A Waiting Game
The Labs: Avengers Tower
James Buchanan Barnes could safely say that he had absolutely no clue how he’d gone from being the Winter Soldier; an isolated elite HYDRA assassin who was a ghost story and fear personified; to an Avenger; a father who had little kids dressing up as him on Halloween.
He could still remember almost everything that lead up to it like yesterday though.
His first day shipping out, watching the men to the left and right of him getting gunned down or blown to smithereens.
He remembered the horror and relief when seeing Steve come and rescue him as Captain America for the first time.
The fear and the fall.
The hazy pain.
The shocks.
The screams.
The begging.
The blood.
He never forgot.
And he never was going to.
But, he had started to accept it.
That said, he was almost entirely certain that all his progress began too slowly be reversed as soon as his daughter had disappeared.
Steve had been the one who’d convinced him that there was more to himself than a mindless asset, but Ven had been the one who’d convinced him that there was more to life.
Steve had been the one who’d offered him a new job on the side of good, to reintegrate into society; but Ven had been the one to offer him a new family.
Steve had been the first one to forgive him, but you had shown him that it was possible to forgive himself.
James in no way discredited what his best friend, his soulmate, his love had done for him; there was no doubt that they were going to be with each other till the end of the line, and Steve had seen him farther than that, too; but the real surprise in everything had been Ven.
The girl who had every right in the world to hate it with an unparalleled passion, had instead seen fit to open her heart to one of its worst, to him.
With his daughter gone he felt like he was seconds from losing his mind.
Quite literally.
The Winter Soldier programming in him was gone for the most part, with the trigger words being long erased, but the instincts were all too happy to take the driver’s seat when the methods and skills were necessary for protecting his family.
That was why he was here in the lab with Tony, working to find his daughter.
She was his family.
He wasn’t going to lose any more of his family.
----- The Middle of Nowhere -----
You were glad you hadn’t spent the night at one of Deadpool’s safe houses.
You had a hunch and you damn sure gonna follow it.
You needed to know you were right.
Standing over the remains of the Three Streams compound, nestled remotely and practically inaccessible in the Rocky’s you set to work.
----- SHIELD Helicarrier -----
Having lived through a war, and over 100 years of change, it was a safe assumption to make that Steve had seen a lot in his lifetime.
He’d seen strife and suffering.
He’d seen loss.
He’d seen light, the lightest, and he’d also seen dark.
So much dark.
But he’d also seen people come out of the dark.
Part of what made him the immovable, reliable, steady Captain America, was his ability to see all those things and still find it within himself to stiffen his spine and keep on going.
It got under his skin, of course, but he never let it show, couldn’t let it show.
That was the burden that came with being a hero; a leader; an icon of bravery and a symbol of hope.
Yet it took everything he could not to collapse into a heap of despair.
But he couldn’t do that.
That wouldn’t help you.
So as he paced the hangar of the Helicarrier, he comforted himself with the memories.
People, himself included, so often forgot just how brilliant his daughter was; her mind was hardened and sharp, taught, trained, and strengthened through sheer force of her own will.
You wielded any situation like it was a weapon and looked at situations that most people would deem to be hopeless and saw a way to twist the field of play until victory was inevitable. You'd never really had any other option in life, to you failure was never on the table, he'd learned that pretty early on.
You worked with others’ knowledge when your own was lacking and sometimes you had to look for it but you improvised until you came out on top.
Who was to say that you wouldn’t figure out whatever you were pursuing and come home?
Nobody.
Nobody was to say, and Steve wouldn’t let them even if they wanted to, because he needed to believe right now that you would beat the odds yet again.
Nothing less than that was an acceptable outcome to him.
You were used to striking out on your own, fixing things alone, and that extended all the way back to your childhood.
Steve had heard enough stories from his daughter, from your time raising yourself, that you would be safe or at least return.
You had fought, before, to return to a home that hadn’t even existed, and would fight doubly hard now because you had him, Bucky, the Avengers, and Peter to come back to.
If you wanted to return after what had happened that was-
Nope.
Not going there.
Sighing inwardly, Steve slipped back into a parade rest.
Until Natasha wore Fury down enough to get SHIELD’s help, there was nothing else he could do except count.
Count comforts, and count every minute of the agonizing uncertainty until you returned.
----- The Rocky’s -----
You’d gently shifted thousands of pounds of rubble over the three weeks you’d been there and you were yet to send a message to your family.
