The Machine and the Winter Soldier

England, Six Months Later

Katy awoke with a start, inhaling sharply from where she lay on the cold floor of their latest hotel room. Her hand went to her chest, feeling how her heart beat quickly under the skin, trying to push the nightmare she had just experienced. It was always the same. Recaptured by Hydra, or worse...

Shaking the thoughts from her head, her eyes darted around the dim room finding Bucky standing by the window, still as a statue. She pushed herself to her feet, looking to the clock to see it was only four in the morning. He had been the one to keep watch that night, allowing Katy to catch up on what little sleep she could get. Neither of them could ever sleep for more than a few hours at a time.

"Bucky?" She mumbled, rubbing at her eyes as she came to stand beside him.

She frowned when he didn't reply, still staring out of the window, as if in a trance. She reached out to touch his shoulder, but he gave no sign that he even registered her presence. She shook his shoulder a little harder, letting out a sigh when she realised what was happening.

"It's okay, Bucky. You're okay" She exclaimed, giving his shoulder a squeeze.

He had...episodes. Bucky would become completely catatonic for days on end. Like a shell of a person. It was disturbing to see, but had luckily become less frequent over the past months. All the years of memory wipes had affected parts of his brain and despite his super soldier healing, they would never be the same.

"Солдат" She announced, watching as he blinked.

"она моя. найти егo" He replied, in a hoarse voice.

"Come sit on the bed, Soldier" Katy told him, not wanting to think about how long he had been standing in the same spot.

Bucky did as he was ordered, sitting bolt upright on the lumpy mattress, head lolling forward. He appeared barely conscious. She was quick to tell him to lie down, guiding his head to rest on one of the pillows. She wrapped him up in the scratchy hotel blankets, as he lay there staring at the ceiling. He admitted not long ago that he was aware of what was happening when he had these episodes, but had no control over his body. He could do nothing but comply to the wishes of the people surrounding him. It made him dangerous, they both knew that.

"I'm right here" Katy soothed, sitting down on the bed beside her cationic friend.

Growing tired of the silence, she soon put the radio on, turning to a station playing old songs. She was sure there were even some from before the war playing. She hoped he would find some comfort in them. Hopping off the bed, she grabbed a folder from a set of drawers across the room and splayed the contents out on the bedsheets. Her jaw clenched as she looked over the pictures of the man they had been following for the last week. He had been involved in transporting children from England to America for experimentation, and theoretically that meant he knew something about the identity of those children. There were still families out there who needed to know what happened to their kids. Even if that meant losing their last bit of hope—

Katy flinched when Bucky suddenly began to convulse violently beside her, his limbs flailing around. She was quick to grab onto him, trying to stop him from injuring himself. She grimaced as blood quickly coated his lips, from where he was biting his tongue. She attempted to turn on him on his side, hoping to stop him from choking, as the seizure continued. He made painful sounds as his body spasmed, arms rigid as one of his elbows hit her in the stomach. Still, she kept her hold on him firm until the seizure slowly started to subside and she felt that she could breathe again. She dropped her head onto his shoulder, rubbing his arm slowly, whispering what soothing words she could muster. Once she was satisfied the seizure was completely over, she went to the bathroom, running a towel under the tap and bringing it back to the bed. She hauled Bucky upright and began wiping away the blood from his lips, as he remained catatonic, eyes staring straight ahead.

"I've got you, Buck" Katy exclaimed, forcing a smile onto her lips.

They had been lucky. Bucky's episode had only lasted forty hours this time. He had suddenly snapped back to himself, guilt immediately growing on his face. She knew he felt like a burden at times. They both did. He threw himself back into the mission, as they watched their target's every move. Who he spoke to. Where he went. Even what he ate. They wanted to know their enemy before extracting the information they needed. The man appeared on edge, almost as if he knew they were coming for him. Perhaps he did, she theorised. Rumours had been growing between the remaining Hydra factions of the Machine and the Winter Soldier teaming up to bring down what was left of the organisation. She hoped he was scared. She brought herself back to reality when she felt eyes on her. She was sitting in a restaurant booth with Bucky, one of the few places they had ventured out to in the last month. There were no security cameras and barely any customers. It was as safe as they could hope for. Her forehead wrinkled when she realised it was Bucky who was staring at her intensely, more specifically, on her lips.

