Selfish heart (Boa) angst
Boa Hancock.
The one everyone wants. The one people turn to stone over- fight over. People kiss the floor, she walks on- praise her for anything no matter how big or small.
She can get anything she wants no matter what it is- but the one thing she can’t get is something her heart wants. You. Luffys, other sibling. The only person to ever treat her like a normal person. Who’s ever seen her - for her. It didn’t take long for her to fall - and she fell hard.
She laid in bed for weeks bedridden. Love sick. She’s never felt this feeling to the point she got sick- her sisters freaked out over her- making sure she had anything and everything she needed. She did. (But deep down she knew she didn’t)
Once she somehow felt better, she went to find you. She wanted to get to know you better- make it work somehow. Maybe even understand why she felt this weird pull towards you.
After months of talking to you - getting to know you - that weird feeling grew. She couldn’t figure out why she was so ok with being around you. Usually, if she was with someone who tried to talk her ear off, she’d ignore them - or walk off, but she listened to you. Each time you found something and wanted to share it- she let you. With that fond smile she seemed to only have with you.
Hancock thought she was getting sick. How her heart pounded so hard- how her face got red near you. How normal you made her feel? Like she was a normal woman. She went threw anything she could think of to figure it out. Read books- went to her sisters. Until one day- a book gave her the reason
She was in love
Once she figured out how she felt- she smiled. Her heart soared - she’s in love. Getting up, she went to find you. Looking all over, she figured the best place was the kitchen - after all, you were the same as your brother - you both adored food. Going towards the kitchen, she heard you talking - smiling, she opened the door
Hancock stopped. Her smile faded as she stood frozen in her spot. There you were standing next to the Navigator- Nami. Kissing her. Her heart hurt. Why did it hurt? Seeing you pull away from her and smile at her like that- how she smiled like that back? Blinking away her tears- her lip quivered. She quickly left before either of you spotted her.
She was too late.
But her selfish - her so selfish heart told her no. That if she confessed, maybe you’d feel the same. She decided to go with the most selfish thought- even though deep down she already knew the answer. She needed you to know the truth anyways. It was killing her to not tell you.
-
The meeting spot was private, no one would be around besides you and her. She paced the floor as she waited for you to come. Biting her nail - her nerves shot. This wasn’t the best idea to do. Confess to another who was already in love. It was a painful outcome. But her mind kept telling her- maybe it was a plantonic thing. After all some friends do kiss. Maybe- maybe you and Nami did that.
Before her thoughts became too wild - the door opened - you walked in with a huge grin on your face. Smiling in a greeting, once you closed the door, she gestured to the food in the room. She watched your face grow in excitement at the sight -
“Wha- thank you, Hancock!” You yelled, giving her a quick hug missing how she squealed - melting into your touch for the small second rushing towards the food. After a moment, you stopped eating, looking at her. “Hey, what’s the matter? You look nervous. ” she almost wanted to swoon once you noticed her state.
Biting back her nerves- she started to talk. You turned fully to give all your attention to her. Listening to her stutter in an attempt to confess - state her feelings. “Well, i -” she started, “wanted to tell you how i feel. How i really feel” her heartbeat wildly in her chest about what she was about to do. She knew it might not be the best thing. Especially after seeing the kiss
“And - well,” Boa swallowed, playing with her hands nervously looking up at you. “I love you,” biting her lip, her heart pounding in her chest threatening to spill out - she finally admitted it. Finally said it. She watched the shock look turn to regret. Her smile faded her nerves shot
“I’m - I’m so sorry, Hancock.” You started slowly nervously scratching the side of your neck. “I uh- don’t feel the same. I like someone else” her heart shattered. Swallowing thickly she tried to bite back tears. “We can still be friends-” you added slowly looking at her.
Don’t look at her like that-
That pity. That sadness.
It made her feel even worse about this. About confessing. She doesn’t regret her feelings - she regrets waiting too long. She turns around to walk away. Ignoring the way you called for her- how you called for her. With such sadness. Fighting back tears she kept blinking.
She won’t do it. She can’t cry. Not now. Not in the open like this. She ignored the looks that were sent her way - made no comment of how people still turned to stone in the way she was breaking. Ignored her concerned sisters.
Love is a painful thing. She knew this. Entering her room, she locked it before breaking. She fell to her knees, sobbing. Was being loved too much to ask? That’s all she wanted. Too be truly loved. But she blew it. She knew the second she saw the way you looked at that red head. How you looked at her the way she wished she was looked at- like she was the only woman in the world that truly mattered.
Her heart shattered as she poured her feelings out. Holding the pillow close to her chest, she curled up, hiding into it.
She really was a selfish woman to think you’d really choose her over who your heart wants.