Chapter 8
Percy hummed to himself as he walked to the lab to ensure his boyfriend got some decent sleep. He couldn’t help but smile at the thought of Tony. He was so worried about Thor that he completely missed Tony trying to ‘protect’ him in front of the asgardian.
It’s not that anything bad would happen if Thor found out, it’s just that the relations between Asgard and Olympus were strained as it is and Thor’s knowledge would mean that Odin couldn’t pretend to ignore that Percy was associating with his son and would call a meeting to ensure peace.
Percy was in no hurry to attend another meeting especially with gods like Zeus and Odin in attendance.
On top of all that he was getting a feeling Tony would find out about all this sooner or later and he was quite content with the facade of a normal life he was leading.
He took a moment to look at his partner moving about in the lab and felt warmth in his chest. The inventor was bustling about his workstation with various tools in hand and nodding absently like he always does when he was deeply engrossed in something.
He would never admit it but Tony was a brilliant teacher and loved to explain things to anyone, even to people who didn’t really know about it. It was a part of that curious child Tony hid deep within himself, always fascinated by the world and its wonders, excited to spread knowledge.
That child was responsible for the enormous success of Stark Industries way beyond levels Howard had imagined.
“Enjoying the view?” Tony’s amused voice cut him out of his musings
“Something like that” Percy smiled as he walked in “You know normal people do this thing called sleeping around this time? I’ve heard it’s beneficial”
“Oh?” Tony asked wiping his face
“Uh huh, Bruce was just telling me the other day how you should be kept in bed a little longer so that you are less ‘volatile’ with your colleagues”
“So Bruce delegated you as the best candidate for this task of ‘keeping me in bed’?”
“It was rather smart of him don’t you think? Leaving it to the expert” Percy said smirking
“I guess I would have to agree,” Tony replied, bravely fighting off a smile to maintain his grave expression “Why don’t we see how good you really are at it?”
Tony stayed in bed way past lunch. Nobody was surprised.
With the Chitauri long behind them, the Avengers had no need to live in the same building. Steve was the first one who moved out, getting his own apartment in Brooklyn. Thor visited whenever he was on Earth but he was involved in his brother’s trial in Asgard. Natasha and Clint were called back by SHIELD once the Helicarrier was up and running. Bruce stayed back, running a small clinic to help those who needed it.
Tony did not know how much he banked on their presence for security until they left. He started losing more sleep, often waking up in panic. He was never more glad that Percy had to take sleeping pills to sleep some days.
He tried to play off his jumpiness on too much coffee. Happy had to help him freaking breathe inside the elevator and all he could say was
“Don’t..do..don’t tell….Per..Perce”
Happy gave him a disapproving look but he must have listened to him because Percy did not look worried on their lunch date.
The next time he lost it, it was in front of Pepper.
“Tony for the last time, I am not your actual P.A. It is not my damned job to tell you to attend meetings you set with various people and it definitely isn’t my job to clean up behind you like your nanny.So if you-”
Tony could feel irritation and anger rolling in his gut
“You are right, you are not my nanny. Then why are you always BEHIND ME?!”
He turned to her breathing deep and felt his anger turn to horror. Pepper was shaking, her hands on her ears and eyes closed. The glass partition behind her was shattered and he somehow had his repulsors on.
He felt sick. Had he aimed a little to the left he would have killed one of his closest friends. He can’t even remember what he was angry about.
He didn’t wait to see the fear in her eyes before he ran like the coward he is.
Lately that’s all he’s been doing, running and running, a strange sort of desperation driving him to a destination that seems farther away every day.
Funny how he used to think that was more of Steve’s thing.
His work was something that always gave him comfort. It was his escape from a cold home, from classmates who never understood him. It was a place where he was always in control.
Bruce was with him, one of those rare days where the clinic was not overflowing with people.
He hears a flask fall, some swearing and suddenly his lab walls are not white anymore - gray panels all around, and why is Banner on the ground? - is that blood?
Tony can barely recall rushing to his friend and pressing his lab coat to his chest. The blood seemed to leak through his suit (wasn’t he wearing a coat?) and Coulson was gasping below him, teeth stained a ghastly red.
“Tony, what are you doing?” He heard distantly
The inventor only pressed harder in a futile attempt to stop the bleeding
“Tony, You are hurting me” Coulson seemed to insist in a different voice
The next thing he remembers, he is on the ground in his lab and Bruce is leaning on a wall opposite holding his chest.
“Hey,” Bruce asked voice soft with understanding, “are you with me?”
He realized with mounting horror what must have happened. Getting up with as much dignity as he could muster,
“I- I have a thing,I- a document signing, I’ll see you”
He rushed out of the lab.
He doesn’t know if he took the stairs or the lift or if he fucking flew but he found himself leaning against the kitchen cabinets on the floor, hidden by his unnecessarily large fridge. The floor, cold and hard, helped ground him to the point where his lungs could function normally.
