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It has been an exhausting day and everything feels hollow: from the sound of her bare feet on the grass since she rid herself of her heels to the chill air of a chilling sunset – even the light seems somber, whispering violent draining silence into her heart. What a curious thing. His voice used to fill it, the air, with energy, and the cold with warmth, just as he used to fill metal with life. He used to fill every single thing. Now the void that lived beyond their home has come to knock on their – her – the door. It is knocking Pepper – well, not unconscious but quite... unalive. She feels herself sighing, always breathing out, but it feels like nothing comes in anymore, and her lungs stay empty as she keeps expulsing not only carbon dioxide but also energy, warmth and life.
Behind her, one of Tony’s hearts is floating away on the lake. Not one wrinkle on the surface. The water is still, so perfectly frozen that it becomes the very mirror the void is bending down to, admiring itself. Her eyes cannot bear looking at it anymore. That cruel view of a cruel world. Walking back to the house, she thinks that, maybe, injustice and loneliness are Tony’s legacy; since they have been devouring him his whole life, it is only logical to expect the same thing for his death. Everyone has come back yet everyone has left, except the shadows and the wind. Rhodey and Happy will come back in the morning, they said. They think she needs to be alone, because she told them. But she is tired, and so damn hollow, so why would she say that? She has no idea, does not understand anything anymore.
Dead leaves swing softly around her, and their fragile bones and skin crack loudly when she steps on them. She makes them cry – two steps, three, five. Then she stops, overwhelmed by the downright mortifying sound. It doesn't take long for an ugly sob to escape from her throat. And for another. Soon, her entire body is shaking with pain, one of her hands grasping at her chest, the other covering her ear. No noise comes after that, the scream on her lips swallowed by the nothingness sticking to her skin and pinning her down, so hard she falls on her knees in a concert of cracking leaves.
This is so ridiculous. This game of life and death. This fucking hell. Maybe she should follow Tony, get into the water and walk until she reaches the bottom of the lake. "No turning back, he used to say. I know in my heart that it's right." He chose to keep the weight of the world on his shoulders and he chose to keep walking, flying even. He flew so well, got better than Icarus and managed to bear the weight of the universe. Only then did he get burnt. Only then. Only then... And Pepper hasn't felt her right arm since, nor her heart, because she gave him so much strength that there is none left for her to live without him. She needs to rest, too... Gain some of it back.
Unable to get back up, she stays on the ground, watching the shadows moving around her and soon noticing one approaching her. Its hand gently touches her shoulder, and suddenly, for the first time in days, Pepper breathes in. The air tastes of early winter, and the fingers caressing her cheek feels like ice yet it is fire that she sees and keeps breathing in.
"Natasha..." she manages, and as soon as the words pass her lips, she feels herself taking form, as if this name once uttered had the power to cast the void out.
Her long, white and red hair dancing in the wind, Natasha smiles softly, and Pepper catches something sparkling in her eyes. Something bright, and warm, and absolutely wonderful. Something that left Tony's eyes a long time ago. Something, somehow, he gave back to Natasha and to so many others: life. Life was looking at her, kindly, lovingly, and Pepper, who could have closed her eyes, chose to look right back it.