Chapter 19
The Avengers had to deal with another bout of international affairs later that afternoon, so Loki had the opportunity to sneak out to see Bucky again. This time, they chose to go to an amusement park.
Or, more accurately, Bucky had dragged Loki into it.
He had insisted that it would be the best time of her life, but she sincerely doubted it.
Though, as with most things, just the fact that Bucky enjoyed it so much rubbed off on Loki, so by the time they got there she was almost as excited as he was.
For the majority of the evening, they just walked around the grounds, trying different foods and games, but as the afternoon turned to evening, Bucky’s excitement seemed to die down.
“I remember,” Bucky mumbled, his smile fading a bit, that faraway look in his eyes that told Loki it was from before the Winter Soldier, “I took Steve here once for his birthday. I made him ride the Cyclone. Yesterday was actually his birthday.”
He turned to Loki, a wistful expression on his face.
“I don’t know what to do,” he said finally, “I miss him, but the things I did . . . I can’t—”
Loki nodded, understanding.
“I need to sort things out first,” Bucky blinked, and shook his head, “Sorry, you probably didn’t want to hear that.”
“It’s alright,” Loki said quietly, “It’s nice to know I’m not the only one trying to figure myself out.”
She could make it so much easier for him, though.
The thought filled her with guilt; she had the means. She had the mind stone. She could mend his memory, he wouldn’t have to wait for them to come back over time.
She should just give them back to him.
But if she did, what was stopping him from being with Steve instead of her?
Maybe Steve would leave the Avengers for him, and move in with Bucky.
She would lose both Steve and Bucky in one fell swoop.
No, it was best to let the memories return on their own, Loki told herself.
What could it hurt?
Bucky would want to see Steve again. It was inevitable, but this way, Loki would have more time.
“Hello, Earth to Loki?”
Loki blinked as Bucky waved a hand in front of her face, “Oh! Sorry.”
“I was asking you what you wanted to do?”
“Hm,” Loki pressed her lips together, pretending to think hard, “What would be the last thing you expect me to say?”
“Oh, no,” Bucky muttered, sounding like he already regretted asking.
Were amusement park rides even safe?
Loki glanced at all the various rides. They looked dangerous even by Asgardian standards. The rollercoaster that Bucky had begged her to go on earlier seemed particularly life-threatening. She had refused.
She considered it miraculous that no Midgardians had perished as of yet that night, though there was plenty of screaming.
Screams of joy, appallingly.
Humans chose to go on these death machines, and enjoyed it? So strange.
She told herself that she wasn’t afraid, she wasn’t. It’s just, there’s no way that these rides were safe for pregnant people.
Nevermind that she wasn’t going to keep it.
Honestly, she’d been lucky that only a few of her spells had stopped working so far. For now, she could do almost anything, save for taking an animal’s form (ie. a cat) and teleporting long distances (which had been extremely annoying). It wouldn’t be long before some of her more simple spells became harder to do.
But never mind that.
What was a good, safe, thing to do?
“Oh yes,” Loki said finally, “We should try the carousel.”
The sheer disappointment on Bucky’s face almost made her feel guilty. “Don’t you want to do something more, I don’t know, exciting?”
“The wrong sort of excitement, I’m sure.”
“Oh come on, Loki!”
“You asked!”
“But it’s so slow!” Bucky groaned as Loki took him by the hand and dragged him towards the carousel.
By the time Bucky walked Loki back to the tower later that night, he’d successfully avoided most of the more dangerous rides, though Bucky probably figured out that Loki didn’t really want to ride them in the first place.
Mercifully, he didn’t point it out.
Instead, they’d mostly just played carnival games and ate cotton candy (a curious, sugary, fluffy snack), soft pretzels (way better than regular pretzels, in her opinion), stuff like that.
They stopped near the tower to talk for a while, before they had to call it a night.
“I’ll let you go,” Bucky said, punching Loki on the shoulder, and turning to leave, “See ya later, alright?”
