Chapter 31
“Someone found Steve’s rock,” Tony announced across the table at lunch.
Steve saw Loki tense in his spot next to Natasha. He always seemed touchy when they talked about the Mind Stone. He had a feeling that was one of the things Loki still needed to tell him more about.
When the Avengers kept asking where it was, Steve had told them over and over that he must have simply misplaced it.
Which, who knows, maybe he did.
“Really?” Steve asked, “Where was it?”
“Oh, we don’t know yet,” Tony answered, “But we caught some readings in the area.”
“Someone used it,” Natasha said, finishing his explanation.
“But that doesn’t make sense,” Steve said, even as the Avengers turned to look accusingly at Loki.
Loki glared back at them, “I didn’t.”
“Who else would?” Clint asked.
“Anyone with a lust for power,” Loki answered icily.
“You’re not exactly a clean slate,” Clint shot back, though he still didn’t sound angry.
“Why’d you take it?” Natasha asked, voice calm as always.
“I didn’t!” Loki insisted, but the expression on his face gave him away.
Steve shared a glance with Tony.
“We’re not mad,” Tony said, “We just wanna know what’s up.”
Loki didn’t even try to explain himself. He glared at each of the Avengers in turn, stood up and left, probably to his room.
Steve turned to the rest of the team with an apologetic smile, “I’ll go talk to him.”
“Hang on,” Tony stopped him, handing him a couple of plates of food, “Take it to the bedroom.”
At Steve’s lack of a reaction, he wiggled his eyebrows. Steve finally caught on as he walked down the hall to Loki’s room, rolling his eyes and blushing furiously.
Ever since Steve had given Loki his flower crown, the rest of the team had given up pretending that they weren’t a couple. Stark had been especially excited, claiming he’d known from the start that they would eventually get together.
He knocked softly, and waited for Loki to reply, albeit hesitantly, “Come in.”
Loki was sitting on his bed, facing the window. He didn’t react as Steve moved past him to set the plates on the side table.
When Steve sat down next to him, he saw bitter resignation flicker across his face.
“I’m guessing you’re here to ask me where it is.”
“Well,” Steve bit his lip, picking his words carefully, “You knew, didn’t you? That I had it?”
Loki looked up at him, nodded slowly.
“So tell me what happened.”
Loki scoffed, somewhere between a laugh and a sigh, “You wouldn’t believe me.”
He focused on the loose threads on the bedspread, the impulse to wrap the throw around his shoulders stronger than ever. He wanted nothing more to disappear in a cloak of warm darkness.
“You don’t know that,” Steve pointed out gently, “Can’t know until you tell me.”
“I took the stone.” He swallowed, steeling himself to look into Steve’s eyes, “I wanted to protect it. I promised myself I wouldn’t use it but . . . ”
“Where is it?” Steve’s voice held no anger, only confusion and disappointment, “Who did you use it on?”
“Safe,” Loki assured him, “And I’ll tell you who I used it on, but you have to understand, it was all with their express permission.”
“Alright,” Steve said, wary now, “Who was it?”
“The Winter Soldier.”
The assassin sent by Hydra to kill Pietro.
In that moment, so many emotions flashed across the Captain’s face: shock, confusion, betrayal, hurt.
“You’ve been—you’ve spoken to The Winter Soldier?”
“I know,” Loki stumbled over the words, “I should have told you, but I couldn’t risk breaking his trust.”
That only seemed to confuse Steve even more.
How could he sum up everything that had happened in those months?
“He’s been . . . around,” Loki said slowly, “I think he originally came here to spy on us. One of the Avengers. Namely, you.”
“And you let this happen?” The Captain asked, incredulous.
“Of course not!” Loki spat, and his voice softened, “As you know, I often take the form of a cat to sleep.” He thought about the way the man had touched him with his metal arm, stroking him gently, muttering.
“He asked why Steve would ever get a cat,” he continued, smiling sadly, “because he knew you were a dog person.”
“How could he—?”
“He was wearing a dog chain tag,” Loki said, “With the name Steven Rogers engraved on it.”
Steve narrowed his eyes at that; the slight frown on his face deepened.
He didn’t speak, only stared straight at Loki.
Loki looked away. He took in a deep, shuddering breath, and continued.
“I should’ve told you the day he showed up,” he said, grasping for some sort of reasonable explanation.
There wasn’t any.
“The truth is,” Loki said, “I know it sounds foolish, but . . . I, I need you. Both of you. You and Bucky.”
“And you didn’t stop to think about what this would’ve meant to me?”
“Of course I did,” Loki answered, and his voice cracked, “I know how much you loved each other, still love each other.”
“So why?” Steve’s voice grew more agitated, “Why keep this from me?”
“Because I had to.”
“That’s not an answer!” Steve snarled, standing up to glare down at him.
Loki’s breathing hitched. He’d never heard Steve so angry.
“Because I’m selfish, stupid, worthless.” Loki muttered, close to tears, “If you two had each other, why would anyone bother with me?”
Before he knew what was happening, Steve was grabbing him by the shoulders and pulling him up.
Loki flinched at the contact.
This would be when Steve decided that Loki needed to be punished.
But instead, Steve tilted his head to meet Loki’s gaze.
“When will you understand that I care about you?” He asked, his voice barely above a whisper.
He shook his head, as if he couldn’t believe Loki.
“Look I love Bucky,” he said seriously, then gently shook Loki’s shoulders when he tried to look away, “but I love you, too.”
And because he couldn’t help it, Loki pulled Steve into a hug.
“He’s alive,” Steve cried, happy tears streaming down his face, “I can’t believe . . .”
“I’m so sorry,” Loki said, resting his chin on Steve’s head, “We’ll meet up with him. Right now, ok?”
Steve nodded against him, drawing in a sharp breath cut off by a sob.
Steve broke away from the hug, laughing, “I could just kiss you!”
He paused, glancing hopefully at Loki.
“Can I kiss you?”
Loki smiled and closed the distance between them.
Steve’s hands were in his hair instantly, caressing the back of his neck. Holding him close. His lips were warm, but Loki hardly noticed, an overwhelming wave of indescribable emotion washing over him.
His heart felt light and heavy at the same time, full of excitement.
Terrified, but in a good way.
Terrified, but hopeful.