In and out, in and out.
His calm was interrupted when he heard soft footsteps padding towards him. He half wished the person would go away and save him the effort of making up an excuse to his current position.
The person - who turned out to be his boyfriend- just casually walked around the fridge and settled next to him. Tony did not know if he should panic or cry.
Percy just looked at him before opening his arms, a silent invitation, and Tony was too tired to argue.
He tried to speak, he really did, but he was so exhausted and he did not know what to do.
Percy just held him tighter and started talking, his deep voice rumbling through his chest.
He talked about powerful gods and brave heroes, a world so complicated and mystical , so far away from anything he experienced. Tony felt himself drifting off, his own worries kept away by that smooth voice and a comforting embrace, dreaming about flying horses.
Tony woke up feeling surprisingly well rested. He somehow ended up on his bed using his boyfriend as a pillow. He felt his nonexistent heart clench in love when he realized Percy had bracketed him as if protecting him from the world.
He lifted his head, careful not to disturb his partner and slowly sat up. Percy shifted, face scrunching as if sensing an absence before settling in a frown.
Tony sighed.
The signs were impossible to ignore now. This (He refused to name it) is clearly getting out of hand. He felt overwhelmed and lost. He just didn’t know what to do about it.
“Good morning” the pillow mumbled
Tony couldn’t help but smile. Percy shifted so that he was facing Tony from the bed. He made no effort to move or do anything but smile comfortingly at him.
Tears welled up in his eyes. He curled up next to his boyfriend and started sobbing.
“Great,” he hiccuped “Now all I need to do is start doubting your fidelity and this will be a great soap opera”
“Oh, don’t worry my love” Percy said with a solemn look “I promise to keep my alcohol addiction indoors, lest the neighbors gossip”
Tony burst out laughing “Lest?”
“Of course darling” Percy nodded, still maintaining character “we wouldn’t want to tarnish your spotless reputation now, would we?”
Tony couldn’t believe his luck. How did he get this wonderful, impossibly perfect man to fall for him? Even when he felt so low his boyfriend was able to make him laugh and joke.
Percy still just looked at him, calm and full of love, waiting for him to take the lead.
He took a deep breath and looked at a point on the ceiling.
“I- I haven’t been sleeping well for a while now, an- and..” Tony sighed “ I get angry, and confused and fuck I can’t” Tony felt his breathing rate increasing.
Percy just hummed and drew circles on his chest, a point of calm in this chaos.
Tony tried again “I- something happened in the lift the other week and I- oh god- nearly killed Pepper” He shook his head half hoping he could physically shake off the memories.
He felt a pair of arms hold him tighter.
“I think I hurt Bruce yesterday, and I can’t do this anymore Perce, I am so tired of hurting and pushing everyone away, dreaming of the same things over and over on a loop, never fucking getting out of that invasion no matter how much time has passed, I-”
“Pepper isn’t scared of you Tony” Percy told his head
“How the fuck do you know?” Tony asked suddenly, angry. He pushed himself away from Percy and stood, breathing deep.
Percy calmly sat up and looked him in the eye, his sea green eyes shining with sincerity
“Because she is scared for you Tony, she came to me a couple of days ago asking where you were when you started avoiding her. She would never be scared of you Tony, she loves you”
“Had I aimed the repulser, mind you, the repulser I did not know I had, a little to the left, she would have lost her head. I hurt her Percy, I’m not worthy of her love, not her’s not anybody else’s”
“Don’t you dare” Percy said, suddenly angry “Don’t you dare say you are not worthy of our love.Don’t you dare lessen your accomplishments and all the amazing qualities you have despite your circumstances”
The fury in Percy’s voice shocked Tony. It felt like thunder in a storm, loud and powerful, destroying everything in its path. Righteous.
Tony had no choice but to believe the words that rang like the absolute truth. He felt defeated as the anger drained and left nothing but confusion.
“What do I do?” He whispered, falling to his knees at the side of the bed.
“You let us help” Percy said, voice comforting and wonderfully devoid of pity “you let yourself be helped. You’ll be fine, I’ll make sure of it.”
Tony let himself hope.
Percy first made him sleep some more after which he fed him and made him take a shower. Once he was suitably presentable, Percy bullied him into talking to Pepper who had no qualms about showing him just how happy she was with him avoiding her.
“You are lucky you look like a strong gust of wind would blow you away” Pepper fumed “or else I would beat some sense into you myself”
Tony sputtered. His boyfriend, the traitor, had the gall to laugh.
They then spent a few hours reviewing the profiles of various Therapists (we do not call them shrinks Tony) before finalizing a few for vetting.
They also discussed what he would do should he feel anxious or confused and he felt some semblance of control return after these few grueling hours.
As the day progressed they migrated to the couch in front of the TV, surrounding him with warmth and love almost as if trying to drill into him that he will never be cold or alone again.
He smiled, grateful for the family he made.