"Has it smudged?" Katy frowned, touching the red lipstick that coated her lips.

Bucky blinked a few times, looking away from her, brow furrowed in confusion. She never used to wear makeup. It was never necessary. But now...she had the choice. And the internet had told her it was a common thing for young women to do.

"You don't usually wear lipstick" Bucky pointed out.

"You don't like it?" She questioned, as his eyes darted back to connect with hers for a moment.

"No, it's...it's nice" Bucky told her, causing her frown to deepen.

"I can remove it if it's inadequate" Katy stated, as Bucky quirked an eyebrow.

"Right. I'm supposed to do things I want to do. Being selfish is part of being human" She recited, as Bucky huffed out a laugh.

"Besides, it looks...I mean you look...not that I've been looking—" Bucky found himself cut off as a familiar face brought a bowl over to their table.

"Here's your usual, sweetheart" The owner of the restaurant, Tabitha, announced, as Katy gave her a grateful smile.

As the elderly women turned to bring over Bucky's order from the counter, Katy turned to give Bucky a satisfied look, reaching out to pick up her spoon.

"Sweetheart's a term of endearment. She finds me endearing" Katy grinned, excitedly.

"You're certainly one of a kind, that's for sure" Bucky chuckled.

Tabitha was a sweet old lady, who luckily for them didn't ask many questions. She just seemed happy to have two regular customers. And some company. Bucky and Katy could both understand a little too well what it meant to truly be lonely.

"You sure you don't want anything else to eat?" Bucky inquired, his eyes drawn to the tomato soup in front of her.

She was quick to shake her head, happy enough with her meal. Over the past six months they had slowly built up their tolerance to solid food, but Katy still found herself feeling nauseous if she ate much more than soup or yoghurts. Due to Bucky's impressive metabolism he didn't seem to have the same problem. He was back to being able to eat three full meals a day.

"…I'm sorry. About my episode. I thought they were going away…" Bucky trailed off, his jaw clenched.

"I don't mind. I like looking after you" She admitted, eating a mouthful of soup.

"You shouldn't have to" Bucky muttered.

"I've got your back. You've got my back. That's the way it's supposed to work with friends, right?" Katy suggested, watching as a strange emotion flashed over Bucky's face for a moment.

"I wouldn't know, I tend to shoot at my friends" Bucky sighed, his tone full of self-loathing.

He was surprised when Katy suddenly flicked her spoon his way, causing a dollop of soup to land on his leather glove. Bucky scoffed at her actions, reaching out to attempt to wipe his glove on her face, childishly.

"Very mature" He smirked, thoroughly amused, as she tried to brush his hand away.

"I was trying to aim for your face" She replied, earning a rare real laugh from him.

Katy's head snapped up when she heard a loud bang from across the room, her gaze falling on a man, who was glaring at who she assumed was his girlfriend. The man had slammed his hand against the table, his face contorted in rage as Katy listened into their conversation.

"Were you fucking flirting with that waiter?" The man snarled, as his girlfriend shook her head quickly.

"No! No, of course not!" The woman cried, shoulders hunched over.

"So, I'm making shit up now? Is that it?" He huffed, as the woman shrunk further into her seat.

"I...I didn't mean it like that" She mumbled, eyes downcast.

"Why do you always have to make things so fucking difficult, huh? We can't even have a nice meal out now?" The man went on.

Katy clenched her jaw as she felt the strange urge to intervene. It wasn't a logical decision. They couldn't risk it. But still, it felt...wrong. She looked around to see the restaurant had grown silent and realised she wasn't the only one who had taken notice of the couple. Wasn't someone going to say something? She turned to Bucky, who's eyes were also on the couple, his hand balled into a fist.

"We can't" Bucky shook his head, averting his eyes downward.

As Katy opened her mouth to argue, she heard a thudding sound, turning her attention back to the couple. She cringed as she watched the woman accidentally knock her drink across the table, her hands evidentially shaking. The man let out a shout as her drink spilled over his lap, before giving his girlfriend a cold look.

"What is wrong with you? Fucking useless—" The man began, raising his hand in the air, about to strike his girlfriend, when his arm was wrenched back.

