Chapter 25
The other Captains level blasters on him and I growl, going over to stand in front of my son. "Lower your blasters!"
"Admiral-"
"Now!" They slowly lower their blasters and I look at Kruthin, gesturing to my kids to move. Ella and Jesse move them away and I keep my body angled so he can't see my right hand. "Kruthin put the blade down." He doesn't respond but does look at me and his eyes narrow. "Gloves," I hiss toward Bucky and blindly catch them, tugging them on quickly. "Put it down, kid. Wherever you think you are, you aren't there. You're home and you're safe. But you need to put the blade down cuz you're makin' people nervous, m'boy."
He growls and I hold my hands up to show I'm not a threat, brain moving quickly to try to relax him. "A'ight... Kruthin, bud, ya gotta put tha' blade down." He growls again and I sigh sharply. "Never gonna live this down... A'ight... Ooh, child, things are gonna get easier. Ooh, child, things are gonna get brighter. Someday, we'll put it together and we'll get it all done. Someday, when the world is much brighter," I sing carefully as I slowly move closer and he relaxes slightly at my voice. "Good, good... Now, just put the blade down, kid."
He tenses and lunges for me. I catch him and ignore the feeling of the blade piercing my stomach as we fall to the ground. "I'm sorry ahead of time for this and ask that you don't hate me." I flip us over and pin him against the floor, being careful to do it differently compared to Atar, the Kree, and Skrull. He tenses and I curse in a hiss, mess silent. "C'mon, Kruthin... Snap outta this... Yer a'ight..." I loosen my hold and he flips us over, grabbing for the knife still in my stomach.
I slam him onto the floor and hover over his face, eyes glowing brightly as I slam the blade into the floor high above his head. "Enough," I bark and he flinches, eyes clearing. "I'm getting too damn old for this shit, Kruthin..." He scrunches his face up in confusion and I pull him to his feet, not letting him go. "Char, c'mere." He comes over and takes Kruthin's arm gently. "Take him to your quarters, Yondy, Kraggles, you too. Keep an eye on him. Char, check out his head, stop the bleeding. Yondy, take the weapons in your quarters to the armory in the hangar. Kraggles, figure out what that was. You have the magic of being able to. Go."
"Aye aye, Captain." They do that and help Kruthin to their quarters.
"He needs-"
"That is none of your business, Captain Dozi," I bark and he shuts up, holding his hands up. "And the next time any of you point a blaster at one of my children, you'll be lucky to come back with a stump where your hand's supposed to be! Are we clear?"
"Yes, Admiral."
"So that's why the slaves are now a higher priority?" Dozi scoffs and I look at him. "Why bother saving them when we can put them out of their misery?" My lip curls back into a snarl and he takes a slight step back.
A sharp whistle has my arrow right between his eyes, slowly digging into his skin while the others watch in silence, and I go toward him, whistling to back him against a wall. "How about you watch your fucking tongue before I cut it out?"
"Why do you care so much? Were you one, Admiral?"
"My past is something else that is none of your business, Dozi! When you have been a slave, you can figure out why we save them! Until then, follow fucking orders!"
"Very well. Admiral," He adds as a clear afterthought and I growl, letting the arrow dig into his skin for another moment. I whistle it back to its holster and he stays put.
"Deldil, briefing, now," I say simply to Dozi's First Mate and she starts to come over. Dozi stops her and hisses something. "Let. Her. Go," I snarl and he does, letting her walk over to me. I hand her a holopad and she types quickly to answer the question on it.
She hands it to me after a few minutes and I get increasingly angry as I read it. "Tullk, Oblo, go verify this with Dozi's crew."
"Aye, Cap'n." Tullk takes the holopad and they go to do that as I look at Deldil, looking her up and down.
"Get something to eat. You look like you haven't eaten anything for a week."
"She's fine, Admiral," Dozi says simply and Deldil swallows a bit.
"You, shut up and don't try touching her. You eat something. I'll deal with Dozi if he tries to stop you." She nods and goes to get food. Dozi goes to grab her.
I slice through his wrist with a sharp whistle and he screams, bringing his bleeding stump back to his chest. "Tanas."
"On it," She sighs and comes over, making sure he won't bleed out.
"Verified, Cap," Oblo nearly growls as they come back on and I nod, eyes a deadly forest of anger focused on Dozi. Tanas moves and I stalk toward Dozi.
