Eam Necavit
Loki’s brows furrowed; his eyes set firmly on the shallow bowl of water in front of him. His reflection stared back at him, a young boy, not even old enough to wield a proper sword, with frustration twisted onto his face. Pulling focus through his arms and fingertips, willing the water as best he could, he saw the water in front of him ripple, but the surface did not break. He strained his fingers and hands more, holding them over the water and repeating his desperation within his mind.
‘Move. Move damn you. What kind of Prince will I be if I cannot bend the wills of water?’
The young prince saw the water begin to move, to shape before his eyes. Slowly the water morphed into a slender shape, becoming a snake that wove back and forth from Loki’s will. His eyes widened, watching the water manifestation in front of him, and smiled, a smile that quickly dropped as the snake turned hostile. It lunged toward the prince, Loki squeezing his eyes shut and putting up his arms to shield his face. The snake never struck him; it was dropped back into the water by a force more powerful. As Loki opened his eyes, he met the jade gaze of a young girl, her thick mop of ash blonde hair tied back into a high ponytail.
“You must learn to keep your concentration, my prince” She smiled, wiping water from her hand and onto her green cloth tunic.
“I didn’t need your help Amora” He frowned, bitter that his bending magic failed him.
“Looks like you do” She smiled, gliding to his side and lifting his arms up with delicate fingers. “The water bit back because you weren’t concentrating”
“I was” Loki blushed at her touch, looking over his shoulder at her.
“You weren’t. You let your emotions control your magic, hence the oh so terrifying snake, you wanted to succeed so badly that your anger manifested into something of its own…clear your mind and try again”
Loki looked back toward the water, straining his fingers and hands while trying to avoid thinking about Amora’s gentle touch on his arms.
“No.” Amora slapped his arms. “Relax. Don’t strain.”
“I wasn’t!” He protested.
“You were. Now try again. This time more relaxed. Know the medium you’re working with, water is gentle when in this still form…it is not fire and not wind, you needn’t force yourself”
Loki nodded, drawing in a deep breath and relaxing his arms, hands, and fingers.
“See what you want to achieve in your mind” Amora whispered.
Visualizing the water in his mind, Loki continued to stare into the pool, the stillness was getting to him but he wouldn’t let Amora see it get to him. Closing his eyes, Loki felt a buzz in his fingertips, it felt like his magic but it was different, this was cold. Carefully he concentrated his magic on the bowl of water and began moving his hands in a gentle flow. The feeling wrapped around him, still keeping his eyes closed, Loki fell into the magic, allowing it to lead him without him forcing it himself.
Amora’s sudden gasp took him from his concentration, opening his eyes and being met with a peculiar sight in front of him. Where the water was, a sculpture of ice was now in its place.
“Damn” He mumbled.
“Loki, this is…” Amora mumbled. “Amazing!” She let out a shocked chuckle.
“What?” He looked over to the young girl in confusion. “I was supposed to move the water not freeze it”
“Loki, do you realize what you’ve done?” There was a glimmer in her eyes as she spoke.
Loki blushed, “Turn water into ice?”
“Yes!” She grinned, examining the ice sculpture. “You couldn’t even move water on its own, but you managed to freeze it midair and craft a figure from it…that is not a simple task”
Pride filled him, causing him to puff out his chest. “Oh. Well, I’ve just been studying a lot lately so…”
“I know you’re lying but it’s still impressive…”
*********
Loki abruptly sat up on the couch he had found himself on some hours earlier, sweat beaded along his brow and down his open shirt. Looking around in the darkened parlor, Loki looked for the other Loki’s. They were all sleeping in their royal chambers, it was their room after all except in the void and quite decrepit looking. Kid Loki was fast asleep in the large king bed, the alligator on a pillow at his feet, Old Loki and Boastful Loki were on the two couches in the study, and Loki himself took the parlor couch. There were no doors left to section off the different areas of their royal chambers so everyone was in sight.
At some point during the night, Loki had removed his tie and unbuttoned his shirt to combat the moist humidity that the void had provided. Carefully and quietly, he got up from the couch, not bothering to put on his socks and shoes, and headed out of the royal chambers. The Asgardian floors were cool under his bare feet despite the humidity, shoving his hands into his trouser pockets as he walked, he listened to the quiet night around him. The palace felt so different, it felt lonely without all the servants and guards. Loki continued on down the darkened hall, making sure that he didn’t step on anything, maybe it wasn’t a good idea to leave his shoes back in his chambers. It was too late to go back and get them now.