He looked up to see Katy now looming over him, having sped across the room in seconds. She was gritting her teeth so hard she could hear how they strained in her mouth. She wanted to tear the man's arm off, to make him regret ever having stepped into the restaurant. The man tried to pull his arm back, but she was far stronger and wouldn't budge an inch.

"Let go of me!" The man yelled, trying to claw at her hand.

In response, Katy tightened her grip on his arm, her fingernails digging into his skin. Would it have been that easy to stop Rumlow? All those years she could have said no to him, all those people she let him hurt...

She flinched when she felt a hand on her shoulder, eyes flickering to her side to find Bucky standing there, shaking his head firmly. She was jeopardising their entire mission. If she attacked the man the police would get involved and it wouldn't take long for the wrong people to track them down. Reluctantly, she released her grip on the man, letting out a shaky breath. Just as she was about to turn around, to walk out of the building, she heard the man laugh.

"Learn to keep your little bitch in line—" The man began to hiss, but was cut off as Katy whipped around and sent a hard punch colliding with his jaw.

All she saw was red after that. In the blink of an eye, her knuckles were bloody and the man's face was disfigured, his nose broken and both eyes swelling quickly. At some point, the man's face began to morph into Rumlow's, his smug grin making her put more force into her punches. His hands were flailing around, trying to push her off him but it was useless. She was lost in the frenzy of the attack until she heard a scream close to her ear. Katy's head shot up to see the man's girlfriend sobbing, her hand covering her mouth, a look of horror clear in her eyes. Suddenly, an arm was wrapping around her waist, pulling her away from the beaten man. The man's girlfriend immediately ran to his hand, pulling him close to her as her crying got louder. Bucky continued dragging Katy out of the restaurant, when her gaze fell on Tabitha, the restaurant owner. She felt tears welling in her own eyes when she saw the look of disgust on Tabitha's face. Bucky had soon brought Katy back to the car, and sent them speeding away from the restaurant, knowing they had to get as far away as they could and quickly. The police would soon be all over the place, as would their fingerprints. It was a disaster. They both knew it. As he parked the car underneath a nearby bridge, planning to dump it, he saw how Katy was still shaking, looking down at her hands, the skin around her knuckles broken and bleeding.

"It's okay" Bucky sighed, as she shook her head, vehemently.

"No. No, it's not. Nothing's changed. I'm still a weapon. Hurting people..." Katy trailed off, dropping her head into her hands.

"He deserved it" Bucky pointed out, as she let out a huff.

"Then I deserve even worse" Katy muttered.

She was surprised when she felt an arm slowly wrapping around her shoulders, Bucky's other hand coming to rest on the back of her head, bringing her to lean against his chest. He could feel how tense she was under him, and began to stroke her hair gently. A few seconds later, she pulled her hands away from her face to clutch as his shirt, let out a muffled sob.

"...I need you, Katy. I can't do this without you" Bucky admitted.

"Yes, you can" She mumbled, in a hoarse voice.

"I don't want to" Bucky told her, his arms wrapping around her a little tighter.

Months past after her breakdown, and things were slowly getting better. They had been putting each other back together piece by piece, no matter how difficult it was. Weeks went by now without Bucky having any of his episodes and even when he did, they would only last a few hours at the most. Katy was growing better at dealing with her emotions, learning what it really meant to be human again. They had found the families of twenty eight children in total and given them the answers they deserved. Some of the Hydra agents they met were forthcoming with information, wanting to make amends for what they had done and others...they were loyal until the end. The pair had just dealt with one such man, who had put up a fight, even managing to take a few shots at Bucky before they were able to subdue him and get the answers they needed. They had left him bleeding out in the mansion he owned, planning to leave an anonymous tip for the police in a few hours to see whether the man was still alive. They had rushed back to their grotty hotel, knowing they needed to make a quick getaway. They already had the name of one of the traffickers who chose the children for the experiment, and they had to get to her before news spread. As soon as they entered the room, Bucky was packing the few belongings they had, taking special care of a book she saw him often writing in late at night. It was then that she noticed how he was hunched over and the dark red stain on his shirt, her heart beat quickening at the sight.

"Are you hurt?" She questioned.

"I'm fine" Bucky replied, dismissively.

