Baby, don't cry. I'm with you till the end.
1945
Throughout the months, they fought side by side effectively and efficiently, taking down base after base and sending their team all the information they could gather on what Hydra was planning and where they were heading in terms of spies and weapons production. They fought through small armies and laid waste to every warehouse and Hydra compound they came across.
(Y/N) sighed deeply, not really appreciating the cold that bit into his exposed flesh. He stood as close as he could to Bucky and Steve as they surveyed the situation. They were on a mission to find and capture, or in (Y/N) plans to kill, Armin Zola. “Remember when I made you ride the Cyclone at Coney Island?” Bucky said as he looked over the large drop where the train was to pass. “Yeah, and I threw up while (Y/N) laughed at me?” (Y/N) gave him a fond smile as he remembered that day like it wasn't as long ago as it really was. “This isn't payback, is it?” Steve gave him a mischievous smirk. “Now why would I do that?” (Y/N) shrugged a bit, only shaking slightly from the cold. “Maybe because you secretly hate us for that day and you just waited and bide your time till you could get back at us for it?” He said, causing the two to laugh softly. Steve shook his head. “I could never hate you two.” (Y/N) sighed deeply, his breath clouding his vision for a moment before looking back down at the tracks below. He started to get a bad feeling in the pit of his stomach. “We were right. Doctor Zola’s on the train. Hydra dispatcher gave him permission to open up the throttle. Wherever he’s goin’ they must need him bad.” Jones said as he relayed the information he heard. Steve nodded as he turned and put his helmet on. (Y/N) gave Bucky a slightly pleading look before he snuck him a gentle kiss when the others weren't paying attention. “It’s gonna be alright.” he whispered to him, squeezing his hand a bit before joining Steve at the head of the group. “Let's get going, because they're moving like the devil.” Falsworth said after he dropped the binoculars down. Steve began getting into position. “We only got about a ten second window. You miss that window, we’re bugs on a windshield.” Steve said as he got ready to jump. “Mind the gap.” Falsworth said, making eye contact with (Y/N). He gave him a firm nod as he mentally prepared himself for their task to come. “Better get movin’ bugs!” Dugan said loudly, a bit lost in his own mind. A few moments passed before Dernier yelled something in French (Y/N) didn't catch and Steve let himself go off the edge, letting the zipline carry him towards his destination. One by one Dernier signaled for each of them to go, successfully landing on the train. The only ones that ended up going were Steve, (Y/N), Bucky and Jones. Jones stayed on top of the train as the others went in, keeping guard for them so they didn't get any nasty surprises from above. (Y/N) signaled for Steve to take the lead since he had the shield, letting Bucky follow and (Y/N) to watch their backs with his gun raised. As soon as Steve passed through the doorway, it shut, trapping Steve on one side and Bucky and (Y/N) on the other. Immediately men came in and started to fire at them. The two shot at the men, unaware of the man Steve was fighting. They both took a side and fired until the men dropped. When Bucky reloaded, (Y/N) was firing, watching out for men shooting at Bucky and vice versa. When (Y/N)’s gun jammed he hid behind the shelves as Bucky watched the man making his way towards them. Bucky waited till the last second he could and let off multiple shots as he made his way towards (Y/N)’s side. He traded guns with him and started working to unjam it, letting (Y/N) cover him. They both let off a few final shots before they ran out of ammo. (Y/N) cursed under his breath while Bucky started thinking of how he could win against the guy making his way towards them. Their attention snapped towards the door that opened next to them, (Y/N) letting out a breath of relief when it was Steve on the other side. He gestured with his gun to Bucky before tossing it to him. Steve took a deep breath before charging into the room and hitting one of the pillars, causing enough of a distraction for Bucky to emerge from his hiding spot and land a head shot on him. “We had him on the ropes.” Bucky said in a bit of exhaustion. Steve patted his shoulder a bit. “I know you