First Session
June 12, 2024
Today was interesting, to say the least. It was my first day under a government contract as a therapist, not only that but my first and my only patient is James “Bucky” Buchanan Barnes. We didn’t really do any therapy exercises or anything of the sort, rather I took today to try to get to know James. After all, the only reason why I am here is that his previous therapist wasn’t really cutting it out. We managed to work out a schedule and alternate ways of therapy should he be on a mission or unavailable during one of our scheduled meetings. I figured I should let him set the pace, the recovery can only go as fast as the patient wants or as fast as they can take it. And for someone who is an ex-assassin and an Avenger he was EVERYWHERE.
I sat in my office reading my book, it was a cheesy romance book, but a good one nonetheless. My windows were wide open letting in sunlight since I found those office lights annoying. Not only that but the natural sunlight and fresh air were good for the copious amounts of plants that decorated my office. Scattered through my office were pots of various flora.
Near the patients, seats were a mix of my smaller plants that I grew or purchased at the florist down the street. An array of goldenrods, hollyhocks, coriander, and lemon balm decorated the area but were still potted so if the pollen or aroma bothered the patient I could always move it. On and around my desks were morning glories, sage, and some thyme. I used sage and thyme to cleanse my office space before and after each patient visit. It’s something that I’ve always done when working with others on personal things, even my closest friends. Cleaning the energy of the room is just as important as physically cleaning up.
As it was ten minutes before the patient was supposed to get here, I took a small portion of pre-picked leaves on my desk and placed them on my incense plate. Once the leaves were lit and started to smoke, I walked through my office space with the plate in hand taking in tiny details of my office. The smell of the sage and thyme filled my nose as I took my mini-tour through the office. My office was on the first floor of this large sky-scraper of a building, but it was isolated on the south corner of the building. Luckily, the door to the left of my office was an employee entrance and exit that led to the park outside my open window.
Once I felt as though the room was cleaned, I put out the smoke on the plants and placed the plate back in its locked draw away from prying eyes. I gazed at the clock on my desk and saw I had five minutes left to set up my space for my patient.
I already knew who he was, James Buchanan Barnes. He’s a World War II veteran who was brainwashed by a terrorist organization and later became an avenger, not only that but recently he stopped the flag smashers. He probably has enough trauma for twenty different lives, but that’s for me to tackle another day. Today’s goal is just to get to know one another and see what he is comfortable talking about…. That being if he is comfortable talking about anything.
In my patient section of the room, the layout was simple. Two white loveseat sofas sat across from one another as a simple black coffee table set a barrier. On the coffee table, I set three cold water bottles and some snacks I was able to find that were around in world war 2. Surprisingly enough, a lot of those snacks are still around today, just with a recipe that changes as the decades progressed. Sticking with simple snacks, I placed a plate full of Ritz Crackers and a bowl of Tootsie rolls.
As I placed the bowl down a knock at the door drew my attention, I did one last scan of the room ensuring no documents were out and that everything was neat before heading to the door. I opened the door to see a man at least a foot taller than me, it was Mr.Barnes. Now I knew he was tall but the height difference caught me slightly off guard. “Good afternoon, you must be Mr. Barnes.”
“Yes ma’am that’s me, you don’t have to call me Mr. Barnes you can call me James.” I stepped out of the doorway to let him in and waved towards the sofas. His voice was rough and kind but still had some annoyance behind it. Understandably he probably doesn’t want to be here.
“If you don’t mind having a seat James, make yourself at home and we can get started.” As he took off his leather jacket and rested it over the sofa’s arm, I grabbed his file from my desk along with a notebook that would be used to take notes during and after our session. Each patient I saw had their own book and their own file, he would be no different.
“Okay James, so I wanted to use today to figure out a schedule that will work for you given that sometimes you will be out of the city and alternatives to days that you can’t make it to your appointments. I also wanted to ask some questions to make sure my files have all the right information and I can learn a little bit about you. Is that okay with you?”
He scratched the back of his neck and answered with a short nod, and then off into work I went. After verifying I had the right basic information like date of birth, allergies, and medical conditions, I asked if he had any personal goals to work on. “They can be anything from the smallest thing like listening to new music, to the largest goals you can think of. And if you don’t have anything right now that’s okay.”