Loki hummed affirmatively, albeit reluctantly.
Bucky came in for a goodbye hug, and kissed the top of her head.
“G’night,” he whispered.
Loki couldn’t really sleep that night, but the thoughts racing through her head were not of fear and death, but of warmth and excitement and life, and Bucky.
She didn’t expect Wanda to start screaming.
She sat up abruptly in bed, already getting up and shifting back to her male form.
Clint opened the door to her room, nearly colliding with her, looking worried and desperate.
“What’s going on?” Loki asked.
“Wanda’s going crazy: she’s screaming, she’s crying. I think she had a nightmare.”
“Why didn’t you comfort her?” Loki demanded, already already striding down the hallway.
“Actually, that’s kinda why I came to get you,” Clint answered as they approached her door, “Her magic is out of control. I don’t know if it’s safe.”
The magic in the room swung the door open to Wanda’s room, the force of it nearly reducing it to splinters. It slammed shut less than half a moment later.
Loki sent out a wave of seidr to counteract it, propped the door open, and walked into the room. Behind her, she could hear Clint draw in a sharp breath.
Tendrils of scarlet seidr hovered in a tangled web around the room.
At the center of it all, Wanda sat on her bed, jaws clenched painfully to muffle her pained cries.
She looked up at Loki, and bit out, “Get away from me!”
Instead, Loki reached out toward the seidr, hands moving to wrap it around her fingers like yarn. The green of her own seidr bled into hers, almost soothing. It dimmed a bit, but didn’t disappear.
As the pain seemed to recede, Wanda stared wide-eyed at it.
“How old is your magic?” She asked her, sitting at the foot of her bed.
“I—“ her voice caught, “I just got it last year.”
Loki hummed, thoughtful.
“Your seidr is growing fast,” she said, a slight frown on her face.
“Growing?” Wanda asked, staring at her hands.
“I suppose mortals know nothing of seidr,” Loki sighed, muttering under her breath, “Hydra. So irresponsible, to be messing with power they do not understand.”
Wanda’s face turned white, “Is it going to kill me?”
“No! No, of course not,” Loki soothed.
“It’s growing pains,” she shifted a little closer to her on the bed, “At this stage, Seidr is a lot like, like . . . “
She paused, trying to find the right analogy.
“It’s a lot like a dog.”
Wanda glared at him, unamused.
“In its teething phase, I mean,” Loki explained, “Its teeth get stronger, sharper in a short period of time, and with nothing to do with all that energy, it lashes out.”
“So what,” Wanda asked quietly, “I wait it out?”
“My mother always told me to give it something to do,” Loki suggested, “I always cooked or baked. Do you have any creative hobbies?”
“I used to paint,” Wanda admitted, “but I don’t have any paint right now.”
“I’m sure Steve will let you borrow some,” Loki said, already standing up, “I’ll be right back.”
Before she left, she took a book off of Wanda’s shelf and threw it towards the bed. Her Seidr latched onto it immediately, suspending it mid-air.
“In the meantime, focus on trying to flip the pages one-by-one,” Loki advised, “It’ll help focus it for now.”
Steve, of course, was quick to agree to giving up some of his paint for Wanda. He followed Loki back to her room, where Wanda still sat, flipping through the pages of that ridiculously large book.
Wanda’s seidr latched onto the paint before Steve could even walk through the door. Without a canvas to paint on, the seidr immediately started painting the bedroom wall.
Her passion for painting must be strong, Loki mused.
Wanda sighed with relief as her muscles relaxed and the painting became less frantic.
“Thank you.”
“Glad to help,” Loki answered, “Will you be alright on your own? I wasn’t really sleeping, anyway, so if you need . . . “
“No, I think I’ll be okay,” Wanda answered, “You guys can go back to bed.”
“Well, if you need anything, just call.”
“Alright,” Wanda nodded, “Thanks.”
