Loose Lips
He opened his mouth, the pressure of the secret pushing down on him. The tension on his shoulders pushed on him stronger than ever. The weight of the words. He’d never be able to take them back.
Steve looked at him, his beautiful light blue eyes glistening with worry. Would Steve be disgusted in him? Would Steve cut him off?
‘No, I wouldn’t be able to take it if he were to kick me out,’ he thought to himself.
“Bucky?” Steved asked, his soft voice soothing Bucky’s ears.
“Never mind.”
“You know you can talk to me, right?” Steve said, leaning backwards, staring at the dotted sky. He turned his head and looked at Bucky. “I know it can be hard to talk. If you’d like, I can talk. Or we can sit in silence, whichever you prefer.”
“You can talk, if you want to. I’m tired”
Steve softly smiled, dimples forming on both his cheeks as he laid there staring at the sky.. Then, as if talking to the silence that surrounded them, he said “You’re so handsome”.
The words hung between the two of them, the words ringing in Buck’s ears. The silence that stood between them was overcome by the ringing words and Buck’s heartbeat.
“Handsome?”
Steve’s eyes widened for a second and then his face became pale, “Did I just say that outloud?”
The words hit Bucky like a truck. He’d heard those words somewhere. He felt his body go stiff and the trees around him melted into wooden panels. Steve became small again, and the silence of nature erupted with the sound of cars.
Steve looked up at Bucky, his small frame seemed only smaller thanks to Bucky’s large tan jacket on him. His blue eyes seemed energetic as opposed to his frail looking body, which was slumped as he tried to cover himself fully with the jacket.
“Hey Punk,” Bucky said, “You sure you’re doing ok?”
Steve nodded his head, but his response was obviously a lie. His body shivered even under the heavy winter jacket that he had on, and the breeze that occasionally snuck in through the old windows only worked as a reminder of the harsh winter storm that raged outside. The two men sat on their old, worn down couch, sitting near each other for warmth.
“Ya know it ain’t bad to ask for some help sometimes,” Bucky said as he reached over to Steve. He gently pulled Steve closer to him, wrapping him with the blanket that he was using on himself.
“I don’t need charity!” Steve pouted as he feigned a fight against Bucky’s arm. After struggling for a few seconds he relaxed and settled himself next to Bucky. He leaned his head against his friend's shoulder and closed his eyes, his shivering becoming less violent.
Bucky could feel as Steve’s chest went up and down with each breath. Though the winter storm brought an unwelcome chill, the blanket that it created brought a sense of comfort and solitude. The clouds that covered the sky alluded to no time of day and it felt as though time was slowing down. Bucky looked around, starting with Steve. His blond friend laid peacefully asleep, the tan winter jacket rising and falling slowly. Buck’s gaze continued wandering around the room, ending with him looking through the old, dusty window. Snow had piled on the windowsill as snow continued to fall outside. The snowflakes drifted in the wind and made it impossible to see much further from the window. Bucky then looked back at Steve who’s blond hair and fragile statue looked beautiful under the light of the fire that Bucky had started in front of them.
‘This is perfect’ Bucky thought to himself, letting himself drift off gently. He closed his eyes and rested his head on the couch, but before he could fully fall asleep he heard Steve mumbling.
“Bucky… you’re so handsome.” The words were slurred together, but the words were unforgettable.
Bucky froze as the words settled in his mind.
‘Did- did Steve just say that?’
“Bucky?”
Steve’s voice took Bucky out of his old memory, a rare piece of what was left of his previous life in Brooklyn right before the war. The last time he’d felt safe and at home.
Steve repeated himself, “Bucky… are- are you ok…?”
Bucky opened his mouth but had no idea how to express himself. How was he supposed to respond.
Steve’s face was filled with shock and regret, “Listen, I’m really sorry. I really didn’t mean to say that outloud. I- I don’t know what I was thinking. I shouldn’t hav-” but before Steve could finish Bucky cut him off.
“Steve, it’s ok. I- I just don't know what to say. I- I also think you’re handsome”