He jumped a little when she suddenly reached out to touch his abdomen, pulling her fingers away to see blood staining her fingertips. She quirked an eyebrow at the older man, who let out a sigh, knowing she wasn't about to let it go.

"It'll heal in a few hours" Bucky insisted, as Katy shook her head.

"I know what you're doing. You want the pain" Katy exclaimed, watching how Bucky tensed at the accusation.

"I should have been quicker. This will remind me to not be so slow next time" Bucky retorted, as Katy gave him a look of disbelief.

He was surprised when she suddenly slapped him round the back of the head, muttering something under her breath. As he rubbed at his sore head, he couldn't stop the slight smile that grew on his lips. A year ago, Katy would have never even spoken out against him, her programming making her complicit to whatever her superiors wanted.

"What was that for?" He laughed, as she crossed her arms.

"For being an idiot. Take off your shirt" Katy all but ordered.

"Yes, Ma'am" Bucky grinned, with amusement.

She turned her back to grab the first aid kit that they had assembled over time, finding that Bucky had pulled his shirt off by the time she looked back. Katy came to a halt, feeling her face flushing as her eyes travelled over his chest which was shiny with sweat. She frowned when her gaze fell on the bleeding bullet wound just above the waistband of his jeans, pushing away whatever strange emotion had taken over her. Placing her supplies on the bed, she reached around to touch his back, finding there was no exit wound.

"The bullet's still in you" Katy sighed, all but pushing Bucky down onto the bed, who gave little resistance.

"We don't have time to—" Bucky began, but she was quick to cut him off by pouring peroxide over the wound, causing him to hiss.

"Lean back" Katy exclaimed, placing her hand on his shoulder as he slowly laid down on the bed.

Grabbing the tweezers, she was quick to disinfect her hands and the metal object, before crawling onto the bed. She didn't give Bucky any more time to complain, pushing the tweezers into his abdomen, his only reaction was to grit his teeth. They had both built up a high pain tolerance over the years. She pushed the tweezers in further until she felt something solid and tugged it out, watching Bucky's metal hand ball into a fist. Placing the bloody bullet down onto the bed, she grabbed a wad of gauze to stop the blood that had begun to soak onto the sheets. Bucky was silent as she began to clean the wound again, pressing down on his abdomen when she heard him inhale sharply.

"Did I hurt you?" She frowned, her eyes snapping down to meet his.

He gave a quick shake of his head, his chest rising and falling a little quicker than it had been. She shrugged off his actions and began to stitch his wound, the action easy after all the experience she had. Her own hands were a bloody mess by the time the wound was closed, as Bucky remained pliant under her quick hands. She grabbed a dressing, sizing it up against his abdomen to find his jeans were in the way. Without thinking, her hands went to button of his jeans, pulling his zipper down a moment later when Bucky's hand shot out to grab her arm.

"...I was just..." Katy trailed off, feeling her face flushing again when her eyes connected with his.

"Right" Bucky mumbled, dropping his head back down onto the bed, gulping audibly.

She was quick to dress his wound, sticking the gauze down with some tape, finding Bucky continued to squirm under her hands. It was then that she realised at some point she had managed to straddle his thigh and currently had her hands touching his pants...

Oh.

Bucky had always been good to her. And men had needs, didn't they? As far as she knew no one had been meeting those...desires since they had escaped from Hydra. There had always been a niggling voice in the back of her head that told her that one day Bucky would get sick of her. Realise that he didn't need her anymore. Maybe if she met his needs, she could delay that from ever happening. That was how she survived so long in Hydra. With Rumlow.

But...

Bucky had never given her any signals that's what he wanted, had he? Or had she just not seen them? She shook her head as she realised her hands were still touching his abdomen, not having moved for a few seconds. Consent was important.

"Do you want me to...?" Katy questioned, lowering her eyes down to his crotch, fingers going to the waistband of his underwear.

"What?" Bucky gaped, instantly pushing himself up into a sitting positioning, brushing her hands away from him.

"You have needs. I'm capable of meeting those needs" Katy explained, causing his forehead to wrinkle.

"Jesus, Katy" Bucky murmured, quickly buttoning up his jeans, shakily.

"I don't understand. You seemed interested. A part of you definitely is—" Katy began, ushering down to the bulge in his jeans, when he cut her off.

