This Is Why We Can't Have Nice Things
Did you think I wouldn't hear all the things you said about me?
This is why we can't have nice things
Maya sits at the beanery and takes in her surroundings, her wife and Vic are standing over the stove making lunch for the team, Andy, Theo and Jack laughing on the other side of the room. Sullivan on his phone, smiling every now and then no doubt texting Ross. This was once her team, her family, but it stopped feeling that way for a long time now. Here she was sitting there feeling like an outsider in a group that used to feel like home.
Was it her fault that things had gotten to the point they were at now, partially but she also felt like the team never had her back when she needed them the most. She saw how Andy was there for Jack when he met his brother. Maya shakes her head bringing her out of her spiraling, it wasn’t going to do her much good.
She gets up and quietly exits the room, making her to the gym where she knew no one would be.
She sits on the floor and stares at the treadmill, the same one she had fallen off of. She stares at the floor and wonders how long it took the team to realize she wasn’t there, did they even realize?
She hears her name being called and she looks up to find her wife staring at her with concern.
“Bambina are you okay?” Carina asks softly sitting down beside her and that was all it took for Maya to burst into tears.
"I feel like my team doesn't care," she sobs, she buries her face into Carina’s neck and begins to sob uncontrollably.
Carina immediately wraps her arms around her wife, holding her close as she cries, whispering words of comfort and love, reminding her that she was not alone.
"It's okay," Carina murmurs, stroking her hair. "I'm here for you. Whatever it is, we'll get through it together." Maya clung to her wife tightly, her body shaking with sobs.
They sit there for a while longer, holding each other close, until Maya finally stops crying.
“Hey are you guys okay, it’s been a while so” Vic exclaims. Carina gives her a soft nod.
“Why do you care now?” Maya mutters under her breath.
“Sorry what?” Vic asks
“I said why do you care now?” Maya says louder.
“Maya” Carina began
“No please let me get this out” Maya interrupts her wife.
“Maya what are you talking about?” Vic questions.
“Vic you’ve been there for Carina, she told me about the pregnancy test thing and then the deer accident and how you’ve helped her and I’m grateful for that.
“Maya what?” Vic asks glancing between Maya and Carina
“I overheard you and Theo, turns out I’m just a nasty blackmailer right” Maya scoffs.
“Bella, stop” Carina mumbles, grabbing her wife’s hand.
“That’s not really surprising is it, ringing any bells” Maya grumbles.
“Maya, you know Vic wouldn’t say things like that? Carina says softly.
“Wouldn’t you Vic” Maya challenges staring at Vic
“I of course not, you’re our friend” Vic mumbles looking at the floor.
"Victoria, is what Maya saying true?" Carina asks as Maya walks out of the room.
“Look it’s not what it sounds like” Vic mumbles, refusing to make eye contact.
“Cazzo, I can’t believe this. You’ve been there for me but you’ve been talking behind my wife’s back. God Maya has always been there for the team and this is what she gets in return.” Carina snaps
Vic sighs, finally mustering the courage to look Carina in the eye. "I know," she said, her voice barely above a whisper. "I messed up. I shouldn't have said that and I haven’t been there for her when she really needed someone”
“I’m going to find my wife” Carina says walking away hoping to catch up with her wife.
Carina walks into the shower area to find her wife sitting on the bench, her head in her hands.
“Bambina” she says softly, not wanting to startle the blonde.
Maya looks up, her eyes red and puffy “I’m sorry I shouldn’t have snapped at Vic like that, I should have calmed myself down or walked out.”
“Hey hey bella, take a deep breath. You’ve been holding this in for a while si” Carina says sitting down next to her wife.
“Yeah I’ve been trying to make amends but my first priority has been you, showing you that you matter to me, so I’ve been putting this on the back burner. Now with things getting better between us I guess it just came out” Maya rambles.
Taking a deep breath "I just don't know what to do, I don't know how to fix things, or how to make things better. Maybe I should talk to Diane” she continued.
Carina takes Maya’s hand in her, squeezing it gently. "You don't have to have all the answers right now," she says softly. "What matters most is that you know you're not alone. I'm here for you, and we'll figure it out together."
“ I just want to say that I'm sorry for pushing you away, you've seen me through so much, and I know it hasn't always been easy. Thank you for being my rock, for holding me up when I felt like I was falling apart, for loving me when I didn't feel lovable, and for being the light in my life that guides me through the darkness." Maya
Carina’s expression softens and she takes Maya’s hand in hers. "Of course," she said. "I love you, and I'm always here for you bambina."
Tears well up Maya’s eyes as she looks at her, feeling overwhelmed with emotion. "Thank you for always believing in me, even when I didn't believe in myself," I whispered. "Thank you for being patient, kind, and understanding. Thank you for being the love of my life, and for making every day brighter just by being in it." she says, wiping away tears.
Carina pulls her wife into a tight embrace, holding her close as Maya cries softly. "I'll always be here for you," she said, her voice filled with tenderness. "I'll always be your partner, your conscious amore mio”
“I love you” Maya mumbles into Carina’s shoulder.
“Ti amo” Carina whispers, holding her wife close.
And here's to my baby
He ain't reading what they call me lately