Chapter 2B
Gone.
Theres a gasp as suddenly Maria falls forwards, her knees hitting the floor as she collapses to kneeling in front of wall, body racking with sobs. Fury hangs his head as Bobbi’s sob become vocal, May shaking on Coulson’s arms as the agents, most crying themselves start to slowly trail back to their positions. Some stay, wondering why their strong Commander Hiil is still on her knees, forehead leaning against the new badge, head in her hands, almost perfectly still and silent except the weeping. She stays like that for a minute, until Fury walks forwards and taps her on the shoulder, whispering in her ear
‘Maria, I-‘
‘I’m fine’ she croaks out and Fury laughs
‘I’m not going to point out your situation in reply to that’ Fury replies wryly and Maria finally straightens, wiping her eyes roughly with the back of her hand
‘they’re staring aren’t they?’ she asks and Fury snatches a look back to the thousands of eyes trained on Maria’s back
‘yes’
‘god what am I going to do?’
‘talk. Explain. Euglosise-‘
‘that’s not a word’
‘I don’t care. You know everyone thought Romanoff and Barton were indestructible and now hes gone and shes dead. They’re gone, and its killing you, but its scaring them’
‘allright’ Maria stands up ‘allright’ then she turns
‘evening, Agents, those here at the Hub, and those all over the world. Thank you for being here to honor Agent Romanoff’
The agents watching online think her voice crack is just a glitch
‘but I… I guess brutal honesty is the way to go right? Nat always liked that’ she tries to laugh but it comes out strangled and hoarse
‘she’d have hated this, have put glitter in all the ceiling panels or something to annoy everyone, or made the speakers pay material girl over and over again-is that still a thing? I wouldn’t know, I mean we’ve missed 5 years of trends, right?’ Maria trails off and shakes her head
‘I guess all im trying to say is that we cant remember her perfectly. We cant remember her in solem, well kept silence because she’d always be the one to laugh in the middle of meetings and make monkey noises in coulsin gatherings. So we need to carry on. We lost an agent. That is all’ she pauses, trying to stop the tears welling up and her throat shutting again
‘we lost an agent who made us laugh, and cry occasionally, who made us all better. Better agents, better fighters, better people. And now, finally she is at peace.’ Maria turns ot the plaque and takes a deep breath
‘Nat once told me she wasn’t afraid to die, she was only afraid of the effect her death would have on people. She was happy to leave a life of suffering and pain, but scared to leave suffering pain. And we will carry on, just keep carrying on in her wake. We’re not going to mourn because she’s gone, we’re going to celebrate because she was here’
‘how can you say that?!’ a voice cuts through the crowd and Maria flinches. A woman is standing in the middle, her eyes filled with tears and anger. Agent Jenson, Nat trained her every week for 4 years, not a best friend, but someone who didn’t hate Natasha, which was progress
‘yeah, millions of people all over the world just lost their role model, someone who they aspired to be like, made them work for what they wanted and all you can do is sprout about your employee?’ another voice from the side shouts and Bobbi yells back
‘Shut up, okay, you know nothing about Natasha. This is deeper that some kids loosing a barbie’
‘how? She had no family apparently. She wasn’t married. Didn’t have any kids. The largest thing in her life was her influence on people all over the world to do better. And Hills just her boss. There no point her breaking an age old tradition of the director putting up the plaques’
‘you knew Romanoff better than her Morse, why didn’t you stick her thing on the wall’ someone online unmutes and calls out and more voices join in in agreement
‘you think you know Natasha? You think I know Natasha?’ Bobbi laughs ‘no one knows her compared to Hill. She has forgotten more about the Black Widow than you will ever know’
‘Yeah really well-‘
‘Shut it’ Maria snaps suddenly, finally moving from wheres she’d frozen, barely breathing
‘you have no right to talk about her like that, like all she was was a doll for your kid’ Maria’s voice is harsh and hard and everyone senses her authority again
‘Its simple. Natasha saved the world. She is the only reason half of us are standing here right now. How many of you lost someone in the blip?’
Every hand goes up
‘exactly, and Natasha is who we have to thank. But we cant. Because she’s dead and we’re alive, and we need to stop getting pissed about it because this is our life. This is our life and the end of hers’
She leans forwards, tapping the empty spot to the left of Natasha’s
‘I’m going to end up there. I was meant to be there before her, but I’ll finish next to her’
Then she gently reaches up and unhooks a fine chain from around her neck, a ring is hanging on it and finally silence falls as Maria reaches onto her left hand and pulls off her own ring, threading it onto the chain
‘I have more right than anyone here to talk about Natalia’ she says simply, then leans down and hangs the chain, looping it three times so it takes the place of the plaque on the left, the rings catching the light as they still from a gentle sway.
Then she leaves, the agents parting like shes fire passing through water. Eyes following her all the way to the door, which slams behind her and its like a light has switched, agents questioning, and crying and confused. Some even go up to examine the rings, but Fury’s glare puts them off and they trail out.
The SHEILD legend always remains that Maria Hill left part of herself on the wall that day. She hung up her old self with her rings never got it back. The next morning a glass box is over the rings, protecting them from prodding fingers and questioning eyes. Its only moved when another plaque is added to the wall;
‘Maria Hill was more than a SHEILD agent. She was the heart and soul of the organisation, the brains behind the movement and the belief behind the missions. She is, was, everything we look for and will continue to look for in all of you’ Fury pauses to attempt to compose himself and looks out at the crowd, feeling déjà vu to the day 14 years ago, the only other time hes seen this amount of agents gathered in a single location, heads reaching out all over the hall in a crushed crowd..
‘Brutal honesty, Maria said, as she hung her wife’s plaque on the wall’ a gasp flies through the room as the words comes out of Fury’s mouth. Its been assumed, whispered about, but never spoken. The Black Widow was Commander Hill’s wife. Fury knows theres nothing to hide, he knows about the failsafe file on Maria’s laptop, set to release 100 pages of Natasha’s story, intertwined with her’s and finally the truth, along with evidence and a few photos and videos to all major press outlets a few weeks after her death.
‘so heres the brutal honesty. Maria is happy to finally be there. She was counting down the days almost until this moment. The last 14 years have been the worst of her life, except maybe the first 14, so instead we remember the middle. WE remember the woman who stayed. Always. Stayed in the training centre, learning to be the best, stayed in the gym, teaching other to be the best. Staying in control, managing missions all over the world at a time, with a clear head and stready hand. Staying in her office to complete paperqork, staying strong, staying calm, staying steady. Always steady, an anchor for our ship in a storm. She would be feeling relief at this moment, and I hope peace. So we say rest in chaos. Rest in Chaos Commander Hill, because we all know you revel in it’
Then he leans down and unhooks the glass case, gently unhooking the rings from where they’ve hung, unmoved for so many years. Then he hooks the SHEILD logo on the wall, Since Natasha had a tiny hourglass in the middle Maria’s is special too. Its metal from the hull of the Heli carrier, engraved in gold. Maria Hill, our Commander. Sempre.
Then he takes a tiny piece of something from his pocket and clips them to the top of the plaques, hanging the chain on the top of each. The rings slide to the middle, clinging together in an impossibly loudly at last staying still. Perfectly between them.