Reactions
Avengers Chat:
6:30 pm, July 24, 2024:
Capsicle: Wait, does this mean that Fury knew about Coulson not being dead and didn't tell us?
Tony Stank: Must be why he left
Skyenet: It was
Spidey: ...what just happened?
Tony Stank: Fury has drugs that can resurrect the dead and has apparently used them on someone the entire team thought was dead... and didn't tell us. They're also apparently unethical drugs
Bird #1: ...and Coulson's alive. Of course he is. FURY
Nat: Don't worry, Clint. We'll get our revenge...
Skyenet: On Fury or on Coulson?
Black Widow #2: Knowing her, probably both
Nat: Both
Android That Used To Be Human But Isn't Anymore: Uh... can we talk about this?
Mayday: I told you - and Fury, for that matter- that keeping it a secret would come to bite you, but did you listen to me? No
Skyenet: To be fair, Coulson technically is only dubiously alive
Spidey: ...what?
Skyenet: After he got the resurrection drugs - read: the alien blood that often causes hallucinations - he led a team. We rebuilt SHIELD. Then, he made a deal with a demon to get that out of his system in exchange for hosting it
Capsicle: Coulson, why did you want to host a demon?
Android That Used To Be Human But Isn't Anymore: I needed it to kill the psychotic LMD with superpowers that she got from a virtual reality that she made by reading a Tome of Eldritch Lore (which was called the Book of the Damned)
Mayday: Speaking of which, is Doctor Strange in this chat?
Tony Stank: No
Skyenet: He is now. Rant away
Tony Stank: What? You can't just decide that! You must ask permission
Mischief: Since when did she ask permission? Has she ever asked permission to do anything?
Android That Used To Be Human But Isn't Anymore: Actually, yes
Tony Stank: Will Strange be humiliated?
Mayday: ...yes
Tony Stank: Add him
Spidey: Mr. Stark, why do you want to see the Wizard humiliated?
Nat: "the Wizard". Perfect description of Doctor Strange, honestly
Skyenet: Hw do you guys even know Strange?
Mischief: Story-time later. I want the roasting to start
Asgardian: Brother!
Valkyrie: You can't say you don't enjoy this, Thor
Asgardian: Yes, I can!
Valkyrie: You can't say it and be telling the truth
Skyenet: Alright
Tony Stank has added Doctor Strange to the chat
Tony Stank: You had to hack my account
Skyenet: I don't have admin privileges.
Doctor Strange: Why am I in the Avengers group chat?
Skyenet: Because I said you should be. Also, May wanted to rant at you
Tony Stank: We made new friends
Android That Used To Be Human But Isn't Anymore: Does that mean I'm off the hook?
Tony Stank: Definitely not
Doctor Strange: What is going on?
Skyenet: They're pissed at him for not telling them he got resurrected
Doctor Strange: People can get resurrected now?
Skyenet: Blame the aliens
Mayday: Hello, Doctor Strange. You are the Sorceror Supreme, yes?
Doctor Strange: Uh, yes...
Mayday has changed Doctor Strange's display name to Incompetent Idiot Who Can't Do His Only Job
Tony Stank: ROFL
Capsicle: Isn't that a little mean?
Nat: Cap, stop being a goody two shoes and have fun. Channel your pranking side, like when you pranked me, Clint, and Tony
Capsicle: For the last time, that wasn't me! I was framed!
Bird #1: We totally believe you... you're very convincing
Incompetent Idiot Who Can't Do His Only Job: Why am I named this?
Mayday: You ever heard of the Darkhold or the Book of the Damned?
Incompetent Idiot Who Can't Do His Only Job: Yes... those are the same thing
Mayday: I know. Do you want to know why I know?
Tony Stank: He probably doesn't
Former Director has rejoined the chat
Former Director: I have judged it safe to return to this chat
Tony Stank: FURY!
Former Director: Yes, Stark?
Bird #1: Don't you dare play innocent!
Tony Stank: Don't you dare... how... Birdbrain, you stole my line!
Bird #1: Deal with it, Stank
Former Director: So... you guys aren't over Coulson's resurrection
Nat: Of freakin' course we aren't!
Capsicle: Is freakin' language?
Tony Stank: It got through my alert, so no
Nat: You have an alert. Why do you have a freakin' alert?
Tony Stank: New Years' Resolution
Black Widow #2: What the f*ck?
Former Director: You guys can come back to that. Better question: why is Doctor Strange here?
Skyenet: May wanted to rant at him. How'd you know? It's not like his display name is an obvious clue
Former Director: I have his number... and, yeah, Incompetent Idiot Who Can't Do His Only Job could be a lot of people. Like Stark
Spidey: Hey, be nice to Mr. Stark
Tony Stank: Thanks, kid, but I can take it from here
Incompetent Idiot Who Can't Do His Only Job: Speaking of which, why am I named this?
Skyenet: Because you either ignored or forgot that the Darkhold was in LA?
Incompetent Idiot Who Can't Do His Only Job: I fail to see how this is relevant
Skyenet: The Darkhold was in LA. SHIELD was in LA. SHIELD took the Darkhold, and things went wrong
Incompetent Idiot Who Can't Do His Only Job: How wrong?
Skyenet: Well, a Life Model Decoy gained sentience and started the Android Rebellion
Mayday: Yeah, an LMD gained sentience, aided her creator in making a literal virtual parallel universe where HYDRA won, and abducted numerous SHIELD agents to plug into said parallel universe
Skyenet: Also, these agents were replaced with LMDs
Mayday: Yes. And the LMD managed to get superpowers out of this, necessitating that we make a deal with a literal demon
Incompetent Idiot Who Can't Do His Only Job: I fail to see how that makes me incompetent
Skyenet: You're the Sorcerer Supreme, which makes the Darkhold your responsibility. You didn't do anything about it
Incompetent Idiot Who Can't Do His Only Job: When was this?
Mayday: A few years ago
Incompetent Idiot Who Can't Do His Only Job has added Wong to the chat
Wong: What? And why is that your display name?
Incompetent Idiot Who Can't Do His Only Job: Some people are pissed at us
Wong: Did SHIELD finally get the Destroyer of Worlds to hack the Avengers?
Skyenet: Ahem. I hacked in on a whim with SHIELD approval. Also, don't call me that