"Kids, leave. Now."
"But-"
"Don't argue, go," Loki backs me up and they leave with soft grumbles, Gef carefully leaving too.
I whistle sharply and take out Dozi's knees, making him scream as he falls. "Why are you doing this?"
"You have been starving your First Mate and crew because you screwed up a job. And you've come across people in need of rescuing from the Kree and Skrulls. And what did you do?" He growls and I lick my lips. "Answer me."
"I put the useless excuses of people out of their misery! They didn't deserve saving! Heh, you didn't either... This seems to be all you're good at, after all... Being a Feral beast," He smirks and I look at him, laughing humorlessly.
"If we're gonna talk about being a feral beast, I can show you by ripping you to shred with my bare hands. But, no... Instead, I have a better idea..." I go over, crouching in front of him, and rip the Ravager Flames off of him, shock rippling off of everyone in mess. "You are hereby banned from the Ravagers. You have no remorse for your actions and show no promise of reforming. If you did, you'd just be locked in the Brig and stripped of your Captain title, never able to become more than a Team Lead again. But, no. You are banned from the Ravagers. If I see you wearing anything remotely similar to this Flame, you will not like the consequences. You are shunned and anyone who catches you wearing anything similar to the Flame has my permission to do what they deem necessary."
"All because I didn't save some of your brethren?"
"Because you don't show any traits a Ravager Captain should have. You have no loyalty, no respect, no sense of obligation for your crew, and don't take care of them. You don't deserve the Flame of a Captain." I stand and dust myself off, looking at him. "Get this piece of trash off of my ship."
"With pleasure, Admiral," Mulsa smirks and she and Figas, her First Mate, drag him out, throwing him off the side of the gangplank.
"Wha' 'e do, Kid?" I look at Deldil and she nods after a moment so Tullk hands Kraglin the holopad. I go over to her and have a soft conversation, welcoming her to the Meeting Table. She smiles shyly and I pat her shoulder gently, helping her relax. "Seem sketchy if ya ask me."
"Thanks for the advice, Krags," I scoff and he grins. "Smartass." He shrugs one shoulder and I quirk the corner of my mouth up, the families of the rescued people gone with their lost ones with help from the Pilot Team. "Anyone else have problems with liberating people from the Kree and Skrulls? Cuz if so, might as well just give up the Flames and get the Hell off of my ship now."
No one moves and I nod. "Good. You're free to go. Deldil, stay behind so we can come up with a way for you to communicate with your crew." She nods and the other Captains leave, minus my family. I sit across from her and she looks at me. "Do you know any sign language?" She nods and I gesture for her to show me. "It doesn't matter if it isn't very good, it just has to be enough to convey your messages to your First Mate and crew. Another option is text-to-speech technology. It works pretty well and goes through the translator chip well." She nods her understanding and I hand her a holopad. "Here, this has some on it. You just have to choose a First Mate and get started when you're ready."
"Thank you," The holopad says for her and I nod once, patting the table with my flesh hand as I stand.
"Not a problem. Have fun, Captain Deldil." She smiles and leaves. "Rocket, ya mind?"
"You're too protective of grown people, kid."
"No, I'm just aware of what that crew is like. Me showing up wouldn't help her authority on it. I do have brain cells that work well, Rat."
"Yeah, yeah. I'll go back her up." He follows her and I rub my neck.
Stakar and Aleta come in and I glance at them, looking them both over quickly. "If I have to burn another fucking bunk, I'm sending you the bill."
"We already left some units on your bar," Aleta smirks and I roll my eyes with a scoff.
"How kind," I drawl sarcastically and she snorts. "But, seriously-"
"You don't," She interrupts and I nod.
"Good. That's too much damn effort. Where the fuck did Dad, Drax, Doc, and 'Mora go?"
"They left a while ago," Martinex fills me in and I look at him. "When these two came in. Said something about reliving old times," He smirks slightly and I look at him, eyes slowly widening as I realize what he meant.
"I'm gonna kill him!" I leave the Mess and hear him snicker behind me. "DAD," I bellow as I get closer and punch in my code, bracing myself.
NOTHING could have prepared me for what I see and I slam the door shut, trying not to hurl. "Did not think your Dad was that flexible," Rhodey says conversationally and I gag.
"I need bleach... Eye, brain, whatever bleach... I'm scarred for eternity..."
