Chapter 1
“Shut it!”, Bucky laughed, swatting Natasha with a dishtowel. “I am not a Sugar Baby!”
“Right,” his friend replied with an eye roll.
“I mean it!”, Bucky insisted. “I would charge far more than Zemo is giving me! Haven’t even got any diamonds yet!”
“Maybe you just need to step up your game,” Nat told him with a wink.
“Excuse me?!”, Bucky gasped offended. “I’ll have you know I am very skilled in every-”
“God, Bucky! Shut up!”, Natasha laughed as she placed the freshly baked muffins behind the window. “I don’t need to hear that! What have these men done to my innocent little brother!”
Bucky heard the front door opening. When he looked up, his eyes settled on his boyfriend. A wide grin spread over his face. Sam had never come to the cafe before, so this was a very nice surprise.
“Bucky?!”, a voice suddenly shrieked.
Bucky’s eyes snapped to the man standing behind Sam. Blond hair. Blue eyes. Pale skin. A thin, slightly bumped nose. He was too tall, too muscular, too big, but it was... “St-Steve?”
The man stumbled towards him, his eyes wide and his whole body shaking. His mouth was forming words, but he didn’t make a sound.
Bucky was about to bold and hide in the back, but his legs wouldn’t move. After all those years, Steve Rogers was just standing right in front of him. After all the calls that wouldn’t connect. All the nightmares. All the tears spilled. All the times he had prayed for his family to come back and save him.
“Wait, Steve? The Steve?”, Natasha realized. Bucky felt her eyes boring into him, but he couldn’t look away from the pale face in front of him. He somehow managed to nod, and a whirlwind of red hair slid between them. A loud crack made Bucky grimace as Nat’s fist connected with Steve’s nose. Before anyone could react, her boot hit his leg, making him fall to his knees.
Natasha moved to the side a bit, revealing the man on the floor. Blood was running down his chin and dripping on the floor, but he didn’t even bother to wipe it away. His eyes were still fixed on Bucky, tears joining the blood now.
“Bucky… How? You are… I pray for you… every Sunday,” he stuttered breathlessly, the mixture of body fluids getting into his mouth as he spoke.
“You used to be smaller,” was all Bucky managed to get out.
“Wait, the Steve?”, Sam seemed to finally realize. His expression of confusion turned to rage as he stepped closer to them. Only then Bucky realized what had happened. He looked down at the far too big face covered in blood, and an old, long forgotten feeling took over.
“No,” he said firmly, holding up a hand to stop his boyfriend. “No one hurts Stevie.”
“Guess some things never change,” the man on his knees joked weakly.
“A lot of things have changed,” Bucky replied coldly.
“I can see that,” Steve said, his eyes flickering to Bucky’s metal arm.
“You should leave,” Sam told him, his voice angry but his expression concerned as his gaze landed on Bucky.
That short sentence seemed to breathe new energy into Steve. “No! No way.” He jumped to his feet. “Buck, I am so happy to see you” His hand reached out as he came closer. “Oh god, Bucky.”
“Not another step,” Natasha said, placing a hand on his chest.
“What?” Even though she had just broken his nose, Steve seemed to only notice her presence then. “Let me go, that’s my brother!”
“Not anymore!”, Nat told him angrily.
“Steve?”, Sam said suddenly, a strange look on his face. “When you pray for him, why do you do that?”
Steve stopped trying to get to Bucky, his eyes getting a far away look. “We… Ma and I never found out which cemetery. I searched the gravestones for weeks, but, but I couldn’t find him. I speak to him every week. I just didn’t want him to be alone.”
“Well, he was,” Natasha hissed.
“You thought I was dead?”, Bucky realized, not understanding what was going on. He could already feel his throat close up. The whole goddamn cafe was staring at them, especially at the gigantic blond guy who’s blood was still dripping on the floor.
Steve let out a pained noise. “I grieved you. I never forgot you. I mourned my brother for 7 years.”
“What is happening here?”, a sharp voice cut through all the confusion.
“Phil…”, Bucky muttered, not sure if he was horrified his boss had shown up or glad he had another friend by his side.
“Barnes!” Bucky looked at Phil Coulson’s face and was sure which one it was. “My office, now,” the older man ordered.
