Chapter 3
Natasha was leaning against the railing of the balcony, rolling a cigarette, which she had originally come to light, between her fingers. The previous few days were really demanding and most of all today. But now everyone was home, alive and well. And that's all that mattered.
"You enjoyed it, didn't you? I just don't understand why you didn't make it to the end. It would just be another dead body to leave behind. Like me,” his slimy voice whispered in her ear, drifting through the air like the wind. Which it was. Alexi was dead, but from the day in the alley when Betty made a hologram trick on her, she heard his voice. He represented her past. A past that will never get rid of.
And to make it worse, he was right. She enjoyed it. She always enjoyed it. She accidentally remembered a conversation she'd recently had with Loki. She was able to accept Black Widow. She was able to live in harmony with her. The problem was that she had to constantly look after the others. Everyone had a past and they all tried to be better people. Did she try too? She thought so. She thought that was what she wanted. But now that she had released Black Widow outside after a long time, she realized that was not the case. Sometimes you just had to go to extreme solutions. And although Natasha didn't want to go back, she realized she was missing it in a way. When she frees herself from everyone else and from what they would think of her and thinks only for herself, she misses it. Plus, she's really good at it.
"Never look at what others think of you. You're very talented, Natalia. If someone doesn't like what you're doing, end it with him.” The voice of madame B herself came to her mind.
The redhead sighed and tossed the cigarette away. She didn't really know what she wanted anymore. She didn't know how to coordinate these two lives. Could she be who everyone thinks her to be while being herself?
"What are you doing out here?" Bruce asked in a whisper. He checked out Peter one last time and went to bed, which he had never looked forward to more than right now, but when he entered the empty room, he decided he should find the redhead and talk to her. It was foolish of him to think he could leave her. He loved her too much for that.
"I'm handling all those events," she replied, giving him a look. And her heart fluttered strangely. One look was enough and she would throw all her past behind her head. It was more tangled than she ever thought.
Bruce shivered a little with cold. The autumn breeze was gaining strength, and he was dressed for bed and not for being out. "I guess we should talk, but inside if possible," he muttered, not waiting for her answer. He knew that Natasha was used to winter, but he preferred warm months.
Natasha followed quietly. She wondered in her head what she might say. She didn't want to give it up, but now she wasn't so sure that ordinary life was what she wanted. Maybe it was just today's events. Maybe she'll get used to the assistant's everyday life again when there is no danger to them.
"I think you were right," she said as she closed the door to their room behind her.
"And in what exactly?" Bruce asked, confused, and sat down on the bed. He was really tired.
"I asked you for a life I didn't want in the first place," she replied, sitting down next to him. "But it wasn't intentional, Bruce, you have to believe me. When we're together, it's the life I want. But as soon as a little goes wrong, my spy mode turns on in my head and I can't reconcile these two lives together. I've done terrible things in the past. And not just when I was in the service of the KGB. As soon as I found out what they had done to me, I was overwhelmed with a desire for revenge. I had to do something to let them know they couldn't just play with me. That no one can play with Black Widow and come out without consequences. She's like the Hulk, Bruce. Just much more bloodthirsty. You have to come to terms with the fact that I will not talk about my past and I will always deal with it on my own and in my own way. That won't change. And I may not be ready for a normal life, but let's be honest, we'll never have one anyway. Even so, please give us a try. The apartment is already repaired and is available to us. I'm not saying we have to move right now, no. But what if we celebrated our first Christmas together?" she told him as she watched him out of the corner of her eye.
"I'm too tired to have any big conversations, so I'll cut it short. I have already accepted that you are not talking about your past. It was never about that. It was mostly because you didn't talk to me, Nat. Betty went after you and you didn't say anything. I promise I won't dig into your past when you promise to finally start talking to me. That's the only way it will work for us. I'll respect if you want to deal with something on your own, but at least you have to tell me you're dealing with something, okay?” he said evenly and rubbed his eyes.
"I think I can do that," Natasha agreed with a small smile on her face.
"It'll still be a lot of work, but I think Christmas in our own apartment sounds fantastic," he smiled and shook her hand encouragingly. The two still had hope.
•••
The car stopped and Michelle took a deep breath before turning to the older man. She knew she had made the right decision, but she would still like to tell him that she had changed her mind and wanted to come back with him. But it was too late. She already felt terrible when he took her home instead of being with his son.
"Thank you for taking me, sir. I could really go on my own, you didn't have to bother," she muttered, grabbing a small backpack from the floor of the car.
"What bothering," Tony said, waving at her. "I wouldn't fall asleep anyway, and I certainly wouldn't let you travel alone so late at night. And please call me Tony.“
"Sure. So thank you again. Will you tell Peter to call me when he's better?” she asked, one hand on the door. She had to get out as soon as possible because she was in danger of really asking him to take her back with him. Pepper tried to persuade her to stay at least one more night, but Michelle refused. Peter was already home and he was fine. It was time to leave them alone.
"I'll tell him, but I'm sure Pepper will call you sooner. Listen, I understand you want to be home, I just wanted to thank you for being with us. That means a lot to me and Pepper," he said seriously. He wasn't too emotional, but that really hit him. He saw that Peter had made a good choice. "You are always welcome with us, okay? Keep that in mind," he added, after which Michelle just nodded and got out of the car. She wanted to tell him that it meant a lot to her, too, but she couldn't speak. She felt that if she spoke, she would cry, and that certainly didn't suit her reputation.
She took another deep breath, and only then did she enter the building, and only then did Tony leave. As if he wanted to make sure she walked safely a few feet. And Michelle's heart warmed.
"I'm home," she shouted as she closed the door behind her, but she didn't get an answer. "I thought so," she snorted to herself, cursing herself for not staying with Pepper and Tony. But she knew that the longer she stayed with them, the harder it would be to return to reality.