You wanted to tell them you were fine but in truth, you weren’t sure if that was a lie.
An old wound had been opened, a wound that had never healed properly and left a nasty scar that tugged when you thought a certain way.
You needed closure, you needed to be sure, you needed the closure, whether it was the one you hoped for or not.
----- The Kitchen: Avengers Tower -----
As far as Bruce Banner was concerned, Venom was a goddamn menace.
And for the record, in the year or so he’d known her, he was still entirely unable to say those words without one of the fondest of grins lighting up his face.
From the very first moment they’d met, with everyone preparing for a threat, Bruce had been struck with a singular notion: Venom was an unstoppable force of nature.
She was unapologetically herself and in so doing, invited people to be the same.
To be themselves.
Certainly, she’d done that much for him, which was saying a lot, considering that Bruce had once lived with the sole purpose of not being himself.
She’d made it clear right from the off that she was completely unafraid of him; something which Bruce couldn’t have imagined being gifted within hundreds of lifetimes of being the Hulk.
She’d forced him to embrace the side of himself that he hated by treating him the same way she would a friend. A brother.
But also the way she made damn sure to show no shame about how she became who she was.
By treating the Other Guy in the same way.
The first time he’d Hulked out accidentally in front of her, a couple of weeks after she had first been introduced, she’d simply snorted in amusement before going right up to the Hulk, turning into Venom, and introducing herself. You'd quite literally head butted Hulk immediately afterwards and the big guy seemed to take that as some sort of olive branch, an understanding.
Sometimes, Bruce still wondered how that interaction had worked out in her favor, but he was endlessly grateful for it.
He knew with certainty that he wouldn’t have ever forgiven himself or the Hulk if he’d attacked you. You would be able to hold your own but no one knew what your vulnerabilities were, a double-edged sword if you asked him. On one hand it meant probably no one did, on the other hand they wouldn't be able to protect you until it was too late.
As it were, his ferocious other half, so to speak, positively adored the menace.
Whenever Ven was injured, be it in battle or emotionally, the Other Guy expressed his disapproval very loudly and vocally; for the Hulk, it was as simple as Ven being nice to him in a way they both understood.
His friend.
Friends needed to be protected.
End of story.
Now with her help, he could tell there was rage… but there were other things too.
The ability to identify and care for the family.
The desire to protect.
The presence of mind to follow orders and yet still act independently.
Bruce had never thought that he would ever reach a point in his life where he saw the Hulk as anything more than shameful evidence of his failure.
But then, Bruce had never anticipated meeting someone like Venom, like you. Who could?
Now, he was cooking in an attempt to hold the Hulk at bay and spare the rage room the 8th visit in the 5 weeks you’d been gone.
Even now, the Other Guy practically radiated agitation at the prospect of ‘Friend, hurt’, he knew that he would take all the stress and worry in the world, over not having her at all.
He was glad he hadn’t been there for whatever had happened between you and Spider-Man, whatever it was had James, who was normally one of the sweetest if not mischievous or controlled teammates, seemingly seconds away from snapping sometimes.
The obvious guilt on the teammates and the little pieces he’d gathered, not even a nuke would’ve been enough to keep the Hulk from beating your best friend into the dust.
----- Corridor 23W, Sublevel 12, Building N, Three Streams -----
You were cursing SHIELD with every breath you took.
They had done an excellent job hiding all evidence of the existence of Three Streams, passing it off as a tragic accident with a nuclear reactor gone wrong to keep people away but right now you needed to find it.
You needed to be wrong.
----- New York: Doom Bots -----
The team was still capable of operating, Clint could tell by the way they were steadily working through the bots, either that or they were used to more difficult targets.
But he could tell that the team was far from operating at its best. Even with Natasha, Wanda, Vision, and himself able to actively participate on the field as opposed to being lookouts or evacuating civilians the team felt as if it was barely doing enough.
It didn’t feel right.
Orders were still given and executed.
The team still worked as a unit.
But it just didn’t click anymore.
Venom had helped to make the team into a family but now that she had left so abruptly and after such a ruthless reporter and vicious argument the team was just that.
A team.
Nothing more.
Hell, even as he watched Nat take down the last bot he didn’t feel any relief. Even though there had been no serious attacks from the mystery villain with the mutant blobs and despite the fact Deadpool had helped them out with those, it still felt as if they were barely doing their job.
They had been blessed or rather cursed with a public statement you released before disappearing that kept the media off the team’s backs.
