Chapter 23
Thor practically threw open the door when Loki knocked.
“It’s good to see you, Brother!” Thor, delighted to see his brother, hugged him so tightly that Loki’s feet left the ground.
He grinned as he set his brother down, “Have they been feeding you well? You’re feeling heavier than usual.”
Loki mustered up a smile and shrugged.
“I’m glad you are growing accustomed to life on Midgard,” Thor finally seemed to notice Steve and Natasha behind Loki, and stood aside to let them in, “Jane has prepared supper for us, it’s called enchiladas. They are quite delicious.”
“So what’s this important scientific discovery Thor has been gushing about?” Loki asked, getting straight to the point as they all sat at the dining table. Thor had already set the table with plates, silverware, and various snacks (Pop Tarts and coffee, of course), along with other various fruits and vegetables to go with the meal.
“He’s been gushing about it?” Jane set the dish on the table, what looked like baked quesadillas with sauce on top, “What has he told you so far?”
“He’s told us you’ve been theorizing and experimenting for weeks,” Steve started, already digging into his enchilada.
“Yeah, we have,” Jane seemed giddy, almost giggling with excitement.
Thor turned a light shade of pink, though, “I wouldn’t necessarily say that.”
Loki had never known Thor to be easily humbled, but here they were.
Jane really had changed him, Loki realized.
“So what is it?” Loki demanded, “Thor’s told me it will change everything?”
“Yeah, it will,” Jane said, softly, glancing lovingly at Thor, before she brushed a hand over her stomach, “We’re having a baby.”
Thor wrapped an arm around Jane in a side-hug, giving her a kiss on the cheek and nodding enthusiastically.
“And after a lot of discussion,” Jane shared a look with Thor, “We decided to ask you," she glanced hopefully at Loki, "to be their godparent.”
Loki never stood up so fast. He barely had time to utter an apology before rushing out the front door.
Behind him, he could hear Thor call after him, but that only spurred him on from a brisk walk to a full-on sprint.
He managed to bolt halfway down the street before he heard Steve exclaim from somewhere behind him.
“Hey! Wait up!”
Startled, Loki slowed to a stop, and turned to see Steve jogging to catch up with him. He stopped next to him, a little out of breath.
Loki waited for the Captain to command him to get back to the house.
Or at the very least, demand to know what made him leave in the first place.
But Steve didn’t even mention it.
Instead, when he caught his breath, Steve merely straightened and said, “How about we go for a walk?”
And Loki didn’t know how to respond to that.
At his expression, Steve continued, “Natasha’ll stay with Thor and Jane while we’re gone. They know I’m with you.”
Loki just nodded, and let Steve lead them in a walk towards the edge of town, numb to the world around him. His thoughts were louder than ever now, so loud that he couldn’t bring himself to care that silence dragged between them.
All he could think about was the way Thor had wrapped his arm around Jane.
So much warmth in one glance between them, a silent understanding, a gentle, unconditional love. Unconditional love for someone they hadn’t even met yet.
He thought about how he had stared at his reflection in the mirror, ran a hand over his stomach, much like Jane had done.
Yet he had only felt hollow.
Thor wanted him to be there for his child, but how could he, when he could feel nothing, even for his own?
Why couldn’t he just be happy for them?
“So,” Steve’s voice breaks him from his thoughts, “Are you going to accept?”
“What?” But Loki knew full well what.
“Are you—Do you want to be a godparent?”
“I’m not sure I have a choice,” Loki answered with a half-hearted laugh after a long pause, “Thor will never stop pestering me otherwise.”
“He wouldn’t do that.”
“Oh, no, I think he would,” Loki insisted, but let his smile fall, “I do. I do want to—to be there for them. It’s just . . .”
He trailed off. He couldn’t believe just how much he was willing to tell Steve.
“I am terrified,” Loki admitted, pausing in the middle of what looked like a public garden to sit on a bench, “I am the last person who should be left in charge of a child, much less to be a—“ he paused, catching himself before he could say ‘parent’’, “—a godparent. What if I mess it up?”
He had expected Steve to scoff at such an insignificant fear, but perhaps he should have known better.
Steve hummed sympathetically, sitting down next to him.
So Loki kept talking.
“I’ve never been particularly good with children, either,” he continued, starting to rant, “Yet another ability Thor holds over me. How he convinced Jane I would be a good godparent, I haven't the foggiest idea. Thor was always the one--”
“Good thing he’s the parent, then,” Steve commented, offering a smile.
He’d clearly meant it as a joke, but the words still stung harsher than any intended insult ever had.
It didn’t last, though, because Steve kept talking.
“Anyway,” he continued without missing a beat, “As long as you’re trying your best, I’m sure the kid will love ya.”
Loki glanced around the garden. Most of the plants were dying off for the season, with only the evergreens staying, well, green. The first signs of Fall.
Thor had told him about the seasons in Midgard. Instead of an eternally mild summer, like it had been in Asgard, there were 4 seasons, all of which were completely different to each other, and all of which were baffling.
Perhaps the most baffling to Loki had been Fall, when all of the plants died or fell into a seasonal sleep for the winter, as well as some of the animals.
It sounded like a horrible thing, and he said as much to Thor, but Thor assured him that Fall was not all grave and dreary. He spoke of the changing of the color of leaves, and of warm embraces and hot drinks with pumpkin spice and the smell of cinnamon.
Leave it to Thor to find the best in a season about death.
Loki’s gaze came to rest on the various flower bushes, and his heart sank at the sight of a cluster of wilting roses, much like the ones Frigga had always kept in her garden.
Perhaps he could spare a bit of magic, if only to save this.
He brushed his hands gingerly over the flowers. One by one, the roses came back to life, their brilliant colors proud and strong once more.
Speechless, Steve plucked one of the roses, a lovely violet hue. After a moment, he looked up at Loki, who had stopped to watch his reaction, “You can bring things back to life?”
“The amount of seidr I have normally allows only that I bring plants back to life,” Loki answered, hesitant, “And before you ask, no. I can’t bring mortals back to life.”
Even bringing back something as small as a patch of roses was enough to drain his seidr, but bringing back something with something as complex as a beating heart? Such an act would surely kill him.
He briefly thought of the agent on the helicarrier. He had tried to save Thor before Loki had stabbed him through the heart.
He could still hear his voice claiming that the god would never win. That he lacked conviction.
He could not have been more right.
If he hadn’t been under the staff’s influence, Would things have gone differently? Would the agent still be alive?
Maybe not.
Loki sighed, pushing the thought away.
He wasn’t like that anymore.
He plucked a white rose from among the flowers, along with a bunch of other white flowers. He wasn’t sure what all of them stood for, but hopefully Thor would accept them as an apology.
“I’m sorr—oof!” Thor didn’t even let him finish the apology before giving him a hug.
“Does this mean—?”
“Yes, you Oaf, I’ll be your child’s—what was it called again?”
“Godparent.”
“Yeah sure, whatever.”
“Guys,” Natasha interrupted suddenly, glancing at her phone, “We got something.”
“What?” Steve asked, leaning over to look at the message.
“They found Tyr,” Natasha said, “Bruce says he’s at a warehouse along the Hudson River.”