Dreams

I sighed as the door to Loki’s containment room closed behind me. He had wanted to talk almost the whole shift, which was wonderful, both in terms of his improvement from hostility and in basic enjoyability. Unfortunately, it left no room for studying or communicating with an, ironically, increasingly hostile roommate. Somehow my absence from the household and lessened contribution to dirty dishes and household dirtiness made it my responsibility to take over some of his cleaning as per our “let’s just split things” agreement that he insisted we had made. I said differently, as did our printed roommate agreement, but whatever. He had been badgering me with calls and texts the whole shift, to the point that I had to turn off my phone just to get some peace.

Good thing I’m staying here tonight, I thought, walking towards the elevator that would take me up to the main level. I cannot deal with that right now. I stepped into the elevator and pushed away my roommate dread, allowing myself to experience the excitement bubbling up inside of myself. How many people got to say that they were planning a party for, and got to hang out with, the Avengers? At least one lucky person named Andi. I had called the expert spies Natasha and Clint the night before to fill them in and make sure they were free to hang out, and had ran into Thor in person as I was leaving to go home for the night. Everyone was available, the snacks were planned, and nothing was going to go wrong.

Except for the crushing anxiety I felt. How crummy would it be for someone to meet a good number of their personal heroes and then mess it up by doing something stupid like dropping something breakable or saying something dumb? When one is literally disabled socially, those fears become a lot more real.

Okay, stay calm. Or become calm, I guess. You can’t stay what you currently aren’t. Just breathe. I inhaled deeply and exhaled slowly, focusing on slowing my heartbeat. If Bruce can deal with all the stress in the world and stay Bruce, I can handle one party.

By seven o’clock that night, the whole gang had assembled on the main level of the tower. Everyone looked up as the elevator chimed and opened, announcing the arrival of Thor and I. Heroes were splayed out across the many couches, mostly in silence, although Clint and Natasha were talking to each other quietly. Tony was fiddling with his phone-like device again, while Steve watched with a puzzled look on his face. The poor guy clearly didn’t understand what was happening. Thor crossed the room and plopped down on an empty spot of the large couch, grabbing and hugging a nearby pillow on his lap.

“Alright,” I clapped my hands together, “the pizza has arrived, the snacks are prepared, and the Avengers are assembled. Let’s get to it! Let’s get to know each other!” I pumped the air with my fist. “I feel like I know Loki better than I know my own teammates, and that doesn’t seem like a good thing. And as far as I know, the only ones of you that really know each other are Clint and Natasha.”
Steve sat up a bit in his seat. “And how do you propose we fix this?”
I smiled. “Well, my dear captain… it involves alcohol.”
“I knew I liked you for a reason,”  Tony interrupted.

“And some games. Like two truths one lie, truth or dare. Y’know, normal summer camp sleepover games, but with booze.”

“I’ll do it,” Clint chimed in. “Stark, how do we get some alcohol in here?”
“Uh, I designed this place. Bold of you to assume there isn’t alcohol everywhere.”

One bar set, coming up. Would you like chilled glasses and the works, sir?
“Give us everything you’ve got, JARVIS,” Tony replied. “But not the good good stuff, alright? I can’t be wasting it on what’s basically a party of government employees.”

Natasha chuckled. “Always a charmer, Tony.”

The elevator dinged and opened to reveal a large cart laden with a variety of alcohols.

Your alcohol has arrived, sir. And I have taken the liberty of stocking the refrigerator with more casual drinks such as Bud Light and Yeungling Lager.

“Thank you, JARVIS,” Tony and I said at the same time as everyone stood up to grab their booze of choice. Once everyone had their drinks, I chose my spot on the couch between Steve and Clint, sitting cross legged on the oversized couch.

“So, who wants to go first?” I asked the group. “How about you, Clint?” I bumped him with my shoulder.

Clint popped the cap off his beer and took a swig of it. He swallowed and sighed, shrugging. “Screw it, what do you want to know?”

Natasha smirked. “How about you tell them about that time you tried to zipline from a window and got your foot stuck on the windowsill and almost fell to your death?” she mumbled as she sipped her drink.

The whole group cracked up, the light tension between us immediately dissolving into thin air. The masterful archer covered his face with his hands, but we could tell he was grinning behind them.

“Wow, I cannot believe you would throw your friend into the wolf’s den like that,” said Thor, laughing heartedly and finally sitting down again on Tony’s plush couch, a ridiculously large beer in his hand.

“Remind me not to tell Nat anything embarrassing,” said Steve, chuckling.

“Ooh, I have an idea!” I bounced slightly with excitement. “What is everyone’s worst, most embarrassing moment from a mission? Or SHIELD related thing, whatever floats your boat.”

Silence. After a few seconds of me looking at everyone and nodding encouragingly, Steve spoke up.