----- Somewhere -----
You didn’t know where the hell you were but at the moment you didn’t care.
You were staying at some Airbnb you had gotten for yourself as you decided what you needed to do.
God you wished you’d been wrong, that would’ve been so much easier.
But you were right, and didn’t that suck?
----- Dance Studio: Avengers Tower -----
“Hi everyone! Due to personal reasons I will be taking a break from “super-heroing”, I have no doubt the Avengers will be able to protect the city we all call home without me, just as they always have. I am unsure how long I will be gone but I will swing by as soon as possible and sooner still should my help be needed. Until I catch ya later! Venom”
Natasha had read the announcement you made hundreds of times. Had heard it almost twice as many.
She had run it over with a fine-tooth comb, looking, searching for some hint in the way you wrote that might tip them off where you were going, what your thought process was.
She had found nothing.
She had gone to Fury and Coulson, had asked SHIELD to let the team know if Venom, if you, popped up in any of their investigations.
They had agreed. They too found nothing.
She tried to follow your thought process but she couldn’t.
So here she was, going through the all too familiar ballet routine she did whenever something gnawed at the edge of her mind.
She hated not knowing what to do but took solace in the fact that you were strong and you said you would “swing by” which meant you would probably, hopefully, return.
----- Boise, Idaho -----
You had found a clue and latched onto it and refused to let go.
You bounced from city to city, hunting every trace you could but working to ensure you didn’t let it consume you.
It was oddly reminiscent of your time after Three Streams, the time during which you had moved under cover of darkness, had relied on instinct, had trained until you were more deadly and more human than you had ever been.
Sipping on your coffee you read the newest headline about the Avengers, smiling fondly at the success that was plastered across the page.
You should probably reach out to them.
Soon, you promised yourself.
----- Veterans Home -----
Sam kept to the same routine, work, visit the veterans home, see family and friends, and be an Avenger.
He had done his best to ignore the gap that was left in the team in your absence, working to stay close to the team, the therapist in him knowing the team would need to support each other to hold strong. He redoubled his efforts to stay in contact with the rest of his friends and family and visited the veteran's home twice as often as normal in an attempt to distract himself from the voice in his head that sounded a hell of a lot like fear.
So here he was, talking to one of the long-time, almost selectively mute residents, a former POW, and marine when a raspy voice with a thick Brooklyn accent spoke “How yuh holdin' up spawht?”
He glanced at the normally silent man before him “Sir?”
“How yuh holdin' up?” the man repeated, his voice rasping slightly less after a few swallows. “Yuh lost a fellow soldiuh, not fawhevuh mind yuh but loss is loss.”
“I- '' was all Sam managed to get out before his voice failed him, how was he holding up? In all honesty, it didn’t really feel like he was holding himself up at all. He was blessed with not having to respond when the man continued.
“Ya don’t gotta tell me kid but ye should know dat dat Venom ye got on yuh team? She’s a fightuh, she’s de soldiuh dat gets de mawhale up and can get ye singin’ when yuh neck-deep in mud.” he placed a comforting hand on his shoulder and continued “she's not here right now butcha need tuh keep on singin' fawh when she comes back cawze she's your fellow soldiuh, your sistuh in arms, yuh family. Yuh got me so fahr? so keep yuh chin up an' she'll come back and from what I've seen she'll be back even stronguh than befawh.”
With no response from Sam, the man smirked, frowned, and then barked “got it soldiuh?”
Sam startled slightly and instinctually responded “Yes sir.”
“Good.” With a firm clap on the back the man up and walked away, leaving Sam with a newfound resolve to hold the team, and himself, together.
----- Boston, Massachusetts -----
You were now in the waiting game, you just needed for them to call for your attention. They hated being ignored and not even bothering to fight them? That was going to piss them off. And anger made people do stupid things. So while you let them stew in their anger you had decided to get caught up with an old friend, so here you were walking along the emerald necklace having decided to do a small tour of the city. The scenes around you were relaxed and you were glad you chose to explore a little bit and try the food.
You had left to clear your head just as much as you had to prove yourself wrong but since one of those hadn’t worked out that meant you were all the more determined to ensure the other one didn’t slip away from you as well.
You had five weeks left before you had decided you would return to New York, you promised yourself you would send them a message when you had three left.
Shaking your head, you turn your senses outwards and let the smells of life with the undertones of the city overwhelm you, drawing out the rest of your thoughts.
