He couldn’t see her getting older, he refused to. Loki’s mortal girl. At least in the beginning he didn’t look for it. It was everything he warned Thor about. Often he simply just shoved the thought aside, with her voice echoing in her ear. “It isn’t about how many years we have together, but what we do with the time we have.”
When they married they did stay in Asgard for a long time. But panic set in when Loki discovered a small patch of silver hairs on her head that sent him into a panic. And the question of her mortality came back into play.
Loki had begged Odin for an apple of immortality for her, but he refused, again and again. Until his beloved took Loki’s hand and suggested that they see the stars. So they left Asgard, that reminder that Loki’s mortal girl would still wither and die in that golden realm.
They worked hard, ate well and were always on the go, or wrapped up in each other’s arms. It was devastating when they realized their bodies together could not produce an heir. And it broke Loki’s heart as he realized, soon his beloved would be gone, with nothing for him to hold onto.
He kept his grief to himself as he strived to be everything for his wife. It was unfair to her that he was already grieving her death, while she was still living. It felt as though it was simply a blink of his eye that transformed her long black hair to silver starlight. Smooth skin to wrinkles. She tired easily, hurt easily.
She told him it was time to settle down. Loki thought that it meant no more adventures. They ended up back on Midgard, where the other mortals stared at the clear differences in age. It didn’t matter that Loki was a thousand years older than his beloved. Most assumed Loki was her grandson. Or great grandson as his wife aged further.
But His beloved was quick to show him all the adventures that could be moderately safe to take, even in her frail again. And they weren’t always alone. When they discovered that they could not produce together, his beloved took to adopting stray children as they traveled through the stars. At a Christmas dinner, his beloved held his hand, pulled him close.
She said, “Look at what we did together. Our testament of our love.”
The table was filled with their children and their children’s children.
At her sick bed, Loki tried again and again to heal her prone body of the various ailments that struck her. He didn’t sleep, afraid that if he did...He would blink again and she would be gone.
Late one night, Loki’s mother summoned him, he hated leaving his wife, even for a moment. But the Allmother said it was a matter of great importance. So reluctantly he left. “Just for a moment,” he whispered into her ear.
On Asgard, Odin had passed just a few months before Loki’s wife became sick. It was a beautiful funeral, that they had traveled for. And that additional achievement of his wife outlasting the Allfather.
The Allmother did not keep Loki away long. Just long enough to present him with a golden apple. A golden apple from Idunn. Loki raced away with it in his hands, quickly back to his beloved.
“Loki,”she said when he presented the gift of longevity to her. “I’m too tired to chew now, can we wait for the morning?” Loki agreed and his frail old wife reached for him, summoned him into their bed.
“Loki, I know all of this is what you have always feared. What stopped you from taking my affections when we first met. But you don’t have to be afraid anymore. When I die, I know where I will go. It is why I have not feared old age. It is the great hope that I bear.”
Loki was quiet as he heard her ramble once more about her beliefs. She had always rejected the Norns for her own faith.
“It is my hope that you will bear it as well. Someday we will continue on free from our mortal bodies.”
“I have it,” Loki told her, offering the golden apple again. She shook her head, but kissed him and Loki felt no shame as he held her close, tears on his cheeks.
“Rest, beloved,” She told Loki. “In the morning, the sun will shine again. You are so tired. Please rest with me.” She told him as she coaxed him to close his eyes.
In the morning the sun did shine, but Loki was alone in the room. The golden apple, whole and beautiful on the side table. His beloved’s mortal body laid emptily without her soul.
Loki wept.
But not as one weeps who has no hope.