Chapter 65
Natalia finished her dance and took the first position she held while waiting for Madame B's verdict. She was tired and wanted to go to sleep, but she was not allowed to show any of it. That would be a sign of weakness and she would be punished.
"Again," she ordered.
The redhead remained in the first position. "Why? It was perfect," she said convincingly, even though she knew it wasn't true. She was really exhausted throughout the day of training, so she slacked off some movements. Of course, the older woman did not miss it. Madame B never missed anything.
"It could have been perfect if you did it properly. Your posture is terrible, in places you hunch over more than babushkas. And your demi-tour is too fast. You have to learn the difference between fighting and dancing. You can't rush a ballet," she told her in her typical icy voice.
"Why aren't the others here? Did you pick up on me? If you think I don't have it in me, fire me," she said angrily but did not interrupt the first position.
Madame B smirked. "You know there are only two ways out of here. A ceremony or an execution," she reminded her, even though she knew it wasn't necessary. "I've been doing this job for a very long time. Basically my whole life. Do you think I don't know that you are making mistakes on purpose? Accept that you will pass the ceremony. It'll be better if you stop resisting, Natalia. You will be my pride. All of you will become Black Widows, but you will be the Widow. Fear of all countries and our enemies. And now start dancing, or I'll punish you for indiscipline," she said sternly.
The redhead wanted to protest, but she knew it was useless, so instead, she started dancing, this time trying not to make a mistake.
She was distracted by the click of a teapot, which told her she had boiled water for tea. With a sigh, she poured two cups of herbal tea. On the way from the base, she wrote to Bruce that she would wait for him at home. When she arrived at their penthouse, she changed into black leggings, put on one of Bruce's sweatshirts, and braided her hair. Then she decided to make them the tea Bruce always drank when he needed to calm his nerves. Now she lacked only the scientist she had been expecting at any moment.
She decided to wait for him in the living room. Just as she took the mugs in her hands, she heard the keys in the lock. Her heart pounded faster, and perhaps for the first time in her life, she had something to do to keep her hands from shaking. She took a deep breath and walked into the living room.
"Hello," she said softly as she found him standing awkwardly in the doorway. "I made you your favorite tea," she whispered, handing him the mug, trying not to disturb his personal space too much. She didn't know if he needed a distance from her, even though she just wanted to curl up in his arms.
Bruce gave her a grateful smile and went to sit on the couch. For the first time he saw Natasha's other face, he should probably be surprised by what he witnessed, but somehow he wasn't surprised. He didn't know her past, but he knew it was nothing pink. And when he saw her here, he felt he fell even more in love. She looked so small and vulnerable in his sweatshirt. He was the only one who saw this page of hers. Whom she allowed to see her like that. And he loved her for it. And he loved her in spite of Black Widow, just as she loved him in spite of the Hulk.
"So—" she began as she sat on the other end of the couch, but was immediately interrupted.
"I've been thinking about it, and I don't want to know, Nat. It does not matter to me. Nothing can change how I feel about you," he told her softly and sat closer to her. He didn't like the distance between them.
Natasha was pleasantly surprised, but his words calmed her for only a few seconds. "You say that now because you don't know what I did. How many corpses did I leave behind. I think I would beat Winter Soldier by that number," she muttered reluctantly.
Bruce grabbed her hand carefully and breathed a sigh of relief when she didn't pull away. "I don't know your past, but I don't have to have seven doctorates to realize it's not going to be nice. I used to think it was important that I knew, but today I know I was wrong. Look at us - for almost five months we have managed to live a relatively normal life."
"Five months, and then it went wrong again," she sighed. "I think I have to tell you. Now that you've finally seen me in my true beauty, I can't hide my ugly past."
"Well, if you want to talk about it, we can," he said, squeezing her hand encouragingly.
The redhead took a deep breath and sipped her tea, hoping the herbal mixture would calm her a little but it didn't have the same effect on her as it did on her boyfriend. "I've been practicing since I was a child, which you know from our first meeting. But the truth was, I didn't want to finish the training. I kept making mistakes and thought I would get away somehow, but Madame B, who was in charge of us, peeked through my slacking and forced me to start concentrating fully. She wanted me to be the best. She wanted everyone to remember my face when Black Widow was mentioned," she began to say, then paused for a moment, then chuckled. "That actually came true for her. She has to turn in her grave when she knows it's not because of my ruthless actions, but because of the Avengers."
"What happened after the closing ceremony? Did you meet your future husband?” he asked, making it easier for her to tell, as he saw that she was struggling a little.
Natasha looked at him with a small smile and squeezed the hand he was still holding to let him know he was the only man she wanted. "Something like that. After the ceremony, they erased my memories and programmed the identity of a successful Russian ballerina. I met Alexi later, he was a test pilot. I thought it was real that I loved him. It wasn't until a few years later that I found out it was staged. We got married, but the marriage didn't last long. A few months after the wedding, he had to test a rocket, but something went wrong and he died. Well, at least they told me he died. I was programmed to join the KGB to honor the memory of my dead husband. And so I finally became Black Widow. I was the best, as Madame B wished. But when I found out in a few years that our meeting was planned, I got terribly angry. The enemies were not allowed to play with me, and after this information, my Russian fellow citizens became my enemies. I took revenge on them all and then I ran away. Clint was supposed to kill me, but instead, he led me to Fury, and shortly afterward I began working for him. When I returned to Russia, I found out that Alexi was alive and was a Red Guardian. I made sure that he really died this time, and then I buried the entire premises of the Red Room," she finished her conversation, and inadvertently remembered Elizbeth for the first time in five months. She wondered if she should tell him about her but eventually decided that some secrets should remain secrets.
"See? I still love you,” he breathed with a slight smile and raised their joined hands so he could kiss her.
"Are you sure?" She asked, staring at their joined hands. There was something else she had to tell him.
Bruce noticed her gaze. "Can I have a look?" He asked permission. He remembered the moment she grabbed the knife by the blade in the plane. It didn't surprise him either. Natasha had never had a problem with the pain, and a cut on the arm was definitely better than a stab wound to the abdomen. A normal person probably wouldn't do it, but Natasha was a trained killer, she knew all the tricks. She knew what to do.
Nat nodded and closed her eyes so she wouldn't have to see his expression when he realized.
"I don't understand that I didn't notice it before," he muttered as he ran his fingers gently over her palm, where there should be a fresh scar, but there was no sign of the cut.
"I was careful never to get too injured," she whispered.
Bruce couldn't stand it anymore and pulled her into his arms. He needed to keep her close. "So what? Are you like Steve and Bucky?” he asked as he began to play with her braid.
"Not that. The Russians, of course, wanted someone like that, but the serum wasn't as effective, so they used it in the Red Room. I heal quickly, I have more strength and improved senses. But it's not on the scale of Steve. I'm also more mentally resilient, but it's not so much about the serum as it is about training," she explained casually. In the end, it wasn't as bad as she imagined, but it was because of how amazing Bruce was. She knew she didn't deserve him, but she didn't care. She wanted to be selfish and have him to herself.
"I appreciate that you told me. I adore you with everything, Nat, remember that,” he said and kissed her hair.
The redhead settled in his arms and closed her eyes. "I adore you too, Brucie."