----- Meditation Room: Avengers Tower -----
Wanda could feel the team’s turmoil without even trying, in fact, she more often than not had to force it out of the edges of her mind with a conscious effort and lock it away from her powers.
Luckily most of them had calmed down or were at least in control of their emotions so she wasn’t constantly crushed by waves of regret and guilt or pummeled by surges of protective anger.
Now she could begin her search.
She couldn’t peer into minds anymore and she knew that, in fact, she was glad to no longer hold such a power especially since she never could even remotely control it with emotions other than rage and despair clouding her mind. Now she searched for your signature, the mark that every living creature with free will possessed, each slightly different from the other. She wouldn’t tell the rest of the team, not even vision and Pietro, that she had decided on before the search began. Even though she hated it you deserved to escape if you felt the need. She was to find your signature, find where you were in case of an emergency, then stop and not look again.
But even after 13 hours of intense meditative searching, she found nothing.
She hated to admit it but Venom, you, were always finding ways to surprise her, she had entertained the thought you had left the country or even the planet but that was quickly dismissed.
Wanda knew you’d stay close just in case the team needed you, even if you were enraged and hurt beyond belief you would always be there for your family.
So she would make sure she would do the same, for you and for the team that missed you.
----- New York: Your Apartment -----
Your gut had told you to come back, stay close to home.
So here you were, Y/N L/N, a completely normal civilian who just got back from her good old-fashioned cross-country road trip.
You hated doing this to your family, when you secretly checked in on them you could see just how hurt they were. But you were hurt too, you had planned to leave with proper goodbyes when you had decided to follow your hunch but life had other plans and you had left after a catastrophic show of leak of emotional and verbal restraint. You had begun recording the message you would send to your family and the other, newly updated one that you would be saving to FRIDAY’s memory banks in case things went south.
Shutting your laptop you texted Peter:
Y/N: Hey, I’m back, want to meet up?
Peter: usual spot at 3?
Y/N: You’re on
It wasn’t the best, but right now it was all you could do.
----- Gym: Avengers Tower -----
The sound of rapid footsteps and controlled deep breathing was the only sound to be heard echoing in the emptiness of the gym.
Pietro was running. Just a silver-grey blur for legs but looking like he was standing still to anyone who was walking by.
He silently thanked Tony for designing treadmills that allowed him to run, the treadmill was steadily climbing and he had finally settled at 175 miles per hour. It wasn’t fast enough to outrun his thoughts, his doubts that you would return after the debacle having been gone for eight weeks now but it was nice to still have some semblance of a distraction.
With great effort, he had quieted his brain and focused far more than was strictly necessary on his measured steps.
You’d always had faith in him, now it was time he had faith in you.
----- A Random Roof: Queens -----
You had met with Peter earlier at the cafe and it was safe to say he looked like absolute shit.
He still kept himself clean and was still quick to make a science pun at every chance he got but you could smell the regret that hung over him like a cloud and the fear that slumped his shoulders and the shame that dampened his normally sunny and optimistic personality. He was holding himself together but just barely and you hated doing it to him but you weren’t quite ready to face the music just yet.
So instead of some dramatic reveal you were Venom you simply asked him about the Stark Internship and how he was holding up since he was friends with Venom, after all the absence of the newest teammate was all over the news.
The way he slumped into you and almost cried when you hugged him told you all you needed to know.
You were sending out those videos tonight.
----- Main Floor: Avengers Tower -----
When the videos came through the whole team had been gathered in a strained truce for movie night.
Vision got a small heads up from his little sister FRIDAY as the screens flickered to show a familiar feed.
Hey everyone! A familiar voice washed over them instantly stilling even the slightest rustling.
I wanted to apologize for how I left, it wasn’t fair to you guys.
In truth, I've been needing to leave for a while as it is. Let's just say I didn't plan on doing it in the way I did but we can’t plan for everything even though we try our best.
I can’t tell you why I left, where I am, or when I’ll be back but I can tell you that I’ll be home soon.
Vision was carefully analyzing how the tension drained from the teammates one by one as you talked, you sounded tired but you didn’t sound angry or upset and the promise of returning the tower, the fact you called it home, was so very relieving.
Goddammit you sighed, I'm not good at these, am I? Honestly, you guys deserve a better apology but sadly I can’t do a better one. I’ll buy dinner when I come back. How's that?
Anyways I’m gonna end this before say anything stupid but I guess I’ll cover the basics.
