serum or chiseled body necessary (not that he was complaining about it).
Bucky felt more than a little creepy watching him sleep, but there wasn’t much else to do that wouldn’t wake Steve up. Plus, sue him, he had a gorgeous fiance.
“You’re staring at me,” Steve mumbled, squinting up at Bucky.
“I can’t help it!” Bucky protested, and Steve laughed, dipping his head back down. “How you feeling, Stevie?” he asked a minute later, voice quieter.
“I mean… physically? Fine. I think that medicine might have gotten rid of my congestion, and my headache has been gone for a while.”
“And not physically?”
“I…” Steve started, trailing off. That pretty much told Bucky all he needed to know.
“Okay. That’s okay, you know. We can hide out for a while longer if you want. I like having you all to myself,” Bucky said, wiggling his eyebrows. Steve snorted, slapping a hand over his mouth.
“You’re disgusting.”
“You love it.”
“I’ll never tell,” Steve grinned, right before he stretched up to kiss his partner. “Okay, maybe a little,” he admitted after they broke apart. “But… I do want to stay here a while longer. It’s just… a lot still. It still feels like it’s all going to come right back as soon as I feel good again.”
“I know, doll. It won’t, though. I can pretty much guarantee it. But until you feel good mentally and physically, I’ve got you,” Bucky promised, sitting up slowly, never letting go of Steve to prove his point. Okay, and maybe just because he liked holding Steve.
“Not gonna let me go, huh?” Steve laughed, grin stretching his face. Then he caught Bucky’s eye and both of their faces turned serious.
“Never,” Bucky told him, and Steve took a deep breath before relaxing into Bucky’s chest again, wrapping his arms around Bucky's waist.