"It could not be that bad," Loki scoffs and opens the door, shutting it after a moment. "OK... Um... Drax is well-endowed... And Gamora is unsurprisingly in charge..."
"What's going on?" Indri asks and I try to stop her from opening the door. "OH, MY GODS!" She slams the door and looks shook, looking at me. "How can they do that? That-That's possible? Do we have eye and brain bleach?"
"Let's try to find some..."
One of them screams and I look at the door. "IT'S FUCKING SOUNDPROOF! USE YOUR 'I'M GETTING STABBED' SCREAM INSTEAD OF YOUR 'I'M DYING' SCREAM! ASSHOLES," I yell through the door and rub my temples. "I'm not drunk enough..." Rocket saunters in and I look at him. "Why do you look smug?"
"Could hear your old man scream from outside. Guess Drax missed-"
"I swear to fuck, Rat, I'll have a hat if you finish that sentence."
"Fucking his bubble butt. That sentence?" He smirks and I stare at him, nodding once.
"Alright. So you've chosen death." I flip my blade into my hand and his eyes widen slightly.
"WAIT! You were serious?"
"Three."
"Hold on! Let's talk about this!"
"Two."
"FUCK!" He bolts and I flip my blade again before chasing him easily while Groot laughs. "LET'S TALK ABOUT THIS!"
"I warned you! You're the one that chose death!" Charlie-27 accidentally gets in my way and Rocket slides between his legs. I put my blade between my teeth and hop up, grabbing a hanging pipe to fling myself over him. I hit the floor with a roll and grab my blade from my teeth, throwing it.
Rocket yelps as he's pinned to the wall and I go over to him, taking my blade back as I grab him by the scruff of his neck. "Put me down!" I walk back to the door of my Quarters and he wriggles.
"I do not need to know about my father's sexual endeavors. I have no desire to know about it. I get he has them but I don't want to know about them. It's a Terran thing and it's not gonna go away."
"Fine," He groans and I look at him. "I get it!"
"Alright. It makes me uncomfortable, alright? So just stop, please. Unless it's at Dad's expense. Payback is a bitch, after all."
"I will."
"Thank you." He nods and I set him down, seeing the four of them come out of my Quarters. "But now I have some ammo, so thanks..."
"Oh, hey, guys," Dad chuckles awkwardly and I walk up, looking at him. "What'd I do?"
"You should work on your inside scream, old man. Hope you got some water after that cuz it hurt my throat. It made it past the soundproofing. Not even I have managed that yet. Good job." He stumbles over his words as he blushes furiously and a smirk slowly spreads across my face. "Oh, OK, this is fun. I love how you're the only one embarrassed, though. It's interesting."
"Why would I be embarrassed? Certainly not because of size. Your father is tiny compared to me."
"In more ways than one," Indri mutters and I bark out a laugh before covering my mouth with my hand, lowering my head slightly to control my laughter at that.
"You just went for a dick joke on your father," Dad says in disbelief and she shrugs.
"You're the one that got fucked and pegged in your kid's Quarters. I think I'm allowed to make jokes."
"You don't do that a man!"
"I am Groot!" Dad blushes more at Groot's proclamation and I look between the two then look at Rocket.
"You gonna say you're part of this polycule?"
"I mean..." He shrugs and I nod.
"That makes a lot of sense... That explains why you guys were extra mopey after Dad and Gamora died. Huh," I say softly and shrug. "Anyway... You guys are cleaning my fucking Quarters!"
"What? Why?" Doc exclaims and I look at them. "Right... OK, that's fair. Come on, Peter."
"Without Dad," I add and they gape at me. "He's getting me a new couch!"
"OK, now you're being overdramatic."
"No, go buy me a new couch or I'm confiscating the Milano." He gasps while the others stare at me in shock and I look at him calmly.
"You wouldn't..."
"Try. Me."
"Know what? No!"
"OK." I tap on my wrist com and his dings, making him look at it.
"How the Hell did you lock it from here?"
"I'm good at what I do. Go buy me a new couch. You can use my ship and Oblo is going with you."
"Hey! Wha' Ah do ta earn tha'?"
"Nothing, I just know you aren't doing anything and you helped me get the first couch so you know how to pick one."
"Tha's fair."
"Yeah. Go get me a new damned couch and you get your ship back."
"You're an asshole."
"Learned from you, old man." He grumbles as he goes and I take a minute to realize something, snorting softly. "I just confiscated my father's ship like he's a teenager. Gods..." I shake my head slightly and take the holopad from Tullk, looking at the job. "Ooh, tempting. We're on break, though."
"Sure the Crew ain't gonna mind, Cap'n."
"See how many want to do it. If there's enough for... Five medium-sized teams, we'll do it. If you can get three large-sized teams, go for it too." He nods and goes to talk to the crew while I think. "Gods... This is gonna be great if they want to do it..." I smirk and lean against the wall outside my Quarters, chatting amicably with my family as Gamora, Drax, Doc, Rocket, and Groot clean my Quarters.
"I am Groot!"
"Those are from you, not me. Nice try, Bonsai." He huffs and I chuckle softly, swiping through a holopad of jobs.
"There. Cleaned," Gamora tells me as they come out and I stand up, glancing in. "Content with it?" She asks snarkily and I chuckle softly.
"Always forget how well you can snark, 'Mora. Looks good." I look at Stephen when his wrist com dings and he circles his hands, allowing a couch to fall shortly through a portal. "Use the Milano for those activities from now on, yeah?"
"Sure thing, kid," Rocket snickers and I look at him. "We will, no worries."
"I have all the worries now. Thanks." He rolls his eyes and Dad wraps his arm around my shoulder.
"Where's Jay?"
"Not sure. Indri, where's your nephew?"
"I don't know! I've been busy with Morgan!"
"That's fair."
"No, not your son. You said you and Jay parted ways. Where'd he go?"
"Oh. Jay... Right, yeah... Um... He, uh..." He looks at me as I rub my temples slightly and sigh softly. "I just got a splitting migraine... Jay went to, y'know... Find himself..." He nods slowly and I go into my Quarters, getting something for my head as I can hear them talking.
"This time of the annual cycle is always hard for Rogue. They can't always handle that he's gone and they couldn't do anything to save him. So they get drunk or do a few more solo jobs or make up a story of where their first husband is," Pepper explains slowly and I grip my bar. "They couldn't even move after he died... Until they got that damn transmission..."
"Cap," Tullk calls before he comes in and I hang my head, breathing slowly. "Crew's up fer it."
"Alright, set a course. Kick the other Captains and crew off the ship." He walks away and I hear someone else walk in, their hands gently settling over mine as my door shuts. "Loki..."
"I know..." They hug me and I return it tightly, gripping the back of their duster. "I know..."
"I miss him... So damn much that sometimes I feel like I can't breathe... He was my best friend... And I just-"
"Do not blame yourself, Love," He says in a stern, soft voice and I sniff quietly. "Never blame yourself for the actions of those neanderthals... You did what you could for him and stayed with him as he died... That is all that he wanted... To have you with him and bask in your love for each other in his last moments..."
"It hurts... It still hurts so much..."
"It will... It will always hurt... Some days more than others..." I breathe shakily and pull away, allowing them to cup my face gently. "I am here to help you through all manner of those solar cycles that hurt a little, a lot, and in between. I love you, Rogue." I feel a few tears fall and they gently wipe them away, kissing me.
"I love you too... Thanks..."
"My pleasure." I sniffle a bit and they smile gently, gently cleaning my face with a rag. "Have to make sure my Captain stays presentable, don't I?" I smile sadly at that and they kiss my forehead. "It will hopefully hurt less soon..."
"I hope so..." They look at their wrist com and I smile. "Go see what they need. I'll be fine."
"Alright." They kiss my cheek gently and leave, shutting the door behind them. I sigh as I sit on the couch and rub my face.
"Gabriel... I got a question..."
"What is it?"
"Is it possible to make it stop hurting?"
"Jay, your childhood friend turned lover?" I nod and he sits on the table in front of me, making me look at him with tears in my eyes.
"No, I'm sorry. If I take those feelings, you'd become numb. You have to have the bad to see the good." He gently grabs my left arm and runs his fingers against the scars, old and new. "Take these, for example. Healing came with pain. That goes for everything. Even the heart. Especially the heart." I rub my face and he looks at me. "Here's what you're gonna do to make it better. Write about Jay. Everything you can remember. His favorite color, food, ship, whatever. Everything he did that made you love him more and everything he did to make you want to strangle him. Then share it with your kids and your family. Tell your Dad the truth. Accept that he's gone all the time."
"I... I can't do that last one..."
"I don't like to do this, but you need it to be done. I'm sorry." He touches my temples and I gasp sharply, eyes rolling back as I fall forward onto my knees.
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I gasp as I come back from the memory of Jay's death and Loki looks at me with Dad. "Are you OK?" Dad asks and I take a shaky breath, noticing we've taken off while Gabriel was gone.
"Just getting a reminder of needing to accept Jay's gone... And not coming back..." I rub my face and see the design of our wedding rings tattooed onto my left middle finger. "The Kree and Skrull destroyed the planet housing his life source that he got from his mother... I held him as he died... I was with him... And he never got to meet his children..." Loki helps me back onto the couch and I breathe slowly. "I have a notebook on my desk and a pen... Could you get it for me?" Loki hands it to me and I look at it.
"What are you going to use it for?"
"Writing about Jay... I never talked to the kids about him... This will hopefully give them some insight into their Dad. You remember when he went to Pops' crew?" Dad thinks and nods as I start writing. "What excuse did he give? So that he could broaden his experience?"
"Something like that, yeah. Why?"
"That was a load of shit."
"What?"
"Yeah. I was stupid on our last job together and decided being high was a good idea. Because of stress and shit at nineteen. I nearly got the entire team killed because Sovereign showed up and I was the lookout."
"What happened?"
"Gramps and Krags showed up and I realized, it did not matter how old I was on his crew or who was around, if he was pissed off at me enough, I would get my ass tanned."
"He-"
"Yeah. As we're getting in the hangar, he got five in before Krags got there to intervene. Didn't save me much embarrassment but it was handled well enough." I run my hand through my hair and scoff softly. "I think the old bastard left the door open, too. No one gave me much grief beyond one jackass deciding to smack my ass."
"What happened after that?"
"Kraglin took his belt to the dude. In front of everyone in mess. Then took me to get food and ignored Yondu, telling me to go to my Quarters so I could sit on my bunk to eat."
"Damn."
"Yeah. That is a weirdly fond memory."
"Cuz Krags showed he cared about you. That's why. They don't do that a lot."
"That's true."
"Alright, so..." I look at him and pull my hair back then up.
"So?"
"Tell me about the annual cycles on Terra without them."
"They were hectic."
"Did you miss them?"
"Dad-"
"Just answer the question." I sigh and hang my head a bit.
"Yes, I missed my family... It was, um... It was hard not having them nearby if I needed something big... Or just wanted to drink and talk about old scores with them... I wasn't able to work with Rocket on stuff... I didn't have people that knew me from before the Kree... Like, truly knew me... And I didn't have anything to remind me of them... Remind me of Jay... Of my kids... Of 'Mora... I didn't even have my sword from my wedding with Loki... I had memories... And those memories were getting used against me by my subconscious... I nearly gave up on living when I first got there, after getting clothes... But I thought about you and Gamora and Jay and the kids we never got to see be born... And about Papa Quill... And Mom and Keiko... And Loki... And how none of you would want to find me like that... So why would the Avengers or Morgan?"
"Alright. It's official. I'm going to kill you jackasses." I look at him and see he had an audio transmission going with the rest of my family. "I wanted to hear how you felt during it and, gotta say, more than a little pissed off. You left them when they were going through so much shit! Rocket, Mantis, Doc, you three are exempt, you tried to stop it. But the rest of you, seriously?" I feel the corner of my mouth quirk up slightly and go over to him. "And Stakar, you took-"
I hug him and he stops talking, surprised. "Hey, you alright? You rarely hug me..."
"Yeah... Just... Thanks... For being cool, ya know?"
"Oh, yeah, no problem." He smiles and pats my back gently. "I'm gonna go and keep yelling at these idiots." I laugh softly and nod as I let him go so he can do that.
"Feeling better?" I straddle Loki and remotely lock my door. "Oh?"
"I'd feel so much better if you took me to our bunk."
"Do we have time to?"
"For sure. C'mon." I tug them toward the stairs and they smirk, tossing me over their shoulder before carrying me to bed. I laugh as they drop me on our bunk then hover over me and smile down at me.
"I will have you screaming my name, Rogue."
"Looking forward to it, Loki." They smirk and kiss me deeply.
"Then allow me to begin."