He goes to the store. The social anxiety doesn't help with anything, he can save the world and get put on TV (although he doesn't like it much), but going to the grocery store to picks some items up, he is sweating and staying alert 24/7. He walks through the isles, looking at the list of items that Sam wrote down. He grabs a box of angel hair spaghetti and drops it into the cart. Moving down the isles he crosses off things that he gets, going in order from top to bottom. He decides to swing by the candy isle before checking out. He picks up Sam's favorite candy and drops it into the cart.
The worst part isn't even the strangers that recognize him and stare, it's when you have to talk to the cashiers while you check out. He gets up and starts putting the items on the conveyor belt. "Hello. How are you today?" The young woman asks. "I'm fine." He keeps it short and brief. He walks home, bags in hand, gloves and a leather jacket. He makes it home and opens the door. "Hey, Sam I'm home." He calls out. He hears the low bubble of water boiling. "What took you so long?" Sam grumbles. Bucky frowns at that. Usually Sam wouldn't get mad at Bucky, unless Bucky put himself in danger, and even at that he had just lectured Bucky that he couldn't lose him. But this, this anger in his voice it was different.
"I'm sorry, the line was long." Bucky explains. Sam scoffs and digs through the grocery bag, finding the spaghetti and pouring the noddles into the water. Bucky digs through the bag and pulls out the candy. "I got your favorite." Bucky smiles. "I cut out sugar." Sam says and walks past Bucky, hitting his shoulder on Bucky's. "Sam, wait." Bucky says and sets the candy on the counter, following after Sam. "Hey, can you please tell me what I did that made you upset?" Bucky's voice has gone soft. "I'm tired, James." Sam has never used Bucky's first name. Ok, yeah this is bad. "I'm tired of having to take care of you all the damn time." The words are like daggers to Bucky's heart, his chest tightening. "You don't have t-." Sam cuts him off. "Yes I do! You have done nothing but complain how you have too much anxiety to go out or, you wake me up screaming and crying from your nightmares!" Sam was yelling now. Bucky's eyes filled with tears. "Great you're crying again!" Sam yells and walks back to the kitchen.
"Sam, please. I'm sorry I'll be better, I promise!" Bucky begs. "I wish Steve was still here so he could take care of your pathetic ass instead of me, better yet I wish you had died when you fell of that train, that way we would have never met, or maybe just maybe Hydra should have kept you." His words were laced with venom.
"Wha- Sam? You don't mean that." Bucky now has full streams of tears. "Yes I do James. Maybe Steve wouldn't have left if you weren't here." Sam said. "I read the reports, how they fucked you and you got off on it, maybe I should throw you back to the wolves, you'll probably like it." The anger so strong in Sam's voice blinds Bucky. Rage filling his vision. He grabs a knife from the counter and shoves it into Sam's chest, pushing them both to the floor. He gasps out, Sam's hands meeting Bucky's metal hand. Bucky takes the knife out and shoves it back in. Sam struggles to breath, blood spilling from his lips, red staining perfectly white teeth.
His vision clears, he blinks seeing the blood on his hands and the knife jammed into Sam. "No." He whispers out. Sam isn't moving his chest isn't moving up and down with an intake or exhale of breath. "Sam! Wake up please! I didn't mean it!" Bucky screamed, cradling Sam's head. He cried out, holding Sam's limp body in his arms. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry Sam, please I didn't mean it. Come back, please come on Sam." Bucky cried and rested his head on Sam's head. He feels Sam's body move, his hand coming up to rest on Bucky's shoulder. Bucky lifted his head and saw Sam, his eyes were open but they were glazed over. Blood dripping from his mouth. "Bucky you have to wake up." Sam's dead body said. Bucky sniffled and wiped his nose with the back of his hand. "What?" Bucky asked, his brow furrowing in confusion.
"Bucky! Wake up!" Sam was shaking Bucky's arm, eyes foggy in concern. Bucky shot up, tears still in his eyes, he looked to the hand on his arm, then the man next to him. "Sam!" He cried and hugged him. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry." Bucky apologized. He was sweating and pale, as if he'd seen a ghost. "Hey, it's ok. It's ok you're safe now. It's ok, I'm here." Sam cooed into Bucky's ear.
Sam briefly got up and grabbed a glass of water, which Bucky gladly accepted. "Fo you think you can go back to bed, big guy?" Sam asks, rubbing Bucky's back soothingly. Bucky nodded his head, not trusting his voice to stay smooth. The boys laid down, Sam warping his arms around Bucky's broad shoulders, Bucky's chest flush against Sam's chest.
-
Bucky woke up roughly around 30 minutes later, he feels Sam's arm under his pillow and the other resting on his waist, he feels the slight push on his back as Sam breathes, he gently reaches up and places Sam's wrist in his fingers, feeling for a pulse, which he finds. He sighs and closes his eyes in relief, bringing Sam's hand up to his cheek, he kissed his palm. Sam coos gently behind Bucky, his face becomes bright as a smile spreads across his face.
He closes his eyes again, more sleep prone as he knows Sam is sleeping soundly behind him, the warmth radiating off of him wraps around Bucky like a giant blanket of comfort and saftey. Because he truly felt that way, safe inside his arms. He hadn't felt that since Steve and that was ripped away when Steve had decided to leave.
Sam wouldn't leave him though.