“G’night,” Steve added as they left.
And hey, now they could close the door again.
“Night,” Wanda’s muffled voice answered him as the door clicked behind them.
Loki looked over at Steve as they walked back to their rooms, and did a double take at his expression.
“What?”
“Nothing,” Steve said, going silent for a few moments, “It’s just, how did you know what Wanda needed?”
“She has seidr, just like I do,” Loki explained, “And every mage’s seidr goes through a sort of teething phase. Normally, parents would teach them how to deal with it, but her case is . . . unprecedented.”
“Odin taught you?”
“Heavens no,” Loki scoffed, “I wasn’t even supposed to have seidr. Frigga did, of course.”
“Oh,” Steve said, “Well, she taught you well. She must’ve been proud.”
Loki laughed bitterly, “Frigga was a great many things to me. She loved me when it seemed no one else did, but proud?”
She shook her head, “I was only ever a source of dishonor to my family, if you could even call it that.”
And she could tell she’d stumped Steve, because he just stared back at her with that sad look on his face, not unlike Thor’s puppy-dog expression.
Loki turned away to open her bedroom door.
“But she wouldn’t have cared, would she?” Steve said finally.
No, she wouldn’t have.
“Good night, Steve,” Loki slipped into her room, closing the door with a soft click behind her.
She glanced at the first memory spell she’d left laying on the desk, and picked up the willow leaves at the bottom of the page.
Frigga stood on a small stool while a group of women adjusted her dress.
When they were finished, one of the women hung back.
“Nervous?”
“Huh,” The younger version of Frigga let out a small laugh, “You mean about how the peace of my realm literally rests in the success of this marriage, or the wedding?”
The woman grimaced, “Both.”
They were quiet for a few moments, before the woman admitted, “I’ve been engaged to a man in Jotunheim for the very same reason.”
“Oh, good luck with that one,” Frigga scoffed with what sounded like pity.
Loki’s heart sank. Married to a Jotun. Even Frigga couldn’t stand the thought.
Poor woman, Loki thought, the marriage must not have worked, if the wars that had happened since then indicated anything.
She wondered what happened to her.
“I’ve met him a few times,” the woman spoke quietly, then smiled, “He seems rather . . . cold, if you’ll forgive my pun.”
Frigga gave her a small smile.
“You’re lucky,” the woman said, “You’re about to become the All-Mother, the second most powerful being in the universe.”
“Doesn’t feel like it,” Frigga huffed, “I still can’t believe they picked me.”
“Well, I can,” the woman answered easily, “From what I hear, you’re smart, beautiful, and strong-willed. I just met you, and already I can see that they weren’t lying.”
“What’s your name again?”
The woman dipped her head, “Farbauti,” and smirked, “Your highness.”
Loki blinked, the memory fading to the back of her mind.
So that’s how Frigga had known his true mother. She’s a half-blood.
It made sense, now that she thought about it.
“Small, for a giant’s offspring,” Odin had told her, “Laufeyson.”
Laufey probably killed her, Loki realized with a start. Unimpressed with the heir presented to him, he would’ve left them both to die out in the snow, and moved on to the next unfortunate candidate.
It definitely explained how Odin knew who had been her father.
“I thought we could unite our kingdoms one day, through you.”
So the All-father didn’t think her a war-trophy, after all. She was not to be raised and married off to force peace between the realms, but saved from the realm that had left her to die.
Odin had hoped to foster peace with this Farbauti. Her mother. She was supposed to be the dawn of a new era of peace with the frost giants, but she’d come up short.
Just another way Loki had failed him. This time though, it was not only him, but her own realm.
How much bloodshed could have been prevented if she had never been born? Loki mused as she went back to bed.
“Thor’s back!” Tony announced the next morning at breakfast.
“Brother!” Thor strode into the room, “I have great news!”
“And what news would that be?”
“The Queen of Jotunheim would like to meet with you! She wants to repair ties with Asgard!”