did.” (Y/N) huffed, feeling a bit at ease from the familiar comment. However the peace was quickly smashed away when the Hydra guy Steve fought emerged and powered up to shoot at them. “Get down!” Steve yelled, pushing Bucky behind him and (Y/N) crouching down to avoid the blast. Unfortunately the blast still hit them, regardless of the shield and sent them flying. Steve took the brunt of the blast and hit the wall of the train. Bucky rushed to grab Steve’s shield and stood up, firing at the armored man. He fired at Bucky, causing him to get thrown out of the train from the hole he made with his prior blast. “Bucky!” (Y/N) shouted as he scrambled towards the opening as Steve fought the man off long enough for (Y/N) to get outside the train. “I’m coming! Hold on, please Buck, hold on!” (Y/N) pleaded as he made his way over to him. “Grab my hand!” (Y/N) shouted as he stretched towards him. Just as the bar he was holding onto gave out, Bucky grabbed onto (Y/N)’s hand. He let out a muffled yell as he strained to hold his weight and hold onto the bar. “(Y/N)! Bucky!” Steve yelled as he got to them. “Come on, just hold on a little longer, I’ll get you both back in!” he said as he reached towards Bucky, to relieve (Y/N) of the added weight he was holding up but his bar started to give by the second. Bucky gave (Y/N) a sad look as he felt himself slipping. “I’m sorry.” Was all (Y/N) could hear before a blast from the man's suit exploding shook the train, causing (Y/N) to lose his grip on Bucky. “No!” Was all (Y/N) could yell as he watched Bucky plummet down onto the river below, his own screams following him down. Steve managed to pull (Y/N) in at the last second as his bar gave way, falling down into the river as well. “Stevie.. Bucky.. I had him. I had him..” he said as Steve held him close, both mourning and fighting the tears that fought to spill. “I know.. I know.” Steve said in a low voice as he let (Y/N) bury his face into him. While they were in the middle of grieving, Jones was able to bust through the roof and catch Zola in the operating room of the train.
When they reached their team they could see that not only did they lose a man, it affected their Captains greatly. (Y/N) grew colder in front of them as he plotted the death of Zola and the rest of Hydra. Steve gave off the air of being defeated and radiated loss. As soon as they hit London, Phillips had Zola taken into his custody for interrogation and (Y/N) went off on his own. When Steve found him he was destroying the remains of the last bar the three of them were all together in. Steve looked on with sadness in his eyes as he watched (Y/N) break down, finally resting on a chair that was left standing. Steve silently made his way over to him, picking up a table and setting it upright, along with a chair he put right next to (Y/N). “(Y/N)..” He started but he shook his head. “Don't.. Don’t you dare Steve. Don't apologize for somethin’ that ain't your doin’.” he said in a hoarse voice, evident that (Y/N) had been crying and possibly yelling long before Steve had showed up. “He was my friend too, (Y/N).. I blame myself for this just as much as you do.” (Y/N) let out a shaky breath before he let his head rest on Steve’s shoulder. “It’s.. always hard losin’ your men Steve. It happens in war. You can't stop it but you feel like you led them to their deaths when they die. And it’s so much harder when you lose the one you love to war, to a battle you lead them into.” He said as he fought the waver in his voice. Steve held (Y/N)’s hand on his lap as he let out a deep breath, no longer fighting the tears that now fell down his cheeks. (Y/N) gave his hand a squeeze as he closed his eyes, trying to get rid of Bucky’s screams that seemed to echo in his head. “I’m sorry we lost him, Stevie.. I knew it might happen eventually but..” Steve shushed him and (Y/N) fell quiet as he felt him rest his head on his own. “Don’t. It’s okay.” He said in a voice just above a whisper. He cleared his throat a bit, trying to get rid of the lump that made its way there before he shrugged off the bag he brought with him. “I think a few drinks might help right now. How about you?” Steve said as he took one of the many bottles he brought with him. (Y/N) let out a slightly strained but genuine laugh at him as he slowly sat up. “I don’t think a drink could hurt.” He tried to give him a smile but Steve could tell it didn't reach his eyes anymore.
