Maria unlocked the flat door and pushed it open. This was the first time she had returned to her flat since the blip ended. She had spent the past few days on the Barton’s farm but decided it was time to face reality after Tony’s funeral. She stepped into the dark living room closing the door behind her and fumbling for the light switch on the wall. Not much had changed, a couple of stray items lay scattered across the room. She sat her coat over the arm of the sofa and walked through to the kitchen. She wasn’t surprised to find the cupboards empty apart from Liho's kibble, a few tins and half empty bottles of vodka. She filled up Liho's almost empty dish and took one of the bottles from the cupboard.
As Maria made her way back through to the living room the photo that sat on the piano caught her attention. She picked it up and ran her thumb over Natasha’s face clearing it of dust that had built up over the years and the many nose prints left by their cat. Typical of Natasha she thought to herself with a chuckled. No matter how much Maria moaned at her she'd always forget to dust the picture frames that sat around their apartment whenever she cleaned. Her excuse was always the same "Liho will have nose and paw prints over them in a matter of minutes so what was the point". A small smile creeps onto Maria's face as she remembers the day the photo was taken. It was at one of Starks parties, late into the evening when only the avengers remained. They were both on one of the couches, Natasha cuddled in at Maria’s side. Maria hadn’t noticed that Clint was pointing his phone at the pair as she was mid conversation with Pepper but Natasha had and stuck her tongue out at him. Her smile faded as she sat the photo back down, taking a gulp of the vodka she had lifted. She spotted Natasha’s pointe shoes on the stool in front of maria’s books of sheet music. They were well worn and looked almost dead. She lifted one up to look at the tiny tears, scraps and speckled blood stains. She softly shook her head and placed the shoe back down. It was clear that Natasha had been pushing herself too much again when she was dancing which only happened when things got too much.
Maria looked over at the door at the far end of the room. It was open slightly curtsy of Liho who was clearly in there as Maria hadn’t seen her anywhere else in the apartment and the bathroom door was shut. Maria took a large swing of the vodka as she pushed open the door and turned on the light. The bed was left unmade. It was something that Natasha did that drove Maria mad. Maria always had their bed to perfection an old habit she from her army days that she never quite broke but Natasha would always leave it the same way she got out of it, the sheets crumpled and thrown over to Maria’s side and the pillows scattered on the bed and it would wind Maria up. Sure enough though she had been right about Liho being in here. She was curled up into a ball on top of Nat’s pillow, her tail flicking every so often.
Maria’s shield hoodie lay at the end of the bed. It no longer smelt like her but instead Natasha. Maria slipped the hoodie on and brough the neck up to her nose. It smelt exactly like Natasha but with the faint smell of Maria’s perfume, a clear attempted that Natasha had tried to get the hoodie to smell like Maria again once the smell of her started to fade. She sat down on Nat’s side of the bed disturbing Liho as she did. The cat made a soft meow and lay down at Maria’s side. Maria swallowed another large gulp of the vodka whilst using her other had to scratch the back of Liho's ears causing her to give a soft purr. She hadn’t eaten in hours and knew that drinking on an empty stomach wouldn’t be a good idea but she felt that it would make things a little easier. She wasn’t quite drunk but if she kept drinking it wouldn’t be long until she was.
She looked over at the bedside table spying the shiny object that sat beside Natasha’s mug which still had her red lipstick stains on it. She reached over to grab it. It was the necklace Maria had bought Natasha for her birthday. A simple silver chain with a small heart which had their names engraved on the back of it it. Maria felt a sob creep up her throat. Next to the heart was Natasha’s engagement ring, she had attached to the chain. The first tear fell and landed on the white diamond that was attached to the ring. She quickly clasped her hand shut as the sob she had been supressing finally escaped causing the flood gates to bust. The sudden noise caused Liho to shoot her head up at Maria out of curiosity and concern. Nursing the bottle of vodka and holding onto necklace with the ring attached she sobbed the hardest she ever had.
This was the first time had cried since returning after the blip. She had pushed her grief aside to help the Barton’s with theirs. Clint tried to get her to talk about it but Maria was determined that she was fine. But now her emotions were all over the place. She felt angry at Natasha for jumping off that damn cliff, angry at the Avengers for sending Natasha to that planet and angry at herself for not being here when Natasha needed her the most. She felt sorrow for the pain Natasha must have felt being left alone for five years. She felt alone. Each inch of their apartment being a constant reminder of that.
She opened her hand and looked back at the necklace before unclasping it and putting it around her neck. Deep down she knew that she would never really be alone the ghost of Nat still lingered around the apartment and maria was determined to keep her memory alive no matter what.