"What Hydra did to me...I don't always react how I should. Mentally and...physically. I shouldn't be getting a hard on from you patching me up" Bucky complained, as she pulled herself away from him, finding he wouldn't meet her eyes.

"I just wanted to help" Katy admitted, in an embarrassed tone as she sat next to him on the bed.

"You shouldn't want to do...that, just to help someone. You should do it because you want to" Bucky explained.

"Want is a very confusing concept. When have you wanted something like that? In the past?" Katy clarified, curiously.

"Well, with girls I've dated. And...it's not something easy to explain" Bucky pointed out.

"But I've never dated anyone. I...I don't even know if that's something I would ever want. Sex is supposed to be mutual, right? But no one is ever going to want me" Katy suggested, as Bucky's eyes softened, finally connecting with hers.

"Hey, that's not true" Bucky stated, reaching out to place his hand on her knee.

"I'm a machine, Buck. I can still barely understand emotions. Why would anyone ever want someone like that?" Katy mumbled, biting her inner cheek as she felt tears welling in her eyes.

"Your just not ready yet. There's nothing wrong with that" Bucky told her, squeezing her knee.

"Are you? Ready?" Katy inquired, as Bucky pursed his lips.

"For relationships? Sex? Definitely not. Maybe one day" Bucky murmured.

"...I'm sure Steve will wait for you" Katy exclaimed, watching as Bucky stilled beside her.

"I...I don't...that's not..." Bucky stuttered over his words, eyes wide.

"You talk about him in your sleep still. Some of the things you say..." Katy trailed off, not needing to finish the sentence for Bucky to understand.

She bit her lip when he remained silent, wondering if she had said something bad. Maybe she had it all wrong, what if she had offended him?

"I've never told anyone. Back then...it's not like we could have...everything's different now" Bucky sighed, running a hand through his hair.

"What do you mean?" She frowned.

"Steve's not the only person I care about" Bucky explained, as a small smile grew on Katy's face.

His eyes widened as she leaned forward a moment later, pressing a soft kiss against his cheek, shyly pulling away with downcast eyes. Bucky found a lopsided grin spreading over his own lips in response, a little taken aback. It was rare for Katy to initiate physical contact, especially something so intimate.

"Why did you do that?" Bucky asked.

"Because I wanted to" Katy replied, as the pair shared a fond look.

Something in her chest tightened then, it was a strange feeling but pleasant. She could feel how her heartbeat had increased; palms had grown sweaty as a realisation hit her. She had heard of this phenomenon. A lot of teenage girls suffered from it. A crush. It felt so...normal. Her grin grew wider as she pushed herself up from the bed, excitedly.

"I'll get some ice for your wounds" Katy announced, grabbing the hotel keys from the chest of drawers.

"Be quick. I'll finish packing" Bucky told her, earning a quick nod in response.

"...I'm really glad I'm with you, Buck" Katy announced, a moment later, catching him by surprise.

"Me too" He smiled back, as she made her way to the door, finding her face was still flushed.

It didn't take her long to find the ice compartment outside the building, as she quickly shovelled a few handfuls into the cloth bag provided. She had never experienced a crush before. It made her feel giddy. She made a mental note to search for how to deal with a crush later that night when Bucky was asleep. Google always had a lot to say on such topics. She turned around to head back to the hotel room when she felt eyes on her, causing her head to snap up. The ice in her hands dropped to the ground a moment later when she found familiar brown eyes staring back at her.

"No..." She mumbled, stumbling back a step, as the man in front of her held his hand out.

"I'm not here to fight. You remember me, right?" He exclaimed, as Katy's hands balled into fists.

"Grant Ward. A friend of Rumlow's. Hydra" Katy muttered, reaching back to grab the pocket knife she kept in the waistband of her trousers.

"Not anymore. I'm out. I heard you are too" Grant continued, taking a step forward, only for Katy to jump back.

"Leave" Katy spat out, raising her knife out in the air.

"You'll want to read this first" Grant suggested, taking a folder out from his jacket and throwing it to the ground by her feet.

"What is it?" Katy questioned, unsurely.

"Everything Hydra has..." Grant trailed off, as Katy slowly reached down to pick up the folder.

"On what?" She frowned; knife still raised towards him.

"On you" He replied, watching her eyes widen.