Home is not a place...
Charles was so deep in thoughts that he jumped in his chair when he heard the knock on the door. He hasn't slept at all and he could feel the beginning of a migraine at the back of his head. It's been a very very long few days and it was probably was just going to get busier. He almost did a double check, he was indeed surprised to feel the mind behind his door after everything that happened last night. "Please come in" he said turning away from the window to face the door. The door opened on its own before Erik stepped in carrying the box in his arms. He was hesitant, and frightened and he was projecting anxiety but his face was pulled in a determined set of lines. It still caught Charles off guard that how much this boy was different from Erik and yet how much of him was left in his friend even after all the years he has lived through. "I had to give it back" the boy said hesitantly putting the box down beside the table right where it used to be, "I'm sorry" he said try reflexively wrapping his arms around himself yet he was standing straight.
"There is nothing to apologize for" Charles said and he sent a wave of calm to the boy who relaxed a bit under the mental touch yet he didn't move. "You have questions" Charles concluded. He hasn't expected Erik to come so soon looking for answers but yet again he never really acted based on Charles's expectations.
"Is that okay?" The boy asked honestly.
"More than" Charles answered kindly. He gestured to the empty armchair near a the stand in the middle of his room. "Sit with me" he invited and the boy accepted reluctantly. The sight of Erik like this placed behind the chess board , an unfinished game they played last time, stirred something in Charles's chest as he wheeled himself forward and moved from the wheelchair to the armchair on the other side. Erik's eyes following his every movement. He took a deep breath. "Have you ever played?" He asked.
Erik eyed the board and something like recognition blossomed in his mind as he absently picked a pawn and made a next move in the game. His choice as untrained it was , still fit in Erik's style. "My uncle thought me." He said absently before his had snapped up looking between Charles and the pawn like he has done something wrong.
'there is nothing to be afraid of Erik' Charles said telepathically before making a move of his own. " We can play if you want" he added out loud.
"Can you ... If it's okay..." The boy tapped his head.
'you prefer if we speak like this?'
'I can't speak much english' Erik's mental voice was resigned. And it took Charles a moment to realize what was the feeling the boy was projecting.
'And before we do this you have to know that I'm not going to read your thoughts Erik. Not unless you want me to. I won't look. '
The hesitation turned into wonder. 'But you could'
'Yet I won't.' he answered calmly. Erik instead of answering moved his knight.
'Go ahead then ask' Charles encouraged.
'who am I? ' the boy thought calmly.
' you're Erik Lehnsherr ' he answered almost immediately. He moved a pawn.
'and who is Erik Lehnsherr to you?' The boy's eyes were cast down to the board. Charles knew he was supposed to be surprised by the maturity behind the question, the way it was crafted, but he was not. Erik after all didn't ever had much time to be a child.
' he's my oldest friend' he answered and the boy took in a sharp breathe. By the time the wheels in his mind stopped turning his hands where slightly trembling as he moved his bishop.
'what happened?' he asked. He wasn't looking at the board anymore, his eyes meeting Charles's. His fear coming off in waves in anticipation yet he waited.
'there was a Mutant' he started.
'people like us?' The boy asked.
'yes, and she could turn people younger' Charles explained.
'why me?' Erik didn't made his next move.
' accidentally.' he said briefly.
Erik nodded turning his head to look at the box. His fear was replaced with sadness and guilt as a tear rolled down his face. ' I failed' he thought.
A shiver went through the metal in the room and he felt panic slightly rising inside Erik as images flashed in his mind of pictures he had seen. Instinctively Charles reached out and wrapped his mind around Erik's, gathering him in a mental hug.
"I failed them" he said as his shoulders shook slightly.
"Erik, " Charles leaned forward slightly.
'can I hold your hand?' he pushed forward slightly so it wouldn't startle the boy.
'yes' he shook a bit more.
Charles reached forward gently taking the slender fingers between his both hands. "Please look at me my friend" he said gently out loud. The boy looked up gingerly, " All the people you found in there, they cared for you dearly. Nothing you did or will do would ever change that . You survived the worst of the world and you helped as many people as you could."
He pushed forward the image of Ganosha. People living happily and freely.
' and yet I'm nothing but pain to the people I love. Maybe Herr Doktor was right. I'm nothing but a weapon'
Charles felt his heart break." I know nothing I say would change how you feel but Shaw," he stopped," Schmidt," he corrected," he was the monster. And he was wrong Erik. There is more to you that pain and destruction, There is good to you" suddenly Charles felt like there were back in front of the satellite dish. "I've seen it" he held Erik's gaze.
' none of it matters now that I'm like this.' the boy draw back his hand.