It didn’t take long for him to come upon a door that he remembered standing outside on several occasions. Looking up at the weathered golden door, Loki felt as if he was a teenager again, still pining after a woman he knew it was not wise to chase. (But it was oh so tempting!) Reaching out, his palm pressed against the cool metal of the door, it took some force but eventually, the door creaked open. A gust of cool mildew-ridden air flew through the space in between the door and the frame. It felt as if it was beckoning him into the room…
The prince drew in a breath, gathering his confidence as he readied himself to knock on the chamber door. The high collar shirt under his armor felt as if it was choking him the longer he stood there. Gently his knuckles rapped on the door and dread flooded his previous had confidence.
‘Don’t be Karnilla. Don’t be Karnilla…’
Seconds felt like minutes and the prince began to second guess his choice of coming here. What would he say if Karnilla opened the door? Explain himself? He was a prince of Asgard, why would he have to explain himself? But then again, it was Karnilla, and she was the most feared woman in the realm. That woman…she reminded Loki of a wyrm, specifically in the sharpness of her glare (she only ever glared). Her purple eyes always seemed to know things even if she wasn’t told, but there was venom in her lips, whenever she smiled, Loki knew it was false (and frankly it sent a chill down his spine). The thing that made her stand out as a wyrm the most was how she guarded Amora like a treasure trove. If her clawed hand wasn’t grasping onto Amora’s shoulder, she was close behind, like a shadow from the darkest pits of Hel.
The door slowly creaked open, Loki’s entire body going cold with fear and anticipation. He expected to see some lights lit within but it was dark, Loki could only seem to make out different blobs of darkness.
“Yes?” Amora’s voice asked from the darkness, it sounded weak and dry.
“Amora?” Loki strained his eyes to try and see his friend within the darkness, but he could only make out her shadowed figure.
“Loki…” She spoke softly. “Is there something I can do for you, my Prince?”
Why the formalities?
“I uh…” Loki shuffled his footing, trying to see through the slightly ajar door but noticing Amora pull it back at his advance. “The winter solstice festival is tomorrow night and I was wondering if you would accompany me as my…guest”
A heavy silence filled the air between them, a silence that Loki dreaded even when he rehearsed his question earlier.
“Tomorrow?”
“Yes, tomorrow night”
“Oh…” The silence returned. “I apologize Prince Loki, but I cannot attend”
Amora started to close the door but Loki stopped it with his hand.
“Amora what is going on?”
“Please your highness, I must be going” Her voice didn’t rise above its small volume.
“Is everything okay? Why is it so dark in there?”
Before Amora had a chance to answer, the door flew open, almost hitting Loki in the process. He heard something thud against the floor with a slight yelp of pain from Amora. His blood ran cold and all colour drained from his face as the imposing figure of Karnilla stood in the darkened doorway.
“What?” Her voice was sharp.
“I…” Loki felt so small and insignificant.
“Well, boy? Why are you calling at my chambers?”
“I wanted to ask Amora something” Loki felt uncomfortable just meeting her gaze, he found himself trying to look at literally anything else.
He tried to look past Karnilla and into the darkened chambers to find Amora, but Karnilla purposefully blocked his line of sight.
“You may ask me and I will answer on her behalf”
“No.” The demand shocked Loki as he said it. “I will ask her herself”
Karnilla scowled, “Amora is not available at this moment, or ever, now run along back to your mother little runt”
“Excuse me?”
“You heard me” Karnilla leaned forward, her hands gripping the doorframe. “I don’t care who your father is, nor your status, Amora is not to be distracted from her studies, especially for rubbish festivals and garden parties…now get out of my sight”
The door slammed in Loki’s face and he felt some tears welling up in his eyes. No one had ever spoken to him in such a way, yes, they would whisper about him but he was still a prince. Yet, at this moment he felt like nothing, he felt as insignificant as the smallest bug in the nine realms. What if he just knocked again? Demanded to speak with Amora? What would Karnilla do?
As he headed back to his chambers, defeated and having his confidence crushed beyond recompense, Loki felt as though he could hear the subtle hitches and gasps of sobbing coming from the door.
Loki put his shoulder into the door, pushing it open further, and walking into the wet-smelling room. In all his years on Asgard, he couldn’t recall any descriptive features of the sorceress chambers. Yes, he had been to Amora’s bed chambers many a time, but as for the other rooms and halls, he had no memory of them. Almost as if they didn’t exist at all. Stepping into the parlor room of the chambers, it was still dark, void of light and any life that might seek to inhabit it. Cold stone flooring covered the parlor, overturned wood side tables, shattered objects, and tattered books littered the floor. Unlike his chambers, the sorceress chambers had its doors still intact, separating the different rooms from each other. Loki summoned a small floating orb of light beside him to better see his surroundings. Using his magic after being in and out of the TVA felt strange but comforting. The small orb hovered beside him as he walked toward the only door in the parlor, shadows grew on the walls around him, clawing their ways onto the ceiling above him. Pressing a hand on the door, Loki tested the resistance before reaching for the handle. The door didn’t move, with his hand now on the handle, Loki pushed the door. It still didn’t move. He tried putting his shoulder into it as he did with the entrance door, but still, it was as if it was sealed shut.