About three bottles in is when Peggy found them, listening to the same message on repeat play on the radio. “Blackout is still in effect throughout the London area. Please wait for the all-clear. Your attention, please. All citizens shall remain indoors until further notice.” When she made her way through the rubble, she found them sitting close by each other, (Y/N) slouched in his chair, holding a cup and fresh tears still trailing down his cheeks. Steve was the first to notice Peggy since (Y/N) was lost in his own world again. He cleared his throat a bit and began to pour himself another drink. “Doctor Erskine said that the serum wouldn't just affect my muscles, it would affect my cells. Create a protective system of regeneration and healing. Which means.. I can't get drunk.” he said a bit bitterly as he tried to hide that he had been crying with (Y/N) for the past few hours. “Did you know that?” He said looking up at Peggy before focusing on his cup again. (Y/N) looked up and raised his glass at Peggy who noticed the empty bottles around them on the table and a seemingly sober (Y/N). “Your metabolism burns four times faster than the average person. He thought it could be one of the side effects.” she said as she brought a stool over to sit down in front of them. “It wasn't your fault. Either of you.” Steve shook his head a bit. “Did you read the report?” (Y/N) asked as he set down his glass, leaning forward. “Yes, I did.” Steve nodded a bit. “Then you know that’s not true Peggy.” he said softly, trying not to sound rude but blunt. “You both did everything you could.” she said as she reached out, placing her hand on top of his that rested on the table. “Did you believe in your friend? Did you respect him?” She waited for a response. (Y/N) nodded slightly and Steve finally looked up at her. “Then stop blaming yourselves. Allow Barnes the dignity of his choice. He damn well must have thought you were worth it.” (Y/N) nodded a bit and let out a small laugh, gaining their attention. He wiped away the tears that were left behind as he spoke. “Of course he thought Steve was worth it. We both do. Follow this lug anywhere.” he said softly, nudging him with his leg, getting a brief smile from him before getting serious again. He looked up at Peggy, giving her hand a soft squeeze back. “I'm goin’ after Schmidt. I’m not gonna stop until all of Hydra is dead or captured.” Peggy nodded in understanding. “You won't be alone.” Steve gave her a small smile before her attention was turned to (Y/N). “And what about you, Captain?” (Y/N) huffed an unamused laugh. “I’m gonna lead a few men to help me recover Bucky’s body. I ain’t leavin’ him out there to freeze all alone.” he said as his voice broke for a moment, causing him to clear his throat again. “And then, I’m followin’ Stevie and killing every Hydra agent I find. Ending with Zola. I don’t care if the Colonel has him, I’ll happily be put away after I end him.” he said in a seriousness that sent a chill down Peggy’s spine, even though she didn't show it. “You must have really cared for Barnes, didn’t you?” Peggy said softly, causing (Y/N) to look up at her. He gave her a sad smile as Steve tightened his grip on Peggy’s hand slightly. “Pegs.. I loved him. Of course I cared for him. More than anything.” She gave him a sympathetic smile and a small nod. She extended her free hand to him that he gladly took, holding onto it like a lifeline. “I know you did. It was hard for me to miss actually.” (Y/N) let out a slightly amused laugh as a few more tears fell. “Shoulda guessed you’d be the one to catch on. When did you figure it out?” She ran her thumb over his knuckles. “When I first met him actually. As soon as he said his name, it clicked into place for me. It’s the second tag on your chain, and when he told us his plan to rescue you from the compound Steve stormed, I saw the determination in his eyes to get you back. It wasn’t my business to bring up though, but it wasn't hard for me to catch on how you two felt for each other.” (Y/N) gave her a small smile before dropping his gaze back to the table. He felt a small weight fall off him when he heard Peggy’s words. He was relieved that his closest friend, aside from Steve, knew and accepted his relations without the judgment he was used to. He silently thanked her as they sat, holding each others hands, finding comfort in each other.