'you don't have to' Charles answered. Deep down something told him to keep it to himself but then Celine's voice rang in his head, he needed to give Erik the choice.
'there is a way.'
Erik looked back questioning.
'lemme show you' he said and sent forward all their discussion in the lab to the boy after Erik nodded. The silence afterwards was thick.
' I need to know' was all he got before Erik closed his eyes tightly. 'please'
Charles started slow. Pouring out everything inside the boys mind, who's knuckles had gone whit as he held the arm sets tightly.
The camps
He felt the fear.
Magda
The love and the pain
Anya
The fear and anger
His life as a Nazi hunter
He felt the boy's awful calmness
Then there was Shaw, brotherhood , DC and Poland and Nina, then there was Ganosha.
The waves of guilt and fear Charles was expecting, the anticipation and calculation he was not ready for. When it was over Charles opened his eyes, the boy was on the floor on his knees shaking like a leaf mumbling apologies. It took him three tries before he finally got to the floor. The room was shaking. He wrapped his arms around him.
"It's okay, Erik. it's alright" he said as the boy's hand fisted in the back of his shirt.
'Charls?' he heard Hank's worried projection. When he checked he felt Logan, Raven, Hank and Émilia behind the door. All worried ready to interfere.
' give us a moment, please don't do anything Hank i have this under control' he sent their way not sure who he was convincing.
"I can feel them" said the muffled voice yet Erik not moving.
"I know" he held him tighter.
'are they afraid of me?'
'no'
'are you afraid of me?'
'i would never be'
'why not? I am. I fear myself' the boy let out another sob.
' I'm afraid of me too sometimes' Charles caressed his hair gently.
'Do you really want me to be back? Do you really want that man back?' the words were poisoned with hatred as Erik looked up to meet Charles eyes. He didn't say the word but Charles heard them anyway.
'A monster'
" Listen to me very carefully my friend. Everyone here, the family you have here by blood or heart we all truly care about you. All of you. And trust when I say this, you are the furthest thing from a monster."
"Things I did..."
"No one is above making wrong decisions." Charles interrupted firmly. "Look Erik," he sat as straight as he could putting some distance between them as Erik sat straight as well. Charles held his face between his thumbs moving in calming circles under Erik's eyes wiping away the tears.
"If you want to choose this as a chance to live a different life no one would stop you. Me and everyone else, we'll be here for you. And if you decide to go back to who you are, nothing is waiting for you but our open arms. You're our family Erik and nothing can change that."
Charles blocked down the waves of worry coming from outside. The room was still slightly shaking.
"What should I do?" The boy asked looking down as if the weight of Charles's words where to heavy for him.
"Believe in who you are , what you want to be" Charles said kindly before he was pulled in to another hug. The boy in his arms was still shaking as he pressed his head in Charles shoulder. The telepath closed his eyes sending waves of trust and acceptance to Erik's mind.
It took him a while to register the shift. He did feel the room going still. He pulled back opening his eyes he was met with the familiar green and silver yet still teary eyes staring at him. Long limbs interwoven together. He let out a shaky breath his lips stretching into a wide smile before he could stop. "It's good to see you old friend" Charles's voice had a color of laughter to it as he looked at Erik's familiar face.
The older man suddenly looked self conscious finding himself the center of Charles's affection ducking his head a little awkwardly. " We probably should get off the floor" his voice was hoarse.
'it's good to see you too. '
"Let me" he tucked his long arms around Charles knees and neck picking him up as he stood, placing him in his wheelchair carefully.
"Thank you Erik"
'thank you for trusting me, for believing in yourself'
"This is ridiculous" Erik looked down at the now too short and small yoga pants and t-shirt.
'no Charles, I believed in you'
Before Charles could answer either of his comments, Erik swayed slightly on his feet. "Here" Charles took his hand and placed it on his shoulder. He let his affection wrap around Erik like a blanket as he guided him to bed. " Get some rest my friend. We'll have time to discuss everything later."
"And others?" The man asked but got under the mattresses regardless.
"I'll deal with them." Charles reassured. Gently rubbing Erik's shoulder before turning around.
' Charles?'
He waited.
' you're my family too. ' it was Erik's last thought before unconsciousness over came him.
Charles turned his head to look at him once more over his shoulder. Erik looked a lot younger under the shimmering light of twilight, sleeping soundly , his body relaxed and a peaceful expression on his face.
"Rest now my friend. You're home." he whispered and let a sense of peace and calm wrap around Erik's dreams to chase away the nightmares, before going to deal with a worried bunch behind the door. They had two dozen children to take care of after all.