You held up your fingers to count your points
1. Yes I’ve been eating properly so dad you and pops can chill out a bit and yes I’m safe yay me
That earns a found huff from James and vision doesn’t miss the way the captain smiles at that, your absence had been hard on the both of them.
2. Sorry for the argument Spidey that wasn’t your fault, we were both at the end of our spinnerets, bad joke sorry. You roll your shoulders back and clear your throat Ok I shouldn't've said what I said and for what it’s worth I forgive you too and my leaving wasn’t your fault.
Vision was pretty sure he heard a sniff or maybe it was a sob? Coming from the hero hanging in the hammock from the ceiling but politely ignored it along with a mumble that sounded like “it was and I'm still sorry.”
3. Ok last thing. I’ll be back soon because if I’m right that’s when they’ll show but anyways that doesn’t matter yet but let’s just say our reunions have never been peaceful so I’m just gonna keep the tradition ok dad? Ok cool.
That couldn’t be good.
The helmet morphed away leaving Venom’s signature face split with a massive grin that despite being toothy Vision couldn’t help returning it with a twitch of his mouth.
See ya!
The screens flickered back to the movie, Stitch, Venom’s favorite seeing a bit of herself in the little blue alien.
Vision did the calculations and for the first time since your unexpected departure, the outlook for the team was good.
----- The Hive: Queens -----
You were finishing your shift and closing shop when you decided to grab the extra pastries, you’d give half to Peter or Spider-Man depending on which one you ran into first and you’d eat the other half.
You’d already drank at least three coffee pots worth of coffee. You weren’t hungry but it was better to stock up on energy reserves than to run on empty.
Boxing up the pastries you slip out the door and lock it behind you, you couldn’t help smiling at the fact you only had two weeks left.
----- Avengers Tower -----
Tony was itching to try and track your location but at the same time with the chance of you returning home, he didn’t want to risk scaring you off again, this time forever.
So he waited.
He hated it.
He went on engineering binges with Peter to help keep the kid distracted, he had been absolutely miserable since Ven left and mostly because he felt guilty.
Tony wouldn’t say it but he was disappointed with what Peter said but he didn’t voice that, the kid was beating himself up enough and Tony could practically cut the tension with a knife whenever he and James were in a room together before they had received your video.
Now they were currently figuring out a funny revenge gift to give to Fury because they could, but also (and he would never admit this) because it would make you laugh.
----- Your Roof -----
You knew it would happen soon, you could tell.
You could tell from the way your skin crawled and made you want to tear into something, something you had learned was a reaction to your equivalent of Peter’s “Spidey-Sense”.
You had waited and planned, you were ready.
They had never been patient, all you had to do was outlast them.
----- Spider-Man’s Room: Avengers Tower -----
Peter clenched and unclenched his jaw repeatedly as he stared into nothingness. His posture was ramrod straight and he was unmoving as a statue – but his mind?
His mind, on the other hand, was positively screaming.
Happy memories were elusive, dancing frustratingly out of reach in the back of his mind, while the bad ones played out ad nauseam in front of his eyes.
Every mistake he’d ever made, big or small, every grunt or growl of pain that Ven had ever made, all of those instances replayed themselves to the soundtrack of his best friend roaring out for him to help her; something he hadn’t yet heard outside his nightmares, but something his imagination was all too helpful in fabricating along with a bleeding out corpse surrounded by an inky black symbiote and cracked helmet.
The one that stuck in his head the most; the one that he was entirely sure he hadn’t forgiven himself for; was of course the fight that had led to this.
Peter still remembered every detail with no small amount of self-recrimination, how he’d yelled at his best friend like they were the monster that had caused this.
He attacked her, in her, in his, in the team’s home.
He attacked the person who would’ve fought against the whole world with him if he needed help, whose side he should never have had to even think about taking over some random reporter’s.
Peter wasn’t one to cuss excessively, if only because of manners, but he’d fucked everything up so badly eleven weeks ago that he was surprised your fathers hadn’t murdered him.
You had forgiven him; he hadn’t even apologized yet.
Venom had forgiven him even before he had asked her to before he begged her to because she was just amazingly special like that, but he needed to apologize.
He needed to fix his mistake.
He’d heal the wounds he’d inadvertently inflicted.
He had to…
He was snapped from his thoughts as the tower alarms went off along with his Spider-Sense; he all but threw himself into his suit and launched himself down the hallway.
Avengers Assemble