Chapter 32
Nat has been out for her college applications, while I stayed here since Fury had guaranteed me that I have the choice of choosing a school and he'll sponsor me. I chose NYU since that was the closest and it wouldn't be a problem for travelling.
Today I sat alone in the living room with Nat's laptop watching my favorite show that kept me and Pietro sane through out our childhood which was The Dick Van Dyke show that I manage to force Nat to watching it with me.
Through out the show I felt something off about me that I couldn't put my finger on it, It just felt like an invisible connection was cut off.
I was almost near my favorite part of the show when suddenly my phone goes off, I looked at the caller ID to see that it was Pietro. I was confused for a moment to why he called me but I answered only to hear Clint's voice instead of his.
I answered him to hear that his voice was barely audible and his breathing was in panic.
"Clint what's wrong?" I said furrowing my eyebrows.
"It's Pietro." He said his voice cracking.
"What do you mean?" I start to panic thinking of the worst scenarios that could happen.
"I can't explain it, just please meet me at the hospital." He said in desparation.
"Clint you better tell me what happened to my brother now-"
"He got in a car accident." His voice broke as he cut me off.
There I felt my world crash, I dropped my phone to floor and felt my eyes burning as I feel my breath getting more deep and erratic. My hand shakingly pick my phone back up to answer Clint but my mouth couldn't get the words out.
"What hospital?" I managed to ask him as my tears fall on my lap.
"I'll text you." He said hanging up.
I stumbled as I get to our closet and grabbed the nearest clothing to my surpise was Nat's black hoodie. I put on the closest pants and shoes, I shoved my phone and keys in my pocket and locked the door as I rushed out.
I don't want to get in a car right now so I just ran, I ran until my legs couldn't carry me anymore.
I managed to get to the hospital while still catching my breath, I hastily went to the receptionist when Clint called me near the corridor.
I noticed that there was a woman and a child next to Clint standing there in the corner in silence.
"Clint who are they?" I weakly pointed.
"I don't know, when I arrived they were already here."
I removed myself from Clint and walked up to the woman, she looked up with tears on her eyes.
"Are you his sister?" She croaked.
"Yes." I mumbled.
"You're brother is a hero, he saved my little brother." She said weakly.
"He did?" I felt the tears brimming again.
"Yeah." She sighed.
"I'm sorry about what happened to him." She whispered as she hugged me.
I just collapsed into her arms and cried, I hoped Pietro would be alright and that's when I remembered Nat doesn't know.
Pietro always has did good in this world, that's who he is, selfless, caring and what I hate about it is that he was willing to risk his life for somebody else.
I removed myself from her wiping my eyes hesistantly pulling out my phone from my pocket and dialed her number, after a few rings she answered.
"Hey malysh, I'm almost home do you need anything?"
"Nat" I said my voice becoming hoarse.
"Is something wrong?" Her voice suddenly turned worried.
"It's- We're at the hospital." I tried saying his name but I can't.
"What happened? Who's with you? Wh-"
"Clint's with me, he'll text you the details." I said hanging up on her.
"Wanda was that-"
"Excuse me are you mister Maximoff's relatives?" A doctor interupted us from behind.
"I'm his sister, is he alright?" I stepped forward, hoping that he's alright.
"I'm sorry, we tried to save him." He said with a monotone voice.
"No" I felt everything crashing down that my knees felt weak making me fall to the floor but Clint managed to catch me and sat me on the seats.
"How?" Clint croaked.
"He suffered fatal internal injuries and bleeding, two broken ribs one punctured his lungs and heart. We tried so much as we could but it was too late."
"Can I see him?" I muttered.
"Of course, my condolences." He said as he left.
"Come on Wanda." He said guiding me to the room.
"Oh darling, I'm sorry." Nat who just arrived said from behind me.
"Nat please hold me." I mumbled.
She walked towards me letting me sink into hwr arms as I burst out crying, she guided me next to his lifeless body as I clutches his hand one last time. I never got to say goodbye to him and now he's gone.
"Clint how?" Nats spoke up asking him the question that was nagging behind my mind.
"He told me he was gonna visit you guys as a surprise." He said sadly.
They just stood there in silence while I dropped down on the floor still holding his now stone cold hand as I sobbed piteously over his corpse. Nat gently strokes my back, the small hiccups and whimpers escaping my mouth knowing that the only family that cared about me is gone.
As they took his body to the hospital mortuary, Clint left with a pained look sketched through out his face as he planned on finding a funeral director. I was still to shaken to ride Nat's car, so we stopped by the nearest diner to get some dinner.