His blue eyes scanned the room as he sat in silence. “There are two that I have, the first one is to be able to sleep in my bed, and the second is to find and make some recipes from before the war.” I wrote those goals down in his journal. “I’ve actually found a few but they aren’t right, there’s something off with them.” James kept his gloved hands intertwined while rubbing them against one another.
The issues with sleep on the bed were nothing new. I’ve worked with a plethora of soldiers and veterans and they’ve all compared it to sleeping on a marshmallow. One patient even compared it from sleeping like a caveman on hard rocks to going onto a surface that makes you feel like you’re gonna sink. That was definitely a long-term goal. The recipes, on the other hand, could be a quick fix.
“That depends on where you found it and what you made it with. A lot of stuff is factory-made and filled with preservatives nowadays and that changes the flavors in the recipes. Also, a lot of recipes from back then online tend to be modernized so some key elements may have been changed.”
“Noted.” He looked down at the plate in front of him. “Could I have some?”
“Sure.”
He took out a tootsie roll and popped it in his mouth. “Did you know that they used to have these back in the forties?” I knew but feigned ignorance. “They would hand these out to us when we were overseas as a snack. It was one of the few candies that wouldn’t melt when they shipped it out. Surprisingly they taste the same.”
“That’s good to know.” a small chuckle escaped my lips, “So tell me about yourself, anything you’re comfortable with sharing, it doesn’t have to be anything too personal.”
James took a swig of water from the water bottle, he claimed: “There’s nothing much really, I was a soldier in the second world war, got kidnapped, made into a monster, my best friend found and somewhat rehabilitated me, I became an Avenger, and now I’m here. But that’s probably on your file already.” He pointed at the file cast away to the left of me. He wasn’t wrong. What details weren’t on my file, I heard from my superiors who contracted me.
“While yes they are there, I prefer to hear information from my patients, not others who want to tell the story. Other people have biases and agendas, you are the source of your story. So, the only person I care to hear details from is you.” While talking I could see that his hand was moving a lot even when he was silent. It made sense that he didn’t like to stay still for too long.
Looking at my watch I saw we still had an hour and forty minutes left. I stood up and walked to my desk. “We are going to go on a little field trip.” I grabbed the keys for my office, my wallet, and my keys to the employee entrance.
I looked to see James staring back at me in confusion. “I thought therapy was done in an office and you’re supposed to ask me questions I don’t want to answer.”
“That will only make us frustrated for two hours and no one likes that. So today, we are going on a field trip. You might want to bring the water with you.” I grabbed my water bottle and headed towards the door to see James with his jacket on, was already there holding the door open. “Thank you.”
As we walked down the corridor to the employee’s entrance, I opened the door and led him towards the park. “You don’t like my office, so let’s go somewhere a little more open.”
“It’s not that I don’t like your office, I just don’t like offices. Yours has been the best one I’ve been in so far.”
“Thank you, I think, wellpoint being we are going on a field trip today.” I led him through the public garden outside of the building. “So do you have any hobbies or anything you do just for fun?”
“Does pulling pranks on a co-worker count?”
“Depends, are they funny?”
“Yeah.”
“There’s your answer, but do you have anything that you like to do on your own?” We walked in silence as he pondered the question. As we walked, I noticed that the clear summer sky had been invaded with some dark storm clouds. There wasn’t any wind or anything. He looked at the ground and sighed.
“No, none that I can think of.”
I nodded and took note of that, making a plan to make a list of hobbies he can try. “Okay, when you’re not Avengering, do you have a routine of sorts? Are there any places you like to go to?”
“Avengering?” James looked at me as we walked past a batch of purple larkspurs. “Well, when I’m off of work, I wake up, work out, have breakfast, do whatever I need to do for the day, have dinner, shower, and watch tv till I fall asleep.”
We continued the small talk and I got to know some information about him. He likes hot chocolate, his favorite movies are the hobbit and lord of the rings, and he goes to this Japanese restaurant with a man named Yori every Friday. As I was about to ask him my next question, the cloudy sky released a torrential downpour of rain. “Shit! I didn’t bring my umbrella!”
James had taken off his jacket and held it above our heads. “Let’s head back to the office?” The smell of cologne flooded my nose and it smelled amazing mixed with the warmth radiating from his body.