“What are you doing?”
Loki jumped, spinning around, his heart thundering in his chest, the light beside him slightly flickering. Kid Loki stood in the doorway, rubbing the sleep from his eyes with the sleeve of his shirt, the alligator at his feet giving a small yawn.
“The door doesn’t open” The child mumbled, sleep still in his voice.
“You’ve been here?” Loki asked, his mind still on the door.
“I haven’t…but the old man has…” Kid Loki yawned.
“Why was he here?”
“He thought she’d be here…some version of her at least, but the door won’t open no matter what you throw at it”
Loki hesitantly made his way out of the parlor, approaching his tired young self. A small smile appeared on his lips as he looked down at the child, patting him on the head and turning to head back to their chambers. Seeing his child self so full of sleep and yet wandering around the castle gave him a strange comfort.
“How did you know where I was?”
“He saw you leave” Kid Loki pointed to the alligator that was skittering beside them.
Loki looked down at the alligator, noticing how he almost walked into the wall several times, both of the Loki’s seemingly still filled with sleep.
“He’s not the only one who wishes Amora was in there…”
“No?’ Loki looked back to Kid Loki.
Kid Loki yawned, his feet dragging a bit more on their journey back to the chambers. “It wasn’t her fault…I wanted to protect her…but she got to her first”
“She?”
“The wyrm” Another yawn escaped his mouth as they arrived back at the chambers.
Loki’s brows creased as he tried to decipher the tired ramblings of his child-self, following him back into their chambers and watching as his child self slowly trudged back to the bed chambers. Another soft smile spread across his face, letting go of a small sigh.
“He’s a restless one”
Loki jumped, placing a hand over his chest as he looked over at Old Loki.
“Can none of you announce yourselves before speaking?” He sighed, his heart once more beating rapidly against his chest.
Old Loki gave a small smile and crossed the parlor to sit on the couch. Loki took one more glance into the bed-chamber, seeing Kid Loki already fast asleep before going to sit next to Old Loki.
“Trouble sleeping?” Old Loki looked over at Loki.
Loki noticed how he was no longer wearing the horns he was used to seeing him in, Old Loki had removed the horns (probably to sleep) and the yellow cowl was pushed down, revealing some slicked back short darkened gray hair.
“Just memories…”
“I presume bad?”
Loki took a moment, “I’m not sure, to be honest…but it was a memory”
“Hmm,” Old Loki nodded.
“About Amora”
Old Loki pressed his lips together, staring down at the floor. “You went down to the sorceress chambers didn’t you?”
“I did”
“I guess that’s why the kid knew to go there and find you”
“He said that you couldn’t open the door”
“Yeah” Old Loki sighed. “I tried everything; nothing seems to get it to budge…”
“Do you really think she’s in there? Or some version of her?”
Old Loki shifted himself on the couch, leaning his elbows on his knees and leaning forward. “I did…I think I still do…I’m still not sure if I regret leaving that flat in London, part of me doesn’t because I wanted to find Thor, she was the one who convinced me to go, but at the same time I do regret leaving…” He paused. “We were happy, and I gave that up”
Loki stayed quiet, silently watching his older self, catching the smallest glint of tears in his weathered eyes.
“What will you do if you manage to open that door and she’s there? Some form of her?”
“I don’t know…I always believed that I’d know just what to say at the moment I see her again”
“And if she’s not there?”
“Then I can finally sleep at night” He smiled sadly.
“What makes you so sure she’s there?”
Old Loki shrugged, “the familiarity of it all, I mean, we all came back here because it’s home, wouldn’t she do the same?”
“I don’t know if I would return to a place that held me captive for so many years…” Loki mumbled, sadly watching his older self.
*********
Amora carefully tied her frizzed ash blonde hair back with a strip of leather she had managed to summon, making sure that she was still obscured by the abandoned decrepit car. Mobius knelt beside her on the damp ground, the two had been avoiding Alioth since sunrise and finally had a moment of reprieve. The sun, or light, or whatever the Hel it was that cycled through this void, was beginning to diminish so they had to find another shelter and quick. Amora wasn’t sure how this thing knew, but it managed to track them down to every spot they stopped at, destroying everything in its wake.