We went inside, and took our seats and ordered, in the back of my mind I know that Pietro wouldn't want to see me unhappy but it kills me knowing he's not going to be there for me anymore.
"Hey Nat." I called as my eyes brimmed with tears.
"Darling?" She placed her hand on top of mine caressing it softly.
"Remember the idea of us dying our hair?" I asked with a pained smile.
"Yeah?"
"I wanna dye mine."
"Okay we'll stop by the nearest store after this, but why?"
"I read somewhere that it's like a coping mechanism." I said greivously.
She smiled with a dolorous glint etched on her whole face, our oders arrived shortly as we sat there and ate in silence. I was still hesitant to ride Nat's car but she managed to convince me telling me she'll drive slowly.
We stopped at a nearby convenience store and bought hair bleach and I grabbed some red box dye, while Nat bought blonde. We went outside and sat in the car for a moment.
"You're dying it blonde? But I love your red hair." I said sadly running my fingers through her hair.
"It will grow back, don't worry darling." She shrugged.
"Did you know I used to have blue hair?" She chuckled sadly.
"I doubt you pulled it off."
"I did, I use to let my roots grow out after that."
"Pietro used to dye his hair silver and let his roots grow out too."
"It did suit him."
"Yeah, Pietro would've love this." I mumbled.
"He would, he would want to see you be happy." She said looking at me.
"I know but it hurts, tell me how do you move on from this." I said letting the tears fall.
"The pain never leaves, it will hurt at first but we can learn to accept it and from that point on it'll just become numb." She said sadly recalling the pain she felt from her parents.
"Besides pain will only make you stronger and what is grief, if not love persevering that's what Melina used to tell me." She said looking at me as she entered the keys.
I nodded taking a deep breath and letting her words sink in, as she sighed, she drove us back to the complex through out the whole ride we were just there in silence.
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I changed as quickly as I can showering off the scent of the hospital that still haunts me, all I feel right now is pain and it makes me want to feel more.
I found myself holding a blade in my right hand, one cut, two cuts, three. Red hits the sink as I start to panic dropping the blade off my hand, okay Wanda breathe in. One. Two. Three. Four. Five. Breathe out.
Breathe in. One. Two. Three. Four-
"Malysh you ok in there?" Nat's voice echoed behind the door.
"Yeah." I managed to let out a weak response.
"Are you sure? I can come in there."
"NO! I mean no, just give me a few more minutes." I said starting to clean the blood off the sink.
I managed to stop it from bleeding even more, it was a good thing I grabbed Nat's hoodie instead of a shirt, one last quick glance at the bathroom making sure I cleaned it enough that she wouldn't notice.
I plopped myself down the sofa trying to be careful of hitting my arm as Nat emerges out of our room with more comfortable clothes.
"I forgot to ask you how was your applications went." I spoke.
"Oh It was fine, most of them were promising let's just hope I get in."
"What would you choose if you did?"
"I think Cornell is a good one." She paused.
"How about you?" She added.
"Fury said I can pick any school and he'll sponsor me, same with Yelena."
"And what did you choose?"
"NYU."
"That's a great one." She said giving me a half smile.
"Can we continue the show now?" I sighed nuzzling myself next to her.
"Whatever makes you feel better darling." She said as she placed her laptop on her lap and snaked her arms around my waist.
I laid my head on her shoulder curling up closer to her, a few minutes into watching the show, I slowly began to lose interest and my mind drifted to Pietro.
I heard her phone go off in our room, it's late at night who was calling her? She removed herself from the couch, answering her phone in our room, a few minutes later she emerged out and went back to our original position.
"You took too long in there, what happened?" I spoke up.
"My parents asked about what happened" She paused.
"and they said they wanted to help Clint with the funeral." She said.
"Oh" I sat there in silence.
"What's wrong?" She said pausing the show.
"I just don't know anymore." I whispered burying my face in my hands.
"Just say what you feel malysh, I'll listen."
it just- it just feels like I lost half of me, I lost my twin, my brother and the only family I have left." I sobbed.
Nat placed the laptop on the coffee table and wrapped her arms around me, I wept, sobbed and cried my heart out but none of these will ever bring him back.
"He died a hero Wands." She said raking her fingers across my hair.
"How did you know?" I hoarse.
"Clint told me."
"Oh." I cried til couldn't anymore, my body just went on autopilot for the rest of the night.
"I miss him too Wands." She whispered.
"I hate this, I hate how selfless he is, I hate how he always care about others more than himself, he should've-." I sobbed managing to choke up in the process as small hiccups escape my mouth, curling up in her arms she continues to brush her fingers on my back.