“I once threw my shield at a tree that had a wasp’s nest in it and got chased by angry wasps for four blocks.”
“I’ve been hit by many Midgardian vehicles,” shared Thor.

Bruce rubbed the back of his neck. “I fell from the sky as the Other Guy and ended up shrinking down to normal fully naked in front of an old man.”

I tried my best to stifle my laughter, desperate not to spray my friends with the beer I had a mouthful of. I struggled to breathe and forced myself to swallow, immediately cracking up.

“Oh, no, Bruce.” I giggled. “What happened? Did you just walk to the nearest Walmart naked and buy some pants?”

Laughter erupted around the room. Bruce put his head down, taking the laughter in good spirit.

“Thankfully, the old guy brought me some clothes. I might have just disappeared into the woods forever if I had to walk around that way.”

I sipped my drink. “Now that must have been a sight. One moment your green and screaming, falling from the sky, the next you’re a good looking dork with way too much knowledge. It’s a wonder that the old guy didn’t run off into the woods.”

“Okay,” said Natasha, sitting forward and setting her drink down on the coffee table. “My turn. I was once part of an arranged marriage to a prominent member of a terrorist group.”
“Really?” Steve asked. “Wow.”
“Yeah, this is a bit of a holy shit moment,” I agreed.

Natasha shrugged.

“Dude, you are so cool,” I continued. “Like, Natasha, you’re the only person in the world who could navigate that situation with grace and badassery.”
She chuckled. “Well, stick around and you’ll have your own interesting stories soon enough.”
“Oh yeah, because ‘I was assigned to guard the prince of another realm, who used to be worshipped as a god, and who now calls me his darling’ is a pretty subpar story.”

Thor furrowed his brow. “He calls you his darling? Seems like he’s laying on the charm fairly thickly.”

I nodded. “A bit. It’s not like he’s sincerely interested in me or anything, we just have a bit where we flirt a bit and riff off each other. And I’d take ‘darling’ over ‘foolish mortal’ any day.”

“Just be careful,” Clint advised, taking another swig of his drink. “We don’t need you going and falling for him and his crap.”
“Believe me, I know. He’s a sneaky bastard, that’s for sure. But Tony, Bruce, and I are working on some ways to make things a bit easier.” Everyone perked up slightly at the mention of news. “And I’ll be happy to tell you all about it, but let’s do that tomorrow, or any time that we’re not having a super chill group hang.” I raised my glass.

“Cheers to that,” said Steve, clinking his glass with my own.

The next few hours were filled with interesting anecdotes, fun facts, opinions, and many drinks. At one point, I braided Thor’s long hair while he told us tales about his childhood on Asgard with Loki. A slightly drunk Natasha, who insisted I call her Nat, made a very good case as to why I should train with her and Clint some time. Somehow I wound up agreeing that she could train me to get my overall physical skill and coordination up a notch, and that Clint could help me out with archery every once in a while.

By three in the morning, people were stumbling off to bed to sleep off the booze. By four, it was down to Bruce, Thor, and me. After a mostly sober Bruce suggested that Mjolnir acted more as a focal point in the universe than a physically heavy object, Thor took it upon himself to prove his strength by carrying me around and using me as a weight to do curl ups. I was a little tipsy by that point and only protested for a minute before allowing him to pick me up, giggling all the while. Bruce seemed highly entertained by our shenanigans as he asked Thor about different aspects of Asgardian culture, watching us intently and chuckling. After a while, even Thor decided to go to bed, having proven his point that, regardless of how Mjolnir functioned, he was a very strong man.

“Well, looks like it’s just the two of us.”
Bruce smiled. “Yes it does.” He looked at his almost full second bottle of beer. “I’m not really one for drinking,” he explained. “It lowers inhibitions, and that’s not a good thing for me, so I’m just a little tipsy.”
“I’m not really a drinker most of the time either,” I said. “Partly because of the effects and complications with my medication, and partly because I’m just not a fan of the taste. I just drank tonight because people tend to view each other more favorably when partaking in the same activity. Basically just mirroring to make them more comfortable. Looks like we can be sober buddies though. Or near sober. Tipsy pals. I’m a little more than tipsy right now though.”
Bruce chuckled. “You talk more when you’re, uh, more than tipsy. I like it, it shows more of your personality. You’re not as overly cautious when you’ve had something to drink.”
“Why thank you.” I grinned, laying down on the couch and sticking my feet in the air to look at the scientist upside down. “I like you when you’re tipsy too, but full disclosure, I like you a lot all of the time anyway. I also like you when I’m tipsy, which is good. It would suck if I went from liking you a lot to just being like ‘meh, he’s okay’.”

Bruce laughed. “The feeling is mutual. This was a good idea, this get together.” I held my hand out limply for a high five. Bruce slapped my hand with his own before continuing. “I really learned a lot tonight. And it was fun. I don’t get to have fun much, but I did tonight. Thank you for that.”