Amora quickly stole a peek over the top of the car, looking around for the massive purple monstrosity. There wasn’t a single sound, which was the most concerning part, she should hear it coming. There was nothing for the miles that stretched out around them, just desolate destruction and overgrown plant life illuminated by the dying purple light. Ducking back behind the car, Amora slouched down next to Mobius.
“How did you alter your TVA file?” Mobius broke the silence.
“Pardon?” Amora looked over at him, brushing a stray strand of hair from her face.
“Your TVA file, Loki and I tried to watch it and read it, you managed to cover your tracks quite well”
“You’re still hung up on that?”
“I’m just curious is all” He smiled but it faded into a soft frown. “What was so terrible that you were ashamed to even see it?”
Amora scoffed, “I am not ashamed of my life Agent Mobius, I only omitted things to get you and your hunting dogs off my trail…that’s all”
“That scream would suggest otherwise”
“What?” Her eyes softened.
“The scream at the beginning of your tape, no one just screams like that to avoid capture”
Amora pulled her knees to her chest, her shoulders dropping and an air of vulnerability surrounding her.
“I’m sorry you had to hear that” She mumbled, her face buried between the gap of her knees and her chest.
“You didn’t do it on purpose?”
Amora shook her head, the ponytail she had pulled back slowly swaying.
“I guess Ravonna was right” Mobius chuckled, an attempt it seemed, to lighten the mood. “I do have an affinity for broken things”
“I’m not broken” Amora’s voice was muffled from her face being buried in her knees.
“It was Karnilla wasn’t it?” The name sent a chill down Amora’s spine as her breathing became hitched and ragged. “Whatever happened between you two caused that scream didn’t it?”
“I can still hear it. The scream.” She spoke softly, trying to hide the pain in her voice. “I see myself and hear my screams and sobs echo around me in a cacophony of repetition…it takes me back to that moment…that moment where I’m sitting on my bedroom floor, I pray to the Norns but they won’t listen, I beg them relentlessly and yet nothing comes of it…sometimes I’m behind the door, listening in, but most times I’m on that floor, feeling cold and tired but also in a state of perpetual nothingness”
A beat passes as Amora hesitates.
“That woman…that soulless bitch…” She continued, letting go of the restriction in her voice. “She left her on the floor for me to find…I didn’t know how long it had been, if there was a moment where my name was called in eerie quietness of the night, I always go back to that morning, that day of the Winter Solstice festival. I thought that if I-“ A sob choked her words. “I thought that I could…”
Mobius placed a gentle hand on her back, “Are you doing all of this to save someone?”
Amora looked up at him, her face red and wet with tears that still cascaded down her face.
“She’s all that I had Agent Mobius…I’ve rewritten the timeline tenfold…and I can’t find her past the Winter Solstice, it’s if…as if she never existed” She paused, an attempt to compose herself but failing. “There’s no record of her, not even in the TVA when I couldn’t find her anywhere else…I erased her memory from existence”
“Amora…”
“I’m the only one who knows about her now…not even Loki knows…” Her brows furrowed. “One Loki did…she remembered her”
*********
The void palace of Asgard sat silent, the Loki’s had all gone back to sleep, resting blissfully in the humid former chambers of the prince of Asgard. Down the hall, a ways away, the sorceress chambers sat silent, still, sealed, and unopened. Darkness pooled around its corners and gave rise to a fear of what dwelled in the darkness. A cloaked figure stole past the Loki’s chambers, silently fleeting down the hall before stopping at the sealed doorway. Reaching out, a slender hand touched the door which caused a cascade of purple sealing magic to ripple across the threshold. Still, the door did not budge, it stayed intact, unopenable. Seemingly giving up, the figure left the chambers, pacing down the hall before reaching an open corridor with arches and ivy hanging all around it. When this palace glittered in the cosmos, a beacon of golden superiority among the realms, this hallway would have overlooked the roaring waterfalls and endless cosmos of Asgard. It was truly a sight to behold, but now it only looked upon the outcropping of rock that made up the cave that housed the structure.
The figure climbed atop a burnished railing and looked toward a window, catching a small glimmer of teal curtains hanging in its opening. With steady precision and a well-placed dagger, the figure leaped from the railing, out onto the side of the palace. They dug their knife into the dulled gold and swung themselves onto the window ledge. Hanging on, knife in hand, they pulled themselves up and into the window. The teal curtains billowed at their sudden presence from the swiftness of the maneuver. Jumping down from the window, the black boots landed softly on a teal carpet, it took not a second longer for them to glance toward the bed. From the angle, they had entered the room only one side of the bed was visible. The sheets were unkempt and looked slept in but it was what was on the other side that interested them. Within the darkness, the soft outline of a slouched-over, head of russet-colored hair leaned against the opposite side of the bed.