"You're probably tired malysh, let's get you to bed." She sighed as she stood up and carried me in her arms.
She laid me down, as she sat on the edge of the bed next to, her hands brushing against my face as she hums the song he used to sing to me.
She climbed on the bed and laid next to me wrapping her arms around, making me the little spoon.
I just laid there in silence Nat's arms provided me little comfort, I tried to cry but the tears wouldn't come out, I just laid there in silence as I let darkness consume me.
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I tried waking up but my body wouldn't let me, I laid there my eyes closed not moving an inch as Nat enters the room.
"Malysh, wake up I made us breakfast." She said shaking me softly.
"I'm not hungry." I said with a slight irritation.
"Okay, I'll just leave yours when you want to eat." She sighed as she left the room closing the door behind her.
I sat up with all my emotions going everywhere but my face bare no expression, I went out finding Nat reading while eating alone.
I went to the seat across her not wanting to look at her face to face, she placed her book down and focused on her plate. I silently played with my food since my apetite was no where to be found.
"Malysh please eat." She urged.
"I can't." I mumbled.
"If not for me, please do it for yourself, your body needs it."
I didn't answer, I don't a reason to answer her so I sat there, I sat there in silence before taking a small bite.
I didn't know why but I almost threw up from that little piece, I managed to swallow it before Nat noticed me gagging.
She looked at me with concern in her eyes, but all I did was look away and avoided her eyes.
"Wanda, I know you don't like being asked this but are you okay?" She said cutting the deafening silence.
"I'm fine."
"You're clearly not." She argued.
"Just leave it Nat."
"No, I'm not sitting here and just watch you destroy yourself."
"Then don't!" I snapped slamming my hands on the table.
"Why can't you just tell me what's wrong? I'm trying to be there for you" She said standing up.
"What's wrong? What's wrong?" I scoffed.
"You know what's wrong, he's gone Nat, He left me, everyone left, every single one that I love is leaving me all over again" I argued as my voice become brittle.
"And once you're done with me, you're gonna leave me too, everyone does." I yelled closing my eyes as my tears brimmed.
"You know I wouldn't leave you." She whispered.
"Then tell me Natasha."
She took a deep breath and began walking towards me, kneeling on the floor as she clasped both of our hands together and whispered.
"I know why this is upsetting to you, the people you trusted, you loved the most, they either broke your trust or they're gone forever." She paused trying to collect her words.
"But regretting and hurting yourself is not gonna help you, they'll cause you more pain and suffering until you feel nothing."
"I know right now, you're at your lowest low but I'm here no matter what outburst you have, I promise I'll never leave you and I'm keeping that promise."
She said as she placed both of her hands softly on the sides of my head, we just stood in the middle of the kitchen trying to calm everything that just happened minutes ago.
"I'm sorry." I whispered.
"And why are you sorry? This is normal, now let's just talk through this together, Okay?"
I nodded.
"I know about you cutting yourself." She sighed as fear rushed throughout my whole body.
"I'm not angry Wands, but why?" She said softly as she rolled up my sleeves of the hoodie she gave me revealing the freshly small cuts that are only visible at a near view.
I was silent, I don't know what to say what to do, I felt the tips of her fingers brush against the cuts making me slightly wince in pain.
"When did this start?" She asked.
"Yesterday." I croaked as tears escape from my eyes.
"Don't cry my love, you've cried a lot yesterday let your eyes rest for a while." She said as her finger brushed against my eyes to wipe the tears.
"I'm sorry." I mumbled.
"What did I say about apologizing?" She said looking at me.
"I-" I wanted to apologize again before she cuts me off.
"Don't hurt yourself malysh please." She said her eyes turned glassy as she looks at me.
"I don't want to lose you too." She said a tear sliding down her eye.
I hadn't notice that Nat was also hurting, I had been so selfish about my own pain that I'd completely ignored hers.
She stood strong beside me and was there for me on each breakdown, that I haven't even thought if she was fine or not.
"Come on let's clean that up." She said guiding me to the bathroom.
She sat me down on the tub and grabbed our spare first aid kit, she rolled up the left sleeve, sighing as she dabs the alcohol covered cotton ball on the sleeve of my arm.
Pain shoots up from my arm making me yelp out.
"Sorry." She softly said.
"No, it's alright." I mumbled.
"Wanda." She said as she threw away the cotton ball.
I hummed in response.
"Promise me something." She said as she took a roll of bandage out.
"What is it?"
"Promise me not to do this again, please." She said softly, warpping the bandage around my sleeve.
I took a deep breath before answering."I promise."
"I want you to mean it." She said putting away the first aid kit and looked at me directly.
"I promise."