“No problem, pal. You’re a good friend. And you know what? I just realized something.”
Bruce hummed.

“I realized that I’m more comfortable with you than the others, physically speaking. Like, normally I can’t really touch people without feeling weird and kind of icky, but we can just high five and hang out without my brain short circuiting. This is new to me, usually only my mom can touch me.” I paused. “Not that I’m saying you’re like my mom,” I explained, stumbling over my words a bit. “You’re more like a super cool professor friend with nice hair and amazing mood stability.” I paused. “Well, not like that, you are that.” I covered my face with my hands. “Shit, I really do talk a lot when I drink. Okay, let me start over. You’re a great guy, I like you a lot, and I’m unprecedentedly comfortable around you,” I summarized, giving Bruce a thumbs up.

Bruce put his hand on my shoulder, his movement sluggish from the alcohol. “I like you too. And it’s cool that you aren’t freaked out by the whole,” he mimed huge muscle arms and did an overly exaggerated anger face, “blargh, angry monster thing.”

“Yeah, that’s gotta suck. I can’t imagine what you’re going through, but I admire you for continuing to do it. Honestly, working with you in the lab is one of my favorite things about this job, and I’m just glad that we get to hang out when we do. Hey.” I sat up slowly, trying my best to gather my thoughts and not get dizzy. “This is serious mode now.” I pointed at my face. “This is my serious face, for serious thoughts only. I want to apologize on behalf of, basically everyone, for people seeing you like you’re just some sort of a host for the Other Guy. Honestly, you are way more amazing to me than he will ever be. You’re just so smart and funny and cool, like ridiculously cool. Can I tell you something embarrassing?”

Bruce nodded solemnly, hanging on my every word.

I lowered my voice to a whisper. “I forgot that you could turn into the Other Guy when we first met. I was just excited to meet a genius scientist and blanked on it because my brain was all like ‘Yeah, awesome scientist Dr. Banner!’ Tony basically had to tell me about it.”

“Really?” Bruce whispered back. “Man, that is embarrassing. But I appreciate it.” He patted me on the head.

“See?” I pointed to his hand on my head, speaking normally again. “I’m totally fine with it. No awkwardness whatsoever.” My eyes widened. “This must be what being normal is like. It’s not as boring as I had thought.”

Bruce snorted.

“You’re really weird. You know that right?” he asked.

“Well yeah, I even have the diagnoses to prove that I’m weird. I will say, I get mad accommodations in my classes because of it though. Like I can just email my professors and tell them that I’m in sensory overload, and they just go with it because of my good grades and stuff. It’s awesome! Not that I would ever actually abuse it though. I’m too boring for that. Too much of a goody two shoes. Still, it’s gotta be nice to be able to talk to people without calculating everything your body is doing. Like, to me, my self is a completely internal thing. I’m in here,” I tapped my head. “Everything out here,” I gestured to the rest of my body, “is like an empty storefront.” I giggled. “A really attractive storefront. A carefully curated and designed, super cute storefront with poor fashion choice.”

Bruce chuckled. “I really like you when you’re tipsy,” he said.

I tilted my head. “Are you trying to get me drunk, Dr. Banner?” I teased.

He lowered his head, blushing a little, maybe from the alcohol and maybe from me.

“Well, I should probably head to bed before I just slump over here.” I tried to stand up, fighting against the urge to sink into the couch and hang out with Bruce some more. “It’s probably not a good sign that I stayed up drinking later than Tony.” I inhaled deeply and pushed my way off the couch with a great shove. I stumbled slightly, more from my usual subpar coordination that from being tipsy. Bruce immediate stood up and caught me by my arm to stabilize me.

“Let me walk you to your room,” he offered, hesitantly letting go.

I nodded. “Good idea. Don’t want to trip in the hallway or anything. Knowing me, I’ll just lay there until morning. Thank you, my kind gentleman.”

Off we went, walking to the elevator slowly to decrease the risk of me stumbling. It felt good to know that Bruce would be there to catch me if I did fall. As the doors slid open and we stepped inside, I paused.

“Would it be weird if I wanted to go visit Loki right now?” I asked.

Bruce frowned. “Yeah, kind of. Do you want to go see him? If you don’t mind me asking, what purpose would that serve, and are you sure it’s safe for you to be around him in your current state?” He looked at me intently, clearly concerned.

“I don’t know.” Now it was my turn to frown as I thought things over. “I still think I’m immune to his dastardly charms and everything, but I don’t know what I would say to him.”
“If you really want to go, I think I should come with you, as backup, just in case.”
I nodded. “That’s definitely a good idea. I would never say no to backup, especially from the marvelous Dr. Bruce Banner.”

Soon enough we were standing outside the door to Loki’s containment area.

I turned to Bruce, putting my hand on his shoulder. “Are you sure you want to come in? I wouldn’t judge you at all if you want to stay as far away from Loki as possible, especially after what he put you through on the helicarrier, and then the battle. I don’t want you to compromise your sense of balance or wellbeing because of me.”
Bruce nodded solemnly. “I can do this. Let’s just be in and out so he won’t have time to come up with a plan or anything.”

I nodded, undoing the last of the security locks on the hidden door and stepping inside.

“Well, well, well,” drawled Loki, who was surprisingly still awake. “If it isn’t the monster, and the man who sheathes it.” He turned towards me, glancing dismissively towards Bruce. “What brings you here so late, Andi? Did you miss me? Are you here to free me at last and show this great brute what a real man is like?” He grinned wickedly. I noted that he was directing his attention more towards Bruce than towards me. He was keeping up our normal fake flirting bit that we did, but now it seemed more performative, in a way that my buzzing mind couldn’t pinpoint. I wonder why he changed it?

“Yep,” I said, “you’ve got me. It’s finally time for us to run away together, my love. Bruce is just here in case we end up needing an alibi. He’s pretty fond of me, so I think I could persuade him to cover for me.” I turned towards Bruce. “You’d do that, right? Just lie to the others and let me free Loki so we can elope?”

Bruce looked at Loki with caution, as though he could be put under mind control using only eye contact, then back to me. “For him, nah. But for you, I’d do anything. Even if it includes putting up with this creep,” he gestured towards the offended Asgardian.

I smiled, squeezing Bruce’s arm. “You’re sweet, standing up to the creep for me.” I turned to face Loki, still grinning. “So, creep,” he rolled his eyes, “I just wanted to let you know that the improvements I told you about are underway. Soon enough, you should be able to have a much better quality of life, assuming that you do what’s smart and agree to my terms.”
Loki scoffed, taking a step towards me. “And what terms would those be?”

I shrugged, stepping closer to the glass and crossing my arms. “Nothing too drastic. All I can say for now is that you need to listen to me in order for me to help you have a better life.” Loki’s eyes narrowed. “Believe it or not, I want what’s best for you, Loki. It’s not just my job to protect you, I actually want you to be taken care of and I want you to be as happy as the situation permits.”

Loki scoffed. “You mortals are so emotional. Despite that, I look forward to these promised improvements,” he said stiffly.

“Okay. Well, that’s all that I really have to say for tonight. I just wanted to let you know that things are moving forward and should get better soon. Now,” I backed up, “if you will excuse me, I am off to bed. I can tell already that my body will hate me in the morning, so I may as well try to mitigate the damage as much as possible. Goodnight, Loki. I hope that you sleep well.”

Loki stared at me, his expression impossible to read.

“Goodnight, Andi. I wish you the same.”

I gave one small wave before walking away, with Bruce following closely behind, still being careful not to make eye contact with Loki.

As the door whirred and closed behind us, I hugged Bruce.

“I’m so proud of you,” I mumbled into his shoulder, noting the lack of discomfort from the close proximity. “I know that being around him makes you uncomfortable and uneasy, but I wanted to say thank you for coming with me, and that I think you’re a badass.”
Bruce chuckled, and brought his arms up around me to rub my back. “It was my pleasure. Like Clint said, we can’t have you falling under his influence, and it was the least I could do.”

I hummed, content in the moment. After a few seconds I pulled away, reluctant to leave the warmth and the affection that it expressed.

“Well, I guess it’s bedtime,” I said.

Bruce held out the crook of his arm. “Let me fulfil my first promise and walk you to your room.”
I smiled and took his arm, grateful for the added stability, and off we went.

Within five minutes, we were standing outside my ornate rounded door.

“Thank you again, Bruce,” I said. “For making sure I got to my room alright and for just being a good friend.”

He shrugged. “It’s easy when you have someone you care about. Goodnight, Andi.” He gave my hair a ruffle before turning and walking away.

I unlocked the door and stepped inside. I stared at my reflection in the ornate golden mirror above my dresser. I was proud of myself for socializing, but also exhausted. I sat on the side of my bed and rubbed my eyes, smiling slightly. As tired as I was, it was worth it stay up late with my friends. Even better, I got to spend more time with Bruce. I layed back, sighing, and set my glasses on the nightstand. I really had a good time tonight. More than I expected. I grinned as I slid under the covers, remembering being carried around by Thor. Not that anything can compare to talking with Bruce. Well, maybe talking with Loki. I frowned. Loki was fun to talk to, in the sense that he knew about new and exciting things that most humans could never even begin to imagine, and he had that mischievous charm about him, but Bruce was such a calming guy to be around, with his sweet and polite disposition. I shook my head gently and hugged my pillow as I drifted off to sleep. Y’know what? This is an issue for another day, one when the world isn’t spinning, was my final thought.