“Good idea.” Luckily we hadn’t been more than a half an hour stroll away from the office, which meant it was less than a five-minute sprint. Well, a sprint for me, a fast-paced walk for James.
Once I opened the employee side door and made it in, did I remember I left the windows in my office open. I took off running to my office and swung the door open to rush to the windows which were flailing about in the wind and rain. As I fought with one set of the four large windows, I failed to notice that James had rushed next to me and closed two sets of windows already. By the time I closed the one I was fighting with, James had conquered the other three. “Thank you, James.”
“No problem, but I think your floor may need some cleaning.” Along the side of the window, the floor was drenched.
“It’s just water, I’ll clean it up later.” Looking up at James, I noticed that not only were both of us soaked to the bone but that his shirt clung tight to his body. “Give me a second to turn on the heater in the room, I should also have some towels in the storage behind you if you want one.”
Turning my back to him, I tried to shut off the little perverted thought that came wandering through my mind. I fought with the heater until I a click ran through the office and the machine began to whir to life. Making my way back to the couch, I saw James had grabbed an extra towel and handed it to me once I sat on the couch.
For the next hour or so we went over different topics, jumping from subject to subject as he never wanted to delve deep into anything. I don’t know what it is about an office setting, but compared to when he was outside, James seemed to be closed off. He gave short generic answers but wasn’t rude at all. He even tried shifting the conversation onto topics about me. “Why did you become a therapist?”
I shifted under my towel to get comfortable. It was only fair for me to answer his questions. To build up some foundation of trust. “What do you mean?”
“Everyone goes into a job for a reason, why did you go into psychology?”
I sipped out of my water bottle. “Well, I’ve always found the brain and behavior to be something interesting. Finding out why people act the way they act and think the way they think has always been something I’ve had an interest in.”
James nodded his head. “Do you have any hobbies?”
“Trying to steal my hobbies, James?” He shrugged his shoulders and leaned forward to listen. “Well aside from gardening, I read books and like baking.”
“Have any recipes you would suggest?”
“I have a few that I can bring to our next session.” I looked at the clock on the wall and noticed we had about ten minutes left before our session was over.
“So our next appointment will be this week. Thursday at noon. Should you need to talk to me at any point in the time between sessions do not hesitate to call or text me.” I handed him my card with my number on it. “If I don’t answer right away, I will call or text you back as soon as possible.”
He nodded and took the card. “Also if you can’t make it to the next session let me know at least twelve hours in advance. Even though this is court-mandated, I know you still have other things you need to do. If you can’t show up, we can either door the appointment over zoom or you can fill out some worksheets that should take no more than an hour.”
“Yes ma’am.”As he left I noticed more than a handful of tootsie rolls were missing from the jar. I shook my head as I cleaned up the coffee table and the remaining water by the window.
After I closed up the office, I opted to walk home rather than take the subway, for the sole reason of stopping at the bookstore that was in between the two subway stops. The store was a vintage book store, anything from first edition copies to legitimate cookbooks could be found. In the store, I made a beeline for the cookbooks section and picked three cookbooks, one based on the 1920s, one for the ’30s, and one for the ’40s. I knew this would help James with one of his goals, but it could also help him get a hobby.
Two things concerned me today when I was talking to him. One is the way he just spoke about his life as if he was bored and drifting from day to day. Granted nothing can be as exciting as being an Avenger, but there was this lack of interest and energy when talking about his daily life. The second concern that arose in me was James claiming he was a monster. I have a vague idea of what the winter soldier is and from what I’ve heard it wasn’t the best.
Walking home after purchasing the books, I began to make a game plan in my head. I had him every Monday and Thursday from noon to four. I knew I had to keep him engaged and willing to cooperate. Four hours is a lot for one session, but working with James’ schedule and the Government’s demands, that’s what we came to. I couldn’t go about this like I would with any other patient. With James, I was going to have to get creative.
Aside from the storm and the water mess, today was good. I learned a lot about James, the personal details were surface level, but he had a way of making it seem as if it was personal information. He was willing to work with me but didn’t trust me yet, understandably so. This is going to be my hardest case yet. Without a doubt.
Well, I have to go now, it’s nearing midnight and I have errands I need to run tomorrow. I’m still getting used to this city, while I miss my old home, there are some things I’m happy I left behind. Until next time, good night.