“Wait, he didn’t do anything!”, Sam jumped in, but he was ignored.
“Romanoff, go with him. I’m taking over for you,” Phil said calmly.
“You don’t have to tell me,” Natasha grumbled and took Bucky’s arm. He flinched at the touch, but allowed her to pull him closer. He was pretty sure he hadn’t taken a good breath of fresh air in a while and his head began to feel really weird.
“There are a few water bottles and tissues somewhere in the cupboard,” Phil explained and Nat gave him a sharp nod.
Sam tried to step towards them, probably to follow them to the office, but he was stopped by a Phil. “And why would I allow you near my employee?”
Sam’s eyes widened and he threw a helpless look Bucky’s way. “Sir, my name is Sam Wi-”
“Oh!”, Phil said, his face losing some of the harshness. “One of his boys. I wish we had met under more fortunate circumstances.” He stepped aside and gestured towards his employees. “Go ahead.”
“Wait!”, Steve said, tightly holding on to Sam’s arm, but Sam just pulled free to get to Bucky’s side. “Is- Is Buck going to be okay?”, Steve asked and suddenly Bucky felt a bit self-conscious. He still wasn’t breathing right and Nat was basically holding him up at this point. He really was making a scene.
“I’m guessing you are the reason for all of this?”, Phil asked his voice free of emotion.
Steve seemed to barely realize he was being addressed, his wide eyes still fixed on the equally distressed man staring back at him. “Bucky…”
Phil snapped his fingers in front of his eyes, finally getting his attention. “I do not appreciate you bleeding all over my floor.”
Steve looked horrified at the idea of leaving. “No, I- Bucky needs me!”
“I think they have it covered,” Phil told him sternly, handing him a clean towel and guiding him to a chair. “Sit.”
“Buck, I will wait here, I promise!”, Steve called out, looking over at Bucky in desperation as Natasha and Sam started leading him away.
Bucky’s breath was coming in short puffs now and his hands were tightly holding on to Sam’s and Nat’s who were holding him. When they made it to the office, Natasha kicked the door shut behind them and Sam sat down on the sofa, pulling Bucky’s head to his chest.
“Breath with me,” he told him and Bucky used the rise and fall of Sam’s chest to measure his breaths. After a few seconds earphones were slipped into his ears and soft music began to play. Bucky pressed his eyes shut as his boyfriend’s fingers ran through his hair.
He just lay there in darkness, breathing and singing the lyrics in his mind, trying not to concentrate on what the fuck just happened for a moment. After a few minutes the tears finally started. Bucky just cried into Sam’s chest until breathing became difficult again. When he sat up, Sam steadied him from behind and a tissue was pressed into his hand. He blew his nose and weakly smiled at Natasha when she handed him a bottle of water.
“What do I do?”, he whispered to himself.
“Whatever you need, sweetheart,” Sam told him softly.
Bucky wanted to sink back into those strong arms immediately, but then he noticed a small spot on Nat’s shirt. A red one. Blood. Stevie’s blood.
No, no, no! Steve had been bleeding and crying and Bucky had just… left. Like Steve had. Maybe he should just leave him behind. Maybe it was Steve’s turn to feel everything Bucky had been dealing with for years.
But… it was Stevie. His little Stevie. Well, not so little anymore.
Bucky tried to get up, but Sam’s fingers dug into his shoulder. “Hey, why the rush?”
“Stevie… Blood… No one is checking on him, I have to-”
“You don’t have to do anything,” Natasha said coldly.
“Stev-”
“Is with Phil, Kotenock.”
That actually calmed him down. Phil would make sure he was okay, he was one of the most level headed people Bucky ever met.
“Do you want to see him again?”, Sam asked carefully.
Bucky’s eyes flickered to the door and fear overtook his mind. “What- What if he is gone already?”
“Oh Sweetheart… I’m sure he isn’t. Even if he is, should you need closure, I can find him for you.”
“I will talk to him first,” Natasha declared.
Bucky remembered the blood on her shirt and started shaking his head, but Natasha simply, grabbed his chin and made him look at her. “I won’t hurt him, but I will figure out what is going on before you have to face him.”
Bucky finally nodded, in a way glad he wouldn’t have to deal with everything right away. Natasha left and he snuggled back against Sam, who